30s TTC - After all, we're not nice 'down there' at the BESH of times...

[CUNextTuesday]

Phew, found you! Afternoon all, hope you are all SFF/SWI/2WOOFLing as appropriate. I'm offically SFF but did do shoulder stands last night.

Steady on now Gin... have one of these

Think I scared the newbie away?

Now that's a nice image for a friday afternoon Medee

Two best days of a boat-owners life

1. day of purchase
2. day of sale

THE BAR!!! Damn, I knew the palace was missing something! I do miss those gin fountain spouts already...

C'mon in slimcog - the interrigators are on their way! Make yourself comfy in those shakles right there, yep - ankles, wrists and neck, please. Beware - if you successfully gain entry, the first round is on you.

Mostly this thread is natural-tryers but we don't discriminate against assistance-required hags, but they do take on a lot more hazzing.

hawaiian am excited about your baybeepopsicles. Must be a crazy 2WOOFL.

poo sometimes coming into the palace must be a bit like innocently straying into the midst of a drunken hen party full of menkuls. Quite sensible to leave really I guess!

gin hold your poniezzz - they aren't even thawed yet! but I'll be 2WOOFLing with the best of 'em (well maybe not up to scorpstandards but close!) You and all the rest of the BESHies will be hounding me not to test, soon enough!

We walked past a lady in a shop today and mani sniffed and said 'hmmm I can smell WINE!'

I could too once he'd mentioned it... Not sure who was more embarassed!

Glad to see proof of proper upbringing, gin!

I had one of those last week. In Sainsburys. We were standing in an aisle next to a VERY large Indian looking man, very dark skinned. Littlecarrot said, "Look Mummy, that man's got a REALLY BIG tummy, and he's really brown - nearly black". The shop assistant filling the shelves next to me had to walk away as she was laughing so hard. I had to walk away lest I exploded in embarassment. It has happened - scientifically proven.

LC and I had a "little chat" about the appropriateness of talking about people's personal appearances.

medee WTF??? YOB and I have a "positions" book and sometimes I like to just open a page at random, show it to YOB and suggest we do that one, then pull my back, have a good laugh and go back to the tried and tested. But HANDSTANDS??? R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

giggle at poopoo trying to be evil. You've not got it in you sweetheart. Obviously.

ski / *scorps8 What DID the Dutch mean???

the shoulder stands is for afterwards, carrots for the purposes of keeping the sex wee inside.

Loving that mani knows what wine smells like!

So, day 16 in my baybee making house.... I have a very 'heavy' feeling womb, stabbing/stitch type pains, mainly on my left side (but some general 'womby' ones too), I am a bit bloated (and this is NOT because I ate all the choc) and I am feeling vey vey frisky! And not in a galloping neighing kind of way. Do you think I am OV'ing? Oh and I am a bit pukey too, but not sure that is a symptom, I could quite possibly be hungry. And my cervix is low (during SWI last night this was v fucking painful noticable.

I think I am going to have to rape jump on TG as soon as Boo is in bed

polly Not scared away - just not TTC at moment although I'm definitely an ESH in my 30's

carrots think I put my mum through similar stuff!

the ginlet is not even 2 yet so sadly has no interest in the appropriateness (that is soooo not a word...) of his 'self-expression'!!!

He's very funny though. Did a massive fart the other day and then,grinning,announced 'sounds like a motorbike in bottom!!' ...which it did.

Booze and fart jokes. Think I'll be up for mum of the year?

Please don't call social services....

Glad to hear it Slim

Gin you get my vote Not sure what that says about my mothering skills either. Yesterday Boo was examining my body post-shower, pointed at my nether regions and said 'hair mummy', to which I repled 'yes, that's right'. At which point she offered me her hair slide. I nearly pissed myself laughing!

slimcog all souls are welcome here, as long as you can cope with the frantic observation of the passing of time and the constant contortionate checking of muff-milk followed by the clanking of chains as respective partners are shackled to the bed so's they's going NOWHERE sunshine till they've done they're duty...

they're what the fuckety fucking fuck?????

Oh ALL my intelligence has deserted me and been replaced with fluff

cuntycuntchops did you get my message right at end of last thread re pregnacare and barfing?

Aahgh ambeing bodyslammed by the small craszy can't type.

Pmsl re poo hairclip

oh deAr v god make him sytop

Carrots, she was trying to get me to ask for BUMSEX, of course! (Or poo-shagging, if you want to get literal. Nice)

And Carrots, yer daft bugger, your temp stays low, even dips when OVing and then rises AFTER the clucking is over. If you found science more interesting then you'd know all this Thanks Iggy, that was class. Had mesen a reet laff (that last bit was for the accent fans).

Welcome slimcognito. Shamefully, I know that that is the name of a type of Spanx - is that what you've named yourself after? . Now get comfy in those shackles and answer Ye Questions of The BESH:

1. Which hole do you use for to make a baybee?
   a) WeeWee.
   B) FooFoo.
   C) Mr Hankey's Hole.
   D) None, I just pray to tehbabyjebus.
   E) All of the above.

2. Which is the major cause of babyfail?
   a) not timing sex right.
   b) infertility.
   c) camping.
   d) being too old.
   e) using contraception correctly.

3. Which of the following will guarantee pregnancy?
   a) a wooden spoon under the bed.
   b) a holiday in France.
   c) being a drunk teenage slapper who doesn't like kids.
   d) rubbing your ovaries widdershins.
   e) all of the above.

Am being silly now but almost cried earlier in John Lewis when had to go through the children's dept. to use the loo

muff-milk?

whoa there

ginbreath indeed I did get that message, thank you. I'm notoriously crap at takin it to be honest but now I do it in the evening instead of in the morning so there's less likelihood of it coming up to see me again. Nearly at the end of the packet now so I think I may try Boots own as you suggest.

Thank god it's the weekend then I have all next week off. Spares me the terror phobia worry of yakking at work for at least 10 days

Or pant snot if you prefer slim

slim we are very graphic in the Palace... that is actually quite restrained!

Look love,you're called cunty, I'm not sure if you need to go further to illustrate the graphic nature of le chateaux de gin

Oo how bad was that French? I must be updiffed my brain is all fuzzy

jion hte culb