calling old duffers or old up the duffers

[marinda]

By popular request (2 votes actually!) this is a thread for old duffers like me who are over the hill and TTC and for anyone who is old and up the duff ! I didn't suggest these terms so please don't get offended if you don't see yourself as a duffer but would like moral support , chat etc...
I am 38 years younh, have ds - 3.8 and have been TTC for 7 months ---aaaarggg!!!

i do like the sound of Ladies with grace wisodm & experience - evern though I odn't possess any of those qualitites!
MArina my DS is 15 months.
Hester - would you really want Richard Branson anyway? (the isalnd maybe......) also you said you were going to check something....
Romilly - Have been peing twice a night for yonks - but not PG. really annoying to ahve so many similar symptoms but know its only because Af is being a bit slow at packing her bags this month.
thanks for letting me rant yesterday. am feeling slighltly more human adn less witchy today. (but still can't spell)

welshmum, thanks for offering your advice service!

I am 41 and been ttc for 1yr, my dh is 37.

I have had all fertility hormone tests (4 months ago) and they are 'normal'!

My dh has had 2 swimmers tests 4 months and 1 month ago) both were slightly low in mobility.

We have our first appointment at the gynae doc next week, at the Leeds General Infirmary, what happens now? what will they do/say at our first appointment?

Jeddah, how do swimmer tests work (apart from the obvious!!)? Does he have to go to a clinic (or GPs?) and how long do you have to wait to be referred?

Just wanted to add that it's so lovely and reassuring to hear so many success stories.

Good luck and babydust to all

Oooh, and Marinda too, aren't you in the same situation as me???? Any advice appreciated

I am 39 (39 in April) have a dd of nearly 3 and have been ttc No. 2 for 9 months!!! No problems conceiving when I was 35 but now wondering if we should go get help but dh not keen! Have invested in a Persona (from another Mumsnetter) as may have my dates a bit confused. My cycle has suddenly become somewhat erratic!!! - am not panicing that I'm getting an early menopause!!!

That should read 38 now (39 in April!)

Jeddah, different places have different policies and I'm only guessing but they might want to observe one of your cycles - give you an internal scan at certain points to see what size your eggs are and pin point exactly when you ovulate, they might want to send you for a hystersalpinogram (sp!) or laproscopy (so they can check that your tubes aren't blocked)I would guess that they might want to do things pretty quick as you're knocking on a bit

I am just loving this thread. I'm 39, have one ds who is 14 months and am hoping for another sometime before my eggs run out. Dh and I need IVF/ICSI to overcome severe male factor. MFI, now there's another taboo suject.

We were very blessed to be successful on our first IVF cycle. We've recently been back to our clinic and hope to do another cycle soon. If my testing is clear then we hope to start in a week or so, so the joy of being a hormonal mess looms. I don't imagine we'll be lucky enough to have 2 successful consecutive cycles but you never know. Just got to give it a go really.

And hey, my consultant told me that at 39 I was by no means 'old'. Lovely man.

Hi, not offended by old....Am only 41 y.
Have ds 4y and dd 2y and ttc no3. (madness, thought dh would have talked me out of it).

Teatime, wishing you the very best of luck for Weds. Portree, pardon my lack of knowledge, but what is MFI--does it mean male factor infertility, and if so, why is it a taboo subject?

Historically women were always held responsible for any fertility issues in a marriage - extreme example being that syphilitic monster Henry VIII.

I know of men "traumatised" and wibbling on and bloody on about about the appalling experience of wanking into a little pot, and at the same time blithely uncomprehending about their partners' experiences of transvaginal ultrasound, having their tubes dyed and blown etc etc.

Oh yes, male factor infertility, not the kitchen store. Taboo because it is just not talked about or acknowledged much and even GPs can be ignorant of its impact. Often they get the woman tested first when really a semen analysis should be one of the first tests, especially as it's non-invasive. As Marina says (and here, here btw), the implication is often that the problem lies with the woman when there are conception difficulties. Studies show otherwise - 40% female, 40% male and 20% both.

Ours is a pretty uniqe case and too convoluted to go into in detail but after only 6 months ttc I went to our GP as I just felt that something wasn't right. And I had good reason too as DH had been really ill and we were warned this could be a side-effect. Despite this history my GP just laughed at me, said we hadn't been trying long enough, blah, blah, but let's just check your bloods to see you are ovulating. I said I was pretty confident I was as I'd been charting and using persona and got shooting pains every month exactly 14 days before my period arrived. More raised eyebrows and muttering.

I was just about to slink off with my tail between my legs when I managed to find the wherewithall to request a semen analysis for DH. She actually asked me 'why?'. I was quite stunned. Eventually she said OK. Just as well that I pushed otherwise we would have continued to waste our time.

It's also been really hard for my dh to come to terms with, that feeling of being less of a man. He's not been able to confide in any of his friends as he fears being ridiculed. When we announced our pg one of his friends slapped dh on the back and said 'glad you're not a jaffa' .

Your dh's experiences remind me why men might still in these times get defensive about all of this, Portree. How supportive of his "friends".

Exactly.

Oh and Portree someone on MN - I think it was Elliott - got pg on both first goes at IVF. Good luck!

Portree, when my brother announced to our family that he and his dp were expecting their first child, everyone crowded round to slap him on the back and congratulate him on having 'lead in his pencil'. I was really surprised; thought they knew better. It seemed that the big point was not that they were having a baby, but that - the relief! - he was a Real Man. Yuck.

MI - my dp is indeed far more appealing than Richard Branson (not hard in my book) but, sadly, has less money and fewer sperm. You and Marinda are so right about the media. I'm having an ongoing debate with a friend who had children late and really regrets not having done it earlier. She keeps saying, 'Nobody warned me about age-related infertility' and she's very angry about it. I feel I was warned, and I take full responsibility for the choices I made and their consequences, but I could just do with a little less hollering of, 'It's your own fault, you stupid, stupid, woman!' from the media et al. It's just such good fun blaming women, isn't it?

Teatime, I loved reading about your pregnancy, and I do hope everything is ok. What happens Wednesday? Are you worried, or OK?

DecafArabica - nice to hear you've had similar experience. I don't regret having terminated that early pregnancy (I was 16 too) but I am always aware that I could now have a child grown up and left home, and that feels very strange. It's like a shadow that I keep catching sight of, a reminder of the life that could have been. When my mum was my age her children were leaving home; when my gran was my age she had grandchildren. And here am I, worrying about the state of my eggs...

Littleweed I am SO sorry I didn't get back to you before. I think af coming has muddled my brain. Now you'll need to remind me - about progesterone?

wifeof....basically any man is entitled to have his sperm checked...if there is any suspicion that things may not be ok. You have to get a form from your GP and they will also give you a set of instructions, as the sperm sample has to be collected and transported in a certain way in order to reduce the risk of killing/damaging any of the sperm sample.

After saying this every area is different, some ask the man to go straight to the hospital (all sperm is tested at a specialist clinic or hospital.

The man has to abstain for 3 days, then collect a fresh sample in a clean container that has been given to you by the GP. He then has to place the sample in his trouser pocket (to keep warm like body temp) then he has to get it to the hospital lab within 2 hrs of taking it (of course it is best to take it straight away)along with the form that has been filled in by the GP. The sample can not be placed in the sample tray....it has to be handed to a technition as it has to be tested immediately!

The results are back with your GP within 3 working days.

Hope this helps!

Welshmum thanks for the info. I will let you know how we get on!

Hi Hester!

Headline in the 'Daily Moan' - "Woman, 66 gives birth". OK, with donated everything, but what d'ya reckon old duffers? Shall we invite her to join us? We are all mere whippersnappers here now.

Welcome Jeddah and Hester and glad you joined - I was so surprised at so much interest ! Welcome to Pacinofan, Tinker, Motherinferior, earlybird, beachyhead, Portree, Madness, Welshmum, Nikkichik, Cam (feel free to hang around)- hope you all stay and give mutual help/advice etc...

Had to come from home early today as AF pains so bad- I can tell I am not bl**dy pg again despite all the "trying" and the getting drunk and not trying !

Wifeof - yes I think we ARE similar - have appointment with gnae quack on feb 24th and DH is getting swimmers tested ASAP - let's keep eachother posted.

Jeddah thanks for sharing info about swimmers tests at GP's - I will inform DH who feels terrified by idea. Have you re3ad the one about the dye put in your uterus and then they stick a tube in and see if you have ovulated 00 Laparascopy I think - That puts the wind up me and don't know if I can cope ! What do you think Jeddah - would you go that far ?

I was thinking - just before AF my boobs increase by 2 sizes and I reckon I would make a good oage 3 model - I don't know if they have old duffers through - Anyone know ???

Oops are you there - how is the pg going ? Any good or bad symptoms ?

When I was pg with DS I took it for granted that I would conceive easily and just maoned and groaned about pg symptoms and then the birth - OMG - decided NO WAY would do that again - but Yep here I am and over the hill this time !!

Welshmum what is IVI ? Is it different from IVF ?

cAN ANYONE WHO HAS HAD OR GOING THROUGH ivf TELL ME THE ANSWER TO THIS - DO YOU HAVE TO PAY OR IS IT FREE? (Ignore capitals - keyboard error!)

Anyway lovely ladies - must break for tea !

We may even organise an ol duffers/up the duffers meet-up ! Any offers

You aren't too old Marinda!

Thanks aloha - must send a piccy to the sun - now would be a ggod time. Might post on MN - is that OK ladies ??? I need the pay from this to pay my internet bi; !!!!

Sorry must have a laugh - I feel so sh**te I have to keep hoping !!!!!!!!

Where are you all???????

Great thread - another "old duffer"here - am 38 and 30 weeks pg. DD will be 7 in April, and tbh dh and I didn't hold out much hope of conceiving quickly, given our ages (he is not dd's father and has no other children therefore at 45 his fertility was untested!). As I had already been charting my cycle as a contraceptive method for 8 months, it was easy to pinpoint my fertile times. We were very fortunate and conceived within 3 months of trying. In fact, it was the 1st month of trying properly - we were keen to have another girl so tried to time intercourse a few days prior to ovulation to maximise the chances. We were too far in advance the first two months but just 2 days before on month 3 and bingo!
Have to say though that am finding pregnancy much tougher this time around, in spite of having a much more supportive dh! Am a lot more tired and achy than I was with dd and reduced my hours at work at about 12 weeks, giving up completely at Xmas (earliest possible to qualify for maternity pay/leave) - with dd I worked full time up to 3 weeks before my due date. I was also more concerned about possible abnormalities this time around - first time I refused the tests (other than scans) - this time, paid to have a private nuchal scan. Good luck to all those ttc - I hope that my experience will reassure that fertility doesn't necessarily decline with age - am fully aware though that we were extremely lucky that it happened so quickly for us, although if I hadn't been charting I'm certain it would have taken much longer - I am a huge fan of Toni Weschler's book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". Imho, essential reading for every woman, ttc or not!

Hi bonym. I'm curious - did timing intercourse to try and determine gender work for you? Did you find out at your 20 week scan (assuming you had one) if you're expecting a girl or a boy?

Can I join the duffers club - I had No4 at 41 (now 44) after 7 year gap. Now struggling between needs of 14yrold and 2 year old + the others: I do worry that I look ancient compared to all the other mums at playgroup......

Welcome Gili - you have your hands full ! Any plans for more ??????