Mid 30s TTC - Simply The BESH... BESHer than all the rest!

[Scorpette]

Come on in, ladies. I've had a widescreen telly installed and there's a big cupboard full of 80s teen movies if anyone's interested. New and more secure cages for our prey are being delivered soon. There's a big picture of a desert over the bar, a loudly ticking clock in the corner and bowls of raisins, currants and sultanas on every table; everything the discerning BESH could ask for...

Thank the lord we're talking about cock and not cervix's for once! How bizarre though that he wouldn't look - too right, if I were bleeding profusely from "somewhere" in the vague direction I'd have my feet in stirrups and jailbait shining a flashlight in/at my nethers. Has the mystery been resolved in the cold light of day?

I am livid - I was just getting my work PC sorted out ready to go for today when there was an almighty kerfuffle downstairs - my landlord was trying to get in the back door! He's got someone round to investigate leaks/heating due to my crazy bills which is fine - but do you want to tell me first you're coming round? I am l.i.v.i.d! - they know jailbait is away obviously and figured I'd be at work. I sent him off for 10 minutes whilst I hid the sextoys.

I rang him at work and in hushed tones hiding in the toilet he said there was a tiny nick in the fren and it was already healing, it doesn't hurt and so long as it doesn't hurt too much when SWIing, it's not going to put him off. Am relieved, as he often freaks out over stuff, but he's being very stoic about this. Good for him. I feel like I ought to delete the comment really (cold light of day, feel guilty about writing about his manhood like that) - how do you delete things?

Farkin landlord. It's illegal in the UK for them to come round without telling you and agreeing the time (as you prolly know). Am interested to know how many and what type of sex toys require 10 whole mins of tidying away

Feel like am building up to OV - was hoping it'd come early, but maybe waiting a few days would be good for 'Mr TYF Jr.' ....

am feeling slightly faint at the tales of blood and gore.

Lines up rounds of restorative martinis.

Gawd it's all happening here - Scorpy's TYF injured during sex, ski's all gloopy and curly has a fat appendix. We need a medical opinion.

So, ever happy to help, I have installed Dr Cox in a "medical room" just off the lounge, past the bar, and Dr House in a glass office over there. Both are stripped to the waist. Neither are in a good mood.

Um, I just need to pop over there as I have a erm thing I need a medical opinion on. Dr Cox seems to have an appointment free just now.

It is against the rules too here Scorpette which is getting me very about it all. We're "trying" to serve notice right now to move out and they're kicking off because we signed a 2-year contract. They signed a contract saying they wouldn't just walk in to the house either... so wtf?

Heh! Nice new pad. Delicious raisins. Here are some hazelnuts.

Scorpy - sorry to hear about your duvet.

TYF (does that stand for what I think it stands for - coming over all young fuck prudish now), anyway, TYF will recover fast I think.

Similar cock-ripping thing happened to ex boyf many years ago. In a field, by a country house, in the summer. Ahh them wuz the days.

Am now on the two wolf wait thingy. But negligible shagging in the Deal household. So not cutting back on any bad habits or etc. Oooh, so that = guaranteed pg, right.

As does going to Denmark for holiday - get over there Ski.
See this news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/8258473.stm

Oh, that's where you all went. And you took the boytoys. Still, they all seem to be present and correct with everything in the right place...

Am knackered. Have head full of useless fluff rather than useful brain. Spent all of yesterday standing up presenting while wearing enormo heels and now everything hurts. Whine (wine?) moan complain.

How's everyone else?

Hmmm. Is v quiet here. Perhaps should not have mentioned about the doctors...

am too grumpy to be chatty.

Did Dr Cox not cheer you up?

You should have seen how grumpy I was before I visited Dr C!

Cosmosis You shouldn't be grumpy - you should be too busy shredding vital documents to be grumpy! You should be doing the can-can around the office and hiding prawns in the back of filing cabinets and the like.

Does anyone know what the DM has filched from MN this week? Also, a warning to you all - be careful out there on "other" threads - I'm like this with the levels of stupidity sometimes!

Why are you still there, cossy? just go to the pub/home!

Ooh she must have gone...unless she's consulting Dr Cox again.

"Cock-obsessed that one."

Are we all having fun? I want to know all the exciting stuff you've been getting up to today. I need your stimulation.

I done nuffink. Work has been slow and boring and I've basically just worried non-stop about TYF's cock being out of action when I'm about to ovulate It might be a little scratch/rip, but surely shagging before it's 100% healed up will tear it even further? BAH! Is it hysterical wrong that I've even considered asking him to have a gentle hand shandy then I squirt the whiteweewee up me chuffchuff with that horrible Preseed baster thingy? No? Yes?

Watchoo bin up to then? And why's Cosmo got her grump on? Is it cos no-one's told her she's been walking round with her skirt tucked in her knickers?

PS Kim, hush your filthy mind - TYF stands for The Young Fella, that's all. Honest!

Oy, VAG, my nips not good enough for ya?

Highlight of my day was trying mini hob nobs for the first time. Like Mini Cheddars, but tastier!

Sure TYF junior will heal up soon scorp. Otherwise he'll just have to suffer. This SWI stuff is a serious business.

No news here. off home to Scotland tomorrow night!

Oh my god Ponymum you SQUARE! Our very own Ponyslag is in the mumsnet email with a recipe for muffins - wtf? Have I entered a parallel universe? Where the fucking fuck is the "How about a nice large mojito to steady yourself for the school gates?" Muffin my arse! I'm shocked.

Casper Will you be able to relay any good news to us when you're home? I really have my finger's crossed for you.

Thanks ski - for both outing ponyslag ( love it!) and for rooting for me. I really don't know what's happening. Will probably start my period the minute we put the tent up. That being the way things go. I should be packing right now but really cannot be arsed!

Any developments your end? thinking we should be getting TTFTs together

Casper From what I've read in our BESH threads, camping could make Dot Cotton get R2D2 - it's something about the smell of nylon and lack of hot water bottle/24 hour chocolate facilities/bog.

My symptoms have all but disappeared today although I'm not feeling pre-menstrual which is good. I am very hopeful in light of my cheesestring last night - and of course the fact that if I were to fall pg this month I would be 7.5 months pregnant when my friends go skiing AND 2010 would be pretty much over from an eventing pov. This would cover all bases I think.

...cheesestrings. Twill be pink sweatshirts, cupcakes AND slagging muffins next. OOOh, actually, mmmmm: muffffins, I like.
Mr Deal is cooking Beeeg Stylie. We need to get those men working, eh.