Thread for those fed up of pregnant friends... actually pregnant women everywhere... while they themselves have been TTC for ages or keep having miscarriages.

[GordonTheGopher]

I know it's not very PC. But I can't help but be really jealous. Just this morning I got an email off another friend telling me she's pregnant - first month of trying.

That makes 6 friends who are pregnant. I have been TTC no 2 for two years. I had a MMC last May and an early MC last week.

I do try and be happy for them. But in reality I'm not.

Am I normal? Anyone care to join me?

Fifi,

What a great way tp put things, i think you have pretty much summoned up how we all feel about this. I do feel like a grieve every month when Af arrives, i go through all the emotions, crying, denial, angry and then acceptance when you think about it its alot to put yourself through every month isnt it.
I'm joining you at the bus stop, hope you dont mind the company i could use some.

Waiting to exhale,

Tell your sister inlaw now, if you wait she will be even more upset that you didnt and feel quite betrayed by it. please do expect her to cry, she may not with you but she will spend at least a day crying and will go through all the range of emotions.
I must say that i have been trying for 5 yrs and one of my closest friends is Pg again for the second time since i have been trying. I found out on a fri and on the sat i spent all day breaking down and asking 'why not me' 'what have i ever done' its also realy important to realise that she may avoid you like the plague for the 9 months you are pg, dont take it personaly its not about you but i know myself how much it hurts seeing the people closest to you go through whay you want so much in the whole world, its not that she wont be happy for you she will but she will just keep wondering why it isnt her turn. I'm very lucky that my friend has been there through it all with me and i have spoken to her so much about how i feel in the past she knew how i felt about her pg and accepted it she even said to me ' for f**ks sake ray i wish they would give you a break how much more can you take' it was lovely to know she understood. explain that you want her to tell you how she feels and you wont be upset by it that should help keep you close.
i hope this helps.

As for me i'm on cd 16 had +ive on ov test on cd 14 and have been Bding twice a day for the last 3 days, i am on clomid too so am realy hoping this works. although there is something deep down that makes me want to cry already coz i know its just not going to happen and i'm dreading this 2ww just to have af arrive as usual. think i may just go alittle crazy this month if it doesnt work.

Wow Fifi what a good post. You've described exactly how I am feeling this week. I thought I was coping; I thought I had recovered, and then something happened (a pregnancy announcement - the baby is due when mine should have been) and it is as though my ectopic has just been diagnosed all over again. I am so sad for the future I thought I would have and then I feel guilty because I spend so much time thinking about ttc that maybe I don't pay enough attention to the child I already have, or I am too down to be much fun for her or something. I'm at the bus stop too I guess.

Lots of luck with the Clomid, Ray. I really hope it does the job for you.

Hi Mrs happy,

Nice to meet you. How old is you DD i feel exactly the same as you i have a dd also who is 6 and i feel like i have spent so much time TTC that i have missed out on 5yrs of her life and when i'm realy down about TTc she picks up on it and is often down herself i hate having this effect on her its just not fair so now i'm not only trying to deal with TTC but also guilt and hiding my feelings all at the same time. Isnt life fun, surley i should just be happy with the one DD why cant i be happy with that life would be so much easier is i was and then i feel quilty for not being happy with just one. Crap Crap Crap my had is spinning.

Thanks for the good luck i am relay hoping it works to but there is that negativity there that says it wont ever work and i wont have anymore ever.

Hey what a ray of sunshine i am.

Hi Ray
My DD is only 2.5, but we have been ttc since around the time she turned 1 and in that time I have been pregnant 3 times (2 ectopics, 1 CP) and I now have only 1 tube. Frankly it is shit. I am starting to believe that I will never have another child, but this week has been a particularly bad one. What really gets me is when people say "but you have DD" as though somehow having a child should erase the sadness I feel about my losses and about seeing my chances of a much-wanted large family slipping away. Of course she cheers me up, of course she compensates, but I am still allowed to be sad FGS!

I'm a ray of sunshine too. My name is clearly inaccurate this week...

Hi Mrs Happy,

I have had 2 Mc too but thats was over 3 yrs ago now, i remember the feeling of pure happiness when i fell and the utter disolation when i lost both times so i realy feel for you and only having one tube must be very hard to deal with. I am also starting to feel like i'll never have another and getting realy shitty with people who teel me to 'relax' destress' i hate those people. My sis is Pg and she has had 2 mc and she told me the other night not to stress about it and i bit her head off and told her that it has to be realy bad stress to effect fertility she was realy shocked. And i also hate those people that say 'it will happen when its meant to' Bollocks i DO NOT want to hear that at all.

having another child does not take away the sadness at all and like you said the longer it goes on the more your dreams fade. sometimes i think its harder when you have another child coz you know you can carry and have a healty baby so why isnt it happening now. I find myself going into my DDs room at night and just sitting and looking at her thinking i cant believe she came from me did i realy do that it doesnt seem possible now. I feel like i'm in a bubble all the time or a nightmare and i'll wake up and none of this has never happened and i start to try and it happens first time. Oh if only.

Oh dear this is a bad week you're quite right but we are entilted to feel this way we realy are and we are entilted to have bad weeks and bad days and hate life sometimes. I worry that all this negative thinking is stopping me falling ow silly is that!!!!

Ray - hello again! was wondering how your first attempt with Clomid went but I'm guessing

How are you feeling now? I'm on CD21 of a 28-30 day cycle and quite crampy so am imagining symptoms - again....the 2ww is a total pita!! Weird cycle this month too - I normally show colour when ovulate but not much ewcm...this month much more ewcm but no colour...maybe coming off the pill and stopping my anti depressants messed with my cycle...

Hi pussin,

You are quite right, failure on first month of clomid, trying to keep fingers crossed for this month. have been Bding everyday 2twice a day since LH surge and hoping this will help but who knows.
Im feeling very tired and have been having lots of hotflushes this month but at least it shows its working .
I'm on CD17 of a 33 day cycle so alittle while to go yet, you only have 8-9 days to go although know that feels like a life time when TTC.

Its possible that coming off the anti depressants and the pill would mess with you a bit you do need to give your body 3-6 months to get back to normal.

Ray - so sorry it didn't work for you last month - my friend took clomid and it took about 4 months for her to get pg on it so maybe its just that your body is getting used to it and then wham - it will fire up with lots of lovely viable eggs! Meanwhile - have some chocolate

This whole ttc is hard isn't it? I sort of envy people who have got pg by accident as they have no worries of symptom spotting or working out when they ovulate! I have another friend in the Middle East who is undergoing her 3rd cycle of IVF...the pressure over there to get pg is intense! Whole familes get involved and her DH's family know when her period is due and there is the worry he may take a 2nd wife if she doesn't get pg!! Puts my 2ww into perspective!

I'm very very tired these last two days - was in bed by 9pm last night..I'm not normally affected by the clocks going back and I'm not eating high GI foods so keep thinking the tiredness is due to being pg..but that's just symptom spotting I think! lol

Pussin,The whole ttc thing is very hard and i also envy those people that get Pg by accident ( i was one of them with my DD) am i paying for that now!!! and good luck to your friend i hope it works for her at least we dont have the worries she has ay.

I would say that you are sympton spotting by thinking the tiredness is signs of PG i know its hard but realy try not to do it. Just put it down to PMT. I feel abt dizzy today and have only just Ov and i'm symptom spotting already its stupid i wouldnt have them now its too early need to pull myself together!!!

Im keeping my fingers crossed for you this month and lots of baby dust your way.

Hi guys - how is everyone? I'm as AF arrived this morning - I had THOUGHT I was a day late too so it just goes to show. Cycle is deffo back on track though and this month I wasnt so hormonal so am more hopeful esp. that the acupuncture will deliver some results now. Work is cr@p too. At least i can have a glass of wine tonight. - I too am at the bus top btw - brilliant analogy.

Hi Mrs Happy, Ray and Pinkspook (me!) and everyone,

people who say stuff like just relax blah blah or quote statistics of this many in that many couples are pregnant after this many months etc those aren't worth getting mad at.. they so absolutely don't know what they're talking about.. it's like asking someone to describe a place they've never been to.. it's hot air..you will never read anything like that on a thread like this.. we are our own experts, we are our own counsellors and our own confidants..because as time goes by our friends and doctors and family kinda tune out of all this.. meanwhile it's getting crazier and scarier and sadder for us.. we are living in this parallel universe where time feels like it's standing still until we suddenly look up and see that 2 years have gone by and we're still standing in concrete and the rest of the world has had 2 more kids.. this situation is a particular type of torture that no one can understand until you're in it.. i certainly didn't until the door shut behind me last november.. as for people who feel we should seek consolation in having a child or children already.. it's not about having children, it's about having a family.. if you guys are anything like me you've probably all thought "but i wanted my child to have a younger sibling they could be close to, play with, go to school with, go to the pub with when they're 25.. i wanted a house full of wellies and footballs and toys on the stairs and a wall full of drawings and noise and shouting and ... children.. " ..having children isn't just about the children it's about fulfilling your (you as a person, as a human being) own life ambitions and dreams that you never knew you even had until it looks like you can never make them happen.. there are no threads out there on people feeling upset and down and disappointed because they're not winning the lottery.. that's cause it's a remote possibility and it hardly ever happens so we all know that it would be daft to be upset about it.. but pregnancy is every where (but you it seems)and if you already have a child you're forced to hang out with other mums and kids and babies because that's life and you're not going to turn your child into a hermit cause you can't face the world, as appealing as that sounds.. so there's room for all of you at this bus shelter! who knows one of these months a bus will just for absolutely no reason screech to a halt and if we can all get over the shock of it, we can hop on!
pray, start swimming, do rain dances, eat quinoa, do whatever just don't give up you guys xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As an aside i was reading this book "taking charge of your fertility" and the author(toni weschler) suggests that waiting for LH surge can shorten your window of opportunity. she recommends basal temperature tracking and paying very close attention to emmm.. i'm a bit embarrassed here.. cervical mucus.. i'd been using OPKs for ages and then read this book and sure enough i was missing 12-24 hours of fertile window.. opk would be neg but all other signs pos then 12 hours later opk would be rip roaring positive.. i'm sure most of you are sick to the back teeth of a. reading books on fertility and b. reading books that give you hope for a few months and then make you want to throw the damn thing on the fire cause it made you get all hopeful and now you feel even less hopeful than before you read the book.. but it's a good book full of the basics and i guess if you pick up just one thing you didn't know before.. it's worth it? btw if anyone lives in E4 they can have my copy cause i'm about to chuck it on the fire....

fifi08 you have a fantastic way with words

Right, now I need to rant....(said in whiny voice, breaking into a sob)...where is my fucking bus!? I am so unhappy today > Just found out last night that DH is probably going to be made redundant in the next few weeks (thanks bankers you credit crunch bringing bastards) so my plans for accupuncture and the next steps we were about to take with IUI will probably not happen.

I am so sad and angry and terrified and feel almost out of control rage that just when I had come to terms with probably needing assisted conception, this comes along and rips even that away from me

Why is this happening (I dont expect an answer to that just wanted a rant)

I want to go to the top of a hill and scream and cry in to to the wind

Ray81 thanks loads for replying to my earnest message....truely appreciate you response. thanks again.... best of luck to you xxx

Hi Fifi

I know what you mean about all of it. But just to go on what you were saying about the book and the window of opportunity.

Both Ray and I have been following the sperm meets egg plan which suggests everyother day before your +ive on OPK and then every day for 3 then miss a day then start everyother again.

I guess in theory this would help that window of opportunity. This month after starting the every other day on day 6 DH got all spontaneous on the "wrong" morning didnt dare say no as NEVER spontaneous anymore and we had no gap between day 12 and day 14 +ive OPK so am hoping this is good

I find even my mum who really tries doesnt even get it and whatever anyone says we all seem to interpret it wrong and i always walk away thinking "what do you know you got pg immediately"

Anyway

Great few posts so thanks

Baby dust to all

pinkspook for President

right on ontheup! get that girl a throne and crown. how are you today pinkspook?

In a word... Shit.

all my plans have fallen apart. Cant do IUI, cant accupuncture, cant do anything but try and survive. Am the voice of doom today. Looks like we wont be able to have any more children thanks to the credit crunch. Just want to curl up and never move again

Hi Guys,

Had some bad news one of my collegues has died this morning, she was 27 with no children and had cancer.

Kind of puts my troubles into perspective at least i'm alive and have my health.

Pinkspook, Honey i am so sorry that all your plans have been put on hold that is shit and understand the wanting to curl up and never move again. What you need is a room full of china and a baseball bat, alternatively go to your bedroom get your pillow and scream as loud as you can into it then throw it around the room. Its doesnt make you feel completely alright but does help to relieve some of the anger, well it works for me sometimes so may be worth a try.
I do know the feeling of hopelessness and i will keep my fingers crossed for you that things pick up. I can sympathise with the redunancy thing as i am being made redunant and leave in 4 weeks, its very scary. On the positive side i will get a nice amount of money to tide us over and if i can get a job sooner then we may be able to avoid some sort of treatment. Will you DH not get any redunancy money?

Sorry 'Afford' treatment !!!

hi pinkspook,

ray's right.. down let this beat you.. you're better and stronger and tougher than this.. it's not the end.. it's not over yet..you feel beaten today but look how far you've come.. imagine if someone told you the future a few years ago.. you'd have thought you wouldn't be able to survive the first few months..never mind a year or two of it.. but you have.. give yourself credit for that.. i know it feels like life keeps pulling it's pants down and crapping on your doorstep ..usually just as you've managed work up to scrubbing the last delivery away..and i know the longer all this goes on the easier it is to believe the worst as you pass all the anniversaries and get increasingly serious feedback from doctors..i've been trying to look back through the thread and piece your story together but i'm getting confused with you and pinkmook! i was getting some counselling cause i was pretty much gaga over the summer and it really started to help but i had to stop cause i couldn't afford it..£40 for 40 mins! i'm so so sorry about your recent news about your DHs redundancy.. as Ray said hopefully with redundancy payment and a quick return to work things might take a turn for the better.. you know the worst part of times like this it's having to go on with life.. you think this time it REALLY REALLY bad .. it's the tipping point it's the bottom of the pit.. you think it's SO serious i need someone to step in and take control here cause i can't do this by myself anymore.. why should i?? i'm going to GO MENTAL here and maybe if i just DO then someone will finally acknowledge that i've had more than any person can be expected to deal with...and NOT GO CRAZY!!!! but you have to go on.. you have to keep going cause we're all grown ups now and that's what grown ups do.. i never thought being a grown up could suck so much... we do hear you pinkspook and we know how hard this is and how much guts it took for you to get out of bed and brush your teeth this morning.. i don't really know what's going on with God and stuff.. he's certainly not been returning my calls, but i said a prayer for you last night ...
xx

Thanks guys for trying to pull me out of my self indulgent little pity party! I know things could be worse but i think I was just holding it together to cope with the not being able to get pregnant shit, then the no money, probably lose our house shit, bit me on the ass and the whole house of cards came tumbling down.

fifi08 - I am pinkmook and pinkspook! Pinkspook is my halloween "outfit" LOL!

He will not get very much redundancy (not even enough to pay half of one months mortgage)as he has only been there a short time (ironically he moved there as his old company kept laying people off - he works in manufacturing)

I am just all out of positive spirit and determination at the moment

Hi pinkspook,

You carry on with your self indulgent party honey, you have the right to have one or several if you wish and are we all invited cos could do with a few drinks to drown sorrows also.

Thats shit that DH wont get any money i hope he gets a job quickly though. im sure he will (trying to be positive for you ) although i am quite aware that if i was in your situation i would be feeling the same and probably not coping as well as you either.
You are doing well give yourself lots of credit for that and lots of virtual hugs your way and just remeber when you hit rock bottom the onlyway is Up.
I'm off to church tonite, i'm not a high religous person but will try and have a word with the man upstairs while i'm there.
Just another little thing i'm not sure if you have had clomid but you can get it from the internet, i know its not recommended but if you are at your wits end it may halp you feel like your doing something and its not that expense either.

Hi Pinkie,

How are you doing? are you feeling positive about the clomid this month? where are you in cycle i forget !!! memories crap. I am now on CD18 only another 15 days to go!!! ONLY jesus that sounds like a lifetime. I'm kinda on a bit of a downer and convincing myself it hasnt worked. Why should it it hasnt until now, i think it may be a self presifation thing so i'm not to devasted when Af arrives but is getting me down already feeling like this all the time i hate it.
Anyway come on i need some good news when are you due ?

Thanks ray - just to add insult to injury (actually injury to insult LOL!) I have cut my han d open this morning (by acident - not quite slitting wrists yet!) and have had to have my hand all bandaged up anyone else care to join us?

Hi Ray

I am on CD22 and its hell counting the days down is just horrid. I do what you do, why should it be this month etc etc it never has been before. But on the positive side it has to be our turn soon

The other side of it is that with doing the sperm meets egg plan and the acupuncture and the clomid we got to be hedging our bets surely.

Be strong and think about all that bding you did round the right days it has to help and remember in normal circumstances its 25% chance each cycle. On climid it goes to 50% and the plan suggests 40% so we both got to be getting our odds up.

Lots of baby dust to you