I’m 48 and want to have a baby

[mum2boys123]

Hello all,

I am 48 and mum to 2 boys , 22 and 14 years old. I know I have left it really late but desperate for another child. I know 48 is not an ideal age and pregnancy can involve lots of complications etc. but really want to hear any success stories. Im generally of good health but do have hypothyroidism and acid reflux. Do you think it would be wise to go ahead getting pregnant? Please be honest but kind
Thank you 🙏

You sound lovely and caring but you must know that it's extremely unusual for some to have babies at 49 and 53. The chances are well under 1%. Having a teenager when you're 70 isn't ideal for many people, although I'm glad it worked out for your nan.
Your message is kind but it's also good to be realistic about the chances.

How fit are you? How will you feel being active at mid 50s with a 5 year old? Will you have the energy at 59/60 to be taking a 10 year old here, there and everywhere?

Would it bother you that everyone will assume your grandma, including your child's friends?

Exactly this.

It's also important to be aware that this is hormones talking. Why the desire for a third child now, but not at age 35-42 when it would have been feasible? Hormones, that's why.

Also, I don't mean to be harsh here but it is something I feel very strongly; the potential child's wellbeing is more important than the desires of the parent. Of course I'm sure OP has good intentions here but many people bury their heads in the sand about the realities of life as we get older. There's no guarantee you'll be fit and healthy at 60 just because you're fit and healthy at 48.

It's really hard being a child with older parents who have significant health issues. I was constantly worried about them, and I missed out on opportunities for work and travel in my 20s because I had to be nearby to look after them. Lost them both much earlier than any of my friends lost their parents (in fact the majority of my friends' parents are still alive and in decent health). Neither of them lived to see me get married. I never knew any of my grandparents. It was so lonely and isolating.

I'm not saying this to be mean but it's the reality of the situation for many of the children who find themselves in this position. So I find the Pollyanna type "you do what's right for you hun, ignore the haters" replies quite irresponsible and naive, even if they are meant to be kind.

regardless of the percentage of women who manage to conceive at that age it’s still possible - for people to say it’s impossible’ is clearly wrong. Whether it’s not ideal for ‘many people’ this woman isn’t ’many people’ she’s her own person who can make adult decisions for herself rather than being compared to everyone else who’s voted against her. And I’m sure from 98% of the comments on this thread she’s now very aware of the realistic chances, being positive about something isn’t hard.

THIS message right here quite literally sums up this whole website/app. Does it shock me? Absolutely not.

I am awfully sorry that you feel this way and you’ve felt the need to write this message in regards to my reply to the op and to the op herself. I have no idea what’s going on in your life however I do hope that you have love and support around you, because something is clearly going on for you to feel the need to put another woman down in the way you just did. At the end of the day there is SO much worse going on in the world for you to be focusing on a woman in her late 40’s who wants a baby.

hope you have a lovely rest of your Sunday

I'm 48 and starting to suffer menopause symptoms - hormones are powerful things and can cloud your judgment. The phenomenon of a burst of fertility or just the want is a known thing.

My eldest is a bit younger than OP but it's been an adjustment her leaving for Uni - my youngest is 15 she'll be gone in less than 3 years finger crossed for her. It's a huge time of change for me and my hormones are also in flux. It would be very easy to think oh go back to the happy days of young kids and babies - try to recapture rather than find a new lifestyle. However it wont be the same.

The trying and not getting pg even when odds are against you can be a head fuck - the getting pg and suffering a miscarriage can be devastating even if you know the odds - worse still finding problems and having to make difficult decision - and if you are that under 1% who get healthy baby they'll still need you till they are 18 and in todays society probably much longer and how well you age is a unforeseeable.

If Op did really want this she'd need to be practical get her and her DP fertility check and consider IVF with donner egg and possibly sperm and think though having a teen in her late 60s not just baby now.

To not consider the full impact isn't being kind or positive - it's actually pretty heartless to both her, her DP her exiting kids and any future child.

Also MN is actually anti most kids at any age - was on thread once a women late 20 married financially stable both wanted kids was asking best time and got told over and over never - let along wanting more than one.

I would need to know a couple of things to advise what I think in your scenario. Such as, why are you "desperate" to have another child at this time? Are you in a stable relationship? Have you thought this through or could it be that you're mourning oncoming middle age and menopause? We all have to accept that ageing happens. In mid 50s, I became a Gran. Best thing ever. It's a typical life trajectory. Good luck working it out for yourself

@kdmummyx what do you think is incorrect in the reply you quoted?

I think it is highly unlikely to happen without help, but not impossible. I don't think it's particularly wise. You're not going to enjoy the same levels of fitness you had when your other children were young, and the same ability to cope with lack of sleep etc. I think it could be more lonely, because I would imagine all your current friends are not interested in going out to family places for young children. I'm in my fifties and have a younger friend with young children - to be honest I prefer her to visit without the children!
It wouldn't be for me, I'm enjoying the independence that having older children brings and thinking about things I want to do for myself. Having said that, my dad had two children in his 50s and managed fine at the time, but though still healthy he has definitely aged now and the youngest is still mid twenties.

I loved my DC when they were little but have always seen having babies as a phase. You have two nearly adult DC so why aren’t you planning the rest of your life - what do you want from your career? What do you want to do with friends, in your leisure time, what are your travel plans? It’s time to let this dream of having another baby go. Do you really want to go back to sleepless nights, not going out of the house without a buggy and a large bag?

Do you know what I think…. I think it’s your life and if you want it then you do it 🤍 nothing worse than what ifs and regret. If this is what you really want then you go make it happen 🥰🤍 ignore everybody’s negativity and go fulfill your dreams 🤍 xx

Your nan had a baby at 53? That must have been very unusual.

This is so hilariously passive aggressive!

I had kids at 43 and nearly 48. They are extremely happy, doing brilliantly academically and at their hobbies, and seem very glad to be alive, thanks.

What a mean spirited post!

🤍 can’t quite believe how many people are against this and have a problem with it, she may never go through with something she really feels the want for because of the narrow mindedness of women on here. I hope she does as she wishes and has a happy life, pregnancy and baby 🤍

🤍 can’t quite believe how many people are against this and have a problem with it, she may never go through with something she really feels the want for because of the narrow mindedness of women on here. I hope she does as she wishes and has a happy life, pregnancy and baby 🤍

I had post partum thyroiditis and hypo after my first child in my 20s. They do have to increase your dose of thyroxine and monitor tightly throughout the pregnancy, but on the right doses I conceived and delivered two more, quite clever children.

i agree with a lot of pp saying that it’s probably the peri menopause talking though. If it was me, I would be planning to do all the things you never managed to/could afford to do, when you had young children (and look forward to grandkids). I think, sadly, you’re more likely to have years of sadness and disappointment ahead if you take this route, and only a slim chance of getting what you think you want.

Try, see if it happens. Good luck.

She did indeed - unusual or not it happened and was a successful pregnancy and her son (my uncle) has had 0 health issues growing up.

Is it passive aggressive or are you just experiencing kindness for the first time?

Seems more like toxic positivity than kindness?

Wishing someone a good day is now considered toxic? I’m more concerned that nobody is calling the woman out for what she said but for my reply? And what I said is true, there is clearly a deeper meaning as to why everyone who’s being negative and straight up rude to this woman than just commenting on her post. Therefore I’m sorry to them that’s happening.
wow this website has really gone to shit😂😂😂

Inclined to agree with this sorry. You're getting to the part where you get some of your independence and time etc back again and want to go back to the newborn stage in your late 40s? I'd really think this through, that's if it's even possible.

Where's your kindness and compassion for the people who would be impacted by this decision, including the potential child?

Toxic positivity is a great description @ChaChaChooey