30s TTC - After all, we're not nice 'down there' at the BESH of times...

[CUNextTuesday]

gin other peoples updiffedment always has made me pleased for them and sad for me.

Have a proper hug and maybe a small gin?

Pit of angst, gin? Is all open and full of warm and willing Jack Sparrow. Go and lurk there.

ROFL @ ski re apostrophe.

gin sorry about my BESH failure. Can I just be an ESH? Also really sorry you're feeling so rubbish. Groid's not here yet... try to keep slightly smiley until then? Otherwise a kick in the groin may offend.

Cuntgrats on the sea-horse on the way, well done! I vote yes on the doula too. Anything to help make the experience more calm. See if you can find one that will back off and let your bloke be there for you too, as much as he can or wants. Ok that was a little too full of sap.

Yee-hah, more diffing!

And great news re the heartbeat cunty I is well pleased to hear that.

Yay for Cunty's seahorse! Glad all is going well. And Gin, don't be a stranger

I want a doula. But we just couldn't afford one. As I have been insanely broody for at least 10 years, I have been researching diff-related topics and resources, etc., for ages, and concluded that there were 3 things I really want to do: 1) water birth 2) doula and 3) hypno-birthing (not nec. in that order). Well, no. 1 is now pretty widely available, no. 2 we can't afford as we said, and although I could get my Mum to bring the pain as regards getting my needs attended to, she has a phobia of blood and 'nastiness', so would be no use down the business end and no. 3 is also probably far too expensive for us. Might have to make do with buying a book/CD on the subject and a pocket watch on a chain for TYF to wave in front of my eyes Mind you, he wouldn't get involved in anything like hyno-thingy, as he makes Ben Goldacre seem like Russell Grant, so cynical is he about anything remotely 'groovy'.

But I have jumped the gun and arranged my future midwife today - my bossfriend's mate came in, who is a MW and also nearly a week overdue to have her own baybee. Much belly-touching ensued. She is ace and encourages women to adopt any position they like and swear as much as they want and so on. Then bossfriend's other friend came in - with her 6 month old baby girl twins. And she needed someone to hold one whilst she took turns breastfeeding and cos it was quiet, bossfriend said I could do it. I spent over an hour cuddling adorable little baybees and ssshhhing them, letting them nom my knuckles and so on. Everyone kept saying things like 'ooh, you're a natural' and 'why don't you have a baby? You'd be brilliant' and asking why I didn't and so on and I was getting v upset (hid it, of course) This was my punishment for crowing t'other day about not having anyone tormenting me by updiffing/sprogging in my immediate circle I then stabbed myself in the hand by accident with a really sharp knife (fucking OW) - although of course, Freud said there's no such thing as an accident...

Anyway, I now have expertise with twins, so Cheggers, if you're reading, I'm available for kidnapping babysitting in the future

Sorry if that was a bit long and boring, had to vent. Is so upsetting when others are so casual about how easy it is to have a baby and why don't I give it a go. As we all know all too well.

Poor scrofulous. Time with babies is blessing and curse in current state of mind, isn't it? I adore my friends' baby, who is giggly, bright and very entertaining, but being around her for long periods sends me totally doolally.

But, y'know, it's just a question of widdershins, winky/foo foo, and wooden spoon. If we do all of those in the right order, we'll all be updiffed by Christmas. No hassle. Right? Right?

NB Freud also said that there is no such thing as a joke.

Well here's a thing - I had a text from ski this morning and she would like me to announce (because she has no innernet) that she is officially updiffed So whoever had a tenner on it can now collect!

Who's next?

morning all, hurrah for scans and lines on sticks, and commiserations to the rest of us.

How does this sound: Wednesday night - SWI; Thursday - FFJ; Friday - SWI. I reckon I am due to ov on Monday, so once more on Sunday night should do it? (can't do it tonight, the PILs are coming to stay) Should we have done it Thursday too?

ooh, hurrah for ski!

Scropes we did hypno-birthing, it was great. Well, up until the point I got put in an ambulance and TG was no use in helping me regain my inner calm . I don't think he realised that he actually had quite a big role to play - the bloody idiot. I am still annoyed about that tbh.

He was all for the hypno-birthing but was always too busy/tired/stressed to do the homework, so we never actually got any practice of the 'scenarios' before the big day.

Even so, it still helped and I didn't have any painkillers, except for gas and air when I had my stitches.

Ooh how lovely to cuddle twins, but mean to make you give them back. FFS she could have given you one, surely?

Yay for Ski!!! Blimey, this is a lucky thread... who is next? Gin? Me? (whispers please please PLEASE baby jebus/father christmas/fairies/goblins/Allah/the powers that be, let me have a ickle baybee in my belly?)

Medee that sounds like a good plan, should be enough I reckon. Good luck!

That's what I thought too, PooPoo. The selfish bitch! Thanks for the Hypo-birthing reassurance; might try and scrape some funds together after all.

YAY for Ski! Though I think we all knew it was going to be a yes for her this month, didn't we? How many differs have we had this thread - 3? 4? Bloody hope this streak of good luck continues for the next one.

Medee, that sounds sufficient. Expert say every 2 days, innit. Just try not to walk bow-legged in front of the ILs

Thanks for the reassurance, Camel. Which direction is widdershins, again?

Scorps my mum also attributes the fact that Boo is such a calm little angel to the fact I was so calm during my diffment (due to hypnoB). Is defo worth it imo - we paid about £300 but I expect she has put her prices up now, and it does vary depending on area/practitioner etc.

thanks Poo and scorp for the reassurance - this month feels lucky, especially with all the butter dishes being dropped.

I knewz it for ski I did, I did!

Yay more nekkid dancing?? Pleeeease....

scorpsy me and tgo are up for the hypno-bithing too. He's generally not up for hippy crystally shit, but he had hypnotherapy a while ago and it worked really well for him, so he's sold on that now.

I just looked at classes in my area and on option is an 'express' one day hypno-blitz (my words) workshop for £100, so that's doable. I know I won't be able to get TYF to join in with me, as he's also too self-conscious, as well as so sceptical. Although he may well yet surprise me.

Am getting close to Ov, can feel it. Trouble is, I get so aware that 'this could be it!' that I can't relax and enjoy myself

Oh yes, try to do the hypno stuff. I had a hypno birth CD for littlecarrot but TBH didn't give it enough time, but may well this time.

Just looking into the posibility of an independant midwife. Pretty expensive but looks like we can pay over about 18 months. It means I've a much better chance of a homebirth.

Still lurking - good luck everyone. xxx

So, is there gin here? I am reduced to watching the Hannah Montana movie and am seeing what other discussions are going on in this conception board. The talk of gin, hypnosis and bumsex was too good to miss out on.

Toffee there is never not gin here. We're free with the acohol, lesbian lovin action and the violence.

There is a questionnaire you have to fill in though to get the door code.

Oooh, questionnaires. Love it.

I'll try and remember it, it's to do with crushes of shame and what hole you need to put "it" in to win a baybee.

You have to put "it" in a hole? OHMIGOD. No wonder I haven't won a baybee!