I’m 48 and want to have a baby

[mum2boys123]

Hello all,

I am 48 and mum to 2 boys , 22 and 14 years old. I know I have left it really late but desperate for another child. I know 48 is not an ideal age and pregnancy can involve lots of complications etc. but really want to hear any success stories. Im generally of good health but do have hypothyroidism and acid reflux. Do you think it would be wise to go ahead getting pregnant? Please be honest but kind
Thank you 🙏

It was a question. Nothing rude or ignorant about it. And just because you find something offensive it doesn’t mean you’re right. And you haven’t disappointed me- you’re talking silly.

A lot of things in life might not be considered ideal, if considered abstractly. Being human is not about conforming to someone else's idea of what is ideal. Nobody's perfect and it would be very boring if we were all the same.

Actually calling someone an 'elderly mother' for talking about having another baby at 42 and in a follow up commenting about it not being 'ideal' is offensive.
You don't get to decide what offends people or not.

It’s true in my opinion, which I presume is what people come on forums for? Or do you just prefer everyone to agree with you whether they’re being genuine or not?

I’m not trying to decide what people find offensive- again, this is just a silly thing to say.

What I said, whether you like it or not, would be what most people are thinking I should imagine. I care more about any potential kids than I do their mothers.

It's truly bizarre. You can understand people advising against trying at 48 for a multitude of reasons, but 42 is really not that odd really, pretty commonplace, if more difficult. Nowadays increasing numbers of women have babies in their 40s because everything has been postponed (trying to get careers and houses sorted makes it trickier to start a family in your early 20s when "biologically ideal"), but in earlier decades it was because of a lack of contraception. It's nothing new. And somehow it all works out. For a lot of people, anyway.

I had my first at 33, my second at nearly 36. She was a Velcro baby and didn't sleep in her own bed until she was 3. Another baby was unthinkable before that point. Then, coincidentally I had a surprise pregnancy at 39, lost it soon after and have been trying ever since. I'm not scared of being pregnant at my "advanced age", when I actually get there my pregnancies are great. My mum, grans and DH's gran have shown that older mums can not only manage but be fantastic, and contemporaries on the school run seem to be doing a pretty decent job too. I don't get the vitriol.

No, I don't think 'most people' come on forums to derail posts and be unnecessarily offensive to others. I think it's totally uncalled for. Thankfully, the majority of responses i see on here and elsewhere online are mature and respectful to others, it's only ever a small minority.

Of course when someone creates a thread asking for people's thoughts about having a baby at 48, your opinion, good or bad, is as welcome and as valid as anyone else's. But your reply wasn't to the OP, it was to another poster who you randomly decided to criticise for their personal life choices.

That poster was answering the OP, not asking for opinions on their own situation. Imagine being so entitled that you just 'have to' let people know your thoughts whether they've asked for them or not.... and not caring whether or not you offend them or anyone else whilst doing so.

You’re the one derailing the thread by trying to police other’s posts. There’s nothing offensive about what I said unless you choose to be offended- I get it, you don’t like what I said, it’s getting boring now.

If you're so bored stop replying. Or are you one of those 'silly' people who just has to have the last word no matter what since your opinions are so much more important than anyone elses?

@JollyGreenSleeves You’re the one derailing the thread by trying to police other’s posts. There’s nothing offensive about what I said unless you choose to be offended- I get it, you don’t like what I said, it’s getting boring now.

The comment about why be an elderly mum in 20 years time seemed pretty barbed. And @sel2223 is actually pregnant at 42 (whereas with me it's still a pipe dream) so It probably felt like it was directed at her too.

And before you start with the usual scare stories about how we'd cope with a child with disabilities in our dotage, well, my eldest daughter has Down's syndrome so I already have that particular t-shirt, having a third won't change that for me.

The first paragraph was a quote from that poster but the bold formatting disappeared...

Ive been reading all the replies and can’t believe how people can be so nasty here, not necessarily to me but to other posters too. I really don’t know how to turn off comments so if someone can guide me how to stop the comments I’ll be really grateful. I’ve received the answers I needed and now don’t like the direction the thread is taking. It’s a festive time and can’t believe how people can be so angry, rude and inconsiderate towards other people. I wish happiness to all and good sense to some 🙏

You've left it far too late. I suspect you feel "desperate" to have a baby because your boys are growing up and you're feeling redundant. Your sons still need you, just in a different way to when they were little.

Find a job/hobby/pet to fill your time and th oughts. You could be a granny in a few short years. I remember feeling a longing to hold a baby at about your age. I got 3 cats instead, and then my 1st grandchild was born when I was 52.

You can't turn off comments on Mumsnet. You can report your own thread (click on three dots for menu) and ask for Mumsnet to delete it. Otherwise posts can be added until the thread is full (1000 posts).

Sorry it's not three dots menu anymore. The report button is on the bottom of posts.

Mumsnet won’t always delete a thread just because someone doesn’t like the replies.

I think one post has been deleted and that’s it. I’ve seen honest replies and some that are blunt but nothing offensive, vitriolic or even particularly rude in my opinion (which is language that others have used). I’ve had my words twisted a fair bit and words ‘put in my mouth’ that I haven’t actually said but it is a forum after all and will attract all sorts of characters. That’s fine. We are all adults- think the moderators here do a good job of allowing free speech while getting rid of anything which is genuinely offensive.

Really bad idea IMO. I'm 50 and going through menopause. It's bloody exhausting managing my 11 year old through that, I can't even begin to imagine wrangling a screaming toddler whilst navigating hot flushes, migraines etc.

Also, statistically much higher incidence of genetic defects.

Honestly, if you have two happy, healthy children then count your blessings.

OP it won't be long before grandchildren are likely to come along. You get to do all the good bits without the difficult parts! Lol

@mum2boys123 I'm so sorry, I feel responsible for the derailment, as my post that prompted the unpleasant comments was more a frustrated squawk about post-40 success stats than a practical or useful response.

You're the only one who can know whether it would be a goer in your own situation, and if you go for it you need to keep realistic expectations and be prepared to accept that the chances are it won't happen (whilst there will be a number of us hand-holding and celebrating with you if it does!). The realistic expectations thing is so tough. When I started trying again at 39 I was prepared for a long journey, as both my previous TTC stints had been tough, but at the same time, as the last pregnancy was the result of a few weeks carelessness, I think part of me hoped it might be a little quicker, and I certainly didn't expect to still be here nearly 3 years later with no baby (toddler!) in my arm, nearly at the stage of admitting defeat. And admitting defeat is also tough. We originally were only going to try until the end of the year but letting go is hard 😏. Good luck, whatever you decide

Why would you worry about university fees

I have 2 adult children and so far university fees have cost £0 because neither wanted to go.

Not everyone goes to university

When I saw your post, I predicted the barrage of negative comments. 48 is certainly not old, as I think one poster said, but the ovaries are the fastest aging organs which is why it''s so hard to conceive above 40. It isnt impossible though. Good luck if you decide to go for it x