Mid 30's TTC - you're my BESH mate you are..... <hic>

[triggerhappybaby]

We've taken delivery of a fine new sofa. Come and rest here

Awww, ski is that you on your horse? Looking majestic! I love horses but they seem to hate me. They also seem to look at me like they think I'm an annoying twat. And that is not appalling anthropomorphic transference in any way

PS are you Ver Fuzz? I was only joking about stealing a baby

Trig draws the line at getting up at 2am for an illicit ladywank, don't you Trig?

Talking of sexes with exes (sorry), we didn't have any. Sex, that is - in the last 3 years of being together we only had sex twice (once without 'completion'). This makes me look like a right twat for staying with him, but it was all part of a) his emotional abuse and control (witholding sex cos I'd 'disappointed' him so he couldn't fancy me or cos I was apparently fat, ugly and slovenly - was a size 8-10) and b) part of the 'things will get better soon' bullshit, ie 'when work gets less stressful I'll have a sex drive, we can try for a baby and I'll stop shouting and being cruel and drinking a bottle of wine (usually more) every fucking night'. Ok, so I was a right twat to stay with him, but he was so horrible to me that he'd convinced me I was worthless and no-one would ever want me (I was quite ill during that time and couldn't work so felt low about myself anyway).

He used to spend hours on his pc but delete his history all the time. A couple of times, he left his email up and he got acres of spam from specialist bondage/S&M and weirdysex sites, which he claimed were NOT because he visited such sites, oh no - I was just being naive about the internet; everyone gets hardcore porny spam all the time, apparently. Funny how I've never had any, or TYF or anyone else I know

He was crap in bed whereas TYF is bloody amazing and hung like a donkey I tell myself I had to suffer with the Ex to get the best (TYF). I got the best, he got the BESH. Badum Tsssssh!

I'll get me coat.

Scorpette haha no I'm not... but I wear it when I'm out riding to make fucking idiot drivers slow down!

ginhag No, it's been absolute bollocks. I went to tell the landlady tonight that we're going to have to move out before the end of the contract because we can't afford it. jailbait can't get a job, work are trying to slash my wages and it's getting fucking stupid. She wasn't exactly over-joyed... but the thing is, although I can pay it now - it is only a matter of months before it's a toss-up between eating/leccy and rent. My fucking leccy came in at 3000 this year - I never anticipated that! Basically we've decided she can sue the arse off me if she wants to - but she cannot have what I don't have. Hopefully she'll have a think about it and realise it's for the best - she hates us anyway.

My freak was only really in to BDSM and I'm embarassed to admit I went along with because my self-esteem was so low at the time. He also only wanted sex once a week and only "kinky". Tbh, it put me off sex totally for years after. I was celibate for 5 years after him. When the Josef Fritzl thing broke last year it occurred to me that the ex was probably wanking himself stupid over the thought of locking a girl in a cellear. ugh He also said "I hate your body from here down "

Ski what a c*nt. Pardon my french but there's no excuse for a prick like him. You're soooooo well rid. Loving the riding pictures.... so nice to see a real life person

Loving Scorpette's rants on the poll thread... it gladdens my angry feminist heart!

ski sorry re shit day.hope your landlady sees sense and that things get better for you and jailbait.

So do we all have freaky pervs as exes or what?mine never withheld sex,in fact it was expected of me at least once a day every day no matter how I was feeling...and I understand what you're talking about ski,went thru a lot of the hardcore stuff and it did put me off the whole thing (I had some proper 'issues' from some reasonably serious unpleasantness that happened when I was a kid so was emotionally pretty fragile)

Ugh yuck.there is soooo much more I could go into but it just makes me feel like such a twat for staying so ling.he was a bully with alcohol problems and serious self esteem issues...and I actually really loved him.fucking idiot.

Anyway,mr gin is (grumpy but) lovely,and has proper 'turned my life around'.yay.

And I now won't mention the ex again.not worth thinking about really.

I am so to hear your evil exes stories...

Think I was the opposite extreme - madly alert to the possibility that a fella would "dis" me and flaring up over the slightest thing. All low self-esteem too. A tough bird, too tough to hold down a relationship. On balance though better unhappily single i think than unhappily attached.

Ooh, aren't we all great now!

And ski don't mind the (ok, lovely) horse. I'm more jealous of the weather. Twas damper than a 13 years old's wank sock here yesterday.

Wetter than an otter's pocket?

Loving the pic of ski on her horse

'damper than a 13 years old's wank sock' - dttah I'll be nicking this one. Classic!

Thanks Skater - I aim to please my eager public You should've seen my blog of supreme bitterness a few years back when I was single. The Ex got a proper roasting.

gin D'you think we all went out with a series of bastards who were all secretly half-brothers or summat? Men who just want sex all the time just make you feel like you're their blow-up doll, don't they? GRRRRR. Poor you, poor all of us, but hurrah for our DPs and DHs who might not be perfect but go some way to making us feel like the Goddesses we clearly are

ski I concur with extreme - that guy is a total cunt. I thought my Ex was bad for always insisting on shagging in a weird position I found painful and demeaning (when he could be bothered to have sex with me instead of checking out not-at-all-closeted-gay BDSM porn) but that is shit. And the rental situation is worrying - I hope you both sort something out. And I hope Jailbait finds a job soon, poor guy. He's got his GCSEs now, didn't you say, so that should help

Aw, TYF has just gone to bed after smooching my face off and telling me how lovely I am. I am greasy, sweaty and bloated in skanky 'period clothes' (old baggy nightie, not dressed like Jane Austen character) with frightwig hair. Is he as wonderful as I think or has he been elevated to sainthood cos of wankery Ex?

OK... it seems a lot of us have been through some pretty horrific experiences with men when we were youngers and I haven't even mentioned that I was living in a Women's Aid shelter by the time I was 21 have I?

Now, could this possibly be that our mothers (I put all my blame on my mother btw) were so busy burning their bras and forging their freedom that they forgot to "teach" us about relationships?

I'm glad you all like the horsey pics - now - who's next with a window to their lives?

ginhag Well realistically she cannot physically stop us moving out - I've said I can pay until the end of September and of course I never expect to see my deposit again. The thing is, these stupid contracts say they can kick you out if you don't pay your rent for 3 months and they get a court-order - but who wants it to get to that?? Bah fuckbugs. I've also had a fucking massive water bill this year (500 euros) because they refuse to fix the leaking cistern in the upstairs loo. Every time I see water running down the side of the bowl my pulse quickens. Now, I'm a grown woman and jailbait can use a hammer - so we should be able to fix it right? Nope, it's one of those clever modern designs where the cistern is built in to the wall under a bunch of tiles... how the fucking fuckety fuck are you supposed to get to that? Hand under the rim and 3 foot long fingers?

I was away with work and when I got back evil-ex told me he'd been to a "sex club" night - v common in euroland. He'd worn leather trousers and told me that teenagers had been looking at him all night. Nervously I'd have thought. Fucking idiot. He was beautiful to look at, but quite insane.

donttry haha wank sock. When I was at uni I was round a mate's house lying on his bed whilst we chatted when I realised there was something digging in to my shoulder. I reached around and pulled out a sport sock, held it up and said "what's this?" - even as realisation dawned and he turned puce. Until then I'd thought it was only a myth. Bwhahahahahaha. As for yesterday's weather - it was a very balmy early-20s - we've actually been able to sleep under the duvet the last few nights. 30 again by the weekend.

jailbait is lovely and sweet and always makes me feel like that aforementioned goddess. He always tells me how pretty I am and makes me feel sexy.

ski sorry to hear about the refuge.must have been really hard especially as you were so young.

Ex and fetish clubs...yeah I could join in with that one.but I won't as have decided not to talk about him as it just winds me up.

I definitely can't blame mum.she's ace and I'm one of those rare lucky people who have lovely parents-I actually enjoy seeing them and everything!

They are great with mani (my dad actually 'does nights' when he comes up so I get a blissful Actual Night's Sleep) and the wee boy adores them.mum is coming up today so that I can actually go to work this week...

Can you believe,mum n dad met at school-he 16 she 15.went out for 6 years (she didn't believe in marriage after her experience with her own parents) Then they got married in 1970 and still love each other to bits.how warped is that?

They are lovely,slightly hippy,very caring people.they are real 'folkies' (my dad is also known as The Boscastle Busker and will launch into song at the drop of a hat )

so for me,can't blame the parents,guess I was just an idiot...although there were some non-parent related events in my youth that had a fairly long term impact on my self esteem etc.

As don'ttry said,we're all great now so yay to that. Tho ski mr gin doesn't compare to jailbait on the romance stakes (when he does it he's bloody good at it,doesn't always remember though) but as I said before he's my absolute best friend ever,lovely looking,very talented,a great dad and brill cook...and he cooks every night.

Parents HATED ex,LOVE mr gin,have pretty much adopted him (does that make our relationship wrong??)

fuck me that was an essay. Mani is now doing a massive poo in protest at me ignoring him for 5 mins...

Hope the chEGGster is doing gooooood...

Your stories of evil exes make me so angry and sad. Glad you are all out the other side now. I don't have an evil ex to compare - one broke my heart into a million shards but that's not the same as what you lot have been through. I salute your strength, resiliance and drive to look forwards to your lovely futures with your darling other halves.

Ski is a real life person! Really! We've seen her! And I know what Sarah looks like!

Where is Sarah? Yoohooo, Sarah!

Wish I was a real life person.

Ginny my parents adore MrG too - I worry that if we ever did break up they'd keep him not me. Mind you I think he gets extra brownie points for not being a dolt like my sister's "D"H.

Ski Sex... Club... ? EWWWW! [cat's bum mouth face] You are SO well rid! So sorry to hear about the shelter thing - no-one should have to go through that.

gin my parents are sweeties too. When I was younger, I kept going for men who were v expressive, like my bastard Ex, which was a reaction to my Dad having Aspergers (though he was only diagnosed a few yrs ago)... unfortunately, they all seemed to end up expressing their opinions on how shit I was Now I go out with TYF who has the most emotionally repressive parents imaginable and can't talk about his feelings (so like my Dad, but for other reasons)! I mean, I wish he could open up a bit more at times, but it makes him 'rock' like and sooo dependable. My parents refer to him as St TYF...

Now then, I have a TMI, 'proper' question: okay, so have had RTOD. But it wasn't a tide, it was more of a gently lapping wave. Started early, which rarely happens, blood was mainly brown and 'tar-like' (soz), it's been noticeably lighter and I've barely had any cramps - normally, I have such severe cramps that I have to take 2 different types of meds for period pains and at least twice a year I have to go to hospital because it triggers what's called an Adrenal Crisis (non-stop projectile vomming, extreme low blood pressure, convulsions/fitting whilst fully conscious, and more). I've been worrying that this much lighter and 'easier' period means that I've not ovulated or am becoming anovulatory (I love a good panic, me) and was talking to my Mum on the phone about the weird period when she said 'I don't mean to get your hopes up, but Grandma had periods for the first trimester when pregnant with me - she only discovered she was pregnant when she went to the Drs because she was worried about her stomach getting fat for seemingly no reason'.

So could it be something like that? I know I'm kidding myself, but I did have all those weird symptoms after ov time so now I'm all WTF. And apparently it's more common in older women to have decidual bleeding (I looked it up). My Gran was 39/40. On the 'get a grip, woman' side of things, I did have mild mastalgia and a bit of PMT like I often do before RTOD. ARRRGH, why am I so mental?!

Scorpy - no idea, just wanted to say ooooohhhhhhh!

Scorpette Allow me to put forth some suggestions - and yes, feel free to google yourself insane:

i) could it be the infamous implantation bleed?
ii) could it be an ectopic? You'll know when you keel over and die.
iii) Daily Mail has opened up a can of whoop-ass on you?

POAS! POAS!

scorp sorry managed to totally miss your earlier post!tyf really does sound like a total sweetie.and yep I sincerely believe our exes are related.

As for 'sex clubs' I've been to a few fetish nights,some of which I actually enjoyed (it was a long time ago)...however my abiding memory was a night with my ex where the prob was apparently my 'jealousy'- he spent the whole night stroking some young slapper,wouldn't get his paws off even when I was visibly upset- did ask if I'd like to join them tho?join them??WTF?

The nights I enjoyed at such places involved lots if dancing and showing off whilst safe in the knowledge I was less likely to get groped than in a 'normal' club.incidently was into my disco biscuits at the time so that may have made a difference.

VAG yep think my folks would keep mr g too!

Oh lushes gentle hair strokes all round for some of your stories.

I'm so glad you have all come out of the other side and are with lovely men who deserve you wonderful people now.

I have been lucky, I met my slightly younger model when I was 19 and he's pretty nice really. Just a bit scared of the children thing.

Nice horsey pics ski if we're sharing real life then here www.qwertyphoto.com/gallery/displayimage.php?album=24&pos=255 is me at the race I did this weekend just gone.

Oh sorry linky no worky. www.qwertyphoto.com/gallery/displayimage.php?album=24&pos=255

scorp bloody hell got totally distracted and forgot that I meant to say - you are not alone in the madness.I had reeeeeally short RTOD and actually ended up doing 2 pg tests after it finished despite not even being properly convinced I was pg.

If you really really are wondering,you could do a test too?(if nothing else it'd make me feel less of a dumbass!)

Fuck, I'd forgotten this was a TTC/SWI thread Scorpette. That's the first mention of pregnancy we've had in about 50 posts!

POAS
POAS
POAS
POAS
POAS

And do it NOW!!

Dildocam update:

Well I drank my requisite pint of water, and then had to wait nearly half an hour to be seen! I'm sure they do that on purpose just to piss you off. And all the time wearing a fetching hospital gown. Luckily they make you wear two, oposite way rounds so you don't need to bare your arse to the world!

First was a scan of my womb and kidneys (why kidneys I have no idea). Then I was allowed to wee (blessed relief!) and when I came back in the room, sitting on her table was a foot long clear dildo with blue up the centre of it. Perverted is not the word. I swear, the thing was mahooosive. Then she was lubing it and I was convinced there must be a camera in the room somewhere and it was all being done for some dodgy fetish film. It was fine though, not painful or anything. She didn't say much though, no indication of what she'd found (if anything - for some reason I was convinced she would tell me I didn't actually have any ovaries ). So just wait for results now.

laurielou brief history is, I went to docs in late April because of my RTOD not coming back after the pill. he did blood tests and one of my levels was not right, so referred me on to gynae. Since then RTOD has returned, very long cycles, very little flow. Gynae repeated blood tests at start of Aug and sent me for dildocam.

POAS scorps, POAS.