I’m 48 and want to have a baby

[mum2boys123]

Hello all,

I am 48 and mum to 2 boys , 22 and 14 years old. I know I have left it really late but desperate for another child. I know 48 is not an ideal age and pregnancy can involve lots of complications etc. but really want to hear any success stories. Im generally of good health but do have hypothyroidism and acid reflux. Do you think it would be wise to go ahead getting pregnant? Please be honest but kind
Thank you 🙏

needmorecoffee7 - good point, it did happen in the past. However I do know someone whose mother had her at 52, someone else whose mum was 50 and I believe Charles Darwin's wife had her last child at 50.

However these are rare occurrences and don't generally happen by design but by accident. If it all turns out well, that's great but most older ladies have had enough of bringing up children and want to enjoy other things.

The op actually wants another baby. I do get that people feel broody on and off for a long time, it's nature, but common sense should prevail.

I’m usually on the side of if it’s what you want go for it, I had my last at 42, however given your hypothyroidism I would say no, don’t do it. I started having health issues after my youngest was born, it’s been really hard and I now have chronic health issues. I have not been able to be the mum I wanted to be because of this. All my DCs have missed out due to my health in one way or another. Things aren’t terrible but my energy levels went from 10 to 1 overnight.

Add your hypothyroidism to the natural complications that come from older pregnancies, I wouldn’t take the risk.

To all those posting that there grandmother had a baby at 50. Has it really not occurred to you that they were almost certainly covering up an out of wedlock pregnancy for their own child. This is a far more likely scenario and used to happen all the time

I don't think anyone would really dispute this is a possibility but at same time while it's only 5% chance each cycle by late 40s to fall pg and lower to full term and lower still good health - fertility is very personal based on personal health and genetics and across million of people there will be extreme outlier couples.

It why women really do need to use contraceptives till menopause is gone though if they want to avoid pg.

Enjoy the children you work with, and hopefully the time will come when you get to be an amazing grandmother (that gets to give the small children back and get a good night's sleep 😅)

Don't be selfish.

Some of these stories of grandmother's having children in very late 40s remember they may have been hiding a pregnancy for a family member. The DNA kits are throwing up so many of cases like this, I think it was a lot more common in the past for babies to be passed to whoever in the family could best care for them to protect young unmarried women.
Not saying every case obvs but something to consider.

My family tree is full of younger ‘siblings’ who were really the child of one of the older siblings. My family were poor and rural and non-religious so no money to send unwed mothers away and no need to adopt illegitimate children out, they just sort of absorbed the new baby into the already massive family and all the villagers pretended not to notice, even when it was bloody obvious (two of my Nan’s ‘sisters’ were born 4 months apart 😆)

Total rubbish. My friend got naturally pregnant with twins at 52. A total surprise. As long as you are having regular periods there is no reason why you can’t get pregnant

You have 2 boys.. why would you want another baby at 48 ? I don't think it will happen

think about what you would be taking away from your older children. You won’t have the same energy you had when younger.

there is also a decent chance you won’t live long enough to see a newborn to adulthood.

im a similar age to you. I have similarly aged children. It’s time to start thinking about your next adventure, not going backwards a step. You are about to be free to explore hobbies, to travel, or even to go back to school for nothing more than self-fulfillment. You don’t need a baby to make you happy.

I had my 1st and only at 42 and fell pregnant naturally at 48. I was horrified and couldn't bear the thought of another child at that age to be honest!

I swiftly booked a termination but miscarried within a few weeks. Which is typical at that age.

As others have said, you'd be looking at IVF with donor eggs. In your shoes I'd enjoy the ones I have already and let this go X

Google Daily Mail (sorry) and Debbie baby at 52 for a success story.

Whilst I don't doubt your anecdote, natural pregnancy at 52 (twins or not) followed by live birth is vanishing rare. I wouldn't want any woman to put so much emotional energy into hoping this might happen.

My great aunt had two babies, one at 48 and another at 51. Except she didn’t. Her 18 year old did, and had another at 21, which due to their Catholic embarrassment, shame etc my great aunt raised as her own. No one else knew until she died at 61. Her older daughter stepped forward to look after what she thought was her younger siblings, but the youngest sister admitted they were both her children and wanted them to come to her.
At this point she was married herself with 4 children (one set twins) and another on the way. All hell broke loose with her husband, and they wouldn’t afford to look after 7 kids. It was quite the talk of their village at the time.

I know the OP has already said she isn't going to, but as a child of an older father, here's my opinion.

My father was well into his 60's when I was born. My mother was significantly younger and conception was no issue. I am one of several children.

Other people's opinion

• People used to call dad, grandpa
• I (and my siblings) talk differently with "older" sayings. That was pointed out a lot
• My mum was told we were going to be disabled because dads sperm would be old and defective

Health things

• He never "ran around with us", but I can't say my childhood was sad because of it b/c he taught us stuff instead
• I used to worry about him dying or having a medical emergency every time I heard an ambulance drive near our house
• He died when I was in my late 20's, early 30s. My youngest sibling was mid-20s

I can't say I had a bad childhood because of having an elderly father, but then I had a younger mother so maybe that made up the difference? There were things that I had or didn't have that were different to other kids, but then that's every family in my opinion.

I was in my early 30s when I had my child. I am one of the "older" parents, but I've seen many grandparents, adoptive parents, foster parents, age doesn't really seem to matter. I'm also new to the area so it took a while to get into the grove of kids activities here but it's not terrible.

My only warning for anyone WANTING to have a kid at a later age, is the same as everyone else's warnings. Health things happen at any age but they're more common as you age so make sure you have something set up in the even you can no longer care for your children (frankly this goes for any age).

I had my last baby at 42. Normal pregnancy and delivery. He is 17 now.

I thought I would be the oldest patient my midwife had but she told me she has had a sprinkling of 44-47 year olds in her practice.

Have you spoken to your physician about this? How does your partner ( if you have one) feel?

I think having a successful pregnancy might be hard to achieve but best speak to professionals about your wish

I would have loved a baby at 48, but I knew I didn't want a 15 year old at 63. It's hard to come to terms with it not being a good idea. I've had (have) a few health issues (I obviously didn't expect) and at 55, I'm sad I haven't got the 5/7 year old I would have had, but also immensely grateful, life would have been extremely difficult with what I've been through & not fair on a child.

at 48 I was still healthy & would never thought I'd be like this at only 55.

hug

Hello, I’ve just stumbled across your post and to say I’m shocked at the comments would be an understatement. This woman has opened up to thousands and thousands of people on a website and some of the comments are so negative, especially when this is a forum for mothers, women ttc etc.

Firstly I am sorry that you’ve received some comments which may be hurtful for you to read - they were hurtful to me and it’s not even a relevant situation to me. But the thought of you opening up with a question around fertility and then having to read these breaks my heart.

Secondly - to all the people saying ‘be grateful for the kids you already have’ what on earth gives you the impression this woman isn’t already grateful for her boys? Wanting another baby doesn’t happen because you aren’t happy with the children you already have. It’s our natural instinct to carry and birth children as women. Also she was asking for success stories around getting pregnant at her age, not your opinion on why she ‘shouldn’t’ or why you wouldn’t.

Thirdly - it most definitely is possible for you to conceive at your age, my nan had 2 children at the age of 49 and 53 with no issues and they were both very healthy babies. Nothing at all is impossible so please don’t think that.

my inbox is always open if you ever need a friendly chat, all my luck and love🩷

Please don’t be on a MUM forum if you cannot be kind to other women. What on earth made you write that? If you have nothing kind to say definitely don’t say it. Can’t even say I’m shocked

Are you new here?

Only Mumsnetters are somewhat famous for prioritising forthrightness over politeness!

I think it is kinder to not put any hypothetical children through having elderly parents, perhaps having to care for them at an age when they’re thinking about having their own children etc

It is kinder to be honest. It is selfish to put the desire for a baby now first over actually thinking through what would be right for that baby. It’s also what most people are thinking which I imagine is what the op wanted to hear?

Some of the comments were probably made in a lighthearted way giving the op some advice on the situation, however some were not kind at all.

Obviously people are going to judge and make comments because this is a cruel world where people love to put other people down to make themselves feel better. It’s just sad to see and witness. This women was asking for success stories of other women who have had pregnancies at her age. Not for people telling her to be ‘greatful’ for the children she has. I expected better but I’m not shocked.

It's unlikely you're not perimenopausal at 48 even if you have no symptoms.

I had a baby at 43 through ivf. My older 2 weee 15 and 17 at the time. I wouldn't change anything but being a new mum in your 40s is a lot different to your 20s. Also my wife had an affair and left me 4 years later, leaving me to face many years ahead as a single parent. If I'd known that would be my situation, I wouldn't have done it.

I think a common feature of perimenopause is a strong urge to have another baby. One last gasp of the ovaries kind of thing. It'll pass.

Thank you so much for your comment. It really made my day. It’s nice when women understand women. Have a lovely Christmas 🙏

You are so so welcome - please don’t let any of the comments darken your day, you’re so much stronger than that. I hope you have the best Christmas with your lovely boys☀️🩷