To TTC or not to TTC, that is the question... as Hamlet sort of said about something else entirely

[CHW]

Hi,
Had few glasses of wine and have spent large part of the evening on this site. I am in two minds about a baby - or really, at the age of 35 (but Type 1 diabetic which can complicate thingss) and really ought to make a decision about whether to have a family or not.
I worry about cost, the changes it will make to our lives and, well, if I am actually just happy as I am. Me and DH discussed going for it, so to speak, sometime after the start of Aug (as did the London Triathlon before then so couldn't before then) and decided we would once the triathlon was out the way. Now it is and we are both stalling. But it is playing on both our minds - in the do we, or don't we way.

My babyometer keeps going haywire - any tips or things for me to also consider which may help us make a decision. I am also wondering if we are simply analysing things too much but beeing diabetic makes things more complicated (ie they need to be planned, in an ideal world at least.) Any help or food for thoughts would be MASSIVELY appreciated!

I'd like to think a lot of it must be instinct although perhaps I'd change my mind if I suddenly had to look after one. I find 18 months and up fine, but tiny tiny one's are a new thing - but guess they don't do much do they, so perhaps they are actually easier...?

I think a lot of men may be good with them when it comes to silly faces etc but they are not neccessarily that good when it comes to the more boring practical side of things. Although I am making sweeping generalisations probably, what does everyone else think?

As for throwing up meaning the baby likes you, hmmm That's like me saying my dog liked you if she pooped on your carpet.

Evening all. Too much pain to type. Back when feel human. Hope all well. Welcome, 30andLurking.
HP

GET WELL SOON HONEYPETAL! xxx

Sorry to hear you're feeling peaky still HP . Chin up chuck. Get Well Soon.

Thanks HoneyP, sorry to hear you're feeling rubbish!

Hi all

Sorry for long silence - major work crisis, and then mad week catching up with the rest of life.

Get well, HP - hope you're doing better now! Ouch and double ouch.

Hope the house renovations are progressing, confused. Doesn't sound a huge amount of fun at the moment. But great that you can move soon when you are ready to, and that there are houses around in Hebden Bridge. Must feel a lot more real!

Welcome 30AndL! Sounds like you're in just the right place here with us!

I was happy but not as ecstatic as I'd expected to see my nephew at 4 days old, because of the whole not really engaging thing, but his mum (my sister) was ecstatic for the both of us, which was lovely to witness, and he became rewarding much earlier than I'd expected (4/5 months) so am much more pro-tinies than I used to be. Seeing him next week and very excited (though slightly scared of what it will do to me...).

Looks like attacks of greenness all round! Mine is fairly steady now. Went to see my friend with the two wild boys (3 and 1) yesterday, the one who isn't enjoying motherhood much, and while she isn't much happier, the boys weren't as wild as I remembered and really enjoyed reading to the older one, who is very attentive and reacts in really cute ways. (I do feel awful because if my (putative, probably never to come) child wasn't into books at all at any stage I think I would struggle a bit to bond with them!) So think the worst case scenario isn't feeling quite as bad as it once was.

I'm feeling pretty rubbish today (and really really wasn't coming back on here just because of this - was planning to reconnect today, honest, as it's my first semi-quiet day...) - have some sort of horrible bug (not SF, though, I don't think) and also AF started this morning. Had been almost convinced I was pregnant because of weird cramping all week and - I thought - bigger boobs. (No, LST, you have just put on weight!!) So a bit blue that it isn't happening again. And bloody DH has booked himself a ski race training trip in France (necessary?? I don't think so!) over the whole of the next fertile period. Bloody men. (Bloody blood.)

Sorry. Will reconnect in a more civilized manner soon. Best to all and sorry to vent on here.

Bloody bloody bloody - vent away me dear!

I'll be back later on - just have to take the dog out

Hello All!!! Thank you all for your good wishes, really kind - Im back, but off my face on a dangerous cocktail of painkillers and antibiotics, so apologies in advance for any typos or nonsense talk.

Levi, Im sorry you are feeling blue, and dont apologise for any venting. If you cant do it here, then where? Here is something to maybe make you laugh in a wry way - I am on the pill and sometimes convince myself I have preggo symptoms, when really I have just put on a leetle bit of weight and dont like strong smells in the morning. Ridiculous, non? Also (shame emoticon) for the recent operation, general anaesthetic and subsequent drug usage I thought it would be best to fully know that there was no danger to a MiniHP, so for the first time in my life I POAS!! Of course it was -ve, but was worth it just to experience the wee hitting the end of the stick, bouncing upwards and spraying all over my bathroom and my hand. Awesome.

Its a shame that your DH has made himself unavailable during your next eggy-time, does he know the consequences of his absence or is he blissfully unaware? Men, huh!

As for whether men are good at the practicalities of babies, I think its a mixed bag as often they have the luxury of being able to avoid things like nighttime feeds etc. I know some men who are great (well, the bits I see) and some who are crap. More specifically, my DH, I have no idea as I have never seen him hold a baby for more than 2 panic-stricken minutes in the 15 years we have been together. In his words he 'doesnt like other peoples babies'. Warms your heart, doesnt it?

Not sure what colour I am today. Swirly purple and orange, I think.

Levi I second what HP says, if you can't vent here when can you?

Christ, it is so easy to see how this whole TTC can take over your life. While we are having a brief 'on hold' period due to the house situation, I am still finding it hard not to wonder whether it's worth booking things and whatnot on the off chance I'd be preggers when it came round. Realise it's no way to live your life.

Oooh, DH has just come in (also with the dog which belongs to the friend who's recently had the baby) so need to go. Will be back on later if I can

Is anyone there? I guess not HP obviously as if her last post is anything to go by she's probably laid in a field listening to The Doors.

I am knackered but staying up for a bit as the dog we have for the weekend is a bit folorn; he was rehomed after the last family lived with had a baby and an worried he thinks the same has happened now (no chance, they'd be more likely to rehome the baby!)

So... HP of all people has been testing - I am getting more and more convinced that the first BFP on this thread is going to be yours! I know there are some enormous hurdles to jump before this is even vaguely likely but I still like the idea. If this was a book I'd make the HP character pregnant first, I think. However, this is, kind of, real life so I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens...

LST hope you are a bit less down in the dumps. What a bugger that your DH has booked to go away when it's your egg fest time too. It would be SO fab if you got a BFP before having to go down the IVF route as I get the impression that IVF can take over your life in such a way that it makes 'normal' TTC look like something you can forget.

As for the convicing yourself you might be pregnant and mad symptom spotting, I am starting to think it is inevitable. When we went away for my birthday and, well you get the idea, I was CONVINCED - I was slightly dizzy at times, had a slight dull ache in my lower abdomen (like period pains) and lots of other things I can no longer remember that made me sure I was. I felt a twat when I wasn't, I have to say, and instead had a UTI (and not sure if the UTI would create half of the 'symptoms' I thought i had.) The idea of having that (ie all in the head symptoms) for half of every month once we do start TTC is bloody awful however I can't see it being easy to stop. C'est la vie I suppose...

Thanks, folks. It's so nice to come on here and know that there are like-minded and sympathetic people I can share this with. Almost all of my friends now have kids so while they'd be very nice, it's not quite the same.

Anyway, still feeling quite low but not as tearful as yesterday, and have DH's sister and her kids coming to stay so have to be jolly and do a belated Halloween party for them. Which is good, despite me not really feeling like it, as it will keep me busy and distracted. (They're 12 and 10, so aren't really likely to trigger any further broodiness either, though are nice kids so do keep me in generally positive disposition.) DH has offered to change his train to a day later, and even if he doesn't he is leaving on the afternoon of day 15 of my cycle, so it might still be ok (and lots of shagging isn't working at the moment so maybe it's irrelevant anyway...). It was just one more thing yeseterday...

Right, off to be perky if it kills me! Hope the painkillers are working, HP - and how funny/exciting re. the test, even if as predicted -ve. A taste of what awaits you (the testing, not the negative, obviously - hopefully you'll hit the jackpot first time!). And hope the dog is feeling a bit happier, confused - poor thing, sounds like a sad story. I'm just like that with the symptom spotting. Don't know what was wrong with me this month - maybe I had an undiagnosed UTI too - perhaps should check that out. Am quite prepared to believe that it's ALL completely psychosomatic with me though - not just a coincidence that it's always the last two weeks of the cycle that I get all these pains and weird symptoms...

Hope you all have a good weekend (or as good as possible, pain permitting, HP).

Waves too to Suerock, YTD, 30 and anyone else who happens to drop in!

Don't worry about the ranting LST - this is what MN is for, right? As well as agonising over the details of shall I, shan't I, what happens if I do, what if I'm no good at it and all the rest of it, of course Having started trying to work out which days I'm fertile for the last couple of months, I can understand it being beyond frustrating when you realise that an opportunity is going to get missed. But glad to hear you're feeling a bit perkier today, and you should take your DH up on any offers he might make which could mean this month is the month for you!

HP - LOL on your description of your first POAS experience! In fact so much so that DH demanded to know what I was chortling at and I had to reply "Err...Facebook"..... I too am a novice at this whole thing - it's more difficult than I thought, especially with cheapy little sticks off eBay which are rather difficult to, um, aim for!

Hope your friend's dog cheers up soon, confused - must be tough for a pet if s/he feels her place has been usurped.

Hi to 30aL! Sounds like you will fit right in here - welcome to the world of ditheryness

What on earth is a face then??!!! Now that's a new one on me. The things you learn on MN eh?

Shall we rename it Rant-Net?! It seems more fitting a lot of the time.

Am currently sat in the pub supposedly working on my book - the same book which seems to get bigger rather than smaller. Was very well behaved and drank coffee for a while but now on my first pint and MY GOD it's nice!

We took our friends' dog back this evening, he was fine after a while (after some love and reassurance) but is now in our bad books due to sprinting (he is a greyhound / border collie cross so very fast, very nippy, incredible stamina and very clever) towards the main road, across almost a mile of fields, after a kite. I seriously thought he was going to end up dead in the road - horrific! All the shouting in the world would have made no difference, he was fixated on this bloody kite. Apparently he has a thing for kites - we know now! We also ended up putting him on the lead regardless later on as he was ignoring us when we called him. He has been doing this quite a lot recently and her owners think it is because he is pushing the boundaries and also attention seeking due to the new baby. We were going to have him tonight too but instead he is back home and will be having very firm boundaries for now. The baby that is GORGEOUS (the one that has made ne VERY green) was awake and at the house (obviously, she's hardly going to go out on her own) but I didn't really take much notice as someone else was there and she was holding her. Can't bear 'lets hold the baby' competitions and tend to simply stay out the way.

Our kitchen is going to be out of action until, AT LEAST, a week this Thursday! DH broke the news to me today. I might cry! Also, we need to sand and varnish all the floors and can only do it (due to the availability and equipment) on the 27th Nov - and it will take at least four days. ARRGGGHHHH! I know it's a means to an end but I CAN'T BEAR IT ANY MORE! We need to crack on whenever we can to get it sorted to get the house on the market in the new year. The house is lovely but, as DH says anyway, needs things like the floor doing to make it 'sell itself.' I hope it's going to be worth the effort! I think it will, mind, but now I can see why people don't want to move into places where these jobs are still to be done. It's horrendous!

The face is a weird one on me too. I think I might be missing the halloween faces - hopefully they'll have Christmas one's instead!

I have no idea what means either. Maybe some MN thing I dont understand. And didnt it have a face when it first appeared?

Anyway, here I am, basically coming down off the pills. Im still taking them all, just getting used to the high dosage. Next thing I know I'll be out in the fruitier part of town trying to score just one more hit. Sigh.

I feel your pain regarding the house in disarray, Confused. I get a bit arm-scratchy if we paint one room and there is a mess, let alone with actual building work being done. Think how fabulous it will be when finished, and you can make your exciting move and start fresh. Its a shame you didnt get another cuddle of the CutieBaby today, you should have snatched her out of the arms of the interloper and screamed 'Get out of my way bee-atch, this child makes me green, GREEN I tell you'. God, I love babies.

Tee hee, Suerock, I always use Facebook as my cover story for secret MNing. Yes, the first POAS was a bit of a mess, all told. It didnt help that Id drunk a fair bit of water the night before, and then hung on to make it extra concentrate. All of this resulted in the biggest, most highly pressured wee Ive ever done, that perhaps has ever been done, by anyone. I was glad not to see the second line, given the op etc, but it did make me think...hmmmm....what if, against all the odds, it was +ve....but maybe that was motivated by the chance of getting out of the op!

So, will the HP character do the unthinkable and go for a BFP next year? Its looking more possible than it was a year ago, thats for sure. But then again, maybe some more thinking is due...

Blimey! Sort of strong words from HP! I think it might be the drugs speaking though now she's gone off to score her next hit.

Yup, the house is in chaos and we are getting fat due to the ready meals and takeways we are consuming more and more due to the lack of sink / workspace etc. We also want (well I say 'want') to sand all the floors too as they are in need of some TLC but, thankfully, we have a professional floor sander thing loaned by a friend of ours which sucks up all the dust. However, this still means we have to move the furniture and also keep the dog out the way so I am going to take said dog to London for the weekend (she can chew dinosaur bones in the Natural History Museum as an educational day trip perhaps) - our very own mini-break! Actually, we have lots of friends there so will do plenty of visiting. Lots of them have children under 3 which could prove stressful - dog gets excited and licks children, parents go mental etc - but have Plan B's to go see those who do NOT have toddlers. As toddlers get very excited when they see a dog, it means the dog gets excited too and then the child starts to scream if the dog jumps or gets lively - can be bloody hard work!

However, I shall not think negatively as my dog is fine, she's just not used to little people. Maybe we could see it as a weekend of practicing for when there are little people around...

Hello all,
House plans seem to be cracking on apace Confused. It's short term pain for long term gain, and at least it will all be done before long.

Since this is now Rant-Net, I feel it might be appropriate to share some of my DIY related pain. My DH has been fitting our new bathroom since March. I haven't had a shower since the old shower pump went bust last September. Today he is apparently planning to grout and fit the shower screen, so in about 4 days time I will be able to have a shower. However he is currently on the PlayStation and the functioning shower is looking like a distance dream once again.

I think I've figured out why we can't conceive - it's because DH (who is otherwise lovely, but just hideously slow and meticulous about all DIY activity) is infuriatingly failing to meet every bathroom completion target I set. So generally, I feel less like BD-ing with him, and more like clattering him about the head with a cordless drill!

I've been musing on what you said about HP being the most likely candidate for a BFP Confused. I agree, in the narrative of this particular thread, HP is the most likely candiate for 1st BFP (POAS HP? that's beyond green!). So if the cosmic author of our particular sub plot agrees then HP you are going to have to start TTC, cos the storyline dictates that the rest of us can?t till you do!! - No pressure HP

No, no pressure HP!

Can't type as busy mixing concrete. Yes, at half ten at fucking night.

Laugh? Oh yes.... nearly broke my face

Slightly better mood today, you may all be pleased to hear!

Just been reading this thread - and am now a decidedly dark shade of amber
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/856038-Does-anyone-else-feel-that-they-39-re-not-looking

Hi Confused, Im still off work due to secondary, tertiary and quaternary infection, so Im here today! Will be back soon after a little lie down on the sofa to recover from latest dental proddings....

Ok, back.

Cripes!! No pressure?! But Im loving the idea of us all as part of a book storyline (genre, anyone?), under the control of a mysterious 'author'. DH would say that is because I secretly want to be Told What To Do....please, ladies, tell me what to do

I've been meaning to say for a while, before the fog of pain and then narcotics descended into my brain....I've def been getting more positive felings from DH in the last few months. More accurately, he makes fewer negative faces and slightly passive aggressive comments. Yay! But we still cant seem to reach any conclusions at all, because I still cant say 'DH, I want a baby, for sure, now lets do stuff to make it happen'.

I read that thread, Confused. Depressing. Its taken 30-odd years for me to feel Im not a complete trog, and I would hate to feel like the 'before' photo on 10 Years Younger through exhaustion and priority redistribution. And after the birth trauma website (shudder) Im still adamant that I like my bowels fully functioning and my stomach not dragging along the floor. Vain? Moi?

Im slightly concerned that DIY seems to be an effective contraceptive, Yorkshire. Go on, clip him round the head, you'll feel better. (How is the concrete-mixing going, Confused?)

I think that thread is even more red inducing than the birth trauma one's. I think it sums up my mind changing, after all why on earth would anyone want to do that to themselves? And then, as time without the dc's is to great, stay up late even when exhausted just to enjoy time away from them. Sounds about as appealing as, well, a secondary, tertiary and quaternary infection.

The concrete is now mixed, thanks for asking, and will now take 4 days to dry. We are away this weekend taking things to store at my mums and then DH and myself are working all week so can't crack on until next weekend. And then it will take 48 hours or something for the tile adhesive and god knows what else to dry.

Meanwhile, I am now almost used to having to do all the washing up in the bath - although this doesn't mean I like it!

And as for telling you what to do - to turn things on their heads, if YOU were the author / puppet master what would you want to tell your character to do...?

Lastly - re your DH and his coming round to the idea

I can't decide whether I'm impressed or horrified at the idea of making concrete at 10.30pm! Anyway, I hope all DIY related traumas are soon behind you, confused and YTD - it's probably not much consolation but my DH would probably be on the Playstation rather than getting on with stuff too. In fact, DIY (or at least the let's-improve-the-house sort, rather than the shit-the-walls-are-caving-in-better-do-something-quick sort) is rather like TTC in this household. DH and I agree what we want to do, I go off and read some books and look stuff up on the net and come up with some ideas, DH agrees but is quite happy to let me make the arrangements, I don't get round to it so have to do the research again several months later, and so it goes round again. The thing is, at least I could deal with gutters by myself if I really wanted to.... Sigh.

I can't find the Chat threads - where are they hiding?

OK then, HP - you did ask! In an uncharacteristicaly forthright fashion, I shall say that I think you should tell your DH that you're coming off the pill. If he keels over in a faint, you can go straight on to say that you're just thinking of trying something different for a bit. OTOH, if he just says 'OK then', then it's up to you!

Be horrified Suerock about the concrete mixing, it is certainly no laughing matter!

Un-bloody-believable

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8353866.stm

I guess thats that then. The cosmic author seems to be mocking me....

(PS: Spoke to DH about pill situation. Will update later)

Bugger.

That's all you / we need.

Will eagerly await the next exciting installment re your pill conversation...