Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

To TTC or not to TTC, that is the question... as Hamlet sort of said about something else entirely

993 replies

CHW · 12/08/2009 21:36

Hi,
Had few glasses of wine and have spent large part of the evening on this site. I am in two minds about a baby - or really, at the age of 35 (but Type 1 diabetic which can complicate thingss) and really ought to make a decision about whether to have a family or not.
I worry about cost, the changes it will make to our lives and, well, if I am actually just happy as I am. Me and DH discussed going for it, so to speak, sometime after the start of Aug (as did the London Triathlon before then so couldn't before then) and decided we would once the triathlon was out the way. Now it is and we are both stalling. But it is playing on both our minds - in the do we, or don't we way.

My babyometer keeps going haywire - any tips or things for me to also consider which may help us make a decision. I am also wondering if we are simply analysing things too much but beeing diabetic makes things more complicated (ie they need to be planned, in an ideal world at least.) Any help or food for thoughts would be MASSIVELY appreciated!

OP posts:
HoneyPetal · 27/10/2009 11:30

Hi all,
Quick post - just to let you know, as expected, no harm done from the missed conference pill, as of 9am this morning!

or am I

confuseddoiordonti · 27/10/2009 11:33

A bit of both...?!

HoneyPetal · 27/10/2009 11:39

On the whole, I think 85% , 15%

confuseddoiordonti · 27/10/2009 11:48

Fair enough!

Jesus, I am on here AGAIN. And this book is going backwards instead of forwards. Fed up!

HoneyPetal · 27/10/2009 12:00

Only because we are maybe going to move in the next six months, perhaps after that it wil be the other way around.

Im so glad I didnt know of the existance of MN when I was writing up my thesis! I have the day off work today, you too?

Whats your book about? Is it a novel or non-fiction?

confuseddoiordonti · 27/10/2009 12:55

I am working from home today, meaning to crack on with the book (currently title free, despite the 50,000ish words written so far.) It's fictional but based on lots of actual events.

Yes, MN when doing a thesis would be a Very Bad Thing. It's bad enough as it is!

Guess I can't ask where you are now and / or where you might be moving to can I. How about why you might be moving instead...?

HoneyPetal · 27/10/2009 13:26

That sounds great - how long do you think it will be before it will be ready to be sent off? How exciting!

We will be staying local, but hopefully buying our first house in the New Year or early spring. We have been saving like crazy for a couple of years and fingers crossed it will happen next year. Eek!

confuseddoiordonti · 27/10/2009 14:19

I have no idea how long, seems to change all the time and I'd rather not think about the actual sending off as it seems to far away at the moment! It's a very daunting prosopect but when I read some of the rubbish that gets into print I think it;s silly not to have a go. Also, I have had various friends (who work in magazines / editorial depts so know what they're on about) going on about how I needed to do something with the stuff I had so it's not just all in my head and I am actually typing rubbish. Least, I hope not...

New house, eh - fab! This house we're selling was our first and I loved it (still do!) Have you started looking or is that too far away yet?

HoneyPetal · 27/10/2009 18:52

Well, once you are a famous and wealthy author you can send me a signed copy of your book - hang on, that wouldnt be very anonymous, would it? Damn.

Yes, a new house, one of our very own. Its been a long time coming, as we missed the boat by a couple of years and ended up sitting back and watching in horror as house prices went from the sublime to the ridiculous to the fantastical. But we have got a bit of a deposit together and are sick of renting, so next year we are going to go for it. See, I can make a decision. Well, its taken 8 years, actually. But am nervous/excited, so hurrah! We havent been looking properly yet as we didnt want to find somewhere that was perfect and not have the money to go for it. But I guess after Christmas, we can!

confuseddoiordonti · 27/10/2009 22:17

Whoopee! Good luck with it all when you do. And you are SO right not looking now as you will certainly find the perfect house, in no chain etc.

Yes, there is a flaw in your book signing, unless you want me to say 'to Honeypetal from Confused' and then send it to a PO Box.

Am excited about it now - the book that is. With the combination of new job, writers block and mumsnet it's not been going as well as it could, but feel like I am on a roll now. Hurrah!

Suerock · 29/10/2009 22:35

My only experience of Hebden Bridge was walking through it once, about ten years ago. But it seemed very nice then! Happy hunting to both confused and HP! You realise, of course, that finding the perfect place will be rudely interrupted by discovering a BFP of course?

Am intrigued by your book, confused - have you already had a book published, or do you have an agent? I have a couple of ideas brewing (considerably further behind than your 50K words though!) but was rather put off by the fact that most publishers don't seem to be interested in 'unsolicited manuscripts'. Guess I should just put pen to paper (or words into Word) and not worry about finding someone to publish it until I've got a better idea whether I'll ever get around to finishing!

confuseddoiordonti · 30/10/2009 09:03

Hmmm, a BFP now would be a nightmare! Although that's often the way it happens isn't it (ie when it's the most inconvenient!) We have a house in chaos at the moment with dust everwhere, floorboards up, furniture piled on top of each other etc etc - it's driving me bananas!

Can't write much at the moment as at work but will no doubt be on again later or over the weekend

HoneyPetal · 02/11/2009 14:17

How is everyone? Ive been a bit quiet as have had a minor 'procedure' in hospital (nothing to worry about, just inconvienient) so am taking it easy at home.

Havent had much chance to think about the baby issue for a little while, but its still very much on my mind.

confuseddoiordonti · 02/11/2009 15:33

Hurrah! I thought everyone had vanished!

I am on a bright BRIGHT green at the moment which has knocked me for six. I met and then held a friends 9 day old daughter at the weekend - I normally don't due to the babies generally either being alsleep or fussed over by clucking family - but this one was passed to me on Sunday and I have been a gooey mess since.

I've even shocked myself!

confuseddoiordonti · 02/11/2009 15:34

Ps Hope you're ok HP! Sorry I didn't say in the first message too (am typing at work sneakily so it's a bit of a rush and I don't keep MN on the screen on full view)

HoneyPetal · 02/11/2009 15:56

Im ok, thanks, just in some discomfort rather than pain.

So bright green huh...interesting...very interesting. Nine day old baby girl sounds very hormonally provocative. Are you surprised at the intensity of green?

confuseddoiordonti · 02/11/2009 16:50

Very. As I said, I don't usually do the 'holding the baby' thing (I can't bear it when people bring their newborns into work and all the women hover round clucking) so it may also be that it's a new thing for me generally, but MY GOD. She was 6lb's of utter loveliness.

Bloody hell, what do I sound like!

Hope your DH will be on grape peeling duty this evening and tending to your every need.

HoneyPetal · 02/11/2009 17:05

You sound like someone who may have reached a decision! I lovvvvve babies, but have always felt pretty good about leaving the new parents to it. Now Im not so sure. Anyway, its pretty exciting that you feel so green!

DH is on a mission of mercy to fetch strong painkillers. He cant arrive quick enough....

confuseddoiordonti · 02/11/2009 21:09

Oh no, are you okay? Hope the mercy mission was rapid and sucessful. Am now speculating wildly over what is up with you (wisdom, teeth? tonsils?) although that's not a hint. I'm just nosey! Make that, er, very nosey.

So, yes, I am on a big green. Unlike you, I am not that big on babies, well not brand new one's anyway so this was quite a shock to the system. I generally 'prefer' them when they are bigger and have personalities you can glean pretty quickly and you can interact with them and things. Not the case with the one on Sunday, although she was awake and looking at me with her still unfocussed eyes. Yikes! Very exciting I think. However, call me very shallow indeed, but after the big dinner I have had this evening I feel like a big fat blob and the last thing I want to do is make myself bigger and blobbier...

HoneyPetal · 02/11/2009 21:34

Yes, you have sussed me! But the mercy-pills have kicked in so am a bit more relaxed about the general pain and aching. Bloody hell, if Im this whingey about my 'procedure', imagine the aftermath of a birth. Actually, dont, as we dont need to go down the 'childbirth' thread route again!

I know a lot of people prefer the later-baby stages, once they have started talking and whatnot. I think men, especially, like to get a bit of interaction going. Its pretty cool that you felt so excited seeing and holding the newborn, especially if you havent really felt that way before.

As for 'blobbier', you did a triathalon, young lady, so dont tell me you dont look like a buffer version of Paula Radcliff. But less cry-ey.

Suerock · 02/11/2009 22:08

Heck me, confused - if you're not careful new baby green-ness will get the better of new house green-ness! It must be quite weird - like you (were), I'm not really keen on newborns as they don't 'do' much and I can't imagine suddenly going all fuzzy about one. Though how much of this is true red-ness and not just my usual defensive 'I am Career Woman and I don't like babies, apart from possibly lightly poached for breakfast, so don't you dare ask me when I'm having kids' attitude I'm not sure.

Hope you're feeling better soon, HP - if confused's guess is right I can recommend chocolate mousse and banana as comfort food!

30andLurking · 03/11/2009 01:01

Hello ladies , can I join in your World of Dilemnas?

(Have just realised that sounds a bit Edward Monkton, kind of like the Tea of Indecisiveness and Digestive Biscuit of Body Clocks... And if you've never seen an Edward Monkton card, you're now going to think I'm a complete fruit loop.)

Anyway... I haven't got a blinkin' clue what I'm doing but this all sounds like a 16 page transcript of the inside of my head. So here's somebody else who thinks she might one day want a baby, but not as much as she wants a new house and a puppy, although said new house and puppy are blatantly just practising for family life, and that one day can't just be some fictional day in the future anymore, but has no idea if children actually like HER because a) they scare the bejaysus out of her and b) none of her close friends have actually sprogged up yet so there are limited opportunities to practice, and wants to hide under the duvet whenever I read the childbirth threads but will blub shamelessly at the birth announcement threads.

And I haven't even been drinking. wow.

YorkshireTeaDrinker · 03/11/2009 07:55

Hello girls,

Just a quick pre work post to say I hope you're feeling better HP and wow Confused that's green! I refer you to an earlier post where I mentioned that my best mate found out she was pregnant the day they moved. You can do it all at once!!

Welcome 30andlurking. Yes you sound like you've got the symptoms (I weep at the birth announcement threads as well).

I think I'm fairly green at the moment. I saw a five (six?) year old girl in the post office with her Dad last week. She was all skippy and excited because she got to put the letter in the post box. I welled up. I need to get a grip.

confuseddoiordonti · 03/11/2009 09:17

30andLurking welcome to our thread of blink and you'll miss 'em mind changes! And yes, I do know the Edward Monkton Cards (the Hamsters of Madness anyone?) so don't think you are utterly barking.

Suerock I am normally the same re new babies. They just lie there generally, usually asleep, or are either hungry need changing which I am either unable or unwilling to help with. I think that is why I am so shocked at my reaction on Sunday, it was like being hit over the head with a sand filled sock!

We are hoping to have the house ready in a month or so, but then it's Christmas which always seems to last about 6 weeks so, realistically, it will probably be around January time that we might be able to sell it. There are enough places in Hebden to buy if we need to in a rush (ie no chain and affordable) to that's reasonably promising.

How are the wisdom teeth HP? I had mine out and it was a bit achey but no big deal. Hopefully yours won't be either.

30andLurking · 03/11/2009 13:07

Besides the trauma of trying to work out when you're ready, do of you ever have doubts if you'd actually be any good at it? I have NO idea what to do with babies!

Can't decide if it helps or makes things worse that DH is fab with little 'uns, getting down to playing with them and pulling silly faces without a second thought? They just eye me warily, while I feel terrified at my lack of instinctive maternal programming.

One of my more down to earth friends just plonked her baby in my hands without giving me time to argue. She thew up on me. Apparently 'that means she likes you...!"

There should be some kind of MN creche where we can go to borrow other people's babies for a cuddle (while Paws tells us how wonderful it is!) until our hormones kick in irreversibly!