30s TTC - The BESH little gin palace in mumsnet

[idealcamel]

The bar is open and the ticking clock has been muffled for the duration...Come on in!

Curly's up the Oxo tower on Bournville Boulevard

No wonder casper had a babyfail. bumsex indeed. You know how the medical profession uses acronyms such as NFN and T.F. BUNDY? Well have you also heard of "backwards baby"? A result of bumsex. When the sperm leaks out of Mr. Spanky's hideaway and up the foo foo.

(NFN = Normal for Norfolk. T.F. BUNDY = Totally Fucked But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet)

Sod off you lot. I'm off to get it up the fanjo, so neh neh neh neh neh

You've admitted it now, Curly, no going back now. We don't judge you

skihorse mememe, I'm a pony girl. Admitedly I don't exactly - like - ride at the moment, in fact I haven't since a bad incident after my last experience which was a few weeks post-DS and I ended up weeing all over the saddle. I've been working on my kegels since I did ride up until I was about 3 months up-d'd but started peeing saddle then, too

Anyway, going back to babies!

Ok, you bunch of selfish hags, I am SO a selfish hag too. I mean, I work full time, I run my own company so didn't take any maternity leave - well just a couple of weeks - and I had him with me at work for the first year or so. I want another but I am mid 30s. Come on, I really am a selfish hag. Honestly.

Ohhh camping, that's what I need to do. I really want a af droid as my cycles haven't kicked in yet.

How long have you girls been BD and TTC? Background, pleeeeze

(Hands around G&T to all who wants it, lovely healthy smoothies to those who don't, and left over lovely cakes from yesterday's birthday party)

Oh, and baybee in tummy great idea. Baby out of tummy, bloody hard work!!!

Scorpette awkward, but valuable

Fucking hell, I'm going up to bed for some normal sex. It's all bumsex & weeing on saddles around here. Pit of filth with Scorps at the helm 'tuurlijk!

carrots You are a brilliant BESH! You did sport whilst diffed - including riding which is proven to kill children. Did you also ski? Run? Play volleyball? Did you eat Brie? Glass of wine or two? Did you refuse to spend 6 months with your feet up eating hobnobs just watching your arse expand? You must be desperate to get cracking on with number two so you can get stuck in to the licquorice!

As far as camping goes - the further you are from a flushing toilet the more likely you are to get the droid. Droids always show on the first day of camping and usually within 60 minutes of pitching the tent yet before locating bogroll.

la la la la la we can't hear you re: baby out. Around here we decided we'd just sneeze and the baby would land in our arms swathed in soft white cotton. How realistic is that?

ROFL @ Bumsex LOLOL

CurlyCasper's a pillow biter - all that fireman's hose, all that uniform and she can't even see it. BUMSEX BUMSEX BUMSEX.

skihorse oh GOOD I'm SO happy I'm a BESH!!

Not ski, can't do that (but would like to), run, no, volleyball no. Cycling yes, falling over lots yet, manual labour at work yes yes yes, eat brie totally. Glass of wine, god yes. My arse expanded even without the hobnobs .

oh LET me tell you what's it's like! Go on go on go on! Mind you, you all no doubt have lovely, supportive DPs. I had a shitty ex husband (well not ex at the time, for obvious sperm donating reasons) who changed his mind after UDing me (by mutual agreement), told me to get an abortion or he'd leave me, and then proceeded to ignore me and the child until I left him about 3 years ago. He's now up-d'd his GF and spent the first few months telling me how happy they both were, blissful, magical babies are gorgeous and so is she SLAP.

However I have a fantastic and wonderful hubby who really wants one of our own - but says if we can't, that's ok, as we already have my first. So that's my story.

Wondering if the weeing on the saddle was a bit too rude for you ladies

carrot mate you sound fairly beshy to me. How old is your small person? Mine is...erm.. what's the date.... coming up to 21 months now. I did get pg with no 2 aaaaages ago (would've been due 5th nov,nit that it's etched on my brain or anything..) but had missed mc which was a pile of hideous arse.

Anyway. We DO NOT baby dance round here. We shag,screw, or fuck (most of us aim for the right hole as a rule)

also while on the subject,no babydust unless it's in fat lines on a mirror.

I POASed tonight. Twat,me???? I blame aerie for getting me all excited.

Mate I have been to places frequented by the sort of people who wee on other people or like to be weed upon. A little leakage on a saddle is innocent in comparison

I have never had nor given a golden shower.

But why on earth not?

cunty you are one of the least innocent people on this thread. And that damns you,it really does.

ginhag I was joking . I kinda figured it was rather mild for you bunch!

I like this thread. See nothing wrong with being dustie (specific use of the wrong spelling, it looks sweeter LOL) and dancie, but at the same time telling it how it is just makes one feel better, what.

Mine is five, just. Party yesterday. So sorry to hear about your MC. That is, as you say, extremely arse-hideous-pile.

Right, off to spend time with DH but wanting to know more about my fellow BESHERS.

gin I learnt everything I know from you! And scorpio obviously.

Hey rotty don't you be giving gin all the MC sympathy. She tries to lap it up she really does . Me and ski and queen bess have also suffered this hideous fate on account of our uteri being coated in Vaseline. Don't let her come smarmying round you like a hungry feline just cos you is da new kid innit...

Gin's got a VIP Member's Pass to the Torture Garden and I'm the perv, ski? All that neuken in de keuken has addled your brain And fanjo.

Carrots, I can't compare my Ex to yours (sounds an absolute tool, grrr ), but I was with my Ex for 7 years, during which he was an emotionally abusive bastard who never wanted sex, who kept lying saying we could try for kids 'soon', but in fact never wants kids. I don't think screeching 'you've stolen my best child-bearing years from me!!!' at him when I dumped the useless cunt was OTT at all; quite restrained, I feel. Now I have TYF (27), who is fabulous and sexalicious in every way and really wants to be a Dad, so fingers crossed. Uxoriousness would describe our situation. We've been together for nearly 3 years, but this is only our 4th month of TTC. That doesn't stop me panicking it'll never happen (am nearly 37). Hence my 'mental' tag .

cuntcuntcunt.... I did 3 months of vomitting and early nights. And 2 fucking operations. Etc etc. I never ask for sympathy you beeeeeeeatch.

So fuck you. Although I really don't want to steal the mc crown as it is shit,was shit for all of us.

Anyway,fancy a shower?

No scorp my lovely, your 'mental' tag is cos you is...erm... mental

gin swiftly produces the various kidnapped menfolk to appease scorperooni... and a bottle of absinthe for the lovely,tho rather feisty,cuntycuntchops

ummm... I appear to have my dressing gown stuck to my armpits, otherwise I would gin, I would.

And you are right re mcing, of course. However I am a big advocate of black humour. Tears of a clown and all that

cunty that sounds exactly like the birth my bf just had. She was still saying 'sorry to bother you but this is a bit painful now and for some reason I keep wanting to push...' finally persuaded them to examine her (think they thought she was being daft as only in early labour)

checking to see how dilated she was (expecting virtually not at all) the midwife was surprised to find the babber's head,on it's way out.

Was so fast,other bf (the daddy) missed it and only arrived when buns was already in arms. Approx 2 hrs labour, most of which she didn't actually realise was labour! Coooool!

Re- black humour...yep approve of it totally. Just hit a nerve. Y'know,due date n all that shit.

Can I watch you two have angry lezzy make-up sex in the shower? For research purposes only. Yes, that's it. Research purposes.

I'm not mental, I'm just thenthitive.

And mental.

Actually, I'm quite upset everyone has designated me the 'mental one'. Does being eccentric and a worrier make me mental? Oh, it does? Sorry, as you were.

You lot is all mental. Am the only sane one round here.

Can't believe we already have one updiffment and one corrupted newbie this thread. It is auspicious. Soon we will all be pregnant and smug. Fact.

By the way,when bf was saying 'sorry to bother you...' she was wandering off to find a midwife as was still on the ward and not officially In Labour. In fact wasn't due to be checked on for another 3 hours!

Didn't even get todeliverysuite,gave birth on the ward.

She has said since 'why did I keep smiling???they even said to me that i couldn't be in labour cos I wouldn't be smiling at them' !!!!

She doesn't like tomake a fuss bless her. She did have a paracetomol at one point though