To TTC or not to TTC, that is the question... as Hamlet sort of said about something else entirely

[CHW]

Hi,
Had few glasses of wine and have spent large part of the evening on this site. I am in two minds about a baby - or really, at the age of 35 (but Type 1 diabetic which can complicate thingss) and really ought to make a decision about whether to have a family or not.
I worry about cost, the changes it will make to our lives and, well, if I am actually just happy as I am. Me and DH discussed going for it, so to speak, sometime after the start of Aug (as did the London Triathlon before then so couldn't before then) and decided we would once the triathlon was out the way. Now it is and we are both stalling. But it is playing on both our minds - in the do we, or don't we way.

My babyometer keeps going haywire - any tips or things for me to also consider which may help us make a decision. I am also wondering if we are simply analysing things too much but beeing diabetic makes things more complicated (ie they need to be planned, in an ideal world at least.) Any help or food for thoughts would be MASSIVELY appreciated!

Exactly confuseddoiordonti, you've hit the nail on the head. Have got people telling me "babies make their own luck" but i don't think that's a very practical way of looking at it. and yes, our parents coped with not that much financial security, but then they weren't facing the biggest recession since the great depression.
so it's back to surfing the internet and lurking on threads like this and some moaning from time to time! And no, am afaid the money situation is not in my hands at the moment.
am i afraid to be happy? yes i am. is it justified? unfortunately, yes!
YorkshireTeaDrinker- that's spot on! Mother Nature is an evil, evil woman

..and yet another baby born yesterday to a classmate of mine!
am happy for her, of course
but a bit

Hi Seagreen. Welcome!
If you are scouting around looking for places to talk babies and TTC, I don?t know if you know or not, but there is also a conception thread called ?Anyone else want to join me in a waiting to conceive thread? Anyone else really broody but cant TTC yet?. You may also find support from further like-minded people in there who are definitely planning to TTC in the near future. Of course, you are very welcome here in the Dithering Camp ? just FYI, we have two general guidelines:

1. We don?t talk about the birth trauma website (one of Confused?s scarier discoveries). It?s like our Vietnam.
2. We constantly talk ourselves out of TTC (even those who are TTC), and have endless patience for everyone?s ?red? days/months/years.

Seagrass sorry to hear you're envious of your friend with the new baby. Perhaps you should console yourself by thinking of the current state of her pelvic floor. An odd approach, perhaps, but it works for me!

HP I kind of wish you hadn't said that about the second mortgage. We're stuggling enough with the one we've got! And, answering your question, no, we are not TTC at the moment. In fact, with everything going on, we've barely been shagging at all

ps HP I hadn't had a true period in almost 21 years but things went back to normal really quickly (2 months, max.)

Thanks HoneyPetal! Have a feeling will be lurking there as well!
Re the guidelines, #1 sounds very sensible! Bit traumatised by the horrors up on youtube. re #2, i had a dream two nights ago where i had a kid and the overwhelming feeling was claustrophobia(pls note use of sproglet or kid or similar casual moniker so's not to freak myself out). was quite surprised by that actually- clearly i am broody but somewhere my subconscious is freaking out about it! suspect i am like the dog who strained at his lead to tell the other dogs off, but when let off the lead got really scared and didn't know what to do!
so after that deep self obsessed and boring analysis i will stop here and let others with better things to say take over again!
Anyone else spend too much time on ohdeedoh? it's amazing- manna for the broody! www.ohdeedoh.com/

These are my current favourites:

The beautiful handmade and hand-me-down nursery is this one

This is the lovely red one, against mostly handmade.

This is so soothing. And pretty roman blinds that this woman colour matched and made herself.

Sorry, don't mean to hijack the thread to talk about my favourite nursery decor inspirations. Just feels lovely being able to share this.

Share away!

Love the hand me down one, especially.

Oh god, I think you've just started me off on a new obsession - virtual nurseries for the virtual baby. Arrrggghhhh!

Confused - join the club!
and thanks for the thoughts-of-her-pelvic-floor tip- feeling better

and the stitches, don't forget the stitches...

mucho evil

And wee'ing when you laugh, cough or sneeze.

The list is endless!

this is another virtual item earmarked for virtual sproglet. Sadly, this is already sold but since the fates decree that it will be years before i get my act together, can always ask this person to make one anew!
ok giving away my obsessive nature here, better quit while am ahead!

Hmmm, as I am hoping to start makings things (already do cake toppers for weddings made out of Fimo) you have just given me an excellent idea - thank you Seagreen!

And feel free to ba as obsessive as you want - this is a very self undulgent place and you'll find that you certainly aren't the only one! x

Welcome SeaGreen, and hello all to the rest of the regular posters - and to LST if you're still around and reading this thread - hope all's well with you.

That mobile is cute - do you know much the maker was asking for it SeaGreen? I wouldn't buy one but I could make one myself though! I have to confess that while nursery design doesn't interest me much (the mite will get a laundry basket to sleep in and a cardboard box for her clothes - if she's lucky) I do make baby clothes, and every time I do a new pattern I make an extra one to put away. If the point comes when I realise I won't have kids I guess I'll have to get rid of them somehow - which will be a bit emotional I think. Like saying goodbye to the child you never had I'm a bit up and down about babies at the moment - when I think about never having one ever, it feels like a trapdoor opens up under my feet and sends me off somewhere I'm not sure I want to go. But since everything else is getting on top of me, mostly I haven't got the energy or will to nag DH into action, and I feel mean doing so anyway. And so another month goes by. But my main panic at the moment is Christmas, about which I have done precisely NOTHING. No presents bought, already missed the posting date for some cards, no food preparation done, no travel sorted. Wah

Welcome SeaGreen. We are all at various stages of red-to-greenness, so you'll slot in where ever you are on the scale.

Looks like you've moved the levels of confession on as well SeaGreen: to what extent are we making physical preparations for the children we are not sure we want! How many clothes have you got put away Suerock? I am slowly filling my bottom drawer with bits and bobs I spot in sales. So far I have a maternity top and a couple of babygrows that I picked up in the Mamas and Papas sale.

Not sure I'll be able to provide the first BFP on this thread. DH is currently crashed out on the sofa asleep. Our 2 week bonkathon is starting to stutter a bit!

I've got an appointment at the docs on Friday. Had a sudden rush of green today and decided to make an initial appointment to find out what out options are for investigation / possible intervention. I reckon ats probably all ok and we are just going to take a while (body dithering as much as mind, etc) but want to start the process of checking, just in case.

Another 6 months of pills eh HP? As confused pointed out, a lot can happen in 6 months. Hopefully you'll be in your House of Dreams within the next six months and then can consider being pill free for a bit. I'd had 13 years on the pill (with gaps for a few periods of chaste singleness) and have found it a bit wierd having normal periods again. It's a lot less predicatable and more painful being unregulated, but once I started paying attention to my cycle its wes pretty interesting to see the changes that happen to my body every month that I have been totally oblivious to for most of my adult life.

Right, best wake DH up and drag him to bed! . Night all.

Thanks, SueRock, YorkshireTeaDrinker!
I think the mobile was about $20, so about £12 or 13. am quite into design and all that (by which i mean i spend plenty of time day dreaming about projects-in-the-sky). so got a bunch of ideas. No clothes so far- think I will be holding fire on that as don't want anyone (read: family/ friends) to bust my chops if they locate a stash.
Plus anyway don't have the money to spend on anything extra right now so it's out of the question!
suspect this whole thing will be a bunch of decor ideas and when sproglet comes along nothing will be done
[hoping have not given everyone the notion that i equate sproglet with just a decor opportunity!]

Hmmm, well I too can confess that I have often browsed through Ebay looking at lovely baby clothes. As they grow so fast it seems ridiculous spending a lot on new, and via somewhere like Ebay you, well I, can get brands I normally wouldn't want to fork out for. I have to admit to, a while ago, I saw this wonderful 'gro-bag' that was in the shape of a frog (sounds revolting but, trust me, it was really cute!) made by some posh French brand and I was SOOOOOO tempted to put a bid on. Tbink it went for about £15 in the end, not that I was watching it or anything That is about it on the shopping for my virtual baby though, have not, until Seagreen appeared anyway, thought about things like nurseries.

We are getting all excited about the prospect of our new house and move to Hebden Bridge. I think it's the idea of having money in the bank instead of just being constantly in the red (and not just slightly in the red) as well, which is understandable. We will be able to afford to really make our new home our own, for example DH was on about the likes of a Smeg fridge (love them!) and a wood burner - currently have an open fire but do like wood burners as they are so efficient.

Yes, I am verring away from babies but still keeping in domestic - I think the baby thing is going to to kick in BIG time when we move... For DH too (watching Kirstie Allsop making Christmas stuff last night on TV and DH started talking about making a wooden advent calendar for 'when we have kids' - PLURAL?! not sure about that yet - so I don't think I'm the only one.

Can I join you guys? I've been lurking on MN for a while now and need somewhere to hang out - I think I've found a home

I'm 36 1/2 and never, ever wanted kids. But met a new man (getting married in May) who wants kids and suddenly find myself a tentative green! (Surely hanging out on MN is a green sign in itself?!)

Kids scare me! Worse than that they often bore me! Think I'm safe admitting that kind of thing here.

Hello BB!
I can see exactly what you mean. I never wanted any before meeting DH, and possibly turning 35, and, even now, it changes on a hourly / daily basis. I have friends who used to look at every potential boyfriend as a potential father, but I was the opposite. In fact, even now, not many people that my mind is gradually changing.

Kids don't scare me, I don't mean to sound rude but I am very good with them (as has been mentioned to me quite a few times) but they do bore me, or at least they can do. The other weekend I was with some friends who had a daughter after 18 years or so together and they seemed so happy now (they too had been adamant about NOT having any but changed their mind suddenly, it was a toss up between than and some dogs). But! While they seem so content etc it also does seem bloody dull sometimes, and also the smallest thing takes so much organisation and all spontaneity goes out of everything. This does not appeal one bit!

I do think on this thread, and the scientist on here will especially agree, that we tend to analyse too much, but I think this inevitable when you get to our ripe-ish old ages!

When did you meet your fiance? And how old is he, and what are his views on the matter , and have they always been his views or is it a recent change of heart etc etc. Nosey, aren't I?!

Oh dear - writing at work does make things tricky. I meant to say that 'even now, not many people know my mind is changing' and also, I don't mean to sound arrogant not rude! Rude isn't the right word at all! Lastly, it's scientists not scientist.

Right - corrections over! (I am typing very sneakily at work while pretending to be actually working, you see.)

Hiya confused

We met a year ago and have been engaged for a couple of weeks. We both agreed that we wanted to be married before having kids. He's always wanted to have them. But I'm very aware of my age. I'd be more sorry for him than me at the moment if it turned out we couldn't have any.

I can't bare the assumption from work folks and his friends/family that once we get married we'll have children. It seems so bloody nosey and rude! So I'm publicly sticking to my mantra of "no kids thankyou". The thought of people watching my moods (PMT) or my drinking habits sends me rather

As a career girl I do find myself being scarily competitive! Once we've decided to go for it, I want to start now and race to a BFP! Even though scared silly!

Oh, at work, I like the Word or Exchange then cut and paste option!

I tried the cut and paste option but, for some reason, it doesn't work here (we have Star office which is rubbish so maybe that's why.)

Congratulations on your engagement! Apart from my dad being a dickhead, we enjoyed every moment of our wedding planning - hope you enjoy every minute too!

Yes, the thought of people watching my mood, what I eat etc would drive me insane too. As would people trying to advise me once I had had the baby too, I think. I also am not keen on the assumption that we will automatically have kids now we've got married (will be two years in April, so maybe those assumptions are fading off now.) Those chains of thought make me want to go in the opposite direction. The other week I had a friends mother, and yes she is known for being a cantankerous stirrer, calling me a 'baby hater' and commenting on how I 'only like animals' This woman has 5 kids and it would be very rude indeed for me to criticize her decision to have five, and likewise it is surely just as rude for her to comment on my decision not have any?!

I'll stop there as I can see myself getting on a rant...

We are four years post-wedding, I think most people either assume we arent going to have any or that we are trying and haven't been successful. No-one ever asks though, but I may have mentioned my mother-in-law, who wrings her hands and wails to Mother Nature "when, oh when will I have grandchildren?".

I can't really answer her, to be honest.

Also, buying baby stuff?!? Good grief, that may be the greenest confession ever uttered on this thread. I feel faint and trembly at the thought of DH finding that stuff. I bought Jools Olivers pregnancy book and it is hidden at the bottom of my underwear drawer. Oops, that was a bit of a confession of my own.....

Yes, where is LST? Hope she is ok.

Good luck with the apointment, YTD, hope it goes ok. From what everyone is saying, re red/amber/green, you are still the lead BFP chance.

I am yet to pick up my prescription, must go before next week or Im in trouble. It's good that both of your periods came back so quickly, I guess it's one of the things that you don't know until you try. Sorry if this is TMI, but I used to hate the unexpected early start, especially at school or college. Shudder. But Im a big girl now, hopefully better at planning!