Mid 30s TTC - Simply The BESH... BESHer than all the rest!

[Scorpette]

Come on in, ladies. I've had a widescreen telly installed and there's a big cupboard full of 80s teen movies if anyone's interested. New and more secure cages for our prey are being delivered soon. There's a big picture of a desert over the bar, a loudly ticking clock in the corner and bowls of raisins, currants and sultanas on every table; everything the discerning BESH could ask for...

Funny, have never seen 'Cheese string' as an updiff symptom in any of the books before now. But it sounds mucus-plug-forming-esque.

Leave Pony's muffins alone (fnarr, fnarr) - I love baking too. I am going to be brave now and admit that I like Cath Kidston. SO THERE! I made TYF spend ages in the C K Shop when I was down in Brighton - the stuff they have for kids is redonkulously adorable. I want a lovely Cath Kidston changing bag-thingy when I have a baby and also have my eye on the red spotty C K Maclaren buggy in John Lewis too. Erm, not that I have been wandering round baby departments looking at stuff with swirly eyes, sticking my flabby gut out so I look vaguely pg and not like a crazed BESH, perish the thought.

You are right about camping and R2D2. When the eclipse was happening years ago, my and my Ex went camping down Cornwall to get an optimum viewing experience. My period had only finished less than a week before we set off and I shit you now, it started again on the 2nd day of the stay. Mind you, I think this is cos I am genetically incompatible with 'roughing it' and hate camping, like my folks/entire family. Never again.

PS I think Boden is the work of the devil. Is that any consolation?

PPS LOOK AT IT!!! www.cathkidston.co.uk/p-13573-cath-kidston-maclaren-spot-red-buggy.aspx

Yeah, I've only just bothered to read the bit properly about inserting a link. [JD emoticon]

Well the books don't have cool acronyms or alternative words - but that doesn't make them wrong! Yes, from my understanding it's all very "mucal plug" and the yellow in colour is not unknown. We shall see anyway over the course of the weekend.

I shall not comment on your buggy except to say it's way too cheap - my colleague just spent 900 euros on a buggy (was 1100 in NL, she went to DE). Her buggy probably does wheel spins, makes her a coffee and breast feeds the baby whilst wanking off her husband too. I'd expect it to at that price anyway.

ha ponymum is hiding in shame - muffin lady. It was a big lie anyway, I read the recipe and it went like this:
6oz carrots
6oz apples
8oz bran

That's not a fucking muffin recipe that's Dobbin's dinner!

You certainly have got it covered ski - nice one!

I have to say, my camping efforts will be a but half-arsed - it's a mass gathering in someone's garden, so will have many home comforts. And it's preceded by a night in a nice hotel Not sure where that lands me in the R2 stakes.

Dobbin's dinner muffins don't take my fancy. I'll stick to wine and chocolate thanks

What can I say? I'll admit it, I posted a recipe. I know it's nerdy and mumsy, but I mentioned the muffins on another thread and someone said, please let me have the recipe. Then the bastards lovely people at MNHQ decided to put it on the front page! And they added that rubbish about the school gates. As uf! Sooo embarassed.

The thing is, I am sure that if you have paid attention you have figured out that there are two sides to Ponymum. There's the cocktail-loving slag (how did you know?) and there's the still strange fact that I am actually a mummy to a giggly little baby girl. A giggly little girl who I desperately want to give a sibling to, if that's possible before my aged and decrepit form shuts down for good. I just figure it's not really polite to talk about that life too much in the palace. Until the bloody recipe police outed me. Hmmph!

Speaking of decrepit ovaries etc., I had a sneaky look over at the ante-natal clubs yesterday - they are packed to the brim with women our age who aren't making any fuss about their age. I suppose the key is that the majority are expanding their families rather than start them. How is it we don't see them around here wailing?

Ponymum I did wonder about the school gates - but just naturally assumed that your PFB was a gifted genius...

I love Cath Kidston too! I do! I often lurk in the Covent Garden shop in my lunch hour. [clearly not cool emoticon} And I also make a rather wonderful chocolate brownie. But other than that it's gin all the way for me.

I leave the scrumptious brownie making to my other half - yes, he's a fireman and he can cook and bake very well. I'm a lucky gin slag in that respect. Now for that little matter of him getting me diffed....

(no news and day of hell at work is about to begin)

I have no idea about Cath Kidston & am pretty rubbish in the kitchen. Does that make me the cool dude in the palace?

Actually, I'm jealous of people who can knock out a muffin (so to speak) at a moments notice. Like my sister. She's just taken to also growing her own fruit, & has made some fab blueberry, & raspberry & white chocolate muffins

Not a lot going on here. Think for the first month I may have taken my temps correctly & seen a definite surge. OK, I "surged" this morning only, so I may be getting a bit over-excited.

However, if I have surged this morning, that means I ov'd over the past few days, right? Which means we've had a spectacularly timed shag or two, so I'm feeling positive.

The boyf's wank-in-a-pot results aren't back, grrr. The hospital said 1 week at the most, its now been 9 days. Then we saw on the news post strikes have affected people by missing hospital appointments as notice in the post - wondering if the boyf's results are in some sorting office en route to the doctors.

Nothing else of note happening here. Thank fuck its Friday - vodka shots all round!

cossy good luck for today, thinking of you. It its any consolation when I was made redundant in a previous life, the last day was FABULOUS. Everyone made a huge fuss, I was treated like a princess for the day. I obviously did cock all work, went to the pub for a 2 hour lunch, staggered around the office all afternoon - they would hardly sack me, would they? - then back to the pub after work. I was still in my office suit dancing on a table at 2 am the following morning! So take a deep breath & take the opportunity to destroy files & tell people what you really think, x

curly good luck for your work day of hell too.

Thanks laurie and good luck too to cos looking forward to your last day tales

Morning all. I sodded off early yesterday, met a mate for coffee and then went to the pub with a load of people from TGO's work.

Today, we are about to have bacon sarnies, and then I'm off to pick something up for a friend, and then we are off to lunch, so I don't think a massive amount of work will be done

And then I'm dole scum.

And then tomorrow we fly to Itleeeeeeee for a week.

Oooh cosmo's going to have a mediterranean-looking baybeee! Won't TGO be suspicious? I hope you enjoy your last day and don't you dare do any work at all - they're being mean to you - although obviously you've won on the redundancy money/new job front anyway but that's not the point!

Pony, I have no problem with your muffins, mine are similar

Am drooling at VAG's brownies (does that sound like something to do with rimming?)

Good luck to Curly for day of hell and good luck to Cosmo (and her nice 'boots', heh heh) on her last day as a power bitch

Welcome to my world - I'm watching This Morning whilst still in me jimjams (black and white spotty with plum velvet trim and plum heart-shaped buttons: Tesco's finest!). They're talking about 'Sex Matters' at the mo - some tattooed woman is on about 'loss of libido'. Incidentally, I will stab anyone who says 'libido' on here, as 'libido' is the Freudian term for the male sex drive, as he believed women had no sex drive and just derived a sort of resigned pleasure at satisfying their husbands.

I'm feeling really pedantic today - just left a very dull rant on the Hallowe'en thread, cos Christian thickos do my head in (as do non-thick Christians, but that's a different matter).

Have been temping but it's gone down the last 2 days - is this a dip before it peaks for OV, or is it that it's just been a lot colder the last 2 days? I need your advice, seasoned temp-ers! I always sleep with my legs out of the bed, so that could be affecting my overall temp, as it's colder (I have a rare form of restless legs syndrome - as soon as I start to get sleepy, my legs feel red-hot and as though they're on fire, although they are completely normal and even cold to the touch). Aaaargh, the madness, the madness!

Talking of madness, I have reached the nadir of TTC paranoia - the cut on the palm of my hand is on the fatty bit under my little finger: right by where the 'child lines' are according to Palmistry and it looks like a line cutting them off, so had brief flurry of abject madness worrying if this is a 'sign' of childlessness. Shoot me now.

Right, have written far too much as per. Am going to attempt a cleverclogs KungFu splits-in-the-air double kick at C and C for their crap work days ahead... AIIIEEYAHHH! Ooooof! I've busted me fanny! Quick, get me Dr House and Dr Cox - STAT!

Kath Kidson, shudder. I'm with Pony on this one. Hate KKK (klunk) with a vengeance.
Is this some sort of muffin vs KK debate? A bit like The Specials vs Wham, but for 30 somethings.

OK, so what is the deal with temping? I mean, taking vag temps, as opposed to doing a bit of typing.

Me, I vaguely know that day 14 is important in ze cycle of bodily lurve fluids. Hence, before last month I therefore avoided all cunty-cunt shagging around that time (so, really, last month was the first month of 'trying', which makes me feel better, old crone that I am).

Scorpy fascinating about Freud. AND I am also in my PJs ha ha ha - 11.54. Genius! Although I am actually attempting to get some work done.

kim well just to confuse things it's not necessarily day 14. It's end-of-cycle minus 14. So if your cycle is 35 days then your ShagOfDoom will be 21. How's your cervix?

I hate KK for all it represents in the sense of 1000s of deluded twattos running around South-East england thinking they're original - wheras in actual fact a nip to BHS would actually have shown a little more initiative.

Scorpette I am not yet as far as palm reading, but I am prepared to cross a gypsy's palm with silver if she'll steal me a baybeee.

scorpie I see your ttc temping madness and I raise you an imaginary deadly serious chronic anti-updiffment ovary affliction.

I think we are the same cycle day so I have been stalking your progress as we both go mad temping (stalking = huge compliment, btw). My problem is my temperatures are all very low and half of them are way off the bottom of the chart. WTF? Then I found the following: Hypothyroidism aka 'Long Infertile Cycles'. Symptoms are (1) unusually long cycles [check], (2) extended periods of fertile quality cervical fluid [check, at least I have always been a very 'wet' girl with the opposite problem from ever needing lube IYKWIM so I think that qualifies], (3) low basal body temps [check check fuckety check!]

So clearly I have this. I can't go to GP today as it would completely fuck up my day when I am frantically trying to organise a gazillion things before going on holiday (oh, and spending vital time on MN of course). Apparently the treatment is iodine. So I am a decrepit wizened old hag with goitre now!!

SOOO angry that nobody ever picked this up when I complained of my cycle problems before. I gave a year of detailed dates to the stupid (ex) GP who just shrugged and looked embarrassed and suggested I look on the internet. All that time 'wasted' ttc DD and now the clock ticking is the only noise I can hear. I really do feel like I am going mad. Not just jokey mad, really nutty and desperate. Help.

kimmy What ski said about the minus 14 days thing. So unless you have a perfect 28 day cycle adjust for short or long cylces. Or join the madness of those of us charting temperatures and studying gloopy vag juice each day in a pseudo-scientific attempt to find the Bingo! day.

And please note you put the thermomenter in your mouth before you get out of bed in the morning. Remember: thermometer->mouth, cock->vag. Not the other way around. Keep up!

So Pony, well, since coming off the pill, I've kept an eye on dates. Amazingly, discovered that I do have 28 day cycs (s/times give or take a day). But who knows if this is good or bad - have 'googled' "regular cycles not ovulating" and plenny comes up...

He he - I did wonder where the thermometer goes. So what's the cunting deal? When the time is right, your temp goes up by a deg, or just a bit, or wot? Are you really supposed to keep cuting records? Boring!

Yes, I am mid 30s, with a PhD (albeit in a stoopid subject) and I don't have a cunting clue. ...Daily Mail would love this. Are they publishing stuff from mumsnet?
PS Have inserted 'cutings' around my message just in case.

cuntings bleeding cunty cunt slag

I have a 28 day cycle and when I wasn't TTC, it came on D10-12, so early, but now we are TTC, it seems to be coming whenever it likes. Think it's playing hide and seek - you know how kids sometimes think adults are playing when they're trying to get them to do summat? It's like that.

Kim, I hope your future offspring don't inherit your Tourette's

PS What's your PhD in/on? Can't get funding for mine so am v

and cunting records. Tssch, can't spell.

Was overwhelmed cos ventured onto another thread about weebles or something. Tis very depressing out there. I think we need to bring back the joy, the love, the muffins.

OK, and talking about mystic meg hand- cuttings scorps. I have this karmic power. I do, really. And I am verily casting it freely upon this beshtest of threads, so that all of us get pg or loads of sex, depending on what we really want... so when all of you now get pg by the end of this thread, you all owe me (a) a big muffin and (b) half a dozen Kir Royals and a dozen oysters.

Namaste. Ommm. Bis millah. Andddd Wham Bam, I am a man, job or no job, I am a man. Back to work.