I’m 48 and want to have a baby

[mum2boys123]

Hello all,

I am 48 and mum to 2 boys , 22 and 14 years old. I know I have left it really late but desperate for another child. I know 48 is not an ideal age and pregnancy can involve lots of complications etc. but really want to hear any success stories. Im generally of good health but do have hypothyroidism and acid reflux. Do you think it would be wise to go ahead getting pregnant? Please be honest but kind
Thank you 🙏

Sorry but I think some of the comments here a bit ridiculous!! Having a child in your 40's is increasingly common, and certainly doesn't mean you're "grandparent age" 😂😂. Nor does it mean that you will have a "severely disabled" child. I wish people would be factual rather than knee jerk about these things.

OP - While I don't agree with the "it's impossible" camp, it is less likely, and there is an increased chance of complications. Assuming you still have regular periods, then you are still ovulating and therefore can still become pregnant. However over the age of 45 the likelihood of this happening is medically quoted as 10%. You also have to consider that if you did become pregnant, it will be a lot harder and take considerably more out of your body than your previous pregnancies. And you have to consider that it's not just pregnancy and childbirth, having little ones is exhausting, are you really sure you want to go through all of that again?

As someone above has said, have you explored the reasons why you are feeling this way? It's completely natural to feel pangs of regret when our baby-making days are coming to an end, I still get broody when hold a new baby - similar age to you - but I don't think I'd want to put my body through that again, as much as part of me loves the idea!!

If you're set on this then it's entirely your choice to try, but please be realistic about your chances, as medically they are low, and there is an increased risk of miscarriage, which is not something I'd wish on anyone. Do make sure this is really what you want. Lots of luck to you xxx

Could you foster a baby?

Sorry OP but I don't think it's a good idea

If you didn't already have 2 DC I could sort of understand it, but struggle to empathise when that isn't the case

At your age, even if you are successful in getting pregnant then you will be at a much higher risk of miscarriage and other complications

It's not necessarily wise, it may not be possible but plenty of surprise pregnancies are documented into 50's where women have thought it was the menopause!

I would carefully think about why you think this way, I say this because I had the urge around 45/46 myself and really could have easily have proceeded to ttc but being in a new relationship is was unwise and my now dh has grown up kids as i do. Our life now is amazing, lots if travel, fun nights out etc, I can retire 15 years early and this would not have been possible with another child to raise. My situation isn't yours but the feeling of broodiness is common in premenopausal women

I friend of mine had a child at 50. The child was healthy but she struggled with the sleepless nights. Every time she went to a playgroup or other child class people assumed she was the granny. Young mothers left her out because of the age difference. She felt exhausted a lot of the time. She was very conscious that by the time the child was old enough to leave school and possibly go to university she would be nearly 70. The older children were not interested in a child 20 odd years younger so the child will basically be an only child.
You need to think of the child, not just your wishes. Could you cope if the child had problems?
I wouldn't do it.

@Lulumamabear There is a massive difference between early 40s and late 40s when it comes to childbearing, and it's not ridiculous to point that out.

The vast majority of women in their 40s having successful pregnancies will be 40-42. Definitely not 48 (or 49 which OP would probably be by the time she had the child, if it was even possible).

It is unfair on the child too, and yes my parents were often mistaken for my grandparents.

Why so many posts saying it’s impossible. I’m late 40s and still have very regular periods.

however OP, seeing as you already have kids, I don’t think it’s fair to your current kids or the potential unborn one. It would mean you’re almost 70 when they’re just starting Uni. And you might not be around to see them settled/married, help with grandkids and it might end up falling to your current adult kids.

It's not unheard of for the "mother" in these cases to be actually the grandmother, covering for her daughter's out-of-wedlock pregnancy.

“Do you think it would be wise to ahead getting pregnant?”

Absolutely not.

Actually it's very common for older women to get ivf, I've had a few cycles myself and most women I speak with are late 40s

I had my last pregnancy at the age of 46. I would have been 47 at delivery. It was quite a shock and I'd just got my head around the idea when I miscarried at 11 weeks. This sent my hormones haywire and I went into menopause with everything utterly scrambled.

It sounds as though you have your own feelings around older parents based on your own experiences, but in reality plenty of women in their 40s are having babies as I've said. I just don't think it's fair or helpful when people pile on to rubbish someone's feelings, it's one thing to offer support and advice, but that can be done in a kind way without calling someone"ridiculous" or "selfish".

Why so many posts saying it’s impossible. I’m late 40s and still have very regular periods.

Because it basically is, and it's a long, long way from "regular periods" to "a natural conception and healthy live birth".

At age 48 the chance of conceiving at all is 5% and the rate of miscarriage is rapidly approaching 100%. Yes, everyone has heard of the woman who had a last baby at 50 but these women are massive statistical outliers and the chances that OP is one of them is vanishingly small.

Do you have a source for these stats please? They're quite different to the ones I was given, so would be interested to know, thanks.

It's not about what you want.

It's about the children you already have and owe a responsibility to.

Will this make their lives better or worse?

It's just a hormonal surge that makes you feel this way. You need to think rationally about the reality of this.

It's not a good idea, there is a significantly increased risk of harm to both yourself and any child you have - and then onwards towards your current children.

And I think we have to add in that a few of those women 'conceiving naturally and having a healthy baby at 48+' are lying. As a pp said, there are grandmothers covering for pregnant daughters, or women using surrogates or women having enormous amounts of fertility treatment in order to conceive, all telling small fibs about their 'natural conception' at an advanced age.

Op maybe look at fostering. Please don't have go ahead at 48 you're far to old for a baby.

Usually when people speak of their grandmother giving birth in her 40s, it was the daughters baby bought up by her mother

Where did I call anyone ridiculous or selfish?

I'm allowed to state an opinion based on my own experience, but I don't believe I rubbished OP's feelings.

Thank you so much for your comment. My post was just to voice out what I have been feeling to other mums out there. Sometimes we know the answers but want to hear it from others. It’s not like I can get pregnant easily at this age and even I can I won’t go for it without weighing pros and cons. It was something I was feeling and therefore put it out there. Thank you again for all the responses. 🙏

Adoption?

It is the granny hormones kicking in! Or maybe you have a new partner who wants to be a dad. I know how the former feels and I feel for you, but I really wouldn’t. It is not fair to your existing children, who still need their mum to be fully present and as healthy as can be. 14/15 is a difficult age to share a home with a new baby - what about their GCSEs? And I don’t know if your 22 year old has left home yet, but this can also be a time where they still need your support.

Even if you manage to achieve a pregnancy, it will be an emotional rollercoaster, it would be classed as high risk, and the miscarriage / baby disability statistics for mums in their late 40s are sobering.

Push through this feeling rather than giving in to it and you could have a great life with your partner, where you can focus on you. Maybe take some time out to think about what it is that you really need.

My Grandmother gave birth to my DM at 50 so although rare, it is possible. Good luck.

This. Please don’t do this. Terribly unfair on a potentially disabled child. You too could suffer life changing consequences - think of the kids you already have. This is hormones going crazy, it’s not sensible or fair on those already here.

Do you actually want a baby, or are you struggling with your identity as a mother now your children are grown up and (presumably) independent? Do you have other things in your life give you a sense of purpose and value?