30s TTC - The BESH little gin palace in mumsnet

[idealcamel]

The bar is open and the ticking clock has been muffled for the duration...Come on in!

oh the old 'sperm meets egg plan' - yep - tried that one...

Damn... thought it was worth a go. Never heard of it before. Ho hum. Onto the next load of claptrap sage advice.

poo didn't mean to sound negative is fine - am sure it works - but I am babyfail BESH so do not compare yourself to me

Damn... thought it was worth a go. Never heard of it before. Ho hum. Onto the next load of claptrap sage advice!

Oh, so it's like THAT, is it, Pigsy?

Unthanks for the link, Poosmell - " most sperm will only last about two hours if you do not have fertile-quality cervical mucus for it to swim in" has cheered me up no end. NOT.

I like to be unclear on some things as it makes 2WOOFLing so much more magical. It's like still believing in Santy Klaws

scorps is prob for best - people will think you odd clutching a pic of a woman with a knife being taken to her head...

Yes but surely we all have fantastic high-quality cm due to the grapefruit juice?

Yes, especially as I am living in the crawl space in your attic and watching you all the time anyway. Who needs a picture?

That smep thing is really fucking patronising and annoying. I already fuck my bf more than "is necessary" as per fertility experts. I feel it's patronising because HELLFUCKINGO - is it really NEWS that you need to have sex around OV? Fucking wanky cunts. And fuck the fucking idiots for whom this is a fucking surprise.

I fucking hate grapefruit juice. I would genuinely go the raw eggwhite route before I necked some of that shit.

Ski - you do know that the fucking idiots for whom this is a surprise are the ones who get updiffed without even knowing/trying, don't you

Perhaps a light lobotomy is the only way forward...

I'm so desperate I'd try anything once. Have to stick a carrot up your arse and spin round 3 times whilst singing showtunes? Ok, if you say so..

Scorps I know - they don't even have sex. The just open up "Baby and parenting" during their lunchbreak run around WH Smiths and there you go - diffed. Then their dumb-arse cunting friends say "here's to the next 9 months" and I find myself screaming silently: Why, is she going to be pregnant for 10 months in total? CUNTS!

Btw, haven't we got some tall ladies on this thread who I'm delighted have found tall gentleman callers? I flat-shared at uni with a girl who was 6'4" and wouldn't date anyone shorter.

Oh and this may come as a surprise to some of you , but I've just had a "wee turn". I'd read up on adoption in England previously and I'm oot due to too old/fat/white/middle-class etc., so I thought I'd look at adoption in Scotland. First page I stumble across starts moaning about dogs. Because obviously a little boy would rather be in an orphanage getting fiddled by a priest than getting snogged by a jackapoo. If I move back to Belgium I can get an African one... (fo shiz, they steals them*)

*Disclaimer: Obviously this cannot be proved, I'm only going on anecdotal evidence.

scorps Share with extreme? Well where exactly was she last night when you needed some hot and wet tongue groping?

Pony - filming it for me and her to watch together later. C'mon, don't act like you didn't know.

Ski, that's only because all the native Belgian children are locked in underground paedo cellars.

Too near the knuckle?

scorps But I feel so dirty. What is this doing to my self esteem? I'm having flashbacks to bad relationships where I just can't stay away...

ski Ignore that rubbish about the dogs. Just assume it's like rental property adverts. i.e. every single rental advert I've ever seen says 'no smokers, no dogs' yet my (renting) neighbour is a chain smoker with two dogs and a cat. My advice: just tick 'no dogs' on the form and then say you got the dog after the adoption papers were signed. Sorted! As far as I know, acquring a dog is not grounds for social services to remove your child.

Pony I think I'm just having a moment, we know I can get diffed. Just chatting to jailbait about what we did "different" that month - and it was that we had sex every single day of my cycle. But of course we're moving house next week. What did the old romantic say? "We can do that, we don't have to have enjoyable sex..." Don't worry sweetheart - no danger of that!

Hello Beshes and all the newbies! Blimey - you've been a talkative bunch in this thread.

Thanks for all the good wishes and friendly acts of violence oh, about 900 posts ago - you guys are the only ones apart from my DH who are "in" on the secret mwah ha ha. You need to stop the chit chat so there can be time for another differ from this thread - who is 2WOOLFing? Waspy I think is 14 DPO - POAS girl before the thread count goes tooooo faaarrr.

All this talk of baybeeez is making me stick my fingers in ears and go "la la la can't hear you". The goal was to get me updiffed, now thats happened, I'm in denial about the rest. Sorry ladies, I'm not trying to be insensitive, but it all seems so unreal at the moment. I'm off to find you all on FB.

Aaargh and I just called you all "ladies" and I fucking HATE being referred to in that way . Smacks self around head with a wet flannel.

Hey aerie

Shit, Aerie is right - you're our only differ this thread. Someone better get a BFP in the next few days (I'm looking at YOU, Waspy). BTW, how's it going, fAerieliquid?

Yippee - TYF has come home early and horny. If you don't hear from me for a bit, you'll know what I'm doing (praying to teh baybee Jebus, of course)

Now, one last time - are you all SURE it's foofoo not hanky hole?

scorps I would try both, just in case?

Scorpette as if any of us would know. I did hear though that Aerie did it up the hanky hole and it oozed through - whose OH was it said that? Was it polly's?