30s TTC - After all, we're not nice 'down there' at the BESH of times...

[CUNextTuesday]

Well, some of us are just trying the praying to the ickle baybee Jeebus method.

Praying to the ickle baybee jeebus sounds much cleaner than putting things in holes. Although possibly less fun.

Hello muser, think we have met on the bus . Welcome to the palais!

Anyway, on to the official questions

1. Do you like gin? (hint, say yes)

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. What colour are your walls?

7. Number of pets?

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

9. Lesbian crush?

Oh yes, and the first round is one you!

Ok, let me concentrate, tests are hard.

1. Do you like gin? (hint, say yes)

Yes. I can see a big bottle of Hendricks from here.

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

Well he is just older than me. I guess that makes me a gold digger. But he would only spend all his money on books if I wasn't here to make him buy me gin instead.

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use: a) weewee b) poopoo c) foofoo d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

Oh definitely pray to the baby Jebus, you have to to take away from the NASTINESS that the husband is doing.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

POAS ALREADY!

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

Evil. You can tell he's really plotting to overthrow the world when he beeps.

6. What colour are your walls?

Boringly mostly cream. And chocolate.

7. Number of pets?

Two. Evil cats plotting to overthrow me.

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

I had a sex dream about Simon Cowell. That was disturbing.

9. Lesbian crush?

Too many. Eliza Dushku. In leather.

Sorry for the brief delay in transmission... work got in the way.

Well it sounds like you will fit in well here - I'd say line up the drinks but the bar seems to be rather empty tonight. Where is everyone? Helllooooooo......

Although hang on... Simon Cowell?! Eeewwwww! That is more of a nightmare, surely?

Hi muser

Just popping in to say hi to all. ski showed her diffed face yet? Maybe not until MOnday I suppose.

All well here. Announced to mum and dad last night and in typical mum way she already knew (last week, before I was sure). She does that. It's annoying. YOB embarassed me by making me say the word "vagina" with them there - in the context of the "something" monologues, what was it Carrots? Which was coming to our local theatre soon... and also made some snarky comment about being able to take hot baths and go cycling again. This was also embarassing because it reminded them that he'd had to place his funky stuff up my foo foo to get us in the position of having the "I got my wife - your daughter - your little girl - knocked up" conversation.

Not telling him mum for another week or so to get past initial early few weeks. IF it goes wrong she will be devastated and she's a bit older and frail.

So, enough about me. What's going on in here? Seems a bit quiet?

And is there any such thing as alcohol-free gin? ANyone tried alcohol-free wine? I had a dream last night that I'd had LSD cakes (like hash cakes, I guess, but different) and then woke up worrying about whether it was a problem. But I've not had a sexy dream about Simon Cowell so that's ok. I did once dream I had sex with michael jackson (before he died) and then YOB went and shared that with my mum.

Sounds like YOB is sometimes Not On Your Side

See rots the good thing about being a palace resident is that you can be as pregnant as you like and still down plenty of virtual alcohol which makes up for not really being able to do it in real life...

Your mum = my mum, carrots. She always claims to know someone was pregnant, often before they do themselves. THe fact that she never thinks to mention this until they announce it doesn't seem to have swayed her.

cunty tell me... . He does it because my mum, I told him, was really prudish (well she used to be!) and then she started not being. It didn't help when they treated us to a night at the theatre to see "Chicago" only they accidentally took us to "Cabaret" instead. At the interval, after Wayne Sleep had been in bed with 2 women, waved a huge cock around and had a long, pink balloon burst in his nether regions, while near-naked people simulated sado-masochistic sex in the background, I tentatively asked my mother whether this was actually what she'd seen in New York and wanted to bring us to. She said it was, definately, and my dad said in a really stern way, "It was NOT!". It took mum a week to admit she'd been too embarassed to admit it was totally the wrong show.

Anyway, since then YOB has determined that mother is not at all prudish and they seem to have a bit of a "who's the least prudish" game going on. Mum was currently in the lead when she, YOB, littlecarrot and I went into a nearby city and as we passed Anne Summers she dragged me in there, leaving YOB in the street with LC. She actually wanted a new bra and found a really pretty one, and when I suggested she should buy the matching knickers she (bless her) asked why she would want them. So really, she's sweet and innocent and abused by YOB. Honestly, that's what it is.

medee Actually, she'd told my dad so she was actually telling the troof, although she claimed (get THIS) that she knew because I was "Buzzing" last week. Which she eventually translated as "I worked hard". . Because I got to Thursday and cleared my desk, she "knew". Charming.

'Course I didn't find out until Friday but ho hum!

BESHs, may I hang around a bit? I can't really face an ante-natal thread and I don't mind the violence, honestly. I will probably pop over to The Other Side but right now I prefer to hang around with you lot. I hope cassie, ski and iggy don't disappear, I'd miss them. .

Oh - cunty Saaaaad fucker I am looked at the pregnancy magazines at Sainsbury's today (stupid, crappy rubbish but oddly attractive) and noticed one, I think Pregnancy and Birth, had an article on doulas. May be something to look at?

of course you can stay, Carrots. My mum usually suspects someone if they are "tired."

rots thank you, I'll get one the next time I'm passing a news agent. And I fully intend to outstay my welcome here - why would I want to go on a thread with all sorts of panicking preggos when I can stay here and drink virtual cocktails with a bunch of well-educated, witty, charming and bitchy hags. Bliss

perhaps the Beshies can start a pregnancy thread too, and those of us who graduate can find our way there eventually?

Hmmm. Well, I've only read some of the thread and skimmed the rest (it's so long) but I see I wasn't missed at all. Thanks [sulk]

Gin - could you please CAM me? Ta.

Aw Beshie you were quietly missed my friend - of course unless you create a massive fuss and a lot of flouncing we are all so self-absorbed that most things don't even register

Welcome back anyway. Care for a beverage?

yuummmmmm gin, ain't it ace. Real actual gin as well, not just the virtual kind.

beshie can't but think you can cam me,have just changed settings. Hope you okay.

bessie Hi! Sorry, we were a bit sidetracked by several slippery butter dishes.

medee Brilliant idea! Oh yes, oh yes, I'm going to do that right away. Well, when I've finished this post.

Please may I say, "thanks Gran". I feel that her spirit has made this a successful thread. Still, quite a long way to go - who'se likely to POAS before the end of it? Obviously cuntshine. Anyone else?

I actually purchased a bottle of alcohol-free wine today. Haven't dared open it. It's German and described as "light and fruity". But in my defense it was the only one in the supermarket.

So, pass us a cocktail, barman. There's a girl with butter on her hands wot needs a good glass full.

PESH (pregnant...) deli now open on the ante-natal thread. Feel free to join me!

Evening beshies. Rots I am due Weds so will test Thurs if no droid arrived. Must admit I'm having some very unusual symptoms this month... trying not to get excited but desperately hoping this is the month for me.

Oh polly I'm so rooting for you.

bessie we did miss you, now come over here and I'll show you how much with a good kicking.

Been out a lot this weekend, a a bit emotional today...

rots I'll come and find you. Double the BESH presence sounds good.

Thanks Rots. Off to bed now, blimmin knackered - wound myself up last night wondering if I was diffed/worrying about FC appt etc. Eventually went to bed at 5.30am and Boo woke us up at 7.45am.

I'm hoping I can come meet you PESHies soon, don't leave us BESHies behind.

Bessie, we always miss ya, ya big drama queen. Now, put down those flouncy Victorian petticoats and come join us on FB!

Am ovulating. Sexy weekend achieved. Am quietly optimistic re: excellent timing. Will now maintain aloof, restrained and dignified Luteal Phase without the merest hint of 2WOOFLi.... oh, who am I kidding? Let the madness commence!

And welcome Newbie Muser! Although I don't know if a woman who has sex dreams about The Cowell deserves to have a child

Ok, I may be trying to take the title from Scorps for most mental 2woofling. Instead of going to sleep like I said I was.... I am sat in bad on laptop, comparing photos of my tits that I took 2 days ago, to photos that I took just now, trying to convince myself that my nips are darker. The fact that one set of photos was taken in daylight, and one at night is not helping my analysis. TG is downstairs crying with laughter at my state of mind, although I think he is a tad worried what will happen if/when droid arrives.

For the love of god will someone put me out of my misery?! Where is Cuntshine with the frozen fish when you need her? Probably stroking her belly widdershins.... Can someone just knock me out until next weekend?

Hell I am driving myself mad, I just want to KNOW. NOW. My norks are now starting to feel more like normal 'pmt type' pain. I'm beginning to think I'm imagining this all. Oh look, here come the nice men with a lovely new jacket for me try on. Might have trouble typing in it though.