30s TTC - More Gin Than George BESH

[Scorpette]

Come on in ladies, the bar is fully stocked with Advocaat, Bailey's and novelty Xmas drinkies and the slaves are wearing Ann Summer 'Santa's Hat' posing pouches. Have also festooned the place with plenty of festive tat and lots of v un-eco and tacky Xmas lights and shit because I know we all love getting Xmassy dead early. There's a fireplace so you can send your wish list to Santa up the chimbley, platters of wooden spoons and coconuts on the mantlepiece and 'Mulled Wine' scented candles lighting up The Pit of Despair. Make yourselves at home!

so glad I did my nails before your comment yesterday scorps. I have a nice shade of purple you can compare it to...

What news from fanjo-land today?

(Is Ricky behind the bar yet? I can console the rippling dancing loser )

Right, not even a ghost of a line this morning. I am back in the baybee race. New Year baybee please!

WOOOO! I have a droid. Oh yes. Bring on the New Year baybee. And thank fuck it didn't arrive on Christmas Day as if it did I would cry.

I know we don't normally celebrate droid arrival. But I am going to.

Oh well DONE muser

"good" news, Muser.

Tanqueray and Fever Tree Tonic please David.

Yey muser

Is body singing 'Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!' like lyrics of Xmas number 1? Temp still sky high. Can't do anything for overwhelming nausea. Usual pre-menstrual nip pain non-existent but boobs hurt. Zero PMT, energy changes, moodiness or 'poogesterone' diarrhoea like always before droid. Nasty cramping in Wembley Arena but virtually no 'product' to speak of: a bit more pink panther than yesterday - but still not enough to fill a teaspoon though. DPO9 POAS says BFNofuckingway. Mind can't cope anymore. Am gibbering wreck. Am going to shave a puppy and force it into a novelty Rudolph babygro.

Like last year, then.

Before TYF rings for the men in white coats, I'll say a quick yay to Muser and her droid - white skinny jeans for Xmas Day, hey?!

scorps poas way too early! save a few sticks for Christmas... Or maybe you'll get a result instead of a crumby joke in your cracker?

Muser Congratulations on your droid - onwards with the game eh? Pass go and do not collect a baybee this time. NYE sex is just perfect timing for getting the little swimmers up your tubes in time for OV.

Scorps There are no words. Well there are obviously, but those words are "Menkul", "cuckoo" and the like. Poogesterone haha.

Seriously though, wouldn't anyone go doolally?! If I wasn't TTC, I would now be totally thinking I was pregnant by accident via condom fail, but there is the little matter of, well.. a little matter.

Ahem.

@ a 'little matter'

Please to explain? Specially if it's a little bit embarrassing

Cunty - just mean the bit of pink panther. Which is really brown.

scropy try taking nux vom homeopathic remedy for the nausea - it will either work really well or not at all, but is perfectly safe no matter what's going on, and if it helps, it's great. Boots/Holland and Barrett/etc

And yes, I would be going mad. This may not help, but, you really do have a right to menkul with all that

Thanks 'rots. BTW, we need to start a noo fred v v soon. "Happy BESHmas" and so on?

Ah I see

What's Casper been saying!! Naughty!

scorp grrr, fucking body fucking with head bastard fuck.

We're on a similar schedule this month but a) am pretty sure that I can't be pregnant as shaggung was banned during the crucial time-frame in favour of jizzing in a pot and b) I have no symptoms whatsoever. Am trying to ignore CD (damn near impossible) and get on with Christmassy shiz. Waiting for the inevitable spotting.

Was over at in-laws today and husband went to get something from the attic and it was his dad's teddy bear that had been husband's when a small child. He gave it to me for our future offspring. AIBU to have recoiled shouting "jinx"?

Shaggung = like shagging, but with more gunge.

Just think yourself lucky he didn't find it next to an ancient tent or you might've spontaneously entered the menopause, Camelina! I'd've been jelling 'jinx' too. Kinda groovy we're cycle sisters. Although you have been 100% more dignified than me... which wouldn't be hard

Thanks for your words of encouragement - same goes for everyone. Am 99% droid is imminent so why can't it just fucking arrive and get itself over with. V early last month and now tehcnically late (proper 24-7 should've kicked in by now). Malevolent metal bastard.

Typos are my latest symptom

What news this morning scropey?

Private and Confidential

Written Warning

Dear My Womb

It is with sadness that I must give you a formal written warning for your continued poor performance in your role as My Womb.

I had hoped that following our last conversation you would 'up your game' to a standard commensurate with your position; I am disappointed to see you are still not meeting your agreed targets.

I attach for your reference your last performance review, in which we discussed your lack of commitment, poor attitude and inability to be a team player. You will note that you have not yet met your performance objectives for the last quarter, this is really not good enough.

You have been here some time in your current role and are an integral part of the team. I hope you will take this opportunity to re-evaluate what you are looking to achieve in your position as My Womb, and to strive to improve. To assist you in this I have the following suggestions:

1. be a team player, we are more effective when we work together;

2. work to create a more welcoming and hospitable atmosphere around you, nobody likes a negative Nancy;

3. if you feel that you are struggling, persevere - don't give up so fast; and finally and most importantly

4. keep your focus and see your projects through to completion.

I very much hope that this formal written warning will be the end of the matter; however, I feel it is only fair to warn you that failure to improve your performance may result in more drastic action; I would naturally prefer not to take this matter further but if I have to I will seek external assistance.

Yours sincerely

Bessie