30s TTC - The BESH little gin palace in mumsnet

[idealcamel]

The bar is open and the ticking clock has been muffled for the duration...Come on in!

Longwee, that could just be what comes out and there's plenty lurking inside. I don't get loads coming out but if I 'investigate', there's a decent amount inside. Also, I would suggest using a penis instead of a window.

I'll get me coat.

Bessie - ah, but there will be tonight; I have decreed it. POK = YES. Pants = snotty. Broken cock = mended. Chocks away, chaps! What what!

TCOYF recommends squirting some actual egg whites up one's flange to achieve the same results. I say the result will be babyfail with added salmonella of the cervix.

Hmm, I didn't really like the idea of the egg whites but prob better than Grapefruit juice (even the pink sort).

Long I agree with Scorp (oooh did I put that in writing ) that you prob have more going on. However, according to the bible according to TCOYF wimmin over 30ish can sometimes only have one day of it and therefore one chance. Or, use pre-seed (or egg whites!) a few days before, too, to mean there's more available for the big day. Everyone only has a 24 hour or so window to actually catch the diff, but more snotty stuff for a few days before catches the sperm, as it were.

Oh and casper jeeeezz... what a way to spend a day. It will be full of people who thought they were perfectly healthy until they wandered in there looking for the Ski Show or something and will suddenly end up "wondering" which quickly leads to "stressing"

carrots That's where my expertise will come in. I'll take these sobbing women to one side and say "look luv, everything happens for a reason [tm], how about a nice ski holiday instead?" and then sell them a pair of skis/boots and of course the wonderful thing about ski hols is that there are rarely baybeeez on show.

I think a fertility show is a revolting idea, it's playing on people's desperation. For sure we should hijack it.

Bessie You're not wrong - like that bloody fertility monitor thing where they offer a money-back guarantee. Cunts.

I don't know. I've seriously got mixed feelings. Initially I thought it was just that, bessie, but then I suppose that really, people find their information from wherever they can.

Some people choose the Internet, others books. Isn't this just the same? Giving people the information they need to take control of their own bodies?

If you're someone who doesn't want to know, then you don't have to go. Me, I'm always interested in what's going on with me and how things are working (or not). Doctors seldom give me enough information without me pushing them, and I am much more keen on being an educated patient that one who just lets things happen.

My friend, on the other hand, is totally the opposite. She really doesn't want to know. And if it doesn't work, then so be it - maybe she's more accepting of "life" than I am.

Roll up, roll up, sessions on sorting out your fertility for a mere pound a pop! (plus £8 entry fee)

Seminars include (and I jest ye not): "How to Get Pregnant"

So it appears many more women are flummoxed by the Mr Hanky v Foo Foo dilemma.

I suggest a session on "The impact of Gin, The Great Outdoors, Business Presentations and butterdish related incidents on the formerly sane psyche of childless women in their 30s". Free bottle of Blue Sapphire with every seat reservation. Mindless violence available for additional charge.

"Sometimes nature needs a helping hand" - the actual event catchline.

PMSL casper

Plus no end of what I can only imagine is badscience: "testing your ovarian reserve", "calculating your chances", "DIY guide to assessing your own fertility".... OMG a PREGNANCY CALCULATOR! Whatever that is I'm sure it involves dividing by the number of gins you've drank in your life....

casper superbly bad catchline. Ewww.

I am sure that "How to get pregnant" will not include willies and diagrams and things (eww eww). But maybe I'm being a bit nice there .

carrots I think you're being a little naive, I think "how to get pregnant" WILL include a lecture on winky/foo-foo and ovulation. {hrolleyes} I also think there will be anecdotals entitled "How I fell pregnant when I least expected it" following ChoCho's Relaxandit'llhappen technique.

I'll go if they're giving away baybees in a goody bag.

LOL ski @ anecdotes. That would be horrible.

Maybe I am being naiive shrug. On the other hand I am amazed at how many people don't know they can only get pregnant a few days in the month so maybe this is information they need to have.

TBH I don't really care as I'm not going and I just hope it's worthwhile for those who do, and not some seriously hard-core you haven't got pregnant? You've been trying for HOW LONG? A WEEK???? Jeeeeezuz girl you need to come and spend squillions with me at my Harley Street clinic so I can "fix" you which I suspect, looking at the list of exhibitors, is likely to happen .

Ahem, sorry, I meant "naiive shrug "

carrots I went to school with a girl who thought you couldn't wash your hair during your droid - and that you couldn't get pregnant standing up. She has now two children with vastly pretentious names... I told her of my TTC woes. She told me to "relax and it'll happen".

I worry about the Harley St clinic stuff too. It's not guarantee either is it? You could spend faahsands and still end up with a chihuahua in a babygro.

ski that's really sad (the washing hair thing) and it's really frustrating how ignorant people are. I don't mean that in a horrible way, but in the literal meaning.

"Relax and let it happen" is as useful as Cho's post about someone saying that the MC was "probably for the best". Clearly she doesn't know that relaxing ain't gonna fix some brokes - or she just doesn't know what else to say sigh .

She was undoubtedly the most intelligent girl in school and now has 3 degrees and her claim to fame was being on the winning team of "University Challenge" - so I'm amazed her logic never questioned that.

Oh well as far as "relax and let it happen" goes - it happened to two couples she knows. fang-ewe!

Ski, you say 'chihuahua in a babygro' like it's a bad thing.

IS dead, I mean. Hot damn!

My Mum says 'relax it'll happen' - I say, 'Mother, you were 23 when you got pregnant with me and 27 with my brother, so gimme a break'.

scorp

OK to change the subject, I was reading in TCOYF that to conceive a girl you should shag up to a day or so before you ovulate, and for a boy you should do it right on the ovulation day.

Now I have a gorgeous boy and clearly just want another baby, healthy, blah blah but if I'm totally and absolutely honest I am reeeeeally tempted to "try" for a girl.

Now clearly, a) by doing this I may miss the window and b) I'm prob being very selfish to want more than just the minimum of babe-in-tum. But, you know, I'm an honest kinda gal and I really do want a girlie baby!

Thoughts, laydeez, pleeeze.

carrots Just concentrate on the baybee... then if it goes the wrong way bring it up as a girl and you too could be the proud mother of a Lauren Harris in years to come.

Scorpette Bless him, still it's easier to acquire and assemble than a sex-swing.

ski fair point, good plan. I did get rid of DS's baby clothes so need to buy new ones - may as well buy pink then!

Hey BESHalinas

what's the buzz, tell me what's a' happenin

no? I'll get my coat...

scorps do you want the evil monitor? You don't have to - is mad making