TTC and 35 +, all those who are worried their ovaries are not as sprightly as before

[DarrellRivers]

After 18m persuading DH, we are finally (v gently ) TTc no 3.
As I am now 35, am convinced my fertility days are behind me.
Anyone in a similar position and needing to share support?

good morning all

choccie I am sorry things are difficult now. I have reached the conclusion that while we are ovulating some level of broodiness will always be present.
dh is never enthusiastic about 'let's have a baby' he says he can't quite picture it so finds it hard to be excited about it, same throughout the pregnancy, he is supportive but slightly 'disconnected' but when the baby comes he is very hands on dotting daddy.
I don't think men feel the same urgency women do it does not happen to then in the same way and they will likely be fertile for longer.

with dh if I share the I am ovulating let's do it, it does not work I have to pretend it is all spontaneous practicalities

lionstar chocciedooby

Choccie, I really feel for you Darrell is right, it's hard but you need to try to take a longer term view and keep talking to your DH, though maybe take a little time to let the dust settle and get your thoughts & feelings in order.

Lionstar, I don't think it matters how long you've been trying, some months it's easier to cope than others. I found the first month of proper trying & failing hugely disappointing, last month I was particularly stressed out too but other months I've coped much better. So it won't necessarily get worse each month. Who knows, maybe it will be 3rd time lucky for you.

Darrell, I'm 8dpo I think, and don't plan to test until 28th either. I have no tests in the house apart from the new fangled freebie and I think it would be a waste to pee on that until I know I'm pg. (illogical I know)

Am chuckling at sfxmum pretending to be spontaneous
At my house, there is secret temping and working out optimum days for activity
I am a calm swan on the surface, but with frantically peddling legs under the water level
Spangles, we can resist tests together

If I'm honest DH has mentioned in the past that he didn't really want another baby.He has been on and off the idea for about 8 months now so the long game is going to be very difficult and very long.Some months he would be all for not using contraception and then the next month he would say I was trying to trap him !!??We are married with 2 dc, how can I trap him any more than he already is??

As I am 37 I am feeling my biological ticking fast and my concerns for a new babies health would grow as time goes by.

It will be interesting to see how this month goes.CD7 now so next week will only tell what mood he is in.He sends out confusing messages and whenever I try to talk seriously about it he shuts down

I want another child but I want it to be a mutual decision.Could not bear to make dh resent new baby/me for years ahead.

Good Luck to the rest of you.I will be watching every day.

Choccie it doesn't sound like he's being very fair with the 'trapping' comment I mean. I hope you can resolve things and we see you back here soon.

I think Spanglemaker is right about some months not conceiving being worse than others. I've actually been OK about it not working that last few months, I think once I got over the hurdle of not being pregnant again by what would have been my due date in April I could move on a little and not be under such pressure.

Hi all,

Been having a catch up. Choccie I'm so sorry tp hear that your dh has thrown you a curve ball. I know its a cliche but keeping talking is the only way forward I think.

Lionstar - I am only a month in but I can certainly empathise with what you are feeling. 3 months down the line I'm really not sure if I will be feeling positive or not.

Well I've had an interesting few days. AF was due at the weekend - got some spotting on Sat and then....nothing. Monday again a bit of spotting and nothing since. So I tested this morning with a digital and am, by my reckoning, 16 days post ov but got a BFN. I don't feel pregnant so I wasn't too sad but I'm getting annoyed because its just wierd. I've had monster heartburn but no other symptoms. I'm not kidding myself that I am pregnant because my now a digital test should work but where the hell is my AF????

I want it just to get a move on so we can get on with the next go!!

I can see how mixed feeling arise when ttc. part of me also thinks dd is 3 we are past the baby phase no nappies more freedom to do things as before but I want another baby, I want dd to have a sibling.
dh is not close to his but I am to mine.

but I sort of decided that if it does not happen this year I will give up altogether as I will be 40 in early February. blocking that one out in more ways than one

also concerns about the baby's health are quite high, obviously it will probably mean private CVS with all that it entails

crikey over analysing today
I wish it were easier

Hi all

Chocciedooby - I can REALLY sympathise - DH hasn't really wanted children as he doesn't feel we are in the right financial position to take on the responsibility, but I'm 39 in November -have always wanted children and feel like time is running out, so he is participating but it doesn't feel like he is particularly enthusiastic so I'm trying to avoid talking about it too much - sooo hard on the 2WW.

I am CD28 today, 12DPO. Was feeling devoid of energy, vaguely nauseous and dizzy this morning. Boobs still huge. Last night, I had some mild cramping - not really like AF - and my tum felt "heavy" I haven't tested yet because last cycle I got a BF(aint)P on CD26, which proved to be a CP by CD28.

This morning, I noticed some faint brown CM when I wiped and thought this is it - the end of hopes for this cycle, but there has been no more. I still feel "odd" and have had no PMT and keep running to the loo, so am holding on to hope but don't want to test today (superstitious about another CP). Who knows !! Am trying to just keep busy at work and let whatever will be just happen...

Does anybody have any tips on getting DH to go have tests on swimmers??? We have been TTC for awhile now and doctors say he needs to have tests before they would consider doing any tests on me. However the thought of it totally freaks him out.....not sure if he just hates the thought or is worried about the result.......

summer I just asked and off he went. We're registered at different practices at the moment so he went on his own. Apparently the doctor congratulated him on going as most men don't. He hasn't actually done the test yet, but still he is being very good about things. I have got to go for CD2 and CD21 blood tests but the doctor didn't insist that DP had his tests done first. Seems a bit unfair on you really

I will be on hols for next CD2 so won't be having my test until late September anyway.

One thing that I think makes him feel OK about going is that we did a home test and it came out fine, I think that was a big relief for him.

summerlovin - my OH just had tests. He opted to go to the hospital to deposit a sample. Had to abstain for 3 days so we planned it round the time I was not ovulating.

My OH could have done the sample at home but would have to have got the sample to the hospital within an hour.

Does your husband want children? I think if he's unwilling youhave to sit him down and explain that you will not be able to have any more tests without him first having a sperm test. Perhaps he is scared the there will be a problem with him but it's not fair for there to be an assumption that it is you who has the problems.

Out of interest, how long have you been trying? You should at least be offered blood tests if you have been trying a while before your husband should be expected to go for a sperm test, but if your doctor is insisting you Husband be tested then he should be prepared to go.

summerlovin - although your GP's advice may seem a bit unfair it may actually be a good way to persuade your DH to go - he can't now expect you to go and have all the procedures done first. I guess they want to rule out all the causes that are cheap to diagnose before starting on the expensive tests.

I have already broached the subject with DH, at the moment he's being quite jovial about it and says he is happy to comply as long as I can come along to help him

He is now, finally, getting more enthusiastic about ttc. In fact last night he donned a Russian army hat (holiday souvenier, before anyone thinks we are spies), looked at me very seriously and said 'So when is the next Big Push?'

Your DH sounds lovely SpangleMaker
Good Luck Jools1.Keep us posted on how you are.

Spanglemaker. Sorry to hear that everyone else is feeling a bit up and down - and Chocciedooby, really sad to hear that your dh has put a spanner in the works. Hope you manage to work this out together. I'm CD10, and AF is still playing up a bit, although the vitamin B6 and the Agnus Castus has made things a lot better. WHY can't these things just be straightforward!!!!!

I just found the home test sperm kits on line so have bought one now to try at home!! This is a much preferable option for my DH - he just hates doctors and hospitals....

Actually it will be funny when (if???) I do get a BFP and actually have a baby - both his brother and his Dad have fainted in their respective deliveries!!!!

summer,

Both of you should go to the GP and discuss all this with him. You will end up going around in circles otherwise, get this problem of his re docs and hospitals out into the open and tackle it now. I can understand him not liking hopsitals at all but this in itself is no reason for his reluctance to be tested. It is also not fair on you and your tests can be more invasive. Both of you should be tested in tandem at the hospital; it is little point in treating solely one of you if it turns out that both of you are contributing to the subfertility. This is why I take issue with the GP to say that he should be tested first.

Please be very wary with using these home kits; they are not always helpful or infact good to use at all. Your husband would be far better off having a semen analysis properly analysed by the hospital subfertility unit. He needs to talk his concerns through with the GP and or the gynae; some men think that semen analysis and virility/potency are linked; this is not true at all. He may be worried that he has male factor problems hence his anxiety. BTW he should be aware that one poor semen analysis is in no way conclusive of there being male factor problems; such tests should be repeated to get a more accurate overall result.

HTH, ask your GP for both of you to be referred to the hospital for further investigative tests.

Welllll CD29 today and AF officially at least one day late, based on her recent behaviour !

I spent most of yesterday feeling so tired I could sleep standing up and feeling nauseous that seemed to go away when I ate (so I ate loads !!) Walking home past a few takeaways, I started retching, so was convinced this was it I even allowed myself to start reading antenatal threads on here and imagine joining one !

So, based on the logic that, if I was feeling nauseous, there must be enough going on for a test to show something, I tried this morning and got a BFN on First Response I've now started seeing brownish CM on and off, so I think the end is nigh and the evil witch is lurking round the corner - surely 13DPO is too late for implantation.

I guess I must have had some sort of bug - will see if the nausea returns today.

Disappointed and confused.

sorry Jools it can be so hard hang in there try to relax and lets see what happens big hug to you

Jools hang in there.It is so hard and confusing when you don't know whats going on.You will soon know either way though.
Try to keep yourself busy so you are distracted.Easier said than done eh?!

jools i know how confusing it can be, sometimes your body can give you false hope! just got to keep positive, i'm hoping it will happen for us soon, i just got rid of a major source of stress in my life yesturday, i quit my job! going for something with less stress involved!! hope it happens for all of us soon. to be honest if it doesn't happen soon i'm gonna have to give up, i can't handle the upset every month it been 3 years now! the clomid doesn't appear to be working for me, all it doing is giving me headaches and feeling sick!! good luck to all of you and take care. x

Oh Jools, I can really relate. My body seems like its playing some rather cruel tricks on me too.

I'm still waiting for my AF to "get going" rather than just spotting or non existent but tested negative too.

Hang on in there. I can truly understand your disappointment and confusion. Sadly I can't offer any constructive advice other than trying to relax and stay positive. And we both know how easy that is don't we?

Thanks everyone I've decided this morning that I can't stand the taste of coffee any more, so am still clutching at straws and obsessively knicker checking !! Boobs haven't deflated yet and STILL no PMT - has to be a good thing !!

Wasabipeanut - glad to know I'm not the only one whose body is driving them to distraction !

well i got my fingers crossed for you. i still feel pg even though i had a pfn result, my boobs still hurt bad, and feel sick, getting acid heartburn everyday. i know im not pg but my body is giving me false signs! sounds really positive for you tho. good luck. x

Ok, just tested again and zip. I am quite clearly not pregnant and want to cry. I'm just so frustrated - I never expected to be successful this month but I just can't understand why my AF would not appear. I am so regular and pretty sure I ovulated based on EWCM, slight ov pain and so on. But a First Response would be showing a line by now and it isn't. Not even a faint one.

I've just tried to google causes of missed AF's other than pregnancy and got all sorts coming up from tumours to early menopause.

Mother Nature is an utter beatch sometimes.

I know it doesn't help but stress holds back AF arrival, I have lost count of the times I was late, tested then AF arrived

I am sorry this is upsetting you wasabipeanut

I am quite prepared to shed a few tears as AF arrives it is unfortunately part and parcel of this stage