Very nervous to TTC after a miscarriage but am going for it

[Bella23]

For those who want to look to the future and TTC again I would really like some support, advice etc.
I thought we needed a new thread with positive energy (yes have turned into chanting hippy) so that we feel we are moving forward rather than dwelling on what has already passed.
The only thing I can concentrate on at the moment is that next Wed is the day that me and DH can start trying again (this will be 2 weeks after ERPC).
Anyone else ready to try again?

[wendy11]

Thanks Bella23. Hope the rest of today is better for all of us

[romilly]

hi everyone

wendy - don't feel you ever have to say sorry for coming on here for a moan - that's what we are here for. you've been through a tough time. now i'm in the mood for a quick whinge..

hereshoping and bella - i had exactly the same thing with mr. romilly (sorry, but the one acronym i find a bit cringey is d/h, d/p - especially when they are not behaving!). on the one hand he has been wonderful and supportive throughout the grim bits (erpc etc.) - but then out comes a sarcy comment about ttc like "so am i just a sperm-bank now". i can understand that they don't want to feel its the be all and end all - but after a m/c with all the heartache and hormones raging it is bloody impossible to be laid back about it. i also get looked at like i'm a freak when i'm taking my temperature - or eyes rolling when i am reading my persona instructions (i've made an executive decision not to enlighten him about the EWCM!!!)

dramaqueen - that sounds entirely normal post-erpc kind of aches and pains (as you say, bowel ache) apparently its your uterus contracting back amongst other things. if you are worried call your gp or epu - theres always someone you can get to talk to if you are insistent!

[Bella23]

Rommily - I have come to the conclusion that men are great when it comes to actual events as like you say my DH was a superstar throughout scans, ERPC etc. They just fall down when it comes to just emotions - well mine does anyway, its like he need there to be a broken leg etc before sympathy comes my way! He is being supportive but it just makes my blood boil when as you say you get that look that means "Oh Lord she is turning into one of those mad hormonal women - ARH" as soon as I mention ov tests or fertile days! I personally think the following terms should be banned in any ttc conversation : "relax" "let's just see what happens", "there's no rush". All these make me roll my eyes!!!!!!!!!1

[romilly]

yeah, i got "what we really need to concentrate on is a loving relationship" - umm, this is after more than 18 years of being together (a couple of blips and hiccups notwithstanding) - and no babies yet. i said - excuse me, but no actually -i think its time we concentrated on something other than ourselves cause i don't want to be one of those women waking up on my 40th birthday going "oops.. i forgot to have children"

[Bella23]

I think ttc just brings out the control freak in me and I don't think I am alone on this one. I am a very determined person and will do whatever it takes to succeed on this - its just a bit of a pain sometimes having to organise DH when you have to pretend at the same time that its all very RELAXED - ye right!
We will succeed though

[mishi1977]

wendy hun u r bound to be upset this week and the ttc will be the last thing on your mind....your situation is so sad as you were completely past vital point (12weeks) and tbh prob not expecting what happened...not that anyone expects it but ykwim...i hope...i thought i was 15wks but it was a missed mc so not detected in ur situation u would have had ur 2 scans and been sent on ur merry way..its just such a sad place emotionally for u to be in...sorry im probably not making sense...but just hugs to u hun


bella and romilly i can totoally sympathise with the way ur dhs are behaving..mine is a swine..lol He was so happy when o got pg again devestated when we lost pip but now only 3 wks on its like it should be done with now...he doesnt want to talk about it etc..which as we know as women we talk about it to try and work out our feelings etc...i havent even told him we r going to be ttc after my af arrives only because he will also jump on the expression band wagon of whats the rush u only want me for a beanie etc...which isnt true and i would actualy bd with him more if it werent for the fact that im exhausted after chasing a hyper 15mth old and also trying to keep on top of hw etc..anyways..lol just a bit of digression...my view is im not gonna tell im im just gonna do it frequently...when i got caught with pip i had read to do it every 3 days all through as then there would always be an swimmer for ur egg...in theory....romilly about ur age my friend had her first lo at 43 so not so much of a panic

[Bella23]

Mishi - interesting with the 3 days thing, as cycle probably a bit up the spout I may give that a try to cover all bases.
Just had some really good news, our house guest (which we have had for 9 months) has just told me she is moving out - YE HA. Bit of a long story but she is an old friend we were helping out - didn't realise it would be for so long mind but with recent events it has been really difficult in the house as we really need our space. 2 more weeks to go and then will have the luxury one more of walking round in the nuddy!

[romilly]

thks mishi - i can't get enough of the 43+ mother stories so always gratefully accepted! also, think you've done the wise thing not telling your d/h but just getting on with it - they have such fragile little egos, poor mites. i would have thought the fact you would even want to have a baby with them would make them realise how much you love them - esp. if, like me, you are probably not exactly earthmother incarnate. but i guess the lesson to be learnt is that 99% men want to feel the only reason you are sleeping with them is because they are a sexgod and you can't get enough of them!

Mine is a sexgod, of course.

[yingers74]

Hello everyone, my dh seems to be a bit more obsessed with ttc then me. He thinks we should try again in two weeks, way before my first af. I think, like me, he feels the need to fill the void.

bella, I bet you can't wait till you have the place to yourselves again. I had a house guest for 2 weeks and that was pretty hard, I really liked my house guest but sometimes you just need your own space to laze, eat too many crisps or dust in pjs.

wendy - feel free to moan as much as you want as am sure there will be many occasions when you will have to listen to me! xx

[hereshoping]

what dhs dont get is that actually you are most rampant round fertile time anyway! How do they expect us to separate out sex- sex from baby making sex at this time. my dh keeps saying he wants to remember the paritcular s* that makes the baby - he reckons he can remeber the other conceptions and they were pretty good. Me - i dont care how crap the sex is as long as it makes a baby
may actually pander to him a bit though with some new underwear - might make me feel a bit better about myself too...

[dramaqueen72]

oh yes ladies, i can join in this one! my dh is all swings and roundabouts.... he asks what the opks are for and so i tell him,- to give us a three or four day window that surrounds 'O'. he then pulls a face and says 'oh nothing like putting me under pressure!' i just dont get that, why dont men think its wonderful we all want alot of sex? arent they supposed to 'want sex' all the time??? and then my dh asks me today how far pg we will be in August (our summer break). which i thought was sweet. i cant believe he thinks sex is pressure tho. duh. men!
as far as 'good advice' on 'covering all bases' bella, (and hey, dont tell your dh how much pressure hes under! ) I read to keep sperm at its best it should be approx 2 days old. any older; not so good and any younger not so good...... so somehow i've gotta make sure dh's sperm is 'fresh' every 2 days....... frankly it makes me chuckle already..i cant tell him and put him under 'pressure', so my mind is boggling right now....LOL.....this ttc can be viewed as such a 'black comedy' cant it? apparently we should all have sex every 2 days, all the time, and spend much time after sex lying down, even poss with our hips raised. honestly, it does sound funny!! i have to laugh...or i may hit him.

[yingers74]

Dramaqueen, just reading about keeping sperm fresh makes me tired! The things we have to do to get pregnant. LOL and yes sometimes it is like a comedy, if you don't laugh you cry.....

[Bella23]

Dramaqueen I have just laughed out loud at your comment of "I have to laugh or I may hit him".
They really do make you scream!
My DH came home last night about 9 after draggin himself away from a work's do. He knew after the screaming row we had the previous night that it was our "fertile window". Now this did mean that he was taking on board our chat but did he have to tell me about 15 times that he had left early because of me????? So basically he was a saint because he left a drinks do to come and ttc - he wanted a medal. At times like that you just want to batter them!!

[yingers74]

Perhaps we should all get one of those reward wall charts for out dh/dps! Each time they behave they get a star on the chart and if they get 7 stars then they do get a medal!!!!!!

[Bella23]

Do you Yingers the sad thing is that my DH would probably like that!

[dramaqueen72]

oh yes, a star chart! my dh would get sooooo excited at a gold star! i can just imagine it.....
bella, sounds just like my dh! wanting brownie points for everything he 'remembers' from our last fight!!! the other day he made dinner...as in 'empty contents of freezer on to try, bake in oven' kinda make, and must of mentioned it fifty times over! its like; hello? i do that ALL THE TIME!! no-one gives me brownie points for it! but he is a sweet heart sometimes too. cant live with 'em, cant live without 'em......
this morning he asked me 'are we ovulating yet?' which made me giggle (i'm not even at that point yet) he was so serious. he wants a girl again, if he gets a preference, so hes most concerned about having sex around '0' but not exactly at '0'.......sounds like hes been reading to many of my books!!!

[Bella23]

Dramaqueen - so sweet that your DH is asking when WE ovulate - bless!
So funny how far I think things have changed and then realise that I am quickly turning into my mother as things never change that much as men really are all the same no matter what decade we are in!!

[mishi1977]

aww DQ ur hubby sounds like a diamond....my hubby is generally sweet although like most men a bit dimmer in emotional situations although he did ask last night if we were gonna try for another...and heres me thinking im being sneaky keeping it from him...lol...only prob is still no sign of af and im getting impatient now..lol

[romilly]

hi girls, me too - as in - no sign of AF yet - which makes it 29 days from date of erpc for me. how many is it for you mishi?

[wendy11]

Yingers
I record a gold dot on my temperature chart for each time we BD. Best not to tell DH this though as could result in a severe swelling of the head!

[Bella23]

Wendy,

regarding this temperature taking, do you just use a normal themometer? Do you take it every morning before you get out of bed? And are you waiting for a slight raise which signals ovulation is soon?
Sorry so many questions but at the moment just using ov sticks and wondering whether to start temping as well for a change?

[romilly]

bella - i use a digital thermometer kit from boots - that comes with a diary for charting - not expensive (about £15). i've just started taking temps, but you have to do it before you get out of bed at approx. same time every morning.
which can be a bit hit and miss in my case!

mishi - i think you are just 2 days behind me if i remember correctly. i am unsure about when you are meant to time the AF date from, but i am presuming the erpc date.

[Bella23]

Thanks Rom may check it out doe next month. At this stage am willing to try anything - not like I am obsessed or anything you understand - YE RIGHT!

[Spacecadet]

I just wanted to say good luck to everyone on this thread,I too know the heartache of losinga much longed for child having had 1 stillbirth and 2 misscarriages, however my dd1 was conceived within 2 months of my son sam being born asleep and is now a healthy 13 year old, I also have 3 other healthy children, good luck and sending positive vibes.

[Bella23]

Thanks so much Spaxecadet, positive stories like that really help