TTC after Miscarriage part 4

[Ella31]

Starting thread number 4, can you believe it? Congrats to everyone who has been lucky the last few threads and for those who have had recent losses again or new, keep strong, you are amazing. To those still trying, it will happen, myself included there and we will support each other.

I'll just include a foreward for anyone new who joins us, this is a supportive group for anyone who has had a loss, no matter how early or late. Everyone here has experieced the upset and understands.

Ive gone through the list and more than likely left people out so add anyone you think I've forgotten.

@ToeBeans24

@DonnaWhat
@Onthedouble123
@Lovedatforme

@emmatcc1
@ncl31
@MisssMarion
@Loz365
@Tallgirl91
@Figtree11
@ThelastRolo20
@mountainlass
@CadoAvo

@Joleyjojo

@Jellyfish2

@B1989
@rosyposy26

@RaisingCornishWildlings
@Rockyslife
@sarahk89

It knocked you because these are conversations you should still be having but you aren't because of your loss. Its cruel of people, they should know better.

Trust me I know and I'm almost hypocritical here telling you to rise above it because they are days , the pain absolutely floors me when I see someone who has brought their baby home safe or makes a stupid comment. But what I do know is if I dwell on it, the only person suffering is me. Those people don't go home and think poor Ella31.

I just know when I got pregnant after my first two losses, it didn't erase the upset from those losses but I was so happy again and excited and as each day went and my boys got bigger and stronger and I've every hope that this will be you just like so many others here on this thread who like us were despairing it wasn't happening and look it has!!!

I myself need to find a place where I can grieve properly for my boys and also move forward and acknowledge the trauma so although our situations are different I know how bloody stinging some of those comments are. So keep venting here and don't let them drag you down.

But also feel free to kindly say to these people who comment "if you don't mind its a subject I'm not very comfortable with, due to everything that's gone on" that would stop anyone in their tracks. I'd be mortified at how insensitive I was.

@DonnaWhat yeah I feel like people just don’t think at all

@Ella31 you sum up perfectly everything I am thinking. You always make me feel so much better. It’s like you validate how I’m feeling as you know exactly how I’m feeling. But you also have such a way of making me feel more positive about the future. So thank you so much. You really have helped me a lot ❤️

What you say about dwelling on it is the only person suffering is me is so true. I need to try & detach myself from those negative thoughts & try get in a better head space. I’m hoping the counsellor will call me back & I can try get some better coping mechanisms.

I hope you are feeling a little better this afternoon now you have heard back about your consultant appointment. I always think having a date to work towards a next step in the journey always helps

@Onthedouble123 thinking of you. Waiting is just torturous isn’t it

@Figtree11 thanks. They took my first bloods but results won't be back til Wednesday. Got to have a repeat test then and see what direction they're going in. I'll continue testing at home in the meantime too. It was markedly stronger today when I was expecting to just be able to confirm a negative than it was yesterday which is weird!
I've calmed myself right down now. Talked it through with husband and both accepting that the amount of bleeding etc it almost certainly not going to continue. But I feel like I've already cried my tears over the weekend. We can then relax a few weeks and go ahead with treatment in August.
There is still the background hope that we are one of the exceptions and it's going to work out which would obviously be amazing if that were the case. But we've made our peace with the more likely outcome, so anything positive is just an absolute bonus. Xx

@Onthedouble123 im glad you are feeling a bit better this evening. Sounds like you have great support in your husband. I think sometimes it helps having a plan of action to aim towards, so if things do unfortunately not progress, you have August to aim towards. And if they do work out, well how absolutely amazing that would be.
I have an appt in November at the miscarriage clinic so that is my aim which makes me feel a tiny bit better

@Onthedouble123 Thinking of you, the uncertainty of it all is so tough.

There is always hope. It's good to have those talks too but stay positive. It's really good that the tests are still positive. Xxx

You are more than welcome. I've always thought if anything positive can come out of this mess, it's supporting others. Hope you are feeling better today.

Thanks @Ella31 . Test this morning is possibly even stronger than yesterday's which is just messing with my head!
Determined not to get hopes up too much though and just take it a day at a time.
Hope everyone is getting on okay. Xx

I don't know why that pic is upside down!

@Onthedouble123 inside out, back to front it doesn't matter. Looks promising. I really hope its good news for you 🙏 ❤️ how are you today xxx

@Onthedouble123 I have my fingers crossed that you will get some good news from your tests!

That's a beautiful test. I've every hope for you xxx

This made me chuckle @DonnaWhat. @Onthedouble123 it really does look promising! I also have everything crossed for you 🙂 x

@Ella31 thanks, I am feeling better today. Had a call with the NHS counsellor & have my first session in a couple of weeks. Feeling a bit unsure whether it’s the right thing to do as I’m not sure how she can help me but we’ll see.

@Onthedouble123 i have everything crossed for you. I know this must be such an unnerving time. But will be wishing for you

I think talking about how you are feeling is the most healthiest thing in the world. When I was in the hospital for nine days when my little second twin was dying and my first had passed. It was the bearevement midwives who got me through it. They kept me talking and talking , I think I'd be a shell of myself now if it wasn't for them.

That’s true, as I find talking on here really therapeutic. And I feel better when I talk to people, even colleagues about it.

I always read such good things about bereavement midwives - what a difficult job but they always sound so lovely

I also think talking definitely helps, saying things out loud helps me process it all and feel the emotions. Keeping things bottled up can't be good for anyone.

Absolutely and I'll just add, many moons ago, women were actively not talking about their losses because of the taboo and many just had to get on with it. That just shouldn't be the case anymore and it's important each woman and her partner get the support they need to get through these tough times. So keep talking as much you want. Xx

They were amazing. I'll have a connection to the ones who helped me for the rest of my life. I'll never forget them.

@Ella31 Pleased you are getting a proper follow up, albeit a week after the scan. Hopefully it will be reassuring, and you'll know the results have been looked at carefully.

@Figtree11 the NHS counsellor sounds like a great step, talking def helps.I feel like, in a way, I've told "too many" people about our loss. But I find that my heart feels so heavy chatting to people I know well and would share other personal details with, without telling them about this. And as soon as I tell them I feel so much lighter. Everyone is different, but for me the more I speak about it the more comfortable I feel with it all.. I do worry that that's a bit selfish of me, but then everyone I've spoken to has been kind and understanding, and if they have stories of their own they're usually happy to speak about them.

@Onthedouble123 really hope it's all ok for you, it's a very anxious time.

I'm 4/5DPO. So anxious about another loss. I can see on my chart that last time my temp started to dip about 7DPO and bleeding started 9DPO, then stopped, pregnancy remained for weeks after that (and tests did get stronger) but obviously wasn't healthy. Just trying (mostly failing!) to stay off Google and keep myself as distracted as possible, and not to hope too much.

Google is the worst. So many varied experiences that you'll find the horror stories and the miracles if you look hard enough. Hopefully you'll have good news in a few days.

It's hard not to worry about another loss but I can speak from personal experience that you just don't know what's around the corner even when you think you are in the clear and at the end. For me anyway, on my next pregnancy fingers crossed it won't be too long, I'm going to try to live in the moment whatever it brings.

I really hope you are uploading a pic of your bfp soon.

Cycle Day 11 today. I came of all vitamins bar folic acid and vit c this month so interested to see if it will have any impact on ovulation time.

I also have to go to my obygn on Friday. There was a mistake with my boys pm results. Looks like the rare twin complication we were told happened was an even rarer form of what we thought it was. We are talking 1% chance of this twin complication. It's like hitting a bullseye blindfolded in the dark apparently.

and it will be explained to us by my consultant who took care of us during my pregnancy and delivered them. First time seeing him since they passed so it will be a bitter sweet moment. Was hoping I'd be pregnant the next time I'd be going to his office again. But anyway......

Hope all is well with everyone.

@Onthedouble123 thinking of you with your first round bloods today.

Sorry ladies I haven't been on this thread for a little while, was feeling a bit disheartened as I'd put so much into dtd then it didn't look as though I ovulated. Kept doing opks anyway and got a blazing positive on cd30!! My cycles have been pretty consistently 31 days, the most had been 34 days so I'm so confused. Does anyone know why? My surge was 1.93 which is the highest I've ever had, looks like I ovulated yesterday. Last night I also had slight brown discharge in my underwear and a bit of light brown when I wiped which again I've never had except when it's been implantation (it's definitely not this). Has anyone else had anything similar during ovulation ? I'm hoping it's a good sign but I have no idea what's happening, I don't have pcos so any experience would be welcomed.

@ThelastRolo20 how did you get on with your most recent scan?

I was going to start my post exactly like yours @jellyfish2 ... I haven't been posting on here much lately as I've been feeling quite sad and anxious and didn't feel I had much to contribute. TTC is a tough journey...
Sorry I haven't experienced anything similar though, have you considered talking to your GP? Also, have you tried inofolic alpha? I think it made my cycles shorter and more regular.

Question for you all... I think the recommendation is to talk to your GP if you've been TTC for more than 6 months if you're over 35. I talked to my GP yesterday as I was requesting a coeliac disease check up and she kind of dismissed me although it's been 6 months, I think mainly because we did get pregnant on the 2nd cycle (which ended in a MMC). Should I have insisted more? Or do the 6 month reset after the MMC? (It was my first ever miscarriage).