Thread for those fed up of pregnant friends... actually pregnant women everywhere... while they themselves have been TTC for ages or keep having miscarriages.

[GordonTheGopher]

I know it's not very PC. But I can't help but be really jealous. Just this morning I got an email off another friend telling me she's pregnant - first month of trying.

That makes 6 friends who are pregnant. I have been TTC no 2 for two years. I had a MMC last May and an early MC last week.

I do try and be happy for them. But in reality I'm not.

Am I normal? Anyone care to join me?

Hi Wook - Its great having somewhere to vent isn't it? (I have to admit I have twice today had the wicked urge to run into the "i fancy a july baby" thread or whatever it is called and do virtual scream, then run out again

As for the "when are you thinking of no 2" and similar questions I have now resorted to replying with a folorn "well I'd love to have another but its just not happening" That shuts them up like nothing Ive ever seen.

Message withdrawn

Shreksmissus - LOL I must remember to fill the gory details of my HyCosy scan (all that BLEEDING!) next time snort we are awful aren't we??

I have never had an MC but it did take me 4 years to conceive 2nd time around. The first time it happened really quickly and I assumed I wouldnt have any problems. We had all the tests but no reason could be found. I got sick of being told to "relax" or "go on holiday"!! Yeah, right if only it was that easy! I can remember feeling totally useless and would burst out crying in Tescos if I saw a little baby.I didnt feel I could tell many people as I felt so inadequate. I finally came to the conclusion that I was lucky to have one already when I fell pregnant! 8 months later I had identical twin boys! Dont give up hope!

"ps Gordon* your friend sounds a bit insensitive.

Ah yes coochybottom , I do love being told to go on holiday, as though that will help things (holidays being a well known cure for only having one tube ). My personal favourite though is when people suggest I should quit my job in order to conceive. So then I would have no second child, no job and no nice new clothes with which to console myself. Oh, and I would have heaps of time to sit about thinking about my FTC while watching the bank reposess my house. Great plan. (Good news about your boys BTW, I do love a happy ending )

Pinkmook did the HyCoSy really make you bleed lots? I suspect something like that might be what my Dr will suggest next. [scared].

These days I have no dignity and the correct response to "when are you having number 2" is "I've been pregnant 3 times this year." That shuts them up.

GtG - yes, I think that I've probably resigned myself to ds being an 'only', not that I want to. He would be such a wonderful elder brother - reinforced today - at friends 4th birthday, a whole lot of 3-5yo boys were running up and down a large room - then I noticed that a younger sister (20mo) had made her way out onto the floor and was crawling along - helped by ds - who was helping her along, and in doing so, was also ensuring that she didn't get run-over.

Another moment today though - mother of 3 was bemoaning how awful each of her pregancies were.

Would you swap a year of feeling crap with another lo without complaining about it? I know I would....

My incredibly insensitive SIL said "I'm so pissed off I got pregnant so quickly again" when she announced her second pregnancy in under two years, and on the first month of trying. WHY THE F*CK WERE YOU TRYING IF YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY WANT TO GET PREGNANT!!!!!

She really is the most spoilt, insensitive, selfish, self-centred person I've ever met!

AAAAAAAAAARGH. Thank you, that feels better

QOD that's awful about your friend - how is she now? This thread is certainly helping me get things into perspective.

shreksmissus I know what you mean about the monthly disappointment - even though I am trying so hard to be nonchalant and 'relaxed', I'm still counting the days of every cycle. I guess in a weird way that's one benefit of a mc - at least there's a time afterwards when you're not counting days.

mummytoolivia - what a pain you have to wait so long to see the gynae. Endometriosis is totally curable - I had some which they lasered off during a laparoscopy. I hope it all gets sorted soon - at least you've definitely got time on your hands (sorry I know you've heard that before!).

Wook yes I've had a friend moaning about her symptoms while she knew I was still bleeding. She's got her first scan today and I'm genuinely hoping everything's ok, but I may have to avoid her for a bit.

coochybottom Thanks for giving us hope - how old are your twins now?

Littlefish don't get me started on people who fall pregnant by* accident. ARGH!

My twin boys will be 6 on Halloween[spookey eh].Their older brother is 15. Other people can be so insensitive and dont understand how upsetting it is. I can remember month after month going by and thinking why arent I preganant by now? I changed consultants when I was having investigations as the one I originally had used to call me "Mrs Worry".Great, no sympathy there either! The next consultant I saw was lovely and she recmmended a laparoscopy rather than a hystersalphingogram[?] as I was put off this due to the risk of infection I had read about. None of the tests showed anything wrong.My SIL was insensitive after the birth of her 3rd and still wont speak to me because I couldnt look at her baby. I feel quite sad remembering it all. I totally understand how you all feel.

Hi guys can I join in please? I am sooooo fed up of being positive in public...hi to those of you from the avengers thread - while my story isn't so bad compared to some I have read here it still feels like 2008 is a year I want to go and go fast. I was diagnosed w Parkinsons (early onset) in Jan and had a mc at 7 weeks at Easter. Since then I think I may have had one more v early mc and feel like my body and my hormones are at war with my head in the middle. All my contemporary mothers (I am lucky enough to have a DS) except one are either pregnant or already have their 2nd DC. One is due just after mine would have been and she is worrying about coping w Christmas ffs. The doctor says its probably time to consider ivf if nothing by Dec and I'm off the nhs list because I already have DS (I agree w that btw it still sucks for me tho) - I want to say how fed up I am but you just can't can you? I've even got a perky nickname fgs to fool people into thinking I am OK. Thanks for this thread though - a godsend.

I was at the point where doctors were saying IVF was my only option. Like you, I was lucky enough to already have one son and didnt feel IVF was for me. I was, however, considering IUI as we had unexplained infertility and thought this might be worth a go. I did have a few appointments at a specialist clinic who did scans etc and listened to my concerns but decided not to proceed. I dont know whether it was this reassurance from them but I got pregnant with my twins 2 months later! Also I had tried homeopathy at the same time. I wonder if that helped as the homeopath talks to you at great length before prescribing anything, being able to talk helped me, I think. xx

I am already beginning to dread November. Future SIL's 1st is due (which you and I and the world must be reminded constantly is the 'FIRST grandchild'. Didn't catch that? She's having the FIRST grandchild and never misses a chance to rub it in. We are supposed to go down to London the first weekend in November for a food tasting thingy for our wedding. At the rate SIL is expanding, baby will probably come early (due 2nd week of Nov). Plus she's been eating crap the whole way through and is borderline for gestational diabetes. She actually said, Big Mac in hand, 'the doctor says I should eat this because it's what the baby is craving'. FFS.

I don't think I can take it, I really don't. I'm helped by the fact that partner's parents can't stand her and aren't excited in the least about this kid--though she seems too thick to notice their lack of enthusiasm. I'm sure we'll all pretend to be thrilled that partner's little brother is forever attached to this lazy, racist, stupid, lying 21 year old. I'm trying to be pleased, or even just neutral, but I just feel such hate toward her.

They are going to bring a newborn into a hovel of a flat, up three flights of stairs, heating barely functioning, smell of ammonia from animal piss nearly knocking you out, barking dog jumping all over and shedding constantly (not a problem if they'd CLEAN). The whole thing makes me want to cry and/or steal the baby at birth. They COULD afford a better place to live, but they get this place at a discount and don't want to move until the council gives them a flat (which is probably off the table because BIL now has a proper job--though we'll see how long that lasts).

Near-daily rant over. Pass the wine.

Forgot to say, I'll be right in those 'Planning a June Baby' threads virtually screaming with all of you.

It occurred to me that if I got pg before mid-December I would have to miss little brother's wedding in U.S. in late June--then I remembered, it took a bloody year to conceive the first time, only to have it end in MC, so what the hell am I worried about?

And anyway, little brother said to go for it. Too right, I don't think anything could stop me from trying at the moment.

Sarah - I agree re 'planning a baby for xxx' they make me very angry (although I don't go onto them and tell them so I hasten to add that is what this thread is so good for!) I also hate those 'I think I might be pregnant - how did it happen' type threads. How the do you think it happened? (there are at least two words that fit there ) For some people, yes, they do seem to have a string of misfortunes with at least 2 things failing - however, if you havn't used anything that failed but were trusting to chance.... GGGGRRRRRR!

Hello ladies, Just spent ages reading through this thread and it reminds me so much of how I was feeling last year. I wish this thread had existed then.

I started ttc no. 1 in August 2006. First pregnancy ended in a missed mc of twins in February 2007 (no heartbeats on 12 week scan). Then in August 2007 I had emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. Whilst recovering in hospital I remember all to well going outside to make a phone call and being surrounded by pregnant women smoking. I was so angry and bitter. Also when I came back for a final check up I had to sit in a waiting room surrounded by people smiling at their 12 week scan photos - I was so jealous and hated myself for it.

It took me 6 months to conceive again and I think those 6 months were the worst of my life. So many people at work were pregnant I almost quit my job as I couldn't cope with it. I cried everyday in the car going to work and back and then in the toilets at work. I look back with such sadness now that I was so unhappy. I felt like I had let my dh down and my parents (who so much wanted grandchildren). I was also so hurt when other people announced pregnancies and would try so hard to say congratulations with a fake smile and then end up crying in the toilets.

I did get pregnant again, but it has been a very difficult pregnancy (emotionally - physically I've been well). Scans are not happy occasions for me, but are very stressful with dh and I always expecting to be given bad news. My confidence is myself was totally shattered and every minute of every day I feel that something will go wrong. I am now 37 weeks and I still dislike having baby things in the house because I feel like I'm tempting fate again.

I don't wish this to sound like I'm ungrateful because I'm not. I feel extremely lucky to be pregnant and also to be keeping well.

I hope nobody minds me posting on this thread - it just reminded me so much of a very difficult time in my life. Also I just wanted to wish you all well in the future.

Don't be silly Jess, we need reminding that there are happy endings - I'm so glad things have finally gone well for you and I wish you lots of luck for an easy and happy birth.

Ontheup you don't need to be positive here. Be as grumpy and fed-up as you want. I do think pregnant women lose all sense of tact (I know I did) and they just don't think that what they are saying might hurt us e.g. complaining and moaning about being pregnant!

My friend had her scan and all is well - she saw a heartbeat. I want to be happy for her I really do, but it's so hard. I'm so insanely jealous and can't imagine ever seeing a heartbeat on a scan.

Thanks GtG - am cracking open the wine tonight having just had ANOTHER BFN and it was a 'proper' test as I am in hospital about to have a minor op and they tested just to be sure. [Sad]

jess good luck and congratulations (said w no fakery at all, you've earned it)

Seems like all women with newborns go to Sainsbury on a Monday afternoon! sigh!

Unituber - I did bleed a lot afterwards but I seem to be bleeding from 10DPO these days anyway so I think it was something to do with that...I might have been able to ask at my consultant appointment BACK IN AUGUST if he hadn't effing well cancelled me UNTIL 4TH NOVEMBER AARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! Thats another thing winding me up at the moment - sorry rant over!

Some of your stories really are heart breaking on here. I just hope we all get what we want or the ability to handle it if we dont

Hi all.

I have a 3 yr old son, but also had a miscarriage last year. Within a week or so of my m/c I found out my best friend and step sister were both expecting a baby around the time my baby would have been born. Within weeks, three close friends had had their babies, so I was surrounded by pregnant women and newborns which ever way I turned.
They all behaved sensitively, I put a brave face on it - but God, it was tough. To be honest, I didn't really get over it until I discovered I was pregnant again some months later - and even then, it was only well into the 2nd trimester that I felt truly happy and could lay those ghosts to rest.

I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant, happily . It will happen again for you all, too.

first of all I am sorry for all of you who have to be posting on a board of this sort. May you all find peace and strength to cope with whatever you have to endure.

This is the nearest thing i have found to a thread that fits my situation and i am hoping to find some moral support here from people who will understand how I feel, as there is noone in RL I can talk to.

First, I have 3 wonderful children, and am not planning on ttc any more - I count my blessings each and every day.

We would have liked 4 children, our 3rd was stillborn at 20 weeks, so in effect we did have 4. We would not want to ttc again because we could not bear to put ourselves and our children through anything like that again

My problem is this, just found out SIL is expecting a baby, her 3rd, on the anniversary of our DD3's birth/death.

She herself had a mc prior to this pg, so I know i should be happy for her, but when her pg was announced I just did a quick calculatuion and thouight oh no, only to have them confirm what for me is the worst case scenario - their baby is due on the day ours was born, dead.

of course I hope all goes well for her, but am I being totally selfish and unreasonable to be totally gutted by this, this is a day on which we go to the crem and spend a quiet family day, just me DH and the kids, and i can't bear forever having to share this date with another family member - am going to be torturing myself till January, hoping it is born a couple of weeks early or late. I am dreading family gatherings at christmas with all their excitement.

what do i do, bottle it up and try to be brave, or say something, to whom? before or after the birth? this is really chewing me up!

sorry for the vent....

Hi (cautiously pokes head round door)... I hope I am not unwelcome as I have posted on the "a June baby would be nice" (I took it to mean that if you fall pregnant this cycle that's when edd would be, rather than a preference for June, so sorry if that has added to anyone's hurt).

I just wanted to share that I have had awful jealousy feelings since my ectopic earlier this year. I had to have 2 doses of methotrexate and so couldn't ttc until given the all clear. I haven't got any children and am unsure what damage has been done. I hate myself for feeling the way I do about others who are pregnant, including dh's best friend who is going to be due when my ectopic would have been, so we will always have a living reminder of what might have been. I am pleased for them, but also have to go into kitchen to sob when he is on 'phone talking about latest scan etc. Think I have irretrievably lost friends at work by walking out when scan pics are being shown round and endlessly talked about. I feel so guilty because I say the right things but think very different thoughts.

I am so sorry to hear others' stories, and feel for you all. xx

Loobeyloo - I dont think its being unreasonable to feel upset in your situation. Its a tough one on whether or not to say something, I guess it depends on what they are like/your relationship with them?? My gut reaction is to say dont say anything but its hard to judge - they may be really supportive but then again they may not

To be honest i think its unlikely the baby will be born on the due date, maybe someone else will correct me but I am guessing not many are?

You are more than welcome to come and vent on here though xx

Loobey I think I read somewhere that only 5% of babies are born on their EDD, so it's pretty likely your SIL's baby won't be born on the same date. Dates are very important I think, we can't help remembering certain things, so don't beat yourself up. I would, however, suggest you don't mention it to SIL. Talk about it with your DP and maybe some friends that don't know SIL (and of course all of us here). As the date gets closer, you might want to privately mention it to your parents/DPs parents (not sure which side the SIL is on), and say 'I'm just telling you so that if anyone asks why we seem a bit subdued/sad, you'll know and be able to explain it'.

VeryKeen I know what you mean about the guilt. I have wished horrible things about my future SIL, mostly because I'm so jealous and it seems SO UNFAIR that she's done everything WRONG and is completely unprepared for a baby (and she's not a particularly nice person). Then I read things on here and realise what I'm wishing for her....I don't hate her that much, I don't hate anyone that much.

Jealousy/grief can make you think really awful things, and I think we all have to just realise this is pretty normal and as long as we are keeping it to ourselves or within an understanding circle (such as this thread), we will be okay.

PinkMook - phone up and ask if they've had any cancellations. Make it clear that you are happy to come at short notice (if that's practical for you).

We saved months of waiting, simply by phoning up every time we'd been sent an appointment, and asking for a cancellation appointment. Each time, they offered us an appointment sooner than our given date.