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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

To TTC or not to TTC, that is the question... as Hamlet sort of said about something else entirely

993 replies

CHW · 12/08/2009 21:36

Hi,
Had few glasses of wine and have spent large part of the evening on this site. I am in two minds about a baby - or really, at the age of 35 (but Type 1 diabetic which can complicate thingss) and really ought to make a decision about whether to have a family or not.
I worry about cost, the changes it will make to our lives and, well, if I am actually just happy as I am. Me and DH discussed going for it, so to speak, sometime after the start of Aug (as did the London Triathlon before then so couldn't before then) and decided we would once the triathlon was out the way. Now it is and we are both stalling. But it is playing on both our minds - in the do we, or don't we way.

My babyometer keeps going haywire - any tips or things for me to also consider which may help us make a decision. I am also wondering if we are simply analysing things too much but beeing diabetic makes things more complicated (ie they need to be planned, in an ideal world at least.) Any help or food for thoughts would be MASSIVELY appreciated!

OP posts:
confuseddoiordonti · 09/01/2010 23:45

Okay! If I catch you on-line I'll make the pics public. If you want to do the same let me know (but no pressure of course!)

Hmm, think I am obsessed with this site. Oh dear...

HoneyPetal · 09/01/2010 23:48

Does anyone have a working protocol for the piccie thing that I can follow in the morning??

Good night ladies. Im off to bed, cold and tired!

confuseddoiordonti · 09/01/2010 23:51

Yes - you have to make them public, or at least one of them, but then can change it back before you get rumbled! I wish there was a better way but no idea what it is!
Hope you had a good night, off to bed myself soon after the F Word (which is making me hungry)

YorkshireTeaDrinker · 10/01/2010 00:39

I think one photo has to be available to all Mumsnetters for the link to work. I now have a picture of the back of my head up a mountain available to all and all the other photos available to mumsnet mates only. At least that's what I tried to do.

Right off to bed now. Night all.

confuseddoiordonti · 10/01/2010 00:48

Ah, that makes sense. Put some pics of your cats up then!
Night!

confuseddoiordonti · 10/01/2010 13:06

Hello? Heeellloooo...?!

HoneyPetal · 10/01/2010 13:13

I'm here! Just figuring out how to upload my photos. Have to switch to lap top. Back soon!

confuseddoiordonti · 10/01/2010 13:16

Hurrah! I have uploaded one of my cats for all to see, and this ought to show the link for my pics which only my MN mates can then see (I think!)

I am off out in a bit as need to go to the supermarket and walk my dog so will be on later this afternoon if not before!

HoneyPetal · 10/01/2010 13:47

Right. I think I have done it. Hopefully not for the whole world to see, but who knows??

The wedding photos are from four years ago, so obviously I look a leetle older now! And my hair is shorter.

HoneyPetal · 10/01/2010 14:37

Also, I meant to say last night, before I got all excited about the piccies, I totally know what you all mean about trying to predict if you will regret not having kids when its too late. Thats a big factor in my current soul searching, as hand on heart I could quite happily give it all a miss right now, but dont want to store up trouble for the future once the ovaries have given up for good.

Also, Confused, is that a switch from scarlett??

YorkshireTeaDrinker · 10/01/2010 15:06

Oooh HP love the dress! You look fab. I love the way it gathers annd drapes. It must have felt gorgeous.

Re the being worried if you'll regret not having kids later if you don't do it now, I think that's what started me on the who NPP / TTC route. I'm still mildly concerned that my unrelenting greenness stems from pique and I want to get pregnant because I don't want to be a conception failure!

HoneyPetal · 10/01/2010 15:14

Thanks - it was in two parts, a completely plain dress, and then the overskirt and train sat on top. Its a shame you only get one day in them! But like I said, I doubt I could zip it up now.

Its so hard to know how you will feel in the future. Im reading through that link SeaGreen posted, see what Americans have to say on the matter.

LeviStubbsTears · 10/01/2010 15:22

Hi all,

Wow, it's the weirdest thing, seeing you all. Gorgeous women, gorgeous photos! Have put a few of my wedding up - and added you as Mumsnet Mates (hope that's OK...). I daren't tell you how cheap my dress was (i.e. it was, very!), though it was quite reduced and then had it altered to fit me so it felt almost made to measure! We were fairly broke at the time, both in temporary academic jobs, and had to do things very economically. On the other hand, it was from a lovely wedding shop in the Cotswolds so it wasn't quite supermarket! But very slight regret it wasn't as fabulous as it could have been - especially after seeing your amazing ones. Anyway, it worked out really well and the day very lovely - such a great party, a big family do with all my Irish in-laws, in the town where I grew up.

Am home (to a freezing house - don't think it's ever going to warm up, however long we leave the heating on for!) and feeling contemplative - had AF while I was away, but was about 3 days late so had the usual wondering about whether I was pregnant. Was slightly alarmed that I didn't feel particularly upset when it turned out I wasn't. Hmm. But am also feeling committed to the IVF thing, and as confused I think said quite a few posts (but only a day, perhaps?!) ago - things are as right as they'll ever be now, so I think I just have to take the plunge (all being well). Slightly scared about the idea of blazing the trail re. a BFP - though anything could happen by then (YTD, for instance??!!) so we'll see - not counting any chickens!

OK, have to move around, do some washing etc. - too cold to type anymore!

Lovely to see you all in the flesh - and am sticking by my comments - you've done nothing to dissuade me of your glamorousness!

HoneyPetal · 10/01/2010 15:41

Am laughing my head off at one of the posts on SeaGreens link....

The question is 'Why does anyone have children?'.....

Reply - I really don't understand why she's [the OP] trying to force this into a logical framework. If women had to think logically about wanting to have kids, the human race likely would have died out eons ago.

(I would recommend, though, that she try to let go of this need to overanalyze things before she does, actually, have children, or she's going to drive both them and herself crazy.)

Ha ha haaa haa!!

YorkshireTeaDrinker · 10/01/2010 16:00

LST I'm looking for pictures on your profile, but can't find any. I think we've figured out that you have to make at least one picture visable to all mumsnetetters for the picture link to appear. So the best strategy is to have one picture that doesn't give you away one general release and all the rest for your mates only.

I think the most important thing about a wedding is that you have a good day, are serious about the promises you make and have the people you love there to share it with you. Doing it all in a great dress is an added bonus and I was very fortunate to have the means to do it at the time.

I think it is perfectly ok to be going into IVF still apprehensive about what you'll do if it works! The older you get, the more your life gets settled and you realise the disruption that children will be. An old colleague of mine (who's just had her second child) told me that when she discovered she was expecting her first (after over a year of trying and getting quite wound up about it) she burst into tears and thought "oh goodness, my life is over" (or words to that effect - i may have cleaned it up a bit ). She loves her daughter (and went on to have another one), but had to have a period of mourning for her old life.

Life goes in phases and we move through them at different speeds. I'm hoping that if I do move into the child rearing phase that I will be able to accept and adjust to the phase, and not regret having moved on and want to go back to where I was previously.

To return the subject to where we were before the piccy sharing frenzy, HP asked, "Does anyone remember being 24 and care free", well it was good (although I'd knock it back to 22, my dad died when I was 23 and I aquired a few extra cares as a consequence ), I lived on a pittance, had no responsibilities and did a lot of going out.

But I wouldn't want to be still there. I've done some serious growing up and much prefer the 30-something YTD to the 20-something version. I love having a DH and cat and a home. I have achieved enough at work to know that I am capable of achieving more, but right now, I don't think what I do for a living is as important as the living I do outside of work. And having experienced a little bit of life and handled one or two small knocks, I think I might be shaping up to someone who could handle being a Mum.

Ok, I really must stop there. I didn't mean to set off on a "I want to conceive and i want it now rant"! I've got greenness seeping from every pore! Best go and put some washing in a reflect on how much more there would beif we had kids... .

Suerock · 10/01/2010 16:13

OK, just trying to catch up. This may end up being in several bits.

Wow - it's so weird to 'see' you all! But very cool to be able to put faces to nicknames - and you all look so stunning in your wedding frocks. Being my usual paranoid self, I wanted to test whether the gallery thing works before posting identifiable pictures of myself. So, can you tell me if you can see a rabbit cardigan on my profile, or a rainbow cardigan, or both?

LST and SeaGreen - if you've put in piccies, I can't see them - could I be a Mumsnet Mate of yours too please?

I completely subscribe to the 'I think I want kids now because I don't want to regret not having them later' thing. I don't think I'll regret having them/it (if I do) later, but could easily see myself regretting it if I don't, specially as I've got no close nieces/nephews/godchildren to leave my worldly wealth tuppence hapenny/genes/wisdom to.

Houses - yep I would second (or third or fourth) the instant knowing if it's the right one or not (if only deciding on TTC was so straightforward!). Though I would add to that, that the two times we've done it the housing market has been on the way up so we haven't had the luxury of having time to think about it.

Right, will post this now then go back a page and see what I missed.

HoneyPetal · 10/01/2010 16:15

I was a PhD student when we got married, so had a very strict budget to follow, which we did on our own, and had a fantastic day that I wouldnt change a second of. Well, maybe I would eat a bit more.

It is the natural order of things to evolve and move on, you are totally right, YTD. I was a lot less confident in my early twenties, although I still lack confidence now, Im a lot better than I was. So I wouldnt want to go back to that time, only from the point of view that there was still a lot of time in which to make decisions. My big regret is not thinking about all this a lot sooner.

Bless LST for her use of the word 'glamerous', but I do think we are all fabulous (and have v. attractive DHs!).

HoneyPetal · 10/01/2010 16:18

Hi Suerock - we overlapped!

I cant see anything, cant click on your name!

Suerock · 10/01/2010 16:22

Urmm.... Will have another go.

Suerock · 10/01/2010 16:25

Try again?

HoneyPetal · 10/01/2010 16:26

This is what I did:

Created profile page.
Made profile public.
Added you all as 'mates'.
Added decoy photo 1 (me in forest) - made it available to all on MN.
Added further wedding piccies - made available to mates only (I hope!!!)
Saved changes.
Logged out of MyMunsnet.

HoneyPetal · 10/01/2010 16:27

Hurrah - I can see two cardies, rabbits and rainbows.

Did you make them? Cuteeeeeeeee!

LeviStubbsTears · 10/01/2010 16:32

Hi there

Have put up one pic (anonymous - of kids throwing confetti on us - a cheat!) open to all so hopefully you can all see them now. (I did add you, like the others, as Mumsnet Mate, Suerock, honest! But also can't click on you, for some reason.)

I have mixed feelings - did love being 24 and fancy free, or more so - though sure I thought all the issues of that time were serious and stressful at the time! Fear I haven't entirely thrown off student ways (appropriately this year, as am a student again!) - little in the way of routine, though a lot more work, and still too much time in the pub! But do do a little more cooking and cleaning these days... And am just about getting there with sorting the house out. Don't know if I'll ever become a gardener, though - to my father's great disappointment.

Anyway, very wise words from YTD about phases - that is how I feel, really, and think I can cope with a new phase, and accept a different kind of lifestyle, now - though will kick against it at times, I have no doubt. (Oops - keep talking, and thinking, about 'will' - should really stick to 'would' as it may never happen, I do realize that...).

It's great that you all had happy weddings - some people seem to get so stressed about it all that they think in terms of 'getting through' it rather than really enjoying it, and that always makes me so sad. goes off into soppy reverie about happy weddings

OK, quite enough - I have a mountain of work to do!

HoneyPetal · 10/01/2010 16:36

LST, I didnt know you were in East Anglia too! (can see the photo, BTW).

HoneyPetal · 10/01/2010 16:59

I just saw Suerock - hurrah! Lovely dress! This is still very weird....

(In my defence for the number of posts today, I made a decision to have a warm lazy afternoon on the sofa with my lap top, some chocolate and the dithering girls!)