Very nervous to TTC after a miscarriage but am going for it

[Bella23]

For those who want to look to the future and TTC again I would really like some support, advice etc.
I thought we needed a new thread with positive energy (yes have turned into chanting hippy) so that we feel we are moving forward rather than dwelling on what has already passed.
The only thing I can concentrate on at the moment is that next Wed is the day that me and DH can start trying again (this will be 2 weeks after ERPC).
Anyone else ready to try again?

[romilly]

bella - expecting AF any day now if my pre-m/c cycle is anything to go by, but no signs to be honest. used to be 26 day cycle which i really hope i still am. as you say there is so much to bloody worry about now - and like you i used to be pretty chilled about it all. its nice to know everyone on here understands though.

[Bella23]

Will be interested to hear when your AF arrives as I also am always regular so hoping things stay the same.

[romilly]

will keep you posted!

[yingers74]

The whole when you should try to conceive again after a m/c is very confusing. One doctor said 3 months, one has said whenever you feel ready and another said after your first period. which is right? My mum/aunts think you should leave it 100 days! Where do these numbers come from? I don't really want to wait that long. My plan is to wait for first AF and then off we go.

A good cry helps a lot I think. I did a lot of crying at the weekend and so when they finally confirmed it all, I felt ok about it. Now people are beginning to learn about it, I am feeling a little wobbly as their sympathy makes it hard to act cheery.

[Sallie]

Yingers - cry as much as you need to - I know it certainly helped me. As for when to start ttc again, my gp said I could start straight away (mc at 6 weeks) - maybe things alter depending on how far along you were. Anyway, I am a great believer that things will happen when your body is ready. Mine obviously bounced back fairly quickly as mc in Sept and conceived in Dec. Just do what feels right for you. Lots of hugs((()))

[Bella23]

At the early gyno unit where I went at Kings (London)the chief registrar lady who saw me (and who also very kindly told me that the same had happened to her between 2 of her children) said that I could try when I felt ready and if I didn't want to wait then I didn't have to. She also said that she didn't wait and got straight back to ttc. She said advice for waiting for first AF is just to make dating easier.
I totally agree with the advice that the body will conceive when it is ready and that you don't need to stress about waiting a set period of time - go with what feels right.

[yingers74]

I think i will go for it earlier rather than later, although certainly will not be telling my mum that!

[Bella23]

Yingers I have to admit to having a little giggle over the 100 days advice -like where did that come from??

[wendy11]

For all ladies ttc a question. Do you get EWCM or at least watery mucus each month? I am starting to wonder is this my problem ttc as I find it very difficult to detect either - and it doesn't help when doing lots of BDing as I never really know if I am looking a CM or semen.

[wendy11]

Sorry another question. Do you have to have lots of fertile mucus to conceive, or does it just mean that the sperm do not live so long if there is not alot of CM present. I think my DH may be right and I am starting to get too technical. Need to relax.............. easier said that done!

[romilly]

Wendy - good question - there is a fantastic book called "Taking control of your fertility" by Toni Weschler which is written about by a lot of MN'ers on ttc threads. This explains the whole EWCM signs with fairly graphic illustrations (mmmmm!) to help. seriously worth a read.

[Bella23]

Wendy I have never really had much idea on the EWCM either to be honest that is why I have had to rely on the ov tests.
I think all DHs think that relaxing about the whole thing works - easy for them to say when it isn't there body! That is why I have found this site so useful to be able to ask all the questions on here that would make my DH look quite bewildered - or even worse - not interested!
How long have you been trying Wendy?

[wendy11]

We tried for five years with four failed attempts at IUI in that time. We finally conceived naturally in April 2004 only to lose our baby at 23 weeks in September 2004. Currently on our third cycle of trying - charting temps, using OPKs etc Makes it all the more difficult knowing that it took so long to conceive the first time, and not really knowing if it will happen again, but have also been referred for IVF so maybe we will have a happy result somewhere along the line. Here's hoping it works out for all of us in the near future.

[romilly]

Wendy - its actually called "taking charge of your fertility" and there is a website TCOYF.com - which might help.

i must admit i havent started checking out the EW yet (still waiting for AF before i start) but because a lot of people say its the best indicator of when you are ready to roll i shall try and get the hang of it!

[Bella23]

Wendy, sorry for your loss, how terrible. You are definately destined for happier times after what you have been through, will keep all crossed for you.

[wendy11]

Thanks romilly and Bella23. Will have a look at that site later. Just reading on another site about CM and how to improve it. Don't know much about this but here is what it suggests.
Cut back on caffeine and don't smoke
Drink at least 10 6oz glasses of water each day
Evening Primrose Oil - 1,000 IU/day from CD1 to OV
Flax seed Oil - 2,000mg/day from OV to AF
Red Raspberry - 1,000mg/day starting anytime in cycle. Can be taken during pg up to one month prior to delivery as it strengthens the uterine lining and so lengthens the luteal phase
Grapefruit juice
Will have to leave this for another months trying as currently on CD12 and +ve OPK so should probably get off this thread and prepare for DH coming home as some serious BDing to take place over the next couple of days irrespective of the CM situation. Catch up later

[girlfromipanema]

dramaqn, just wondering if you're on this thread at the moment or somewhere else? Missing you and hope all's well with you and everyone on this ttc thread too, hoping to join you soon....

[yingers74]

wendy11, am sorry for your loss. Am sure better days are coming for us all

bella - My mum swears that 100 days is the correct waiting time!

[dramaqueen72]

yes girl, i'm kinda here, i'm not ready to ttc yet..waiting for total recovery from op first, but lurking here, ready! i miss our conversations but i know i cant stay on a m/c thread and expect to be happy sounding......
wendy i'm sorry to hear your story, life seems so unfair sometimes.
i hope we all get the happy ending asap - or rather as soon as we want (dont want to pressure you into ttc with us if youre not ready Girl!)
for everyone whos had an ERPC, anyone remember tummy ache -poss trapped wind kinda tummy ache but worse? i cant seem to stand up for hours (had college class tonight so had too) with out doubling over in pain. i am sure i saw somewhere some one mention something about irratable bowel feelings after ERPC.....? yes i would go to my Dr, but you know, appointment hassle, child care hassle,....so thought i'd ask here. of course its a generally upbet thread -we're talking about making gorgeous babies here!- but we should all be aware of still feeling crap somedays too. its okay to come here and say that.

[mishi1977]

DQ I had my erpc 3 weeks ago and still get the stomach cramps etc and it is a bit lke irritable bowel..or late labour iykwim...i just took it as normal so havent seen gp either...

Wendy im glad oyu fele strong enough to ttc again heres wishing u lots of luck

Well im another waiting for first af before we get to ttc properly...am hoping she should turn up soon..prob one of the only times i will be happy to see her..lol

[Bella23]

Well I think all my positive energy finally crashed and burned last night with DH. I had a couple of glasses of wine (big mistake at the moment) and kicked off a silly arguement. I then got really upset and we had the whole predictable discussion where he said I was in danger or being obsessed my TTC and that we need to relax and see what happens. He then asked me how long I was going to carry on being upset as I needed to move on. Now the thing is DH is a lovely man and all this just sounded so cold that I knew it was because he just doesn't get it!! Anyway upshot being is that I cried loads and have managed to ensure that DH thinks that I am a total loon!! I have woken up this morning still quite upset but am determined to see the funny side in a kind of black comedy way otherwise I think I may burst!
Anyway upshot of last night is that people's advice on here that I was ttc too soon was probably right but as they say we've started now so will finish and see how this month goes . Sorry didn't mean to have quite such a moan first thing in the morning

[hereshoping]

Hi Bella
sounds just like type of discussions I have wih my dh! They dont have the rampaging hormones i suppose .Mines actually being v nice at present - at my ERPC in Aug 2004 i went alone and was v brave and coped - only for it all to catch up with me a few weeks down the line. This time ( yesterday) I took him and he got really upset to see me having an anaesthetic and being in pain and has promised he will be 100% in "TEAM BABY" this time - hes been pretty bloody unsupportive and all the usual stuff about 'youre obsessed', 'its ruining our sex life' etc
The advice about waiting is to date next preg, however I concieved in Nov after Aug m/c only to suddenly get v weepy and emotional about last m/c and fearful that it would happen again - which it did. So i think the advice to give yourself time emotionally is sensible and I am going to try to. Nurse yesterday said to me as I left 'make sure you keep taking folic acid' which I thought was a really positive way to send me off

[Bella23]

Thanks hereshopping, its good to hear other people have the same experience. That was a very nice thing for the nurse to say when you left. One thing that I have really learnt from this horrible experiece is that just a kind word really does make such a difference and therfore have promised myself to be kinder to people in gerneral. Am glad your DH is being supportive, it does make such a difference. I am looking forward to January being over, lets hope February is a kinder month to both of us and thanks for making me feel a bit better

[wendy11]

Just on for a bit of a moan too. Sorry! Watched a programme on UTV last night about the neo-natal unit in the RVH, Belfast. I got really upset when I saw these tiny babies who were so like our own little baby when we lost him in September. It doesn't help that his due date whould have been next Wednesday and it seems so wrong that we should be back ttc when we should be preparing for his birth. Life really is not fair. DH keeps telling me not to stress as we are at a critical stage this month for ttc but finding it very difficult. Enough moaning from me but it does help to get it out of my system and I know you will all understand as you have been there too!

[Bella23]

Wendy poor you, it must be so hard! Life just seems so very unfair sometimes that it is hard to carry on sometimes without a good cry!
Please come on here as much as you want and get it out of your system if it helps. {{{HUGS}}}}