Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

30s TTC The Loch BESH Monsters

1000 replies

CurlyCasper · 22/10/2009 12:50

Welcome along women of a certain age. The new palace has a post modern water feature, spouting forth gin from a serious of suspicious looking humps...

OP posts:
skihorse · 05/11/2009 14:06

Pregnancy and sex in M&B?

longwee · 05/11/2009 14:13

Curly - where are you going this weekend that involves swanky hotels and nice restaurants?

idealcamel · 05/11/2009 14:16

Ski, I know, it's dreadful. Can't imagine what the world is coming to (fnar). You wouldn't believe the number of times I've sent emails around the office asking for a synonym for cock.

iggypiggy · 05/11/2009 14:20

Message from Cosmosis - please to help her:

Right then, can you get the BESH coven?s opinion on this? (there is no such thing as tmi remember?)

One of my ?symptoms? is erm, jucier bits than normal. Yesterday and today, I have noticed when having a wee, that I smell different in that area. Not a horrible smell or anything, just different. Maybe slightly sweeter? Stronger today than yesterday.

What do we reckon?

Can?t believe I am discussing this. God I hope no-one else reads this.

Ponymum · 05/11/2009 14:22

camel Are you in publishing? Or if not, what sort of job involves reading M&B at your desk?
P.S. If you are in publishing, please will you publish my books?

idealcamel · 05/11/2009 14:28

Tell Cosmo to POAS! Sounds promising at least. Not that I have ever been pregant, but still.

Pony - yarse, I works for Mills & Boon. Think it came up aaaaaaaages ago.

Do you actually write romances? Because otherwise I might struggle to publish your books...

CurlyCasper · 05/11/2009 14:30

Going to have to email cos because I reads online that some men can detect pregnancy in their other halves thanks to this sweet smell!

wee we are off to Brighton for a jolly time by the seaside

OP posts:
Ponymum · 05/11/2009 14:33

camel I might struggle to work that into the books. The protagonist is 11.

longwee · 05/11/2009 14:37

Rightyo, I am offski in a mo till Tuesday. Who will be POASing over the weekend...?

skihorse · 05/11/2009 14:38

iggy Strong weee and juicy bits are indeed symptoms. Tell her to POtFSASAP!

iggypiggy · 05/11/2009 14:38

curly I went to Brighton last month for anniversary Where you gonna stay?

Bessie123 · 05/11/2009 14:57

Hello mentals.

gin thinking of you today, hope you are ok.

ski it's nice to see you back

CurlyCasper · 05/11/2009 15:15

Staying in The Grand iggy. Can't wait!

Speak next week weewee. I expect to be properly menkul by Tuesday.

OP posts:
givecarrotsachance · 05/11/2009 15:57

Oh fuck. Am I pregnant or did I just wait too long to pee?

On day 20 I can't even physically BE pregnant so fuckety fuck go away from the board and stop obsessing, carrots.

PollyPoo · 05/11/2009 16:41

Shall I send HCS around with some frozen fish, Carrots?

Given how crap I am at working out who is diffed, I am keeping schtum (obviously in the hope this will ensure you are diffed).

ChoChoSan · 05/11/2009 17:24

Happy Bonfire Night, BESHies!

Hope all is well in the Palace...who is woolfing at them moment, and do we have freshly updiffed inmates? Come on everybody...do we need to go through the drill again?

Foofoo + grapefruit juice + winky :
Pray to baybee jebus;
Wooden spoon under bed
Egg white up the fangita (raw unless vagina dentata, (or Hakuna Matata if you
prefer the cockney rhyming slang), and of course you must make sure you are 'having sex'...apparently that helps!

ginhag · 05/11/2009 17:47

Hey all. Cheers for the thoughts n that. Was doing ok til guy at work brought his 20 week scan pics in and kept saying 'and it's alive,it's so great!'

some beshes will know was my 12 week scan that picked up that I was actually pg with a large black hole not a baybee. So it was not the most fun ever. He's now fired obviously

on the plus side apparently I don't have breast cancer,just an inexplicable lump of tissue which after mammograms,ultrasound etc looks to be of the non-terrifying variety. Awaiting biopsy results but all fine I think.

would send comisserations to peewee but I believe she's scarpered.

cunty didn't know that about your dad. Group hug back atcha (that's group not grope scropy)

well I'm in the 2woofly phase. I think our dirty weekend actually coincided with ov so that's rather exciting. Trying not to get hopes up,it's just too knackering.

Scorpette · 05/11/2009 18:31

Gin, I'm perfectly capable of hugging without any pervery going on, I'll have you know (what would be going on in my mind, however, is another matter ). I didn't know you were dealing with breast-lump-worry, so am so glad it sounds like nothing serious and think you deserve to win a baby this cycle for your troubles. Sounds like you've played the odds just right, as well

Anyone who thinks Bills and Moon are tame is very, very wrong. My Gran loves 'em and she regularly sits there reading one only to stop to cackle filthily then stare misty-eyed at a pic of my late Granddad. I've sneaked a peak and they are ruuuuude. Their heroes certainly know which hole to use and how!

Well, I've had a shit day. As predicted, it was adorable baby central yet again. At one point, a red-cheeked, curly haired moppet in a velvet frock grabbed my hand as I gave her a little cake and said 'fankoo, pwetty lady' and rubbed my hand against her cheek (I thought I was going to cry out of my vagina, it made my heart pang so badly) and then her mum and another mother (they had about 6 between them) sat discussing how easily they had got updiffed, the miracles of their many births and how nothing compares to the joys of motherhood, etc. I had to keep going and pretending to look for things in case I shouted 'Stop rubbing it in, you fucking cunts!'.

I have this image of Cosmo marooned on an island, bravely fighting the enemy alone as we pass on news and suport via an old army wireless. Can't sweet, stinky weewee be a sign of diabetes or just eating asparagus? Don't tell her that. No point in dragging anyone else down into my chasm of despair (not a euphemism for my vajayjay, before anyone starts)

In hilarity news, my friend/boss has just found out that her 27-yr old boyfriend thought women weed out of their vaginas. Seriously. Bodes well for their future TTC

PollyPoo · 05/11/2009 18:51

Hey Gin, congrats on the results and commiserations on the day. Glad you fired the insensitive fucker.

Glad to see Ski is back in da house. Cho I am on day 15 and would be barking, if only I'd Ov'd. grrrr.

Scorps thank you for the ovulating info. I think I have either Ov'd and the persona didn't pick up on it (my personal fave option), or my body decided to have a month off. The bitch.

Who was it who said we should have different colour wee/FFJ to indicate our current fertile status? And who are the scientists here? Can't they devise some genius plan to make this happen? I will happily be a guinea pig. Maybe orange for 'you are about to ovulate', green for 'you are ovulating NOW' and red for 'don't even bother'. Would make life sooo much easier. Sigh...

Where IS Cosmo? Is she working somewhere without t'internet? Or just working v hard? She needs to POAS and put us out of our misery.

ginhag · 05/11/2009 18:56

Cheers scorperoo. it has been a contributing factor to the recent downer...was especially worrying as recently found out my family 'high risk' for the bc gene and need to be tested.erk.

Sorry about the bad day. Folks have no sodding idea what a psychological mauling they are dishing out do they?? I felt similar flood of 'bite my tongue or punch him in the head-ooo which way to go??' today.

As well as angelbaybee due date is our anniversary today. 9 frickin years blimey heck.

The great bit about the weekend was that it was actually SFF (actually that should be Shagging For Fun am now scared it sounds like I've been humping caspar's hubby) but it was conveniently at the right time. And there was a lot of it

igs hope you okay?

And vomitty beshes,much sympathy.I am crap at being pg and puke a lot

Scorpette · 05/11/2009 19:06

Poo, not everyone ovulates on CD14, whatever my twatty Dr says, so don't give up yet

Ski, many congrats on the anniv. What a cruel thing for the bad day to coincide with But concentrate on the lurve and the gorgeous Maniboy

PS Anyone else seen this?

ginhag · 05/11/2009 19:26

Was conceived on valentines day too. Fucker.

Oh great mani's bedtime and all of Bristol are letting off fireworks. I have posh booze to be a drinkin' but I am going to be caught in an endless cycle of 'what's dat bang,mummy?don't like it'

bless the repetitive little monkey

he is currently being a lion in the bath.lots of roaring

iggypiggy · 05/11/2009 19:37

ginhaglet what a day of bollocks for you - especially the scan pics.

Excellent news about the lump tho - and the fucking

I is fine - girl at work was due on fri - I have sneaking suspicion that because of the way these things work - the little blighter might only go and be born on my due date - which will probably mean I either wail or murder my boss - either seems reasonable.

Still sore froat - hates being illy

iggypiggy · 05/11/2009 19:40

I have an urge to do this

givecarrotsachance · 05/11/2009 20:30

gin V pleased to hear lumpy news. Must be an absolutely huge relief.

Decided to crack a bottle of wine tonight. Go ahead, tell me how bad I am but I need to relax and chill the day away. Loads to do tomorrow (not at work thank goodness) but have been tasked with producing yummy cakes for a bonfire party tomorrow. DS "helped" and told me, "You're my favourite mummy in the WHOLE world. I don't want ANY other lady to be my mummy because I LOVE you. Can I lick the bowl?". He is SO rubbish at being tactful. Me thinks some lessons in manipulation are required.

Bought a new thermometer but decided that maybe I am just dead as it seems to be temping the same as my other one. SOooooo clearly no progesterone in me, so no baybee either. So while I'm technically barking, I'm holding out no hope which is why I'm happy drinking wine.

pooface thanks for the fish but have no idea what you mean

Dunno what's going on but my chin is sprouting what can only be described as pubes. WTF is going on?

Rather inspired to try a M&B . My taste in books is not entirely what you might call "high art" but I do like a decent triller, or fantasy (Robin Hobb as opposed to Nancy Friday) but I can't stand beach books. But I'm guessing that you could just take a M&B for what it is - great vision of the Gran reading one

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.