WeeWee NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I really thought you'd won the prize this month. Mind you, I though I had too I know exactly how you are feeling as everyone's just witnessed my bumper crop of primo updiff symptoms only to have the droid piss on my chips (the imagery that conjures up is priceless). I've even been wondering if they were all in my head, but you can't imagine things like your breasts getting so huge that none of your bras fit properly and said breasts get big stilton veins all over them and other people comment on it (everyone kept asking me if I'd bought some some of wonderbra).
It's becoming clear now that even booking camping trips, however luxurious, equal babyfail. In fact, I'm now scared writing the very words c*ping and tnt. I think there is a horror film in all this about a baby-eating demon possessing camping equipment. BESHploitation - the new genre du jour
Poosmell, I get a lot of Ov signs (though not as strong as when younger, grrr): sometimes I get mittelschmerz, which are like period pains on one side (the eggy side - always the left with me), I have a lot more FJ, wet at first then egg-whitey and stretchy, I have more energy and I feel horny but often a bit sad, like 'I need a fuck but who'd touch me with a bargepole?'. You need to check your FJ - after wiping, have a look at the bog roll: is there a lot? If it looks sticky, get some on your fingers and see if it will stretch. If it will, then get SWIing!
I hope that's not patronising in the form of 'try using the foofoo hole'
ski