To TTC or not to TTC, that is the question... as Hamlet sort of said about something else entirely

[CHW]

Hi,
Had few glasses of wine and have spent large part of the evening on this site. I am in two minds about a baby - or really, at the age of 35 (but Type 1 diabetic which can complicate thingss) and really ought to make a decision about whether to have a family or not.
I worry about cost, the changes it will make to our lives and, well, if I am actually just happy as I am. Me and DH discussed going for it, so to speak, sometime after the start of Aug (as did the London Triathlon before then so couldn't before then) and decided we would once the triathlon was out the way. Now it is and we are both stalling. But it is playing on both our minds - in the do we, or don't we way.

My babyometer keeps going haywire - any tips or things for me to also consider which may help us make a decision. I am also wondering if we are simply analysing things too much but beeing diabetic makes things more complicated (ie they need to be planned, in an ideal world at least.) Any help or food for thoughts would be MASSIVELY appreciated!

I don't think it is girlie at all, in fact I think it's a wonderful WONDERFUL idea! He loves things like that! When we we together I made him a collage of all his friends (this might sound a bit naff but, as the pics all had borders and worked well together) in various situations with cut out quotes from magazines. He loved it so much he nearly cried - this will be the same, but different! Fabulous - thank you! I'll get the images sent (and try and get as many people as I can possibly can!) and then do something with it. I am quite good at this kind of thing so I think I can make it work - funny but inspiring, yippee!

That coil thread sounds revolting. In fact, after remembering the experience, I am off the ideas of coils altogether! Yes, it's a wing and prayer for me every time by the looks of things!

Thanks for welcoming me. Sorry to butt into your thread like that. Good Luck all of you. I may pop back if I can remember where to find you.

Just emailed all his (well, our) friends and now going to try and get hold of his friends I don't know (work colleagues and things) - thanks again!

No probs - good luck with it!

Have emailed about 100 people (about a third individually) to send pics, thanks again! Am really excited! Know this is really fucking weird, and I obviously wouldn't share this with the masses, but am thinking a pic of S, on canvas (if not too expensive, the canvas that is) of his face but when you look closer it's the people with the messages. I say really weird (or even wrong) but this was the inspiration here Like I said, I think it might be best to keep the inspiration to myself!

Off to bed now, feeling a lot more positive as have something to focus on, thanks again HP SP! x

a suggestion following from the above- how about a calendar with a different photo or picture for each month. each photo or picture to be contributed by a different friend/ family member. of course the general tone of the pix would need to be fun rather than eulogistic..

Good luck Triss, feel free to jump right in whenever you feel like it!

Anyone else getting subtle hints, and not so subtle suggestions/requests/sulking from family?
[aargh]
i can actually see their point of view but i'm afraid it's my point of view that has to prevail on this one!
as i told my gran, "can you actually MAKE us?"

Just popping in for some illicit mumsnetting. Goodness, we are very voluble at the moment!

Confused Dr Sparklepants is right, small personalised stuff is the best. You may occasionally feel a bit funny and wonder what to do for the best, but small touches that let him know you care are the best thing to do. I'd also suggest asynchronous forms of communication. When you are very ill you tend to have to deal with everyone elses reponses to your illness, as well as managing your physical reactions, and it can get very draining. The fact that he has a blog is a really good sign. It enables people to communicate, but on his terms. I think the picture is a great idea, a really good way of letting people know that they care about him - but maybe find an alternative example to explain the concept to people?

I also like the calender idea. It would also be pretty affirming for him to get the underlying message that you all hope and expect him to make full use of it.

Welcome Triss, we are are mixed bunch at various stages of dithering and you are very welcome to dither with us!

Seagreen lol at the thought of you telling your gran "can you actually MAKE us?" And even more at the idea of her actually trying!

Argh! Was getting to the end of all my emailing people for photo's of themselves holding messages and bloody Facebook told me I was in danger of having my account frozen due to harassing people who aren't my friends! I'd ring and explain to someone except there isn't any number / real humans.

Just reading rather than posting tonight on here I think as both tearful and have a one track mind. (He's wired up to both chemo and saline as we speak.)

confused- perhaps try and put a different subject line in each,also send individual messages to each rather than en masse? fb does that sometimes if i send messages one after the other without a subject line.
take care now.

I have been sending them individually rather than en masse, but all with the same subject line. Not sure if it's worth the risk of being frozen so may leave it a bit just in case otherwise will get REALLY cross!

Just catching up....

Welcome to bebefreakout and Triss - we are not usually this noisy but the last few days have been pretty hectic on this thread! But please feel free to dither along with us.

Mooncups - would love for them to work but I have a retroverted uterus and even tampons are a struggle, so I've never tried. Also, is anyone else offended by the idea of their vagina suddenly going saggy at the age of 30?!

Cardigans - yes, made by me and [blushes modestly] more or less designed by me, or at least heavily adapted from the original pattern. Glad you like them!

confused - was thinking of you and your friend today as I remember you said his chemo was starting. If you're still after ideas for things to help him feel better, how about some easy reading, or a book on CD he could listen to through headphones? A friend of mine is in hospital at the moment, and another recently has been, and boredom seems to have been the problem for both of them, so anything to relieve that was welcome.

HP - if the background of the non-wedding picture you posted first is what I think it was, then I shall feel obliged to spit derisively in your direction (though in the nicest possible way) as my allegiance is to the Other Place! More seriously, I was going to ask you if there's anyone in your department you could talk to in confidence, who's managed to combine career + baby? Or is there a women's network you could approach in whatever professional body is appropriate to your field? I know it's a tough call, though my situation is a bit different as I'm in the private sector, and if the Suits don't like a woman getting pregnant there's not a lot they can do about it (legally, at any rate).

LST - I missed your piccies - hope to catch a glimpse of you when we next have a photo amnesty - maybe with our bumps?!

SeaGreen - yep, I get hassle all the time. I sympathise....

yet another reason to feel happy that we don't yet have sproglets.

Suerock, I like the idea of an audio book! Think that's a good one to explore.

SeaGreen - the idea of the calendar is lovely too. I think I need to wait and see how many pics I actually get and then decide properly what to do with them. I have had a few people keen but not much reaction really. I realised when planning our wedding that the more people you ask the same question, the less likely any of them are to answer. Very frustrating. However, I have various friends who can help with the side of people I know, and I am hoping the one's I don't know (his colleagues for example) can get on my case with the others. One man said he's going skiing on the 24th and would I mind waiting till then so he can take a pic of him and another good friend of S's on top of the mountain with the placard / message. I think this is a fabulous idea!

Yes, S was in today for his first chemo session and, despite being there for 9am, he didn't get going till 4.30. I have been a bit wobbly all day but am trying to focus on this pic thing instead. I ended up reading some quotes to get some inspiration at work which was a silly thing to do as I ended up with tears running down my cheeks (cancer is a word, not a sentance; the human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it; if you're going through hell, keep going; we cannot direct the wind but we can direct the sales - you get the idea.)

Triss and bebefreakout - sorry to be morbid on your first visits. I promise this isn't always the case, things are just very tough at the moment!

confused - from experience, cuddling one's dog is the most life affirming thing !

I know! I'm doing it now!!

Suerock the cardigans are bloody impressive!

SueRock - can you make one of those lovely cardies for the first BFP on this thread?!

Cue sudden race to ditch all contraception,...

tee hee

Evening all!

Haven't been able to catch up tonight, busy evening with some family dramas (nothing hugely bad). Will read through properly tomorrow.

Confused - further Internet hug

Also, saggy 30 yr old vaginas????!

Take care, HP-SP

Oooo, a race for baby cardies? Count me in

I second that about the saggy vaginas - please explain!

Can't stop, but will be back tomorrow. Too many messages and emails to crack on with tonight, xx

I will get knitting