TTC after loss part 5

[Ella31]

Just continuing our old thread. I've added anyone who has asked to stay on here. As always, anyone who is trying after a loss is welcome to join and those who have been lucky since are welcome to encourage those who are still waiting for their rainbow (if you want to stay of course )

Also for the next thread, I'm going to let someone else take over creating the new one if people don't mind. I've a lot on at the moment with tests and I'm back to work in the next few weeks after my bereavement leave with my boys. So if anyone would like to take the mantle, feel free.

Im 2dpo today and have another ultrasound on Wednesday to see if follicle has burst followed by pdg blood test.

@Onthedouble123
@DonnaWhat
@moosey89
@Bellebg
@Lovedatforme
@Ncl31
@PearlCat
@LucyCL
@CadoAvo
@ThelastRolo20
@Figtree11

Always by your side, forever in your heart @ThelastRolo20

Sending love to you @ThelastRolo20

My candle is lit for my two babies lost at 10 and 12 weeks 🤍🤍

My candle is lit for my angels who were too precious for this world.
My teeny little 8 week baby 🤍
My little surprise sweetheart, 18 week baby 🤍
& My much longed for, beautiful little Grace who was born at 17 weeks in May 🕊️🤍🤍🤍

Thinking of you all and so sorry we find ourselves in this most heartbreaking club ❤️

@Mummysparrow I'd carry on testing there until you have a proper period, I had a wee bit of bleeding when I expected my period and was positive a couple of days later (shes 7 now).
I'm feeling mega guilty I forgot it was wave of light tonight. But BLAW and all the socials stuff associated is probably why I'm finding this tww harder
🤍 Baby 5 weeks, 2013
🩷Baby Anna, 19 weeks 3.7.24

Sending lots of love back lovely. It's a year tomorrow since I first found out about the first MMC at my 12 week scan, only feels like last week sometimes.

Time seems to move differently xx

Thank you. Time is strange isn’t it. In 4 weeks it will be a year since my first MMC. It doesn’t feel that long ago at all.

@MrsS11 @LP2020 ❤️❤️

Such a sad numb feeling tonight. The candle was lit earlier but since my hubby went to bed early I just feel very alone. He is having a rough time and I didnt want to mention BLAW or wave of light etc. He grieves still but differently to me and I just havent wanted to highlight it.

Ive gone from being that anal constantly testing, hypervigilant TTCer to someone who hasnt even tried since her last loss in June. Despite desperately desperately wanting a child. I used to read about people who didnt POS and test every parameter and think HOW is that possible? And now im sitting here, miscarriages and ectopics later, with empty arms and a heavy heart and just no desire to try but being so desperate for a child I have to turn away from newborns and get hubby to do the food shop so i dont have to see the baby aisle.

Baby loss is so hard. SO SO hard sometimes. Sending you all so much light and love tonight

Hope everyone is feeling okay today. Baby loss is so hard and gruelling and the grief never truly leaves, you just get better at living alongside it. It means there was and will always be so much love and that won't ever leave ❤️

I have been following along with this thread for a while now and feel now is the time to jump on and join you all on the most nerve-wracking, emotional, hormone-fuelled journey. I'm currently on cycle 5, ttc again after a heartbreaking TFMR in May. My little girl had T21 along with other abnormalities and she was measuring and weighing much much smaller than she should have been. I had retained poc only discovered in July, 8 weeks after she was born, after having the most intense contraction-type pains at home and feeling this huge mass just fall out of me (sorry tmi). My body is trying to reset, but I still feel a long way off yet. They diagnosed endometritis during an internal scan after rpoc had come away and I was given a 7 day course of antibiotics, which sadly, I don't feel have helped. I'm currently on my cd4 during a period which showed up a whole week early, that has been so heavy and painful and just a shitty reminder of what should have been this month (my little girl's due date) and what will never be 😔

Anyway, I'm sorry for my ramblings. I'm hoping to touch base with the GP and see if they can prescribe some further antibiotics or suggest something to try and settle things down. I have had a full screen of bloods done, which thankfully showed a normal thyroid function again (levels were awful whilst pregnant as had severe hyperemesis and hospitalised more than once) but iron and b12 are low, which I'm taking supplements for now. I just want my body to reset and to try and move forwards and find my way back to some kind of normal, whatever that looks like now.

Sending love and light to you all ❤️

@DaringlyDizzy I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I feel similarly about not wanting to keep trying but still wanting a baby. It really sucks. Sending all the love and hugs xx

@LP2020 I'm so sorry for your loss, that must have been devastating and worse to have an ongoing saga after. I'm also cycle 5 TTC again since my most recent loss in May. Xx

I'm sorry for your losses @LP2020 you have had an awful time I hope things improve for you x

Can I have a moan? I've just had an appointment with my consultant psychiatrist (I'm bipolar). She's new with the team and the last time I had an appointment I was 8 weeks pregnant. She brought this up and asked how pregnant I was now. I said I wasn't I miscarried. I would be 5 months pregnant and she said something along the lines of I had guessed you had as you don't look pregnant. Surely that's not the most empathetic way of enquiring about pregnancy in someone that you think has miscarried. It's pissed me off.

@DaringlyDizzy @LP2020 I’m sorry for your losses. It’s such a hard road to navigate. I was desperate to conceive (still am) but also when I think about being pregnant it fills me with such anxiety. It’s cruel we’ve been robbed of that happiness

@Superscientist oh wow that sounds so insensitive. And what a weird way of going about asking, surely there would have been a more tactful way

Just unreal that a trained psychiatrist reacted like this- awful, I'm sorry you had that experience. People are morons sometimes. Shocking insensitivity.

Thanks @Figtree11 and @Fletchasketch I did expect it to come up especially as I had been referred to the perinatal team so wouldn't have needed the appointment if I was still pregnant. I just didn't expect it to be handled so tactlessly.
I was having a rough time with sickness last time to the point the consultant (not her) told me I should have cancelled the video appointment. I told her I had been sick upwards of 10 times a day and then she was surprised when I said I'd lost 4kg whilst pregnant. I'm seeing my mental health nurse next week. I also last saw her when pregnant but she has accessed to my GP records so I'm hoping she has read the update before the appointment! She knew I was pregnant before telling her as she saw my midwife referral and that I had an appointment with the gp later that day because of the nausea. I thought after 10 weeks I had got through all of the "oh I had a miscarriage" moments.

I am definitely out this month as I had a LH increase this morning which happens on 12dpo when my period is on it way. Period should be here on Saturday.
I had my last counselling session last night and she suggested I speak to my GP as my levels are clearly not quite back to normal with the bleeding I have had this week. I am 35 as well so I only have to try for 6 months before they start investigations and I have been trying 5 months since loss so another month and I can speak to the GP about the next step.

@Superscientist i hope it goes better for you next week with the mental health nurse

@Mummysparrow sounds a good idea to speak to the GP, even just for some peace of mind

How is everyone? I’m 6dpo and don’t feel hopeful at all. I don’t even have the inclination to do any early testing next week

@Figtree11 I'm 8dpo and I know already in my heart I'm not pregnant this month. I've always just known when I was pregnant before. And this month ain't it! 😂

@moosey89 don't give up hope, I didn't expect to be pregnant at all when I found out! 🩷

I'm still lingering on this thread and hoping I see everyone get a BFP especially you and @Figtree11 as I've followed your journeys on this thread since I experienced my MMC 💕

Thanks @Figtree11

I'm approx 5 days po only based on predictions not testing. Also not optimistic!

@Superscientist @moosey89 we’re not a very optimistic bunch are we 😂

@jellyfish2 thank you 💓 hope you are doing good xx

@Figtree11 I’m currently recovering from my MVA - I weirdly feel better than I have in a while! It’s like, I feel instantly back in good health (I was feeling pretty ropey as the weeks went by) and I also think this has been the best form of management (for want of a better word) out of all 3 losses.

I have said to my husband I want to try again soon, but that I don’t knkw how many more losses I can go through. I had 2 before my LO so this is only my third, but I still sit there and think I have been pregnant now 4 times - with only 1 child I can physically hold. I do want a another, but I worry time is nkt on my side - I’m 40, and also started my periods at 10, so I feel like I’m probably near then end of “good eggs”

@Bellabubble i’m glad you are feeling better. It’s so hard isn’t it when you want something so badly, but not sure how much heartache you can take. I don’t have any kids yet, and feel like I have a long road ahead of me with potential more losses. But I try take each day at a time, as when I think too far ahead I spiral. I hope you continue to recover & get some good news soon

@Figtree11 It is so hard, I hope you are doing ok (as you can do in these times, it becomes a bit all thoughts consuming as the months tick by) I remember the feeling well - after the second, I said to my husband “well if I have another loss, at least it will start some investigations” which was my only way to cope I think - knowing I could potentially find some answers. I know for some women that isn’t the case and answers may not be found, but I was so frustrated that we could fall pregnant and I couldn’t make them stick. We call our little one “third time lucky” (just between us) but I think if we happen to fall pregnant again, I will do what I did with my third - I was taking b12 and b6 before as I had read that had been linked to recurring losses, and I also took a low dose asprin (I think 75mg from memory) for 12 weeks too. An ex midwife at one of my private scans mentioned both of those to me too. I know it might not have made any difference, but I feel now like I need to do it again.

Thanks @jellyfish2.

@Figtree11 I think we've learned to lessen our expectations so we feel less hurt when it's not good news x

Yeah you’re right. Sometimes I have hope or a good feeling that I try & squash down. But at the moment I just don’t.

Today I had some blood tests ahead of my Tommys miscarriage clinic appt next month

Hey ladies, hope you’re all doing ok?

I haven’t been on here in months, took a bit of a break from TTC as ended up having quite a few tests privately and there’s lots of things to work on.

Im due on anytime now and going to start TTC again in November xx