I’m 48 and want to have a baby

[mum2boys123]

Hello all,

I am 48 and mum to 2 boys , 22 and 14 years old. I know I have left it really late but desperate for another child. I know 48 is not an ideal age and pregnancy can involve lots of complications etc. but really want to hear any success stories. Im generally of good health but do have hypothyroidism and acid reflux. Do you think it would be wise to go ahead getting pregnant? Please be honest but kind
Thank you 🙏

So few babies are born post 45 ONS considered 45 end of women fertility as a cohort.

It can happen but it can horribly wrong - family friends had devastating still birth at 47 - adversary affecting her mental health her marriage ultimately ended in divorce and their three kids. She heard a lot from IL about how it would all work out as it did in a branch of their family. Some get lucky others don't.

Older parents are the more risk and OP has an underlying medical condition already - it's not impossible but also have to consider if perimenopause hormones are influencing OP thinking.

No need to be rude!

Thats not necessarily true. A lot of marriages with kids work out.

It’s passive aggressive.

It’s possible to be realistic gently. People calling the OP names like “stupid” and “deluded” isn’t helpful, it’s just unkind. Hence my comment. We tell our children that it’s not ok to call names, so we should live by our own rules.

I agree name-calling is rude & counterproductive.

However some posters have been equally counterproductive with their chants of "Go for it" and "It happened to my grandma/aunt/cousin in their 50's".

Yes, if you're still having regular periods, you can fall pregnant in your late 40's. I am proof of that. But the fact remains that a full term live birth in your late 40's or beyond is very rare.

Of course, donor eggs & IVF increases the chances but only by so much. OP then would be on a long, expensive & possibly heartbreaking journey with no guarantee of success.

I wouldn't want any woman to hang their hopes on it & set themselves up for extended misery.

OP, whatever you choose to do I wish you the best. This is hard to navigate, and I hope you find peace with it regardless.

@kdmummyx Do you have actual proof that your grandmother gave birth naturally at the age of 53. This would make her one of the oldest woman in the world to do so. Far more likely that the baby is not biologically hers and she was covering up a younger family members out of wedlock pregnancy

is this a joke? If you used google you’d see that the oldest woman in the uk to give birth is 66 - so firstly you’re wrong in saying she’s the oldest in the world to do so. Secondly, I don’t care what you think is far ‘more likely’ but I saw her carry both children through the entire pregnancy and visited her at the hospital after birthing both. Also, none of my family are religious so ‘covering up’ for a family member is a load of shit you’ve just made up in your head.

@kdmummyx
Please show me the evidence of a 66 year old giving birthday naturally. Of course with IVF anything is possible.
Giving birth naturally at the age of 53 would absolutely put your grandmother as one of the oldest people in the world to ever do so. It is not impossible but exceptionally rare

GOOGLE IT AND IT COMES UP

I have done. You are looking at someone who has had IVF. There is a list of woman who have given birth over the age of 50 on Wikipedia. Only a handful who didn't have fertility treatment. You should look into getting your grandmothers name added to the list, as she is one of the only people to have ever given birth at such an advanced age

The woman also used an egg donor. Therefore it's not her biological child.

Did you actually read the post you're replying to?

Do you genuinely believe a 66 year old got pregnant and gave birth naturally? No wonder you think anything is possible 🙄

But it is totally normal for someone to get pregnant naturally and give birth in their late 40s. It happened to me. It also happened to one of my neighbours, age 48. It has happened since time immemorial! It is unusual for various reasons, but it is not abnormal.

So much so that someone sexually active in their late 40s, especially with a regular menstrual cycle, would be well advised to use contraception if they don't want a risk of pregnancy and to be aware that a pregnancy might just happen if they don't use contraception.

Yes, we all know it happens but it's rare. Many women have problems conceiving in their early 40s, let alone their late 40s. The chance of a woman becoming pregnant and then not miscarrying in her late 40s is less than 1%.
Of course anyone can try but they need to be realistic about their chances. That's all.

Good luck, if that's really what you want, but do you really want a teenager in your 60s?

Think of what an influence for good you already are for so many children through your job!
Also, slightly more pessimistic my friend's youngest son went madly off the rails at 14. He took up a huge amount of her time and emotional energy. 14 year olds still need their mother.

The oldest women to be a mother with no assisted conception at all in UK - Guernsey- was 59 Dawn Brooke- in 1997 she in the Guinness Book of Records.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-476452/The-British-woman-worlds-oldest-natural-mother-59.html
https://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/oldest-mother-to-conceive-naturally-

Previous record before that was 57 - but these few cases are not in any way normal with average age of menopause being 51.

There are always outliers and extreme outliers and just genetic differences and lucky blips across huge numbers in world populations.

DS didn't go of the rails but thanks to the school at 16 did have some really bad months - where he needed a lot of our energy and support to get past. So I'd say there could easily be a few intense years of parenthood left.

Ultimately though it's your choice just try and make sure you go into anything with eye wide open.

I have to be honest and say i think this may be hormonal as you approach the menopause and your children are getting older and more independent.

If you are still having periods then of course it is physically possible to get pregnant but it's also highly unlikely to happen naturally - I think the chance of conceiving each cycle is less than 5%, then, of those conceptions, more than half of them will result in miscarriage.
Of the remaining half, a higher percentage than normal will have some kind of disability, birth defect, autism etc etc. So yes, women in their 40's can have a healthy, natural pregnancy but it's not common.

I am currently 26 weeks pregnant with DD2 and I am 42 years old so I don't say any of that lightly.

To derail this thread slightly, I hate stats versus anecdotal evidence. I know so many people who have overcome the 5% chance per cycle odds and had babies post 40 (my mum, gran, DH's gran, I think my other gran must have been close to 40 with her last, many friends and acquaintances) and I appear to be solidly stuck in the 95% failure rate at 42, with 36 cycles behind me 😭. Why can't it bloody well be me for once?!

(I have 2 other children, also following long term TTC stints so I know I'm actually very lucky, but this is still a hard journey)

Why are you putting yourself through this? I get accidents happen but you’ve already got 2 kids why a 3rd with an elderly mother? I don’t mean now but in 20 years time.

@JollyGreenSleeves I’m 42, not 102.

And is 62 a huge amount different from 56 - the age I’ll be when DD2 hits 20?

I actually do have a cut off because there does become a point when it starts to feel slightly ridiculous and I’ve basically given myself another cycle before I call it a day. But I’m certainly not going to go around asking patronising questions of women my age about why they’re giving their kids an “elderly” mother?! My mum, grans and DH’s gran seemed to manage ok - as have their children.

Yeah I’m sure most manage fine but it’s not ideal is it? Not trying to be patronising. You just said it would be ridiculous after one more cycle. No difference.

@JollyGreenSleeves ridiculous for me and because I've already gone through 36 cycles. I make no judgement of others of a similar age who are trying or would continue for longer. Plenty of women nowadays have kids at 42 because life.

What a nasty, rude and ignorant reply.
I'm currently pregnant at 42 and very happy about that - sorry to disappoint you!
Just because something is not for you doesn't mean you have any clue about other people and their situations or reasons for doing something.