30s TTC - The BESH little gin palace in mumsnet

[idealcamel]

The bar is open and the ticking clock has been muffled for the duration...Come on in!

LADEEEEEEZZZZZZZ!!

Mitchell has escaped from behind the bar and is on Graham Norton.

Who left the door open?

Wow, a whole paracetamol? She must've been really suffering.

When I give birth, I shall be enjoying a leisurely splashabout in the birthing suite, shall feel a slight twinge 'down below' and a perfectly clean newborn will float up towards me to nestle in my arms. No fuss, no mess, no pain, all soft-focus golden lighting and my eye make-up will remain intact throughout.

You know it.

Gin, I have a totally non-baybee-related question to ask you: it's about graphics stuff. When you you do pics like the Weenicons, do you draw them using a graphics tablet then perfect the image? Or handsketch summat, scan it in then fanny about with photoshop or summat? Y'see, I can draw good, like, and make my own cards an' shiz for friends, but would like to be able to get more perfected images that I can produce multiples off. And would like to do it for fun, not for cash (not rivalling the genius of your company). Well, maybe some pocket money from local posh gift shops, etc. I'm really into graphic design, but don't know the first thing about 'giving it a try' (and by 'it', I mean 'the easiest level possible for a rank amateur). Any tips gratefully received (well, if we can have Pony Club on here we can have Take Hart too )!

Cunty - I'm watching him too. Notice he has dark circles under his eyes from being overwork and sexually harassed day and night. Perhaps we need a new barman for a while. Charlie Brooker?

PS Hope he won't slag us all off for a winning anecdote with Graham

That brown shirt is ill-advised

mmmmmmmm Paolo Nutini!

He looked like he'd had a stroke when singing. And that weird side-mouth thing is off-putting. But shall we snatch him for the Palace anyway?

I was going to suggest Charlie Brooker for our new barman! (But still need David, obv). Charlie would snarl and throw things at us, then storm around muttering intelligent but despairing observations on the futility of life. Droool...

Scorpette I think the phrase you're looking for is "Ik wil een bietje poepje-neuken."

gin I have never weed on anyone either (to my knowledge) - but when I was working in a brothel a man asked me to.

I POAS this morning - babyfail. However I had 3 orgasms in quick succession which appeared more powerful than usual. I'm telling you all this because it was SEX for "fun" as opposed to SWI which was a novelty.

Right - I have a story for you. Got in touch with an old mate last night whom I sometimes ski with - I met him in Brussels in 2000. Anyway in 2001 he got together with one of the girls in our "gang", they both moved back to the UK and moved in together. The got married in 2008 and had never had sex. Yep, they'd shared a bed for ~6 years but every time he touched her she had histronics and refused to discuss the issue or even that she might have an issue. Yesterday he told me they're trying for a baybeeee. I reckon they'll conceive first time he places the yoghurt pot in her hands because this is twisted karma. They've not put the hours in like I have. I've shagged fahsands of men and never had a proper non-Wd40 pregnancy! How can you get pregnant if you won't touch a penis or use eurojizzney?

pony - and the difference between having him and scorpy is........?

gin I will be needing extra gin for 10th Nov (also etched on brain innit) so maybe that week we can get arseholed and branch out into tequila (makes me a bit fighty).

ha ha - BUMSEX - just like saying that and 'arseholed' reminded me...

ski that is mental... bet you right tho and they get babypass first time

I is considering giving it up till after christmas anyways. SWI that is... not sex - I will still be doing that.

Iggy Of course it's mental - we were all physically shaking him back in 2004 and saying you need to sort this out. You're right of course, they'll get a baybee by the end of the month. I think you should do something nice 10th Nov, take the day off and go out and cuddle your ponie and have lunch with the hubby. Cocktails 'n' tears or something. Why are you thinking about giving up the SWI? I must admit I keep feeling like that - because nothing is happening I'm questioning whether I should continue down this route or just buy lots of lovely things and go on adventure holidays & forget I ever wanted a baybee.

ski it's the old double bluff Am thinking the more I try the less sucess I have - so try 'not trying' until after Christmas and see if that works...

You might be right on the day off thing... I might take a long weekend and play ponies.

About 40 posts too late (coz I, err, like, sleep an stuff...) but congratulations to Aerie. Wow, this is obviously a magical gin palace where you only need to walk in to get preggoed... Hmmm, actually, I'm back on the "we're trying to make a what??? Errr, WHY???" line of thinking at the mo (and not even as a pretend double bluff) - tis all seeming tres scary again.... Yikes!

iggy double-bluff - yes, that would explain why figgy is still SWoI and lurking here despite last month claiming not to be doing this whole baybee thing anymore. A long weekend in good company with ponies is a good idea - the ponies always know the right thing to say.

longwee We're trying to move to a flat and I'm thinking what on earth am I doing contemplating a baybee which will scream and scream and scream. Although we've got a room in the cellar...

Howdeeee! Love what you've done with the place. But did you remember to pack our toys?

And did anyone bring David and the bar?

AND more importantly - did someone forget to bring Scorpy? You're gonna be in soooooo much trouble!

aerie also missed saying CONGRATS!!! Good one

skihorse "non-Wd40 pregnancy" "eurojizzney" OK I feel terribly newbieish now but WTF does this all mean?

Erm - how scientific are you lot being about this? There's lots of talk on the other threads about ovulation checking, etc, and in here it seems the theory is, pretend we're not trying to get a screamy thing and Oh My Goodness! I've just given birth.

Hey VAG! Happy for you Kim, very happy for Aerie.

Aerie you SWI'd and now you are updiffed! Eeeeeeekkkkkk, as I always say. Not that I'm a stalker but is it only your 3rd month of trying?

Further evidence that I'm (not)a stalker - I've found Skater. I clicked on recipe of the week and there she is - just not visiting us

Hi carrots - eurojizzney is where you go to get spunk if you don't have a man available. WD40 pregnancy = slippy uterus = miscarriage.

SWI = shagging with intent = TTC

BAD MOOD!!!!!

Our living room ceiling has water pouring through it. We are going to have to rip out the bathroom. Gggggrrrr and aaaargh and fuck.

VAG was thinking bout you yesterday,how are you my lovely??

scorp mr gin is the creative not me...he uses illustrator mostly I believe.

Our website is really not up to date,we got some cracking new stuff. The weenies will have their own world soon it is sooooo very cute (that's a seperate company,we are very busy.)

am so fucked off. Have a cold,no sleep,house flooded,work just crazy mental.

ig am up for the tequila,but not the poneeeeez. The 5th is our (unmarried) anniversary so we will probably be getting pissed doing something romantic anyway...

VAG i misread Dr Cox as Dr Fox just then... was very concerned!

Foxy would be shit psyhotherapist

Where is my fucking droid?!!!! Is now 3 days late... grrr

missing a 'c' in psycho there... hate shit spelling..

gin good you have nice plans - I haven't discussed it with my bloke yet... not sure - might pretend it never happended.. although that is bound to result in piteous wailing from me after a few gins...

ig don't worry we don't have actual plans I just tend to insist we do something on our anniversary. Nothing to do with the mc. And after all the bathroom destruction we may be eating beans from a can n sharing a bottle of strongbow.

By the way ig POAS fer fucksake

carrots We do take notice of our bodies, some temp, some FFJ (Fertile Fanny Juice to you!) - it's just that we have reached an age where we are well aware that heroin = bad, folic acid = good and bumsex = casper's domain. So we don't bore the tits off each other reciting facts that each and every one of us know. In fact I find those threads very insulting and I was ranting just last week at how a bunch of bimbos were patronising our iggy with "have you considered not being an alcoholic?" and "are you having sex when you ovulate?". I can't speak for the rest of you but me and jailbait lie in bed holding hands and praying to sweet baby jesus for a baybee.

(Jews for Jesus obv.)

I'm here, VAG, I'm here! Glad to know someone wants me

Cunty, if you're comparing my wafflings to the work of Charlie Brooker, then that is a compliment all the way, bebeh! Just hope you're not also saying I'm plug-ugly like him.

Carrots, Eurojizzney is my multi-million holiday park where quality eurospunk is available for all. After you've sat down and completed a 3-page tests on the correct use of apostrophes, that is, not into producing thickos, thank you v much. And here comes the science bit: a lot of us know all sorts of technical stuff, esp. the whole ovulation caboodle (I temp plus use OPK tests, etc. - which we call POK), and a few of us are having tests and treatments and so on, but we prefer black humour and molesting hunky celebs and fictional characters we have trapped in cages, so we don't go proper men-in-white-coats mad.

Gah, it's only D7 of my cycle - do I really have to wait another week at least till it's GOGOGO? Impatience is genetic - all babies are carried to 8 months on my Mum's side; can't be arsed to do 9, innit (possibly also cos all midgets).

Erm, Ski, could you elaborate on the whole 'worked in a brothel' thang? You can't drop summat like that into a convo and not explain further!

Gin - that's shit. Still, good to see you've got your priorities right: leaking ceiling? Gerron MN!

PS Ski - is there any other way to try for a baybee? I mean, apart from praying to other deities. We might also try some voodoo this Hallowe'en.

(You all think I'm joking, don't you? )