TTC #1 over 35

[Clara202]

As the title suggests, if you’re over 35 and TTC your first, I’d love to hear from you! Would be nice to hear from a few of us in the same boat 🙂

Oops pressed send too quick.

@BabyTin2025 Insemination is a very valid method and I'd say the 'how long' would be from whenever you decided to interact unprotected from sperm in any capacity 😄. The NHS are actually looking into providing insemination kits as a first response to people who are struggling with fertility as it has a decent success rate. Taking the pressure off can do wonders and whatever works for you is the best way.

@KittyFantastica that’s frustrating. I assume there isn’t a choice to move to another hospital?

No @Clara202 The next nearest hospital is over an hour away and it's just not possible with work. We don't have any family support and we share a car, so just wouldn't be feasible for the amount of appointments I'll have.

I also need to stay where my bereavement midwife is as she's handled all my referrals to the relevant consultants and is basically my advocate for this pregnancy. It have to start afresh elsewhere and it's already clear how little credence they give to passed losses, I can't go through having to explain it to a host more consultants and bereavement people. You can't really transfer bereavement care.

@KittyFantastica I understand what you mean, there’s a lot to consider.

Can anyone help me figure out when to start testing? Stupid question I know but I’m so confused (and impatient)!!

Not 100% sure when I ovulated as I wasn’t using the OPKs at that point but it was either CD14, 16 or 17 based on symptoms. I’m now CD24, with an average cycle length (I think!) of 29 or 30 days.

I should probably just wait for AF, shouldn’t I…?!

When I wasn’t sure if my cycle, I started by tested 2nd urine of the day every day from the finish of AF

Personally I wouldn't test yet, just because a negative will make you feel sad but it could be a false negative, even if it is a true negative you have longer to wait until af. I feel better when cd1 arrived again and I can start the cycle rather than keep
Waiting for af.

Hi @Screenburn I wasn't tracking in November, so the way I did it then was to go by when I thought I'd ovulated, then count on 9 days from the latest day I thought ovulation might have been. I usually test at 9DPO as that's when I know I've had implantation before.

So, for this pregnancy, I did track ovulation and know I ovulated day 13, so I tested 9 days later on CD22. If you want to avoid any false positives, you could count on the full 14 days from when you think you ovulated. So, for example, if you think you ovulated on day 17 and you usually have a 29/30 day cycle, you could test from CD28/29. If you wanted to test earlier, you could test CD26/27 earliest. Or, as Caroline says, you could just wait for AF.

I always test early as I have had recurrent miscarriages and the loss of any pregnancy is physically very painful for me. For many people, very early pregnancy loss is like a period, but for me, I get full body contractions. First time it happened was the middle of the night in my first pregnancy and I would never want to wake up with that pain not knowing I'm pregnant already or I'd end up in A&E.

I'm on 9 DPO and I don't know whether to test today. Its also cycle day 27 (mine vary between 27-31) and I feel periody- there's just no other way to describe it 😢

Bless you @HollyGolightly4, I had period-like pain and back ache at 9DPO (and same in my very first pregnancy!), but no bleeding and that's why I tested. I have short cycles of 26-28 days with the odd outlier of 30 days very, very occasionally, but I knew when I ovulated and that I wasn't due on for another 3/4 days. It would have been a 22 day cycle.

I tested and- shock horror- it was negative

Sorry to hear that, the negatives are so hard to see after a while aren't they!
I'm on Cd1 today.
I contacted someone about fertility acupuncture and found out they are actually an infertility specialist and offer a whole range of things. I'm going to book an appointment for some advice (they do like a fertility MoT) and some acupuncture.

Thanks for your advice @MrsH26 @carolinep3 and @KittyFantastica. You’ve all got different approaches, but understandably so - and it’s really helpful in helping me figure it out.

If it was just me I’d probably be testing daily from a lack of patience - but I wouldn’t want to get a false neg or pos for DH’s sake as much as my own…it’s so difficult! Depending on when I ovulated I’m anywhere between 8-11 DPO…so I think realistically I need to wait a bit longer as I’ve read that it’s not common to get a BFP this early (although obviously some do like you @KittyFantastica!)

Hope you are not feeling too down @HollyGolightly4 about BFN, seems like still v early for you too, even though it must be disappointing.

Thank you @carolinep3 and @Screenburn. It is early, so there is time for change, but it's hard to keep the positives (definitely no pun intended) in mind sometimes.

The acupuncture sounds great!

It’s so hard holding out testing isn’t it?
You’re certainly not out yet though

I’ve taken to running to the loo to pee first thing so then it’s pointless testing early!

Hi Kitty, I have just experienced these full body contractions with my 5week loss so you have my full sympathy! I really wasn’t expecting it to be like that as most people online said it was just like a period, but not for me. It was certainly an experience.

Sending you lots of love & positive energy for this pregnancy 🥰❤️

Awww no @Sleepypixxie I'm so sorry you were hit with those horrible pains too. It was so shocking me me, everything I could find said it would be like a normal period and it was far from it. It was shocking.

Thank you; I wish you the absolute best. Lots of luck ✨

Hi.

We've decided in the last couple of weeks to start trying for a baby. We're both so excited but I'm also worried that it won't happen or that it will take forever. We want 3 children and know that time is against us. This will be our first.

I'm in my late thirties, unfortunately have irregular periods and had one pregnancy that I miscarried at about 8 weeks 20 years ago.

We've spent an absolute fortune on supplements to try and maximise our chances, just waiting on them to arrive.

I thought I was fairly level-headed until the last few weeks. I don't know whether my breasts are a little tender or whether I keep prodding at them to see if they are a little tender and therefore whether I've made them a little tender, or whether I'm imagining it! Two pregnancy tests have been negative though.

@KittyFantastica Gosh I had never heard of pains like that with an early loss. Sounds frightening.

Hi @Daisyinthegrass, welcome.

Yeah, @Clara202 there's a lot of missing information the NHS don't bother to provide/take seriously. The 'one rule fits all' is barbaric. That attitude is what killed my little boy, so I've no respect for the archaic attitudes we have to suffer. Despite many people complaining and charities campaigning, all the NHS info available still tells you it will be just like a regular period 🙄.

Welcome @Daisyinthegrass! There are quite a few of us in our late 30s here.

Hope everyone’s got a good week ahead!

Welcome @Daisyinthegrass, lots of late 30s/early 40s here also so you’re in good company! I too am spending a small fortune on supplements and would have also liked 3 or 4 kids ideally but I now think if I manage to get pregnant once or twice I’ll be doing well. I knew it was going to be difficult but at the back of my mind I’d naively also thought I’d be lucky and catch first time! Who knows though, maybe I’ll be blessed eventually

Welcome @Daisyinthegrass.

Fingers crossed for everyone this month, statistically speaking a few of us should get. BFP this month surely!! 😬😬

Does anyone else overly worry about disabilities due to age? Every month that goes by I think "im getting close and closer to the age that drastically increases chances of disability/severe complex needs".

I've been ttc for 3 years and 38 now, and my gut is telling me it's time stop because of the risk, but my heart says keep going.

I have expressed this concern before and got told that I was a disgusting person for even considering a child if I wasn't prepared to care for a severely autistic, non verbal, aggressive adult in 20 years time. It really worries me and the amount of people on this forum who have experience it every day really opened my anxiety box!

I haven't read the research myself, but my best friend just had a baby at 38. From everything she told me she had researched the risk goes up only by about 2% from 35-40.