To TTC or not to TTC, that is the question... as Hamlet sort of said about something else entirely

[CHW]

Hi,
Had few glasses of wine and have spent large part of the evening on this site. I am in two minds about a baby - or really, at the age of 35 (but Type 1 diabetic which can complicate thingss) and really ought to make a decision about whether to have a family or not.
I worry about cost, the changes it will make to our lives and, well, if I am actually just happy as I am. Me and DH discussed going for it, so to speak, sometime after the start of Aug (as did the London Triathlon before then so couldn't before then) and decided we would once the triathlon was out the way. Now it is and we are both stalling. But it is playing on both our minds - in the do we, or don't we way.

My babyometer keeps going haywire - any tips or things for me to also consider which may help us make a decision. I am also wondering if we are simply analysing things too much but beeing diabetic makes things more complicated (ie they need to be planned, in an ideal world at least.) Any help or food for thoughts would be MASSIVELY appreciated!

What a day, roads not gritted this morning meant it took ages to get out of our little town onto the main roads! Nope, not in Dorset, or abroad (I wish!), I'm in East Anglia. There was a 30 square mile area yesterday that the snow from the south didn't reach up to, and the snow from the north didn't drop down to - that was us. Well, we got an inch or so, but not too bad.

I can imagine a somewhat Devil-Wears-Prada vibe in the wedding mag business, but still.....pretty dresses!!!! My dream 'in another life' job would be beauty editor in a glossy mag, but I will have to continue battling on in non-glamerous, no pretty dresses, aggressive, badly paid science instead, damn it!

YTD, hope your presentation went well. I have one in the morning, to my boss.

Seeing some houses this weekend. One we can afford, which we will hate, and one much more expensive, that we will love.

HP - first rule of housebuying: don't look at anything out of budget!

Not seen Devil Wears Prada but that comparison has been made before to me.

Too tired to type much more so back tomorrow.

Hiya have just joined mn and on a major baby freakout..

Am 31, dh is 37. He has always wanted kids I've not been so sure.

We kind-of decided last year (I think I was quite p*ssed) to just go for it and I came off the pill... I spent the rest of the 2009 avoiding sex at anything like the critical time

Whatever is wrong with me it's good to know I'm not the only one...

Welcome bebefreakout. Come on in. Feel free to get comfy. And feel free to freak out. You are not alone And forgive me, but I'm loving the image of you, tipsy, agreeing to TTC and then hiding In the bathroom around day 14, quickly jumping into bed and fake snoring.

I have def been feeling like there is something wrong with me too, the last few days. Actually, I won't post too much as am feeling a bit low and don't want to bring the mood down. Am really worried about career/house buying/baby. Mainly the timings of it all, too much to cram into a few years with not enough money.

Does anyone remember being 24 and care free?

Hope all got home safe and sound. It's the weekend - hurrah! X

ladies- food for thought- article in NYT here
welcome, bebefreakout , to this most non-judgemental and chilled out thread!

Hi bebefreakout and welcome to the dithering group! It seems there are more and more of us hiding in the woodwork, and, I have to say, that makes me feel great! I, and I think I can speak for the others too, swing madly from wanting to TTC immediately if not sooner or wanting to go on the pill, have a coil fitted and make DH wear 12 condoms at once just in case.

HP - buying a house / career / baby? Join the bloody club! I have to buy a house, sort out cash, write a book blah blah blah before we do and, while I am not short of time, it is not in abundance either. Money is one of the key issues and I think, from what I can gather, you can (as many do) 'make do'. However, I suspect none of us feel strongly enough about procreating to do something about it (YTD and LST excepted.)

I loved being 24! Spent it in a drug fucked haze admittedly, but my it was good!

By the way, HP, despite not having a pot to piss in I have developed a bit of a lusting after an iPod Touch - you have one don't you? Is it worth the cash (I am mainly interested in the music / internet aspect.)

God, I love weekends! Have a super one everyone

Update on my friend / ex. He starts chemo on Weds and then has intravenous chemo and tablets every 3 weeks. He was told that if he had NO treatment he'd have less than 6 months. Not sure what it means now he is having treatment. Maybe the shit odds are a bit less shit?!

Wasn't going to open that wine but think I might now have to now

Definitely have a big glass. Well, it's a step forward to begin the treatment. Have they offered him an idea of how the treatment usually goes? Lowering the odds is good news, I hope he does as well as he can on the chemo.

I do have an iPod Touch, I inherited it from DH when he finally got the iPhone he was obsessing about. He certainly loved it, I am finding it very useful for illicit MNing! For Internet it's great, and you can get a lot of music on it, obviously not as much as a big memoried iPod. The apps are brilliant. I think you can gor a Touch for £150 now. They are a lovely toy!

I've taken a few calming breaths regarding my freak out. Do you sometimes think 'aghhh, when did it all get so serious'? I think the main problem for me is that I only have 18 months left on my contract, so buying a house AND TTC would seem a bit daft. Anyway, how is the book writing going - I'm still looking to you to provide vicarious fame and sucess!

At 24 we had moved down south and I was a terrified research assistant. Parties. Rented flat. Skint. Happy. Good times!!

SeaGreen - interesting link, I will go through all of it when less tired. Thanks!

Have now had half the bottle! Oooops! Thanks for your good wishes re chemo too.

I am SO liking the idea of an iPod touch! Shame I have no cash really... I could do with a pick me up.

18 months is not long and I can see why you'd freak out. I am torn between thinking lets do it asap and weighing up the pro's and con's. And the con's are pretty major too. If I (we?) had such an overwhelming urge we'd possibly do it there and then but I (we - inc most of this thread) don't. No wonder we're all of a quandry.

Hic!

Sorry I disappeared so abruptly last night, I was just about to get into bed when you posted.

We had another inch of snow last night. And more is meant to come tomorrow. Crazy.

It seems that YTD and LST have found that extra push towards greenness. I saw LSTs thread looking for others about to start IVF, I have everything crossed for both of you as you start the next steps. Please don't totally leave us though, we would miss you.

I have read through a lot of the TTC threads, and a lot of people mention in passing that they have concerns about work and finances etc but they then declare that they don't care, they are still broody and want a baby. I can't even admit to being broody.

Better go, have to get ready to look at houses!

No headache, but thanks for whisphering all the same. I have not read many of the TTC threads recently (I did when I first came on MN but it has petered off a bit) but might have a browse this afternoon after my dog walk.

I am with you, HP, on the even admitting to being broody. I am selectively so, I think. Sometimes I think it would be fab, and other times (more often than not recently) I thank my lucky stars I just have a dog to look after. A child seems like far too much hard work. I was reading a thread yesterday on 2 year old's and them being 'independent' (ie argumentitive and stroppy) - the OP described something like a living hell (well, close to) and then got 100's of replies from people saying their 2 year old's are the same and they grow out of it 'eventually.' I guess the love you feel for these little buggers must make the tantrums etc bearable but it does make me wonder if I really want to put myself and DH through it. I am not entirely convinced it would be worth it really (Pawsandclaws may turn me round in a single sentance though...?)

LST good luck - and, as HP said, please don't leave us! Same goes for you YTD!

Hi folks,

Am certainly not leaving you - this is still the thread on which I am most comfortable (which is possibly slightly concerning re. going for IVF etc. but never mind!). Was going to post on here, but internet connection I have is rather erratic at the moment as am on holiday (skiiing - don't kill me...) and wanted to get the IVF thread up and running before I got back and started to actually do my research into it and get my head round it being QUITE CLOSE NOW! (or possibly not - don't know how long the whole process will take to get going)). I'm terrified about it at the moment as still, can you believe it, not consistently green, and wondering if I'm doing this for me, now, or for my parents, family, etc. to some extent, and - I think probably a big factor - me in 10 or 20 years time when I think I might regret big time not having had a baby. But DH and I are so happy now and do have a great life and all the reservations about rocking the boat still apply. Is it really responsible to start the process in this frame of mind?? I have no idea, really.

Anyway, sorry about that - just needed to vent. Hope you're all doing ok - sounds like some big issues for some of you. Hope you're feeling a bit more positive, HP - it's all so tough and sounds like you're in a particularly tough field careerwise.

I'm utterly freaking out about my career at the moment - contemplating a career change (on top of everything else) but hoping I haven't jeopardized my current job by taking this year out to do the MSc I'm currently doing as I'd like to make the choice to leave and not get sacked! The decision is so much harder, too, because we're thinking about a family, as if we weren't, I could take a much lower paid job and we'd still be fine, whereas if we have kids I feel I should probably stay in the one I have, which is fairly well paid and where it has taken me so long to get to this point... Also if we do have (a) kid(s) I might never be able to get the new career off the ground satisfactorily, and that would leave me a) stranded, and b) possibly resenting the child. Aarrgh.

Anyway, I should think of it as win-win - if the IVF works, I'll have a baby, and if it doesn't, I can throw myself into new (or possibly existing) career a lot more easily! Just hope it feels that way whichever way it goes!

Have loads more to say - I know it's old news now, but still slightly reeling re. confused's old career - how fascinating (if, as you say, not necessarily actually fun at the time). You all sound more glamorous and full of taste and fashion sense than me by a power of 100!! (And YTD evidently is!) I'm fairly useless on that front, have an OK look that works for me but it is pretty unadventurous because I don't trust my own taste! But loved preparing for our wedding and even choosing the dress etc. and had the best time ever - wish I had an excuse to pore over bridal magazines again!

Anyway, hope you're all warm and snug and not having too bad a time with the snow. Am wondering whether I'm going to make it back on the Eurostar tomorrow!

Welcome to bebefreakout and hello to Seagreen, YTD, Suerock and everyone else - see you soon when I'm back in the land of broadband.

LSTx

Hi LST and everyone else,

I have come to the conclusion that we will never be 100% ready for babies. I think we are now all too long in the tooth not to be settled in our ways and, while I think it is better to have children later once you have travelled etc, I think you do also realise what you no longer can do at the drop of a hat. Skiing sounds fab, and the apres ski does too - and, sorry, but it doesn't sound half as appealing with a toddler in tow!

You've hit the nail on the head too for me when you say the reason you 'want' to have a baby is because you may regret not having one when it's then too late to do anything about it. That is exactly what I think! It sounds like we are all in great relationships, none of us are in utter poverty (although we're not rolling in it either) and we have good jobs - if someone asked you when you were 20 if those sounded good criteria to have filled before you started TTC you'd have probably have said yes. At least I would. However, apart from the cash situation, I have all those things and will soon hopefully be in a better position financially soon too, but I still can't take the plunge. Christ, I can't even admit a lot of the stuff I do on here to really good friends of mine in real life!

I have friends who have always wanted babies and looked at each potential boyfriend as the father of these babies and I have never been anything like that. In fact, I am probably seen as one of the least likely to ever have children, and when I see my friends leaving parties early due to babysitters or unable to go on certain holidays as they're not 'family friendly' I am very glad I don't have that to deal with.

I think I have probably said all this 1000 times before so I'll stop. Sure you all get the idea!

Talking of weddings (we'll, we weren't really but I'll bring it up anyway) I LOVED planning ours too. Due to working in 'the industry' I knew where I'd want to do it, and all about what options you could have etc as well as, subsequently, knowing what I liked and disliked. So, it was relatively stress free planning it all (by contrast, I knew people who were trailing round venues for months). Also, having a very talented dress designer for a mother was a definate bonus! I have seen so many £3000+ dresses that one's costing a 'mere' £500 can (but not always) look cheap and nasty but the sky is the limit when it comes to wedding dresses. Rather like YTD and her Caroline Castigliano frock - a cheaper but similar version just doesn't work when you've seen the 'rolls royce' version, does it? Thankfully I didn't have the temptation (phew!) But as for LST's comment about being glamorous - ha! Hahahaha! Nope. I have tried in the past but failed miserably!

Hmmm, feel all nostalgic about wedding planning now. Am wondering about sticking a pic of my profile - we could do it in an 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' way (and then I'll probably take it down again - while someone reading the whole of this thread will know who I am in an instant - which would presumably take some doing, I wouldn't want to be rumbled due to a photo!)

Have put some pics up (I have limited one's on my laptop). I have seen you have the option of making them only visable to Mumsnet Mates so have added you all in. Hope to see some more faces to put to names (hint hint) although will understand if you don't want to.

Seagreen - show me that labrador! And YTD now you've 'outed' yourself anyway, lets see some more of that beautiful dress!

Confused - I can't see your profile, am I doing something wrong? Your name isn't underlined when I click on it.

Er... I don't know. Will have a look and see - I thought I had made a gallery, but not a profile.

Bugger.

Hold on

Have created a Profile page (which doesn't say much) and, as far as I can see, the pics are visible to other MN'ers. I can't see any other obvious option I need to do or have missed out.

Does it work?

Arse. Doesn't seem to, unless the problem lies at my end. Will try again after refreshing a few times.

Okay. Not sure what else to try. The instuctions seem pretty simple and as foolproof as these things can be so not sure what else to try. Any other ideas? Try making one yourself - just type nonsense in if you like - and see if it works. If it does, and mine doesn't, I've cocked up. YTD might know (but obviously is elsewhere.)

You found a house then? How was it?

I'm here! Confused can see your profile but there are no photos. Have you made them available?

HP, are you going to out yourself as well? And have you found a house?

Hi! I made them visible for Mumsnet Mates, or at least I thought I did. Er... not sure if I want them properly public, but guess I can remove them if needs be. Hold on...

Now made one pic visible to all MNers. There are three up though. Tell me what you can see.

Same as YTD, profile now visible but no piccies.

If we can figure out a way of keeping the photos to us, I will stick one up!

Right. House. As predicted, the first house was a bit manky but the second house was beautiful. It is right at the top of our budget, so we are thinking about it over the weekend. However, the couple (who were lovely) had a new born baby which I nearly asked if it was included in the asking price. There was ready made nursery, I'm saying nothing. It was all very lovely, very modern, very grown up. Eek!!

OMG!!!!!!! I just saw you! This is really weird! You look beautiful!

With you on keeping the pics to us, but thought that was just what I had chosen. How annoying. DH may be able to sort it but can't ask him for obvious reaosns.

Oooh, sounds good re the houses. I know you are meant to view loads and so on, but I think you just know if it is one you gel with. Would the manky one be good with some decorating etc? Would you want to and be able to spend the time? I ask as it's horrendous while you're doing it, but then fabulous when it's finished and all YOURS.

Nursery, hmmm.... I'm saying nothing too