To TTC or not to TTC, that is the question... as Hamlet sort of said about something else entirely

[CHW]

Hi,
Had few glasses of wine and have spent large part of the evening on this site. I am in two minds about a baby - or really, at the age of 35 (but Type 1 diabetic which can complicate thingss) and really ought to make a decision about whether to have a family or not.
I worry about cost, the changes it will make to our lives and, well, if I am actually just happy as I am. Me and DH discussed going for it, so to speak, sometime after the start of Aug (as did the London Triathlon before then so couldn't before then) and decided we would once the triathlon was out the way. Now it is and we are both stalling. But it is playing on both our minds - in the do we, or don't we way.

My babyometer keeps going haywire - any tips or things for me to also consider which may help us make a decision. I am also wondering if we are simply analysing things too much but beeing diabetic makes things more complicated (ie they need to be planned, in an ideal world at least.) Any help or food for thoughts would be MASSIVELY appreciated!

Also heartening, from the blurb for the book: "The past ten years has seen the conception rate for women over forty grow by 50% in the UK. This figure is on the rise and the trend is international. In the United States, 20% of women have their first child after thirty-five ? a number that has increased tenfold since the 1970s."
Am sure this article makes valid points but it's heartening to know that there is still time.. maybe!? (Am nowhere near that age - yet- but am paranoid- my irregular AF gives me plenty of reason to worry)

Hi All, just a quick post, hope everyone is fully recovered from New Year fun and ready for 2010! I'm so pleased to see the back of crappy 2009 that I'm still a bit excited!

Right. I'm thinking of confessing about MN to DH. I can't live like this, my nerves are shot!! I know he has caught glimpses of the website and the guilty look on my face can't be helping. So I may confess. Not to posting, and absolutely not my 'name', but just that I'm a lurker, maybe. Although it wouldn't take him long to figure out who I am, if he chose to look

I'm off to docs on Monday for routine pill check up. (if you are reading this, DH, I will be back before you get in from work ). They have cut my supply off until I prove a good blood pressure. Might have another chat to him about my non-hormonal based contraceptive options. Although he laughed in my face last time at the mention of condoms and said he had lost count of the number of (quote) 'condom babies' he had encountered.

Thanks for the book info, SeaGreen, one to look out for.

Hello! Sorry for the long absence! I couldn't MN from other PC's and tried unsucessfully to do it on my phone (which would have taken forever anyway.)
So... so many posts to reply to. If I forget to mention something someone has posted, sorry! I also might mention bits from other posts as I remember them so am also going to apologise for this post probably going all over the place (butterfly brain today!)

Sounds like we have a mixure of mostly green and ambers at the moment. It also sounds promising for both LST and YTD about your appointments. My fingers are very much crossed for you both! I personally can't think of anything that appeals less (within reason, obviously) at the moment. DH is getting on my nerves, we have no cash and may find ourselves moving into a house that needs shit loads of work doing and is also quite small. Not ideal!

We had a great time away over Christmas and came back last night. I am back to work tomorrow () and DH is, allegedly, finishing off the house to get it on the market asap. We had a look at a house we like the look of in Hebden and it was smaller than we hoped but the location was great and also, with a LOT of work, could be very nice. The owner also said he was ready to be flexible on the price so we are hoping to knock him down to £115,000 from the £125,000 it's on for. (IT has been on for over 3 months and needs gutting - a house on the same street which would only need cosmetic things doing is on for £127,000 so I think his hasn't sold as it's overpriced. We would want to put most of our stuff on storage and take a couple of months off to get the house livable if we did buy it, as moving in now would just be really depressing. It would also be hard doing it up with all our stuff in it too as, and I know this from experience, you spend half your time moving stuff from room to room (and then it gets filthy.)

HP is this is year that you and your DH can buy your own place? Good luck when you start - we only looked at 2 other places before we saw the one we ended up buying, I think you just know.

LST I am really glad you're back! I was starting to worry you'd got so fucked off with the whole baby thing that you didn't want to come on MN any more. Hence, I am glad to hear that you've been super busy and things instead. I hope your DH does get more into the swing of things as the treatment gets going properly. A friend of mine was extremely indifferent for the first few months of his wife getting the BFP and also for the time they were trying (close to 18 months but she did have a MC at 6 weeks in between) but now he is like the goose that laid the golden egg - and she's not due until February! Perhaps, as men don't get the same hormonal surges as us girlies, it's harder for them to imagine until they have a massive great bump staring them in the face (or, better still, kicking!)

YTD what is the next step once the test results have come through? Or is that too vague a question until you know what the results actually are?

HP I have 'confessed' to my DH about going on MN, although I would be mortified if he logged on and looked (unlikely.) I intially lied and said I was looking at something to do with pets (I claimed to have Googled something and, in a round about way, the answer took me to MN). He is quite open minded about these things (and not dismissive which I think some men could be) but I am not keen on fuelling his interest either. I am glad I said something though as hiding the screen whenever they are in the vicinity looks far more suspicious!

As for my friend / ex who has cancer - he has had a biopsy and it found that the primary cancer is not in his pancreas as initially suspected. The cancer in his pancreas is secondary, so they are now hunting for the primary source, and it is suspected to be in his head or neck area. He says this is 'relatively good news'. Am struggling to see it quite in this way but am also trying to remain as positive as I can under the circumstances. My DH is still a bit weird about it, and I think it is an excellent way of putting it YTD that it is my grief and not his so he obviously isn't going to feel the same way.

I am going to have to go now as DH keeps asking me things and I cannot concentrate properly on the task in hand.

Happy new year everyone and hope that 2010 is a good one!

x

Hi all. Good to hear from you, Confused, after your Internet break!

It's great news that you have found a house you like in your Happy Location. Bargain hard, girl, get that price down. Some people are deluded about what their property is worth - only as much as someone is willing to pay. A building project sounds like fun, but maybe because I have no experience with such things. Yes, we are still planning to buy in the next few months, it is unlikely we would take on a massive project due to time and budget restraints but I don't mind doing cosmetic stuff. DH has already made comments that as soon as we move in to our new place I will start nesting in the style of a dormouse or suchlike. Any similar thoughts from the Confused household??

I'm no expert, but I'm sure it is good news regarding the origin of your friends tumour. It's so important to figure out what's going on biologically as that will determine the treatment profile. I hope the news continues as positively as possible for you and of
course him. And hopefully your DH is getting his head around supporting you as well.

As mentioned, I was at the docs picking up six more months of the pill. We had a brief chat about baby-issues, and he basically said that there is no way of predicting how long the ol'cycles will take to come back with regularity, could be a month, maybe if it goes badly, a year. I already knew that, of course, thanks to my illicit MN reading! He said as soon as I'm ready, to come off the pill asap. It's the being ready, though, isn't it?

Still haven't told DH about MN. I'm building up to it. I need to be sufficiently vague that his interest isn't piqued causing him to try and find my posts. Sigh. What a tangled web we weave.....

Tangled indeed!

DH now on the internet looking up flood risks - the house we like is near a river and it does flood. However, while near the river it is at the top of a sloping street and the cellar, when we looked, was bone dry so I am not convinced it's too big a deal (hopefully not famous last words!) Hope not as I like it - or, rather, I will like it when we've had our wicked way with it.

Nesting like a doormouse? Nah! Am utterly uttery red. Scarlet even! However, it would be the perfect excuse to get out of the pending DIY wouldn't it

I think you don't make the MN thing into a big deal, mention it in passing. Say you wandered onto it for some reason or other. I doubt my DH would want to try and find my posts but would be horrified if he did!

Ps No further news on 'S' but he's having millions of tests this week. Thanks for asking and thanks for the reassurance that the recent developments are relatively good news. x

DH peeked over my shoulder yesterday. It was a post about quality of CM! He wanted to know what it was- I told him!- and now I think he won't be too curious next time! poor thing

Am off today as it would have taken me about 2 hours to walk in and then we would have been sent home at lunch, so instead I rang and said I could make it if they needed me but I'd rather stay home. Am all sleepy now as been out for a 2 and a half hour dog walk in the snow (dog LOVED it, didn't stop leaping about like a mad thing!)

Anyway, I was having a browse on MN last night and was reading the wedding dress thread and saw YTD! I don't know why I am adding exclamation marks, maybe as it's quite odd in a way adding a face / real person to these threads. Beautiful dress, by the way YTD - my background is in wedding magazines and I know CC dresses quite well (and the woman, she's a nightmare.) Now trying to see if there are any more real life pics of you but the computer keeps going really slow.

Oooh, it is nice having a day off, even if it has only been one day back at work so far. C'est la vie!

How's everyone else this snowy day?

confused , came home early before everything started shutting down! picked up some indulgence food on the way back. my dog went mad in the snow too!

I am rather liking this snow business! Shame I don't get paid if I don't go in though...

My dog is laid next to me now sleepbarking, it's hilarious! I think she'll be dreaming about the squirrel she was chasing in the snow (well, actually I've no idea but it's probably a good guess!) Shame I can't really skive tomorrow though. It will take me forever to get into work but I can't see them taking to kindly to me having another day at home so guess I'll just have to leave earlier than normal ('normal' being 7.45) and get walking. Grumble grumble...

We are at some friends for dinner tonight which is fab as we've got barely any food in. Indulgence food sounds great (although not for the waistline - that's fallen by the way side already for me.)

I am loving this snow business! My dog's been bringing his ball to me and dropping it at my feet (the short game we had in the snow has him addicted).
What's your favourite indulgence food?

I love the snow but not the ice - been horrendous getting home due to this.

Favourite indulgence food? Hmmm, it very much depends. I LOVE cheese and can sit eating it, with olives, chutney and tomatoes for aaaaaages. However, in weather like this I think I'd prefer something like a creamy fish pie or fillet steak. Out of sweet things, either a cream cake of some kind or Belgian praline chocolate.

Now hungry and have nothing in.

Hi both, just got in from work, am in the only place in the south that escaped with just a moderate dusting today. Bloody freezing, though.

I'm starving now! DH is cooking as I type, it's a baked pasta thing. My tastes tend towards sweet things, especially good chocolate, but I have developed an appreciation for most food if well cooked. I don't eat meat or fish so I'm just grateful when I can eat anything that isn't bland and crap.

Right, I'm off to find those YTD photos!!

PS: so it's scarlet at the mo, Confused? I'm sooo glad we 'met' as our similar crashing between red and green is a great comfort to me. Hurrah for us!

Oh no, so you've got the bad bits of the freezing weather but not the good? Better luck next time!

Off out to a friends for dinner soon, thank god. They live about a 15 min walk away but it could take considerably longer tonight.

I was veggie for a while but found I started to eat far too much fatty stuff, like chips or cheese. I actually eat far healthier now I am back on meat (and I almost manage at least 5 a day - very smug.) Am with you on the chocolate - Green and Blacks is lovely but can easily not bother with the likes of Dairy Milk.

Right, we are off in a sec so must go.

Have a nice evening!

have fun, confused!

Arrrgh - I've outed myself on the wedding dress thread!! Glad you likedthe dress Confused. I still feel quite guilty about the completely unwarrented expense, (particularly since we now have a house that needs loads of work doing and I could get another couple of rooms decorated for the price of that frock!) but once I'd tried it, nothing else would do.

Most impressed by your background in wedding magazines, I expect it to be ever so glamerous (I know it probably isn't, but humour me!). I can imagine wedding dress designers being a bit precious, its a fairly odd sort of world. My best friend and I got married within 3 months of each other, so 2007 was dedicated almost entirely to wedding planning. It takes over your life. I still maintain I was Jedi mind tricked when I went into the CC shop. Ordinarily I'm a really tight-fisted yorkshire lass, but something happened in that shop that made me think it was ok, and even neccessary, to spend a 4 figure sum on a frock for one day! Madness!! (But it was a great frock, and I don't regret it).

Sorry I've been away for a while, I was feeling slightly too green. I've been longing for be pregnant so much in the past few days that I couldn't even contemplate considering everyone elses redness. I think green is going to be my consistant state from now on (although I do of course reserve the right to change my mind ).

Its probably agood thing that you are both feeling red at the moment HP and Confused. Don't start nesting till you've got somewhere to nest in!

There's been much baby related activity in the YTD household. I have had both my blood tests and DH is booked into the fertility clinic to give his sample next week. A couple of weeks after that we'll make a joint appearance at the GPs to get our results and find out if we pass or fail.

Re indulgance foods, I'm a failed veggie and now like really meaty meat. I'd love a bloody steak right now. But its tea tine and I've done nowt about it (DH is watching the darts, rather than knocking up a delicious meal ) so I think it could be frozen pizza for us tonight...

Lovely YTD, I found you and your beautiful wedding dress. It's gorgeous, worth every penny. I too fell in love with a dress, on reflection it was the quickest decision I have ever made, it was perfect. If I could zip it up I would still slip into it of an evening, but I was so scared my (modest) boobs would fall out I made the shop lady take it in A Lot. Crazy. Needless to say I could barely breathe and four years and half a stone later mean it is a beautiful memory. Also, I keep it in a box under our bed, for good luck.

I meant to also squeak 'wedding magazines!!' at Confused before she zipped off. How great does that sound? I loved buying the wedding mags, it was like the reading equivalent of soft blankets and marshmallows. I don't expect baby mags are the same - perhaps more into labour and buggies? Anyway, how does one get into the wedding mag game?

Please Confused tell us that it really is as glamerous as we think it is! After our year of weddings me and my mate were almost seriously contemplating getting a Saturday job in the wedding dress shop. I loved all the trying on (well, to be honest, I think I enjoyed watching my friend do the trying on more) and seeing other people in the shop looking great in such lovely frocks. It's license to play at dressing up. That's probably why so many otherwise sensible women go abit loopy about the whole wedding thing.

The best thing about my dress was the way it made me feel. It had all this wonderful internal corsetry and I was pulled in and pushed out in all the right places. I'm generally not that confident about how I look and hate having my picture taken, but I felt like I could face all the attention in this dress.

And seriously Confused, how do you get into the wedding dress magazine business? The baby magazines are pretty marshmellowy (yes, I have bought one ), but perhaps a little less glamorous. The one I've got is the reading equivilent of a little white vest. Try flicking through one in WH Smith and see if you get a flicker of greenness?

I don't think I need an instant BFP - I just want to know that a BFP is possible and will happen eventually. The point of going for tests was to see if there;s a problem and sort it out, but now I am scared that we might discover a problem that can't be fixed and I might never be a mummy. I used to think that I wouldn't mind if I couldn't have kids, now I don't think I'll be quite so sanguine. However, its early days yet and there's probably nowt wrong that loose fitting pants and regular shagging can't fix!

Anyway, big day at work tomorrow. Got to get in early to prepare a presentation for my 10.00am meeting, so best put myself to bed in good time. Bed is probably the only place that is warm at the moment. The snow is lovely to look at, but I don't like the cold...

Gorgeous dress YTD - and you found one with sleeves Virtually every wedding dress I tried on was strapless, and while lots of them were lovely I just knew I would spend the whole day hitching it up over my boobs whether it was actually falling down or not! So in the end I gave up and got one made (with sleeves). No idea if I can still get into it - I'm too daunted at the thought of trying to fold it back into its box to risk getting it out!

Indulgence foods - probably chocolate and the more expensive the better But I occasionally crave cold sausage sandwiches - slightly bizarre since while I'm not and never have been completely veggie, I hardly eat any meat...

Can't imagine where in the country you are HP - I thought all the south had lots of snow! But I suppose it depends on your definition of 'south' [wonders if HP is, in fact, not in the UK at all] I live so close to work that it would take some amazingly deep snow to stop me getting to work - which is lucky since I'd have to take it as leave and I've got almost none left.

Whenever I see green coming at the moment I'm looking the other way and singing "la, la, la" with my fingers in my ears, because I can't bear the thought of wanting to be a mother and it not happening (which is what I'm horribly afraid of) I kind of know how you feel YTD but I'm so far off properly getting going on this TTC lark I feel a bit of a fraud trying to empathise!

Suerock i did hear that parts of dorset didn't get snow..

Hello ladies!
I am typing this from the safety of our half empty office with a humdinger of a hangover - oops!

Wedding magazines? I've worked at them all (almost, anyway.) My mum is a dress designer and I managed to get work experience after uni at Wedding and Home (which is now Wedding magazine.) From there I, eventually, got a job at a website which was associated with You and Your Wedding, and that then folded so I was moved to Bride and Groom magazine.

Oooh, have to go - back later

Back again - bit tricky at work.

Back to wedding magazines - was it glamourous? No! I ended up working largely in a cupboard, for starters! The fashion cupboard that is. I ended up doing a lot of fashion stuff, which basically meant assisting on shoots. This means calling all the samples in, lots of packing and unpacking and then packing again, and ironing and steaming. At first I liked it but eventually started to hate it as it was very fiddly and I prefer working where I only have to rely on myself, not models / photographers / PR companies and so on. I preferred doing the editorial stuff, esp the beauty stories due to the freebies!

it all sounds quite wonderful, if i'm honest!

Ah, but it was also very competitive (with reminders that nobody is irreplacable all the time) and there were 5 of us producing a magazine, not nearly enough! While hours were officially 9.30 to 5.30 I was almost always there till gone 7, and, while some of the people I worked with were lovely (our mag was on the same floor as You and Your Wedding) others were not - very catty environment at times.