30s TTC - After all, we're not nice 'down there' at the BESH of times...

[CUNextTuesday]

fuckbuckets indeed shineycuntyone I am desperately gutted for you. I so wanted to to work. Here, stick these clamps on your nipples while I up the voltage slightly....

hug from me too cuntshine. what an absolute fucker

'specially after all you've been through.

hope you get some good news from the doc x

Me to MrMuser: Do my tits look big? I think they look big.

MrMuser: They do a bit. Your areola look bigger.

Me: Do you think it's just all the food I've been eating?

Him: Probably.

Me: THWACK

MrMuser knows the word areola?

Oh yes, he's a bit of a knowitall geek. I've always had a thing for geeks.

shiney what a godforsaken sack of steaming shit. Accept this biff to the shins, in a comforting way.

PS, slight distraction perhaps - note Charlie B is n for live webchat on the 23rd Nov at noon. Did someon leave the foor open again?

Ahhh I heart all BESHies. Double gins on me!!! When you feel you have to puke, just use the fuckbuckets next to each of you.

I'm sure I'll be hanging out in the back booth until I sober up and can drive back to where-ever-it-is that I live.

muser perfectly handled, I must say.

Er... what's a "fuckbucket"? Are you still in the booth HCS? I think you need a bit more violence.

Oh HCS I'm so sorry too. Even more so that this could be it... What a bummer of an end to a lucky thread

No, no, NO - woman who was my best friend at school has announced second pregnancy on FB. She is massively overweight, drinks and smokes and her DH is over 50 and also a drinking and smoking fatty too... who had a vasectomy reversal. I bet she lets her son drink fruit shoots and eat Greggs sausage rolls as well

Only DPO5 and am getting usual pre-menstrual mastitis, so think it's game over already Did get some really strange stabbing pains in my womble yesterday that made me double over and cry out they were so bad, but knowing my luck was just trapped wind in a low part of my gut. Am also getting a fucking cold. which is making me worry that my body will reject a fertilised egg through trying to get me better (not wanting to deal with 'intruders' or extraneous bodily functions, etc.) or cold will mutate zygote (or whatever it would be called at this stage) into mangled retard head on pillow, etc., etc. Yes, I really am this menkul.

Feel like it might be thoughtless/bad taste to mention my 2WOOFL in light of Cuntyshine's bad news, so apologies if it is.

What are we going to call the new thread then? Any takers for my George BESH idea? If you need me, I'll be in the Pit of Despair, rocking my wooden spoon to sleep in my arms. Be quiet, though - she's a terrible sleeper.

Don't lose hope yet Scorpette, it's not over until the tampax comes out. I like the George BESH thread title, gets my vote.

HCS Crap, crap news indeed. I'm so sorry.

scorps no, go ahead and 2WOOFL. We need cheering up .

Shouldn't that be 'till the tampax goes IN', Muser?

Am not actually 2WOOFLing much. Hate the humiliation of attributing so much as a fart to being updiffed when am not (can you tell I was an uptight swot who used to hate self for so much as getting one word wrong in a spelling test when I was little?!). Am getting pre-mentrual mastitis in left nip only as per usual so, like already said, have abandoned hope already (although in a twisted 'maybe if I give up hope, my body will surprise me with a baybee just to be able to say 'ner ner, fooled ya!' to me)

Another friend has just posted loads of pics of her new baby boy. Is massively helping me... NOT. TYF tried to cheer me up over news of old friend being pg with 2nd baby by saying 'don't worry - considering the genepool, I bet it'll be a rubbish baby'. I replied 'Yeah thanks for that, Cap'n Eugenics!' and literally did the face...

AT least TYF tried to cheer you up scorps - that is nice

Would you like me to open up the pit of despair for ya?

I got fight club brad down there, and noel fielding ...

Noel Fielding? Why oh why oh why oh why oh why? I'd rather have a cup of tea and a .

Scorps Rather than worrying about TTC/diffedness, I would suggest you put your energies in to practising for the 11+!

Noel Fielding? Oh dear.

I'm trying not to do the crazy symptom spotting either, despite my obsession with my boobs. I'm always obsessed with boobs though, they're great.

muser In reality going up a boob size, having them feel like they've been injected with fluid and sleeping in a bra actually isn't turning out to be as exciting as I thought it might be. My nipples are taking on contours not dissimilar to the Himalayas with these montgomery tuberculosis things.

muser I'll see your Nandos + pub and raise you a Friday night walk around the park with the dogs and home via the kebab shop* before double Special Victims Unit. Livin' the dream baby!

*Kebabs outside the UK are tasty enough to eat sober, furthermore they don't drip grease and appear to contain meat!

I shall be watching Special Victims Unit here on UK tv, Ski Although I still think of Christopher Meloni (Stabler) as a gay rapist serial killer, like wot he played in Oz. And as for Ice-T...

I'll see all of your activities and raise you slumped on the sofa watching crap all night whilst feeling shit with a cold and suppressing urge to cry cos I want a baybee so farkin much but don't think it's happened this month

Font of all cheerfulness, me.

PS I've already passed my 11-plus (and got highest result in my year, so NAAAH! I think that was about the last time I didn't feel like a colossal loser ).

haha snap, although I'll raise you as I got the highest mark every achieved at my school - and would you believe we weren't tutored for months on end? The irony of it all is that it opened up a huge can of worms because it was expected I would choose to go to the school that half those helicopter mums on the 11-plus threads want their kids to go to - and I couldn't stand the place - and chose a less prestigious place. Not sure I was ever forgiven for that.

HA! I also got the highest mark ever at my school too! The difference between us, however, is that I was offered a scholarship to the v prestigious girl's school about half an hour away and I couldn't go, due to a mixture of ill health, not being able to get there via public transport (lived in an out of the way area) and parents not believing in private education. So I went to the local shit comp, with its regular glassings, rapes, knife attacks - and that was just the teachers, ha ha - and so on (I'm not exaggerating - if anyone local asks what school I went to, the answer is always met with an ashen-faced expression of horror and an 'oh' or a 'you poor, poor thing'). One guy in the year above me is now in Broadmoor as experts said when he was arrested (for sex crimes, stalking and owning snuff porn) that he was as little as 3-6 months away from becoming one of Britain's worst serial killers . It was the perfect place for a delicate, over-sensitive middle-class swot who was one of the shortest and skinniest in her year like me (my lisp*, crooked teeth, glasses, acne, sticky-out ears and frizzy hair also helped)!

*Actually, that's not a joke - during my time there, 2 teachers were sacked then prosecuted for attacking kids, one scarring a boy for life and another teacher was jailed for the kidnap and rape of a 6th form girl. Nice.
**Woke up one day when I was 18 and it had gone. Baffling, but good. Am still not taking any risks and will not give any of my kids a name with an 'S' sound in it!

Sorry to get my self-indulgent anecdote on there, but am feeling v miserable

well I chased up the community gynae clinic yesterday because ski made me do it, and I have been referred on to the fertility clinic at the hosp. Don't know when the appointment will come through but I have prepared tgo that he will have to jizz in a pot soonish, he went off muttering about nurses uniforms.....

That's good that they're so on the ball Cosmo. You know my Drs are so crap that if I was 50 and leaking powdered egg out of my flange, they'd still do fuck all. They still can't even arrange the preliminary D21 test(s). Think TGO is in for a rude awakening if he thinks it's going to be all Carry On Doctor with busty nurses spilling out of their miniskirted-uniforms!