30s TTC - After all, we're not nice 'down there' at the BESH of times...

[CUNextTuesday]

OMG Can't believe I forgot the FIRST question - of course 'do you like gin?' should be at no 1... I must be diffed surely?!

pinkali OK, first of all you're going to have to work on the whole "baby dust" thing - around here, it's snorted, not sprinkled. Secondly, don't for one minute start believing that the tent is just an innoccuous piece of nylon. It has been proven time and time again that nothing causes a babyfail more quickly than the erection of the aforementioned piece of nylon. In fact, once the tent is up your droid (period) will arrive within 60 minutes. Late cancellation of a camping trip has resulted in a successful pregnancy. Be warned and do not turn your back on any camping equipment.

Pinky Alan Rickman is most definately a crush to be proud of imo - I think he is gorg.

Welcome to the palais, I think you should in quite well. FYI camping should be avoided at all costs whilst ttc - in fact even looking at a tent could be enough to bring on the droid.

Awwww I want ducks... .

Hi BESH's (and PESH's). I thought it was high time I stopped watching you all and started contributing to the madness that is this fabulous thread. Brief stats on me: 39, TTC No2, cycle 3 of proper trying, and currently 2WOOFLING with the best of them. Where/what do I sign?

I likes Rickman too... but then I also like Gary Oldman

Ooh another newbie to get our mitts on! Come join the madness Pandora, although you must complete the following questionnaire first so that we can assess you are appropriately menkul enough to join us...

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. what colour are your walls?

7. Number of pets?

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

9. Lesbian crush?

10. What are your views on camping?

ha! Pandora must be an imposter - no WAY is Pandora breeding! She'd have simply bought a couple of Siamese cats!

Iggy you are not a freak. Well unless I am too? I like Gary Oldman also... and Gabriel Byrne. And Clint Eastwood in 'The Bridges of Maddison County'.

I also like slightly strange men that make me laugh, like Dom Jolly and Johnny Knoxville. What is it about funny men? I draw the line at Peter Kaye tho. And as much as I think he's hysterical, I'm not sure I could do the biz with Johnny Vegas.

Good morning you slaaags,

What's been going on round here, it seems nearly all of you are up the duff these days, there's only a couple of us left for woolfing.

Okay, , it seems that this thread has indeed hit upon the magic formula for updiffment, and it's clearly got something to do with lashings of gin, ultraviolence, and a combination of the following:

1. put winky in foofoo
2. pray to babyjebus
3. place wooden spoon under bed
4. rub ovaries widdershins
5. stuff raw eggwhite up the foofoo
6. relax/stoptryingandit'llhappen
7. Do not agree to camping activities (just take that as advice for general living)
8. Smoke/drink/take a load of crystal meth during 2WW

Is there anything I have forgotten - I would like to publish a book a la Zita West to exploit help desparate barrens...

poo you are quiztastic at the mo.

cho you forgot:
9) relax and it'll happen

innit

Polly hahahaha - I dare you to watch "The Bridges" in your current "emotionally fragile" state!

ChoCho In addition to the BurgerKing/fags thing I did two thing during OV week that I promised I would not do during pregnancy. I dyed my hair with permanent hair-dye and I painted my nails.

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes') A big big YES to that one!

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar? Slightly cougar (he's two years younger)

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

Foofoo (unless v v v drunk!!!)

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

shout POAS.

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

Definitely the source of all evil

6. what colour are your walls?

Multicoloured 'cos we have no time to finish the painting.

7. Number of pets? 0

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame? Russell Howard (weird for me as he's blond and skinny)

9. Lesbian crush? Angelina Jolie (predictable, but I can't think of anyone else right now)

10. What are your views on camping? Avoid. Had droid experiences this summer whilst camping.

Hello Cho you forgot that you need to be constantly sticking your hand up your foofoo for 'signs'.

When are you able to test Cho? And are you menkuling as mad as me?

And Ski I will definitely NOT be watching that film at the mo - even thinking about it makes me tearful. FFS if you cried at Taggart there is no hope for the rest of us!

Welcome Pinky and Panda - forgot to say first rounds are always on newbies... Line 'em up! I've got time for a quick snifter before I turn this damn 'puter off and get on with some RL jobs.

Hi Polly,

I can't test until next Wednesday FFS!!! But I am not particularly menkul yet - I think that will commence as we approach to weekend, especially with all these farking PESHies around rubbing their swollen, fecund tum tums all around us, and laying off the ketamine all of a sudden.

Not had much SWI recently either - pissed off with him indoors as he has suddenly become OBSESSED with me not drinking and has taken to glaring at me when I have a glass of wine...er, fuck off, love - if I had to take 2 weeks of the booze every month for the last 4 years we've been trying I would have fucking topped myself by now!

Carrots, don't think I didn't notice you thanking granny for sending a lickle baybee to you....that sort of behaviour comes extremely close to prayin'tothebaybeejebus, and belongs on another thread!

Cunty excellent news on the hb!...I know you have a lickleangelbaybee, so I'm sure that you know how your odds of teflon fanjo diminsh a lot once hb is seen, so that's fantastic...are they going to keep scanning you for re-assurance:?

Congrats Ski, and anyone else updiffed since I last popped my head in here!

ChoCho I'm not sure what you caught last week, but something "strange" happened around Halloween and curly, iggy and carrots are also diffed. It's been quite a week in the Palace. You can have my gin if you like? I'm having a cammomile tea.

ChoCho I think it's weird to refer to "salad in a bag" as entertainment/joy - but TTC does tend to make us barmy.

Four POAS? That's nuffink, hawaiian can get through 4 in 20 minutes. She's on her 1WOOFL this week which is under control, it's the 2WOOFL which all goes horribly wrong.

Do excuse me, I've been told I have "no work" to do until mid-2010.

hawaiian is getting well close to her testing day ...I think it is this Friday, isn't it? So she will probably start sooner, which I would stringly advise against, because she had treatment, after which a negative can be a real blow - and completely unnecessary if it's a false negative cos you stupidly tested too early!

'No work' to do???Are you a contractor, Ski?

ChoCho In a way yes... I work for a company who sells "consultancy" but I'm just not going to rock the boat... don't care anyway, unemployment will be 3k a month.

3 grand a month??? That should keep the wolf from the door!

cho You're right, but I think it's well and truly right to pray to babybeejezuz on this thread so I maintain my right to thank my Gran, too. Thanks again, Gran. ;-P

And I totally agree about the blessed drink. Suddenly realising that I won't be able to drink for about 2 years is not a nice thought.

Hi newbies. Welcome!

Ahhh you BESHies do heart me, you are talking behind my back (always a true sign of lurve!)

Ahhh chocho you are so right, I go in for the official blood test on Friday (countdown to 4 days!) so I'm in that last week of woolfing, but I thought that was 1, not 2... but I get ya ski however you want to call it - I'm starting to get a knot in my chest as thoughts alternate between babyfail and triplets.

This time there's no chance of false positives if I test early. But even though I really want to know if I can join the PESH club or be banished from MN forever... I have a biz trip on Wednesday that I cannot be a crying mess. So I'm thinking I'll probably test on Thursday morning, which should be high enough levels to trigger the test before the actual day of doom (aka Friday's blood test). But hell, I dunno - I might piss on a stick just for good measure tomorrow! (the last WOOFL is hard to predict!) I'm dreading a negative, but I have to just push on through - and think of my travel plans, masters degrees and perhaps even a Chelsea Garden show in my future instead!!!

Fuck! - I've just laid out my heart here - and a TALL bloody mary!!! (make that two!)

Hello to the newbies pinky and pandora - I have a bloody mary on each of your tabs, thanks muchly!