To TTC or not to TTC, that is the question... as Hamlet sort of said about something else entirely

[CHW]

Hi,
Had few glasses of wine and have spent large part of the evening on this site. I am in two minds about a baby - or really, at the age of 35 (but Type 1 diabetic which can complicate thingss) and really ought to make a decision about whether to have a family or not.
I worry about cost, the changes it will make to our lives and, well, if I am actually just happy as I am. Me and DH discussed going for it, so to speak, sometime after the start of Aug (as did the London Triathlon before then so couldn't before then) and decided we would once the triathlon was out the way. Now it is and we are both stalling. But it is playing on both our minds - in the do we, or don't we way.

My babyometer keeps going haywire - any tips or things for me to also consider which may help us make a decision. I am also wondering if we are simply analysing things too much but beeing diabetic makes things more complicated (ie they need to be planned, in an ideal world at least.) Any help or food for thoughts would be MASSIVELY appreciated!

Right, photos posted, and having registered a second time under a new name and checked out everyone's profiles, I think all of us have safely posted something unrecognisable as a public photo. I hope so anyway, or I have well and truly admitted my baby hopes, fears and wibbles to the world at large.

I'm going to be a grouch and say I hated being 24 - I was half way through a PhD with no money, no results, and two psychotic housemates. Being 20 was cool though, or 17. And babies had never even entered my head then, so life was a lot less of a conundrum

Enough of this, I really do have to go and do all that stuff that I told DH I needed to spend a couple of hours on the computer doing....

Helloooo!
I have been back 20 mins and spent all that time reading posts.
HP - you look far less studious than I was starting to see you as. And enviously slim too -
Suerock I am not entirely sure what I was picturing for you, but think it might have been more buxom and dark. You, my dear, are neither of those things.
LST - I can only see one pic on your profile, can you add me as a mate please (if there are other pics up, that is.)

I shall be back very soon but just have a few jobs to do first (and a DH who is getting very intriguied about the amount of time I spend typing furiously on my laptop
When I'm back I'll have a proper read again of today's posts and then post something in response that has not been said before as well as being terribly enlightening and informed.
Hahahahahaha!

LOL at the idea of me coming over as buxom and dark! But it's weird how you get a mental picture of people - I had you down as tall and willowly with short dark hair, confused!

Arrgghh, I have a sodding essay to write. Get off MN, Suerock.

I now cant remember how I imagined you all as I cant get your real pictures out of my head! So far we seem to be an even mixture of blondes, brunettes and redheads. I cant see any piccies of LST yet, but I imagine her as dark haired, kind of Italian looking, maybe long curly hair

Weekend working sucks, Suerock, I should be writing a paper but frankly the data are still work-in-progress so Im putting it off until I get something better I have more confidence in.

Im still planning to take down my images after this weekend, just in case! Obviously everyone can do what they are confortable with, maybe we could have a further amnesty in the future (with some bumps?????).

Flitting past briefly whilst attempting to squeeze a week's worth of domestic duties into a couple of hours.

Just seen Suerock's gorgeous wedding dress. You look fabulous and I really love the red and gold. Did you make the cardigans yourself? They are so cute. I'm just beginning to teach myself to knit. I'm on my third scarf at teh moment, but am planning to get all adventurous and move on to booties next!

I can see one picture on LST's profile, but not the rest - can you make me your mumsnet mate please LST?

I've added all of you as mates!! Why can't you see me?! (I'm about as different from what you imagine as it's possible to be, HP, physically, by the way! But love your version - I shall have it as a fantasy self...) Have a really stupid amount of work to do - essay to START writing that I said I'd finish on holiday, and basically all the learning AND revising to do before exams on Monday 18th. And what am I doing - messing about on here! This thread, always a winner, has got far too exciting and fun! Sounds like we're all in the same boat, workwise!

I might take my pics down too at some stage - but not before you've all seen them. Will go back to MyMumsnet and try to see if there's something I haven't clicked - but really did add all of you as mates, or so I thought (typed your MN names into the box provided, anyway).

Now I think you can see them - you're all listed as my mates, and have made the photos visible to my mates. But can't see any of yours anymore- perhaps you've taken them down, but seems odd. Weird, the whole thing! Oh well, had a fleeting glimpse at least (though missed Suerock )

OK - WORK!!!!!!!

Im in! Hurrah - its LST! Ok, so long dark curly hair was a bit out then! You look beautiful, really happy. Love the bridesmaid dress colour as well (I had that colour )

Mine are still up, I dont know why you cant see them now. I think someone is messing with us.

Seen them! LST you about as far removed as what I imagined as anyone could possibly be! Even if you were actually a man! I too, and it is interesting that we had the same idea HP, had you down as dark and Italian looking. And quite curvy (in a sexy way, not a too many pies way!) Gosh, this is all so weird! I really ought to have calmed down by now shouldn't I (maybe I need to get out more...)

So, I'll read through today's musings - back shortly

They came back! Just very weird. And saw Suerock! As you can see, my work is going very well...

Thanks, HP - you look gorgeous too - both elegant and happy (quite a trick, that one!).

Right am actually going to have to turn the computer off, it's the only thing for it! Bye for now, folks - have a great week (like I'm not going to be back on tonight or tomorrow latest...)

HP I can see yours still

So, today's musings. I can't say I have anything to add that would be remotely worth adding to be truthful. I do sometimes think that I'd ready for the baby phase in my life, as the going out etc phrase isn't the novelty it was once, but really I think I'd actually be ready in about ten years or fifteen years.

Has any of the stronger ditherers crawled any closer to a BFD - that's a Big Fat Decision? I had a wave of amber last night which made a change from the dark scarlett and I think, with us moving etc, I would like to think about things more sensibly when we have sold up and then settled elsewhere. I am also wondering if moving (and settling all debts) will make me suddenly go green again. I know the financial aspect of things is the major sticking point for DH and it would be stupid to throw caution to the wind contreception wise right now. I also hate the idea of living in a half done up house with the sudden added pressure of a baby both screwing us moneywise and majorly hindering any DIY progress. This is probably the main reason for my current redness - it's just not feasible. I think I may start to feel differently when we move though. HP I am suspecting you too may feel more green when you buy your house (which you might not have even seen yet) and I also suspect things would then pick up a gear with regards to bringing up the subject with your DH (who didn't look remotely how I thought he would either!).

I am feeling a little less weddingy today. I think it's quite funny that we all posted pics from our wedding days. Were we all following YTD's lead, or did we choose them as we would have looked better than we normally do? I know which one I opted for!!

Time to put the dinner on and build a fire I think. It's definately the evening for both a roast and a roaring fire.

Oh my post crossed with yours, confused. How funny that you both thought I was Italian looking. I am, err, curvier than I was in those photos (though some may have a different word for it!). But not dark haired or exactly voluptuous! I'm not sure I had such firm mental pictures of you all, but it's still funny to see faces. I love how you all (we all?) had differently lovely dresses and weddings, by the look of it - love's rich tapestry... Anyway, wasn't I about to turn the computer off?!

You were but I think it's a lost cause!

Ps Suerock - I LOVE THOSE CARDIGANS!!

I think it was YTD and her stop-the-press dress that started it all. To be honest, I couldnt get hold of any recent pictures of me as DH has them all on his lap top and I couldnt think of a plausible reason why I would need him to send me some!! (not that I have to seek his permission, hes not controlling me or anything!! I just couldn't say 'Send me a picture so I can put it on MN. Oh, MN is the baby site Ive been on for ages'). I have put on half a stone since the big day, and had my hair cut as well. If I could find a non-appalling piccie of me now, I would stick it up.

(It is funny also seeing DHs, as they are the supporting characters in our little narative)

I have to say I have been so chuffed to 'see' you all - like Confused Ive been very excited! You all look lovely!

I am a bit intrigued to see if my dominant colour changes post-house buying. In many ways it will be harder to go for it once we have a mortgage rather than cheap rent, but what can you do? A baby for us is always going to equal total skintness. Im sure things will look differently once that horrible debt is gone and you have a fresh start in your new place, Confused.

HP I think babies must equal skintness for most people. I think the thing is, knowing whether the skintness is worth it - the million dollar question in fact! I am thinking my colour will change as not only will I be sneaking up on 36 but also we will no longer have the massive excuse we have at the moment (cash!)

Cheap rent is great, for a time, but I have to say I LOVE out house! It is also great having somewhere that is yours (or, er, the banks) that you can do what you want with. On the minus side, it can also be a money pit (we are very relieved and lucky on this front as the value has gone up about £40,000 at least - god knows what it would be like if we were also in negative equity) if things go wrong. But! On the whole, it's worth it. Nice to put down roots - and that's certainly not something my 24 year old self ever thought I'd be saying!

Its true, for such a small thing babies do seem to cost such a lot of money . The cattery is much cheaper than a nursery

I have been feeling for a couple of years that we should invest in our own place, its just been waiting to save the money. It seems like a big step because it means 1) pyschologically, we arent moving back to our hometown and families, and 2) we cant quickly and easily pick up and move elsewhere should work require it. But despite that, we do want our own home. I said before that I can understand how people want a baby despite the obvious drawbacks, because thats how I feel about buying a house. Maybe its not 100% the right thing to do considering everything, but I still want it.

Comparing buying a house to having a baby is a new one, but quite effective! Yes, you could say you're not buying one due to contracts, cheap rent and so on but you are going to anyway as you WANT to. It must be similar for people who want to have a baby (despite it being better to wait for whatever reasons they are going to go ahead regardless as it's what they WANT too.)

Shame our firm views and decisions on housing aren't also as firm and decisive when it comes to breeding

I know! My views on expensive shoes are equally decisive...

Louboutins if I remember rightly?

I wish I was someone who could effortlessly wear heels! Instead, I feel / look as if I've got my mum's shoes on. Not great!

Thats the dream! I want to own a pair before anything else happens. Just to have and look at and possibly touch with white gloves on.

Im pretty sure I couldnt walk in them either, I used to be great in heels but years of sad flat lab-safe shoes have removed the skill.

Wow- our thread has lots of new posts!
have been v busy today cleaning out the kitchen, labelling and sorting out jars, lining drawers etc.
have uploaded 2 pics and have added three of you as Mumsnet mates (need to add everyone)- just trying to figure out for sure that all MNers only see the pic that is made public and not the ones that are made available only to MN mates..sorry i do sound a bit paranoid here.
so give me a few hours please , once i finish some office work, i'll create a different ID and check this out by checking out one of your profiles to make sure i can only see the one pic.
I'll check this with your profile HP as i see you have added me as a friend, and logged in as SeaGreen i can see all your piccies. and what a lovely dress you have on!
ooh very excited about this whole pics thing!
will try to dig out a weding snap, dont think have one on this computer though..

I think Louboutins are extra high too, 4 inces or more. My wedding shoes were 3 inches and that was just about do-able. However, I have worn them since and it was a bit of a struggle. It may be as, at our wedding, I was just wandering about rather than getting from a - b. They were (are!) stunning though here they are Emmy did them for me for less than half price, by the way, as we'd given her so much coverage in the magazine.

Hi SeaGreen! No hand appears when I go over your name yet, but am guessing you know that already. Looking forward to the pics!