To TTC or not to TTC, that is the question... as Hamlet sort of said about something else entirely

[CHW]

Hi,
Had few glasses of wine and have spent large part of the evening on this site. I am in two minds about a baby - or really, at the age of 35 (but Type 1 diabetic which can complicate thingss) and really ought to make a decision about whether to have a family or not.
I worry about cost, the changes it will make to our lives and, well, if I am actually just happy as I am. Me and DH discussed going for it, so to speak, sometime after the start of Aug (as did the London Triathlon before then so couldn't before then) and decided we would once the triathlon was out the way. Now it is and we are both stalling. But it is playing on both our minds - in the do we, or don't we way.

My babyometer keeps going haywire - any tips or things for me to also consider which may help us make a decision. I am also wondering if we are simply analysing things too much but beeing diabetic makes things more complicated (ie they need to be planned, in an ideal world at least.) Any help or food for thoughts would be MASSIVELY appreciated!

Pretty broody here, but I still think most babies are pretty ugly - obviously mine will be gorgeous!!

I'll be a rapid expander as well - I'd like to use teh excuse that I'm built that way, but I'm not. Give me any excuse to eat all the pies and you can be sure I will.

Anybody else watch Portland Babies (used to show, can't find it on anymore) or Deliver Me ?
Incidentally for extra green days there is this link. clicking on the names shows the pix and some of them are really cute!
aware am appearing really really green. i guess it's just phases.

Hmmm, I would possibly actually lose weight at first as I would not be drinking and also would have to watch everything I ate to keep my blood sugar extremely even - so, no treats or late night snacking. Am sat here now feeling bloody huge anyway though - the new kitchen has provoked lots of sitting around drinking wine. Add to that the cold weather and subsequent comfort eating and I now have the midriff of someone who's 6 months gone. And, unfortunately, that is not an exaggeration.

So, in short, I am currently a fat boozer. Great. Perhaps 9 months of enforced sobriety would be a good thing...

Seagreen are you saying you've had a boob job, or am I getting the wrong end of the stick?

After I wrote up I put on half a stone, some of which went boobwards. I went from a generous 'A' to an only just 'C'. Being measured properly helped, and stopped the pain I was getting from the too small bras. But to the casual observer I definitely look like an A to B. I know a girl who is pregnant and is now a 'HH'. Eek.

YTD, Your sentence "I don't care any more, I just want to be a mum' brought a lump to my throat. That surely must be the point you get to when you are ready? Even if you wobble from green occasionally, I hope you get what you want really soon, or at least after the bulk of the decorating has been done!

If anyone is interested in trashy pregnancy TV, I can recommend 'I didn't know I was pregnant'. It's on Discovery Health or something and is the best/worst show ever. These women don't know they are pregnant until the contractions start, which is clearly a nightmare, but the re-enactments are so funny I cry laughing.

HP must catch an episode then (always time the trashy preg tv, needless to say, when alone at home!)
yikes got busted there by DH - he's like, AHA- you're posting on mumsnet aren't you?!?

Confused - nope not at all it's just greed and comfort eating! went from 34B to 36C.

Sorry, YTD, I forgot to add the same - it made me do a bit of a gulp too (the comment about wanting to be a mum.)

I have NO IDEA why, but for some stupid reason I have been looking at video's of people giving birth. This link made me go light headed - in fact, I am still light headed. Scary Video

I have not got the Discovery channel, or I too would be sneakily catching an episode!

My DH now knows I have been on Mumsnet. I was all secretive about it for ages but now I don't really care. Although I don't want him to ask about posts or see any so am keeping quietish about it just in case. Don't want to fuel his interest after all! So, do most people's DH's know they are lurking on here? (HP I know yours doesn't as you've said before.)

mine knows i frequent mumsnet. (we have discussed sproglet plans etc and if anything he is more broody than i am, in the sense that he would like to have a situation where we could proceed but doesn't obsess about it like i do from time to time or read up etc!). but he doesn't know anything more than that eg my mumsnet name / posts etc. i doubt he's ever checked out mumsnet. he was quite curious to begin with but i haven't encouraged curiosity about what i post

My DH now knows that I am hanging out on MumsNet, but he hasn't enquired further.

OMG Confused are you trying to knock all the loving nurtured greenness out of me?!! That video is hideous. Urrgh. And that's normal? I suppose the one advantage of being the one giing birth is that you don't have to watch it.

Am feeling slightly nauseous now.

Sorry... Yes, that is meant to be 'normal' too. Hence, I looked at it in the first place. After all, looking up scary births would ne stupid, and I thought it would be better to make it seem less mysterious. Am now thinking that that might not have been the way to go about it

I don't mind that DH knows I am on MN so much(well, I suppose I did tell him) but like Seagreen I won't be encouraging curiosity

I'm all for keeping the mystery. I'd like to remain in happy ignorance (or at least until its too late for me to do anything about it).

I can't watch the video as the iPod Touch (which I am secretly using to hide my mumsnet postings) won't let me view it. Will watch next time have laptop out.

So DH is hopefully still in dark about my little habit. This subject is still a bit too intense (although improving monthly) to reveal my posts and he is very computer and HoneyPetal literate so it would take him five mins to identify me and all this (makes arm sweeping gesture encompassing all crazy hidden thoughts that I only share with you lot).

In retrospect, I wish I had kept the mystery too. I was hoping for something that would bring a lump to my throat and amaze me in all it's, er, amazingness but instead I now feel sick. Sick and quite terrified.

Going to bed now as, if I am in bed, I can't eat anything.

TBH it's not the medical aspects (and have seen all sorts of those on youtube by now- including one episiotomy from hell). that's possibly something i am going to start thinking about if and when it is nearly time to pop! i mean, practically half the population of the world has done it, my mother, everyone else's mothers..
the other bits appear far more scary to me TBH-the responsibility and the fact that i am not going to be just master of my own destiny. won't be able to just up and cut here and there, that my time won't be my own and in all my decisions i will always be responsible for someone depending on me finanially and otherwise(and i will have to put their needs ahead of mine). that's the claustrophobic bit.

also i am far from being a fount of knowledge on this one but the position shown is the old on-your-back-and-push-for-england (even with stirrups in the past decades) one which apparently causes more tearing, doesn't work with gravity etc. so i wouldn't get all upset about it! have seen much nicer ones that are waterbirths, standing up, squatting etc and the nhs do apparently often encourage women to try the position they find best. will try to dig up a couple of those- really calm stuff and the women look quite in control and ok about the whole thing.

really really calm! around 3:30 mins is when the action starts.
this is so natural too - ignoring the funny translation from dutch.
and this too. can't imagine whipping off everything like this but can't judge till you walk in her shoes i guess!
hope admin are not going to take this off. obviously this only links to youtube and that shows this only if you are signed in as an adult.
Net result-i shall try not to be terrified until i actually get to the terrifying bit.

Hi ,
I was going to reply to these posts at work today but when I went onto Mumsnet the recent posts were in purple, as if they had been read already so I got paranoid and logged out. Think I might have to give Mumsnet a miss from now on when I am at work - shame as it can be a lifesaver!

Anyway, those links Seagreen... I wouldn't have thought stuff like that would be on YouTube, hence I ended up finding that other one of a 'normal' birth. I agree wholeheartedly that the one's you posted are far less barbaric (for wont of a better word!)

While you say you don't find the prospect of that worrying, I am unfortunately unable to follow your line of thought. I am a bit of a control freak with anything to do with my body so am admittedly likely to be a high maintenance drama queen. I also find the prospect of things like forceps, epiostomies and so on, horrendous. I know billions have done it since time began etc etc but that doesn't reassure me. In fact, I think I am more relaxed (or dubious, now I think of it) about the stuff that comes after. I have lots of experience of little 'uns so maybe that plays a big part (and also have no experience of a splitting fanjo!) so there isn't as much mystery. Not saying I am an expert on motherhood without actually being a mother, but the experience I do have so far I think stands me in good stead.

Hope that makes sense!

Now going to look at NICE birth things on YouTube!

yay pregnancy annoucements on youtube! those give me the warm fuzzies everytime!
please share any nice vids you find!
i like
this and
this
ooh and this, a lot
there's a whole subculture out there

maybe it's because i see things through rose tinted spectacles a bit, as i have very faint recollections of my sibling being a baby, and not much experience with babies etc after that- or at all..
I do see your point Confused.

ok last post was a bit rambling so let me explain-
the medical bits interest me, have always been interested in biology and medicine and that sort of thing- sort of person who looks at the syringe when they give me an injection - so might be able to aim for clinical curiosity and get away with that one.
the next step- ie the actual kid is the one that worries me more due to my lack of experience with babies.
it could be my broodiness stems from v selfish feelings of wanting to undergo something special for 9 months (and adoring DH and family etc, being able to get away without holding it in, joining the club, getting to choose clothes and names etc) rather than real maternal instinct!
hope that is less rambling

I don't think I've seen a video of childbirth from the midwife's point of view since I was at school, when they were trying to put us off teenage pregnancy. (It didn't work - and here's a weird thought - the daughter of my classmate who had a baby at 17 will now be the same age as her mother was when she sprogged. So if I'd got my skates on I could be a grandmother by now )

You have to be careful with MN at work if you want to keep stuff private - I try not to go on it as all our web use is monitored, but occasionally wander through. So today, my boss grabbed my mouse and said "Do you mind? I just want to show you something on the net" - I was terrified MN would pop up in the history or something! So I too will be being a bit more restrained. And thinking of keeping stuff private, I don't think DH knows I ramble on anxiously about TTC, but I don't suppose he'd be very interested. But I suspect I am instantly identifiable to anyone who knows me.....

Thanks for sharing the slightly less fearsome videos SeaGreen. The first one was pretty chilled. I think I liked that one best cos she wasn't screaming (cos she'd had an epidural, I note) and we didn't get a close up of the business end of the delivery. As someone who generally get light headed at the first site of a needle, I am definately in favour of practical ignorance when it comes to clinical proceedures. I like to load myself up with theoretical knowledge, but I don't want to look thank you!!

I still think that pushing something the size of a melon through my hitherto quite dainty delicate bits is the most hideous part of the whole baby thing. I am totally sold on the being a Mummy part, and the bit in the video afterwards, when the baby is breathing and safe and cleaned up made me a bit weepy. I accept that my life will be totally different post child and, whilst I don't know how to be a parent (and the prospect of teenagers terrifies me), I reckon I can figure it out and I'm sure it will be worth it. I am even coming round to the idea of being pregnant and I can see how that could be really special (although a bit of me still thinks is all abit like Alien). But I don't think I'll ever think of birth as something other than horrendous.

You know what, I think I'm feeling a bit pinkish. Not full on red, but definately an orangy pink. Like Confused I'm a bit of a control freak, I don't like my body being tampered with. Fortunately, I'm generally healthy, so don't have much to do with the medical establishment (well, apart from working for them - but I do IT systems, a little more bits and bytes, than bits and bites!), but that probably makes me all the more reluctant to put myself in a position where a variety of interested professionals can have a poke around my insides.

There isn't an emoticon for feeling slight nauseous, so I'll have to make do with this one.

re pushing the melon through the lady bits, just a thought to make us all feel better- my book said the oxytocin in the body during labour makes the cervix stretchy so it doesnt feel like it would normally. they made the comparison before and after to the consistency of the tip of your nose (before- hard but springy) to the consistency of your lips (soft and stretchy).
i will not stop before i freak you guys and myself in the process.

oops last sentence came out completely opposite in meaning and sounding very scary!!
i didn't mean "i will not stop before i freak you guys and myself in the process"- that was supposed to be "i will now stop before i freak you guys and myself in the process."

btw isn't this maternity dress beautiful!!
three cheers for not having to hold it in!