The BESH 30s TTC thread in the world EVER - 2010

[CUNextTuesday]

C'mon girls, this is the year. We will form a circle and concentrate hard on diffment.

Meanwhile, David and Jenson have popped the corks and are pouring out the Bellinis. Truckle of stilton anyone?

poo you're back! Good luck for the test - I won't have a flaming sambuca - they make me sick... I'll just settle down with this fuck off size Mojito.

Thanks poo was very funny.

Sorry scorps. Feel free to borrow my hammer.

I have got so much to do at work,am full of 'aaaaaargh' and confusion

Glad it made you larf Gin. Did you get some odd looks in the office?!

Good Luck Pooface! Where is the [ouchyfoof] emoticon when you need it?!

Oh good luck poo.will try n mail later if I can.

Yes let's get pissed for poo

poo yes I did,as I pissed myself laughing,and said 'i have a giant inflatable hammer' and then pissed myself laughing again...

'PISS' is obv my Word of the Day.

Just back from GP appointment tearful and raging, fuckers. She reluctantly agreed to check my progesterone on day 22 despite my telling her its fucking pointless doing it that early, cycle is approx 32 days fucking long. full of platitudes, she said 'well i'm sure it will be normal anyway' aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh

Morning. I?ve been here before but in a fit of total cowardice changed my name (mind you it?ll take oh, all of thirty seconds to identify me) because I seriously need a rant, then a punch in the bracket and then a gin.

So we?re supposed to be SWIT at the moment, what with it being THAT TIME. But oh, hang on: turns out that the first ?T? in TTC has, trust me on this, more than one meaning. It?s not a new problem but it?s never mattered as much as it does now. I know I have to be calm and patient but I keep turning into a screeching panicked weeping harridan. I just feel totally profoundly fucking humiliated apart from anything else and it?s the one problem in my life I can?t talk to anyone about. I can just see the future: ?Hey didn?t you want kids?? ?Yes, it?s just my better half finds me repulsive.? Anyway. Can someone invent an emoticon for ?humiliated angry baffled anguished helpless face??

I suspect I know who you are but I'm not sure. Did you recently suggest I should sit out in the cold and rain whilst you smoked drugs? nojudgement

Anyways, I am reminded of a film called Hannibal. Gary Oldman was a very, very bad man who wanted to feed people to pigs. He was a gazillionaire but wouldn't give his poor lesbian sister any money - only his heir - which she did not have. Hannibal suggested that she apply electrodes to his testicles so that he ejaculated with shock. The lesbian's life partner then turkey-basted his man-much up there and they all lived happily ever after. After the pigs had eaten Gary Oldman.

I hope this helps - EuroJizzney works on a similar basis.

OK, joking aside - you are not the first BESH to experience this. Jailbait has had stagefright and I know at least one of the other BESH-men has suffered too. I think it was because he could see me getting more and more upset about it all - plus he was aware of my cycle. As hard as it is you need to try and make the sex enjoyable and not simply demand he fertilise you... easier said than done I know! But I think the perhaps secret weapon is to keep it vague as to where you are in your cycle... e.g., if you need his man-fat and you're OV'ing - perhaps suggest to him that you're not even due to OV for a week/last week so the pressure is off.

If this doesn't work I'm pretty good with electronics and could probably wire something up for you...

What worked for me was the threat of TSF having to wank in a pot while nurses stood next door placing bets etc. You could tell him that this is the next stage.

Or try a lolly stick.

lol @VAG FUCK ME OR WANK IN A POT IN HOSPITAL!

Well it worked!

I am faaaarrrrrr from sane Polly

Can someone explain ,what in the name of Greek buggery is a HSG?

Ahhhh, just remembered I'm capable of using a search engine...... I seeee!
Fuck, good luck with that, have the bottle back!

Salander which day would give a better reading?
Go back then and demand another test and cry! Maybe a bit of rocking thrown in.

ThisIsntMe I'm new here so I'll just poke you in the eye a bit.
He what?
Don't want to be speaking out of turn but Eh?

VAG and ski - cheers ears dears. Might need that electro therapy. Christ it's the most fucking depressing thing in the world (oh hey, hands up the most self-involved woman in the fred!) Worst of all going, nah nah it's fine don't worry, I love you blah fucking blah all the while thinking sure, that's true, but that's not gonna get me mah baybeeeeee now is it, you tit (I do actually worship the ground he walks on, mind you. Not that you could tell from this).

Crappity shitbollocks. That's all.

No ski, I never suggested the cold/rain/drugs situ, but it's a damn fine notion from where I'm sitting. If he thinks I'm giving up the fags for the sake of the imaginary foetus he has another think coming - I've never needed 'em so badly.

MrsG allo darlin'. He's got a stressed knob. To put it bluntly. And I in my weeping rejected state AM NOT HELPING.

God this thread moves fast,sorry to all those that are going through crap at the mo.Isuggest a large Port and lots of kicking of doors,always calms me down.
As for the weird crush question i didnt answer, well Michael Mcintyre,Jeremy Carkson Morgan Freeman( its the voice that does it) will those do?????

Ah, stage fright!
Fair enough, I thought he'd actually told you.
In that case I was gonna suggest something similar to wot Ski said.
He sleeps right? Drugs+baster
Yeah, Me and MrG had a convo last night and he said he'd rather not know the ins and outs of my secreations.
He also said it may help if I wasn't so clued up either but we all know that's not gonna happen!

Vag Pissing myself!!!

Good luck Polly, hope it's not too yucky.

ThisIsntMe I've no idea who you are, but ski's suggestions sound sensible - less pressure hopefully = more likely to perform.

totallyfloaty When you say "kicking of doors", you actually mean back-doors aka bumsex right?

ThisIsntMe I dunno if would work - but couldn't you pass all the info over to him, so he knows when the likely dates are - you try to forget - he fucks you whenever? I have often wondered whether this might work... then maybe less performance anxiety?

One of my mates is having this exact problem - I may share the story on the uvver place as to much info here could be identifying!

Jeremy Clarkson????? OK that one's weird. Morgan Freeman not so weird.

DID someone say BUMSEX

All very sound advoce and THANKS re less pressure etc) but it's a long running thing and much more complicated than I can go into here. . . we've dealt with it really nicely before and it's not been too much of a problem (it's not raising the flagpole that the issue here, it's running the flag up it. It's not getting the kettle to the boil, it's pouring the cup of tea. Do my metaphors work here? Don't make me be graphic) but you know what, some things in pro-creation are non-negotiable.

I wouldn't mind the turkey baster option if there were physical problems, but there's something really sodding undignified about it being in the head.