Mid 30's TTC - you're my BESH mate you are..... <hic>

[triggerhappybaby]

We've taken delivery of a fine new sofa. Come and rest here

Oh and I truly heart Charlie brooker.

I am knackered. I only went on hol for 2 weeks and it has taken me the last 3 days to catch up with you lot - you've used a whole thread in my absence. Events I have noted:

1. Someone gatecrashed the Palais early on in the thread - do we need to consider increasing security on the door? How about Max and Paddy from Phoenix Nights?

1. Ginsterspasties, Mani is proper baby-model beautiful. As you know I a) have never had baby lust, and b) definitely wouldn't want a boy. Mani has changed my mind on both counts.

1. ChEGGers has done us proud but is now in great pain. Did you actually get home from Barca, cheggs?

1. Scorps has always been a bit loose but has now developed verbal diarrhoea!

1. Ski has been v. naughty and opened a door to the real world. I am desperate to see you all in all your gorgeousness but am going to be strong and not befriend you all on FB, too risky.

1. There are newbies - welcome all. 'Cept you Medee, put my Tennant back in his cage or else! (He occupies all the slots on my laminate)

1. We have adopted a proper lezzer, great for cultural diversity and that - MAF I think I remember you, but did you used to have a different name?

1. VAG has had a proper womanly stirring of baby want, and has also finally manned up enough to go the docs - nice one VAG

News in Lyraland, safari in Kenya was the BEST THING EVER. Elephants and hippos right outside our tent (king size bed and outdoor Victorian bath type-tent, not one from Millets).

Now we're back, finish taking malaria tablets next week, then am supposed to start SWI (I am preeningly, pathetically proud that this item of terminology which I suggested has been adopted by all of you!). We're both terrified. Any advice? I know it should be as simple as "just don't use a condom", but it certainly doesn't feel it. EEEEEeeeeeekkkkkkk.

Where are Aerie and Sarah, by the way?

Um, Thanks (?) Lyra

Gin am watching him now. Me and TYF both heart him. But is it so wrong that I now fancy that ridiculously young Jack Whitehall chap? You knows I likes em young

all spookily I was just thinking about you [actually wasn't perving honest emoticon].safari sounds ace!

mani sends you some extremely sloppy kisses (and a right hook-takes after his ma)

scorp you are a wrong 'un! I couldn't stop laughing at his stupidly elaborate 'nah I don't care me,honestly didn't just spend 2 FUCKING WEEKS in the bathroom honest nah I haven't' hair.bless the little sweetie pie.

Thanks Gin, always nice to be thought about, and love the banner

Will catch up more tomorrow, night all

Night Lyra...you can take the banner upstairs if you want to make you feel all special n that

I am feeling rilly old now, as TYF has just said he's never heard the terms 'moosepig' and 'swamp donkey' (despite me saying both, now and then). Gin, why don't you just get another email address and set up a new FB account with it? Gmail is free and quick. You can make it v anonymous, like.

Lyra is back! How long before the FB stalking begins?

STOP PRESS! Just went to loo and had a bit of PINK STUFF! PINK STUFF coming out of my Jemima Puddleduck! OMG!11!!PONIEZ!!11!1111!! (Apologies to anyone not versed in lolspeak)

Ov'd last Thurs/Fri/Sat, solid GOFing all that time, R2D2, sorry RTOD not due till 5th/6th September and I never have spotting mid-cycle (or have an absurdly early RTOD). It can't be... an implantation bleed, can it? EEEEK! Like I say, womb is feeling really active.

Knowing my luck, it'll just be TYF breaking me with all the GOFing Or the one time I DO have mid-cycle bleed or early RTOD. But... PINK STUFF! PIIIINK STUUUUFFFFF!

Did I mention the PINK STUFF?

Pink stuff? Oh my f'in G scorp! that's a very very good sign When are you planning to POAS?

Missed most of last night while I was at the pictures. will try to catch up later

Oh berlimey - Scorpette's going to drive herself proper menkel over the next week or so.

Womb feelings I had when diffed were not painful at all, but fluttery - like having a butterfly flapping its wings under the skin.

Lyra welcome back, the safari sounds wonderful. Good luck with the sex, put it in the right hole and aim for ejaculation. n.b., you can ask someone else what the right hole is - I just "butter up" and hope for the best.

Makingjizz Was it 100 euros for the jizz or 100 euros to pick your jizzer? 22 eh? jailbait is 24 next week - I never thought I'd get stuck with an oldie. It might also be an appropriate line of work for jailbait because he can't get a real job but I understand he has no problem at home "pulling the head off it" - he may as well get paid!

Welcome preggy lezzers

longwee I had a lot of twingeing the first month and the first proper period after it was more crampy than usual... I do wonder if all the gunk hadn't quite cleared itself out from the mc. But business as usual now - i.e., non-diffed.

I knew lesbians had a better chance of getting pregnant than me! ME who is shagging a manchild! Teenagers and lezzers tsk!

Congrats MAF that's great news. Remember, we only want to know the good bits, please.

Welcome home lyra. Sorry, but big banners & flags are banned, a la Glasto & Reading & Leeds.

Soooo, the boyf saw the GP last night. No lecture re baggy pants & lifestyle, just told to jizz in a pot. She told him to not get excited for 3 days before, then get the sample to the hospital within 1 hour. Of course he could perform in the hospital to save the rush - they have special rooms with magazines. Ah, the romance of it. A RL friend works in the hospital near fertility clinic & told us a story of how she was at her desk minding her own business when a fella ran in, frantic, with a pot of man-fat asking where the fertility clinic was as he had 1 hour to deliver the goods. So not only does the boyf have to perform under pressure, he has to avoid RL mate.

Anyway, back to GP. She gave him the necessary form but didn't have the right colour pot (?) so told him to ask receptionist. This is where it turned into a game of medical Give Us A Clue.

Boyf please can I have a universal sample pot
Receptionist - certainly. Urine of faeces (sp?)
Boyf - eh, neither.
Receptionist - ok

Sorry, did you say urine or faeces?
Boyf - eh, still neither.

He eventually got a pot.

However, day 31 & still no RTOD so maybe he won't need it after all. Shame, I was quite looking forward to mocking him.......

Anyway, off to clean house from top to bottom in a crazy nesting way.

urine or faeces. As far as I know faeces don't pee.

Morning me darlins.

MAF welcome back, I remember you and congrats . girls, maybe this is where we are all going wrong, we are (I think?) all with the brit blokes, but clearly the euro manfat is of a better kwality. Should we book a collective Palace jaunt to Euroland for some shagging? After all, surely our cycles are aligned now after residence in the Palace for so long?

Pink Stuff you say scorps? (not strokes chin in a Jimmy Hill stylee, but in a pseudo intelligent stylee?

Everyone to mine for a weekend jolly then? jailbait is in Scotland mid-september and the students are all back at uni which means hundreds and hundreds of young, euro manfat to choose from.

Yes, I said pink stuff. Well, it excited me. I didn't go and wake up TYF who was having an early night, of course

I cannot believe Laurie's will of iron re: not POASing. I'd've done about 60 now, if there was any chance of a result. But I think we have already established that I am an absolute loon. Hope when you DO POAS it's a YES, Loz. Longwee, you're 2TWOOFLing - noticing an excess of other people's ear wax counts as a sign, frankly

I am going to become a multi-zillionaire by setting up my own European holiday resort in Paris: Euro Jizzney. Come to the city of love to take your pick of the continent's finest superfertile young hunky spunk. Rides to be confirmed, but they will include lots of things going into tunnels, ending in a big explosive splash.

scorp, I think you deserve a special award for EuroJizzney. Pure genius. Please take a bow.

Thank you, thank you. For that, longwee gets half-price, all-year tickets for two

(Accommodation and food not incl.)

I second that!

scorp, fricking genius!!

Oh go on then - half-price tickets all round. Gah, you lot will bankrupt me before we've even opened!

scorp that was a real tonic that was

I have follow up appointment from dildocam on Friday morning - apparently the doc is looking at my scans tomorrow. Lets all hope he thinks I have lovely insides please.