calling old duffers or old up the duffers

[marinda]

By popular request (2 votes actually!) this is a thread for old duffers like me who are over the hill and TTC and for anyone who is old and up the duff ! I didn't suggest these terms so please don't get offended if you don't see yourself as a duffer but would like moral support , chat etc...
I am 38 years younh, have ds - 3.8 and have been TTC for 7 months ---aaaarggg!!!

Just dropping in to say I'll join you but am a bit short of time at the moment.

I'm 40 in 17 days time (and in total denial), am ttc #3, on cycle #7 cd4. Dh is 42 and has just made the decision to get his swimmers checked at great relief to me as he had mumps 4 years ago.

BFN, love Wifeof xxx

Marinda - to answer your question it was just pure luck - wouldn't have a clue when I'm at my most fertile to be honest. And we certainly weren't at it like rabbits all the time, so as DH said before .... "Super-sperm strikes again" ..... he gets sooooo boring after a while!!!!

Sorry the name offends romilly - but please stay and i'll change it for thread 2 9how about mature ladies !!!??) or any other ideas ?
Gosh never thought the thread would have so much interest - welcome to anyone i've not welcomed before !
Bubble 99 - wow twins - are you pleased or shocked ?
Welcome Lttleweed - how old id your toddler ? Is he/she first one ?

i'm staying marinda - coz u all sound like a fun and wise bunch of old duffers to share trying to get up the duff stuff with

where's hester?

p.s. i forgot to say - you are all whippersnappers relatively speaking - my gp has a 45 and a 47 yr old who have both got one in the oven recently...

Just found this and think I qualify! Finally found the right man in my late 30s....! Had ds at 42 after 2 years of no contraception and fairly relaxed trying (keeping temperature chart etc but not stressing out too much). Been hoping for a brother or sister for ds and am now 9 weeks pregnant at 45 - will be 46 on due date. However already had scan for threatened miscarriage and although it hasn't happened for sure yet I'm preparing myself for the worst (scan on Weds). I know I have slim chances of having a normal healthy full term pregnancy but I've been lucky so far so why not again? Just getting pregnant was a huge relief and a great moment for me. How I wish I was 40 again like some of you youngsters!

Age wasn't an issue last time and my midwife said she had a woman of 52 on her books! Don't think the pregnancy went to full term though.

My age related issue is a huge fibroid which is the size of a 20 week pregnancy... Fine when I'm not pregnant but a bit worrying now that I am.

Teatime- I am thinking of you and giving you lots of hugs ! Hope the pg lasts ! How was the pg with ds? - Did you get much sickness ? Was the delivery normal ?
At 35 I had normal pg and delivery and feel a bit worried that if I DO get pregnant - it may be more difficult etc...
Romily - I have asked Hester to come across to this thread - she may be eating chocoate however !
I'm on CD20 and asfter convincing myself I was pg last month I am trying to convince myself OTHERWISE this month.
Can anyone who has become up the duff recently explain their symptoms - as I think they are very similar to AF anyway. Last time I was pg with DS, I remember cramps, boalts and boobs etc... and thinking AF was due any time- except I don't think i had the irratibility. Can anyone else help ?

Meeee I'm an old duffer - 38 and rising....

Marinda, that's the crap thing about ttc isn't it? The symptoms of early pg and impending AF are so similar. I conceived last year in June after 11 months and after all those months of checking for symptoms I noticed that when I did finally conceive my boobs did not get 'veiny' until I was about 6 weeks pg. Sore, yes, but no veins till then. During the previous months I would convince myself that I was pg when I saw blue 'roadmaps'on my chest - only for AF to show up. HTH.

I'm late getting back to this, but yes actually marinda pregnancy is a risk factor with Bell's Palsy and I know that I am at a slightly increased risk of getting it again. My OB said he could consult with a specialist if I wanted to try to get pg again but didn't know offhand exactly what the risk was.

Marinda, my symptoms have been so different this time around. With DS my boobs were so sore that by wk 6 I couldn't lie on my front, but I only had intermittent nausea. This time I've had lots of nausea, fatigue, bloating and dreadful wind--but the boobs aren't nearly as sensitive (and I never got the blue veiny thing last time, either).

I had dd at 42.5 via IUI (fourth try) with fertility drug assistance - against all odds for a woman my age (IUI usually works better for younger women). Tried for a sibling at 44 via IUI, but was advised by my aggressive/progressive London fertility clinic not to waste time as the clock was ticking. They said I should move straight to IVF due to age related raised FSH levels.

I did a course of IVF, and achieved a pregnancy at 44.5. We saw the heartbeat at a 6 week scan, but sadly none could be detected 2 weeks later at a scan done after some light bleeding.

My doctor advised that my body needed a few months to recover before trying IVF again. He also advised that once I had reached 45, he would suggest using an egg donor as the chances of a successful pregnancy were remote. Obviously there are exceptions to this (Cherie Blair and teatime to name only two!), but the lesson to be learned is that 45 is generally viewed as the turning point for using your own eggs even with the added benefit of fertility drugs. I guarantee the older women going through IVF are doing it with donor eggs.

Good luck teatime. Will keep fingers crossed that all goes well for you.

thanks Marinda - hugs back{}!
PG with ds was the happiest time of my life - no sickness, lots of 'happy' hormones - I just sailed through on a cloud especially after the 20 week scan gave a 'no abnormality detected' verdict. Worked up to the last two weeks. Was 6 days overdue and desperate not to be induced so glad when labour started naturally. Labour itself was a terrible shock (never been in agony before - not even toothache) but got through without epidural and had a normal delivery apart from an episiotomy - very proud of myself but miserable at the lack of emotion at the moment of birth - ds whisked away to clear meconium from his lungs and me just numb from the recent trauma. Took ages to get over that.
For me the failsafe indication that something is 'up' (the duff) is keeping a temperature check each morning and when the high of ovulation just stays high I know I'm pregnant. Has worked for a couple of 5 week miscarriages when I hadn't taken a preg test but knew I must be pregnant and then bled for two weeks as opposed to 4 days. Unhelpful doctor wouldn't 'believe' it first time round since I hadn't checked for pregnancy. It's unbelievable how hard it is to get clear information about something so common as miscarriage (I just wanted to know when the bleeding would stop!). As for other symptoms - slightly sore boobs but nothing else to speak of - nothing seems to make me go off my food .

Good luck TeaTime and everyone else TTCing and pregnant at such an "advanced" age. I'm 41 and the proud (if slightly raddled in bright sunlight) mother of a 1 year old and a 5 year old. I conceived three times after the age of 35.
Agree with whoever said that early 20s would have been a wrong time for me to have a family. Coming out of misguided long-term relationship, start of scintillating librarianship career, nowhere decent to live...we definitely had our children at the right time for us.

Hi everyone, and thanks to marinda for starting this thread. It is IMMENSELY encouraging reading for me!

I know a lot of you, but for those I don't - I'm 40 and ttc no. 1. Have been ttc for a year now, but had an an earlier year of ttc three years ago. Got pg November and miscarried. (Also had a pregnancy terminated 24 - yes, that's 24 - years ago.)

Have been feeling very down about this. Almost every paper or magazine I pick up seems to tell me that my chances of getting pg are about as good as the odds of me marrying Richard Branson and starting a new life on Necker Island. And that it's all my fault for being a stupid, stupid career woman in pursuit of a 'designer' baby. Reading your stories is very cheering!

Hester, ditch the newspapers. They are all written by people who hate women, especially successful ones, it seems to me. Don't go there, come here instead . There are quite a few other mumsnetters around who conceived successfully post 35, Tigermoth is another (don't think she normally reads TTC threads, I am sure she will not mind my outing her like this!)

I'm up the duff at 39 - have a look through the ante natal clubs, there are a few due in August who are late thirties, early 40's

Hester, babe, read my post below. There's a vested bloody interest in making us believe we're past it. I'm not saying that everyone over 40 can, but then hell lots of under-40s have fertility problems too.

Anyway your dp is much more attractive than Mr Branson

Hi Hester. Just to say, good luck ttc. I also had a termination of pregnancy many years ago--back in 1978 when I was 16.

Marinda!............the name for this thread is absolutley brill!!!!

I am an old duffer!...I am 41 and didn't really choose a career....took me ages to find the right man!

I have been ttc for 1 yr......we have a gynae appointment in 1 week! just to check out fertility. If all is ok...we will just keep trying.

Also would like to say I loved reading all these posts!

Can I just hang around this thread as a (very) old duffer as not inteding to become an up the duffer again. Had dd2 at 40 and she is 8 this Wednesday so I am....yeah ok, there's no need to actually say it, is there? Congratulations to all old u-t-d's and hope it happens soon to those ttc.

Greetings ladies of grace, wisdom and experience. I'm 41 and 20 weeks pg, had dd when I was 38 and a miscarriage last year. All pgs started with IUI. I've had some wonderful care and advice from the hospital I was with and they've really helped me through some low times. I'm feeling pretty good now and am happy to share experiences of fertility treatment if it will help anyone out xxx

teatime - thinking of you and pray its good news for you on wednesday
hey marinda - apologies, i was completely wrong about the name of the thread - it seems old duffers is pretty damn popular - the thinking girls thread. having been recently pg (3 months ago)i can vouch for the sore boob symptoms (couldnt wear my slinky la perla underwireds from week 4 - ouch! and for me, it was a v. different kind of boob ache from premenstrual, on the outer sides weirdly). another v.early symptom which is a big giveaway is the annoying 4/5am need to pee. all the other symptoms didnt really kick in until week 7 onwards for me (except the old preggie brain one where you turn into a complete halfwit -that happened frighteningly early! what is that all about?! is it hormonal?)

Having read through some of the latest threads can I just say i hope I didn't sound flippant about getting pregant so quickly. I know I'm just one of the really lucky ones and I hope that all of you ttc have success very soon!!

Hi all old duffers!
Hester, I know just how you feel about unwelcome reminders of being older and childless - I had so many years of being sick with that private worry and was unable to tell anyone really - definitely not family as I didn't want to be pitied. Got to the stage where I avoided friends with children and pregnant women in case my poisonous jealousy leaked out... anyway it can still happen at the last minute so look to the future. Talk of women older than ME being pregnant is comforting to me too as I've got a feeling we're going to need to try again. Just don't feel pg at all any more. Will know for sure on Weds.