Trying for second baby long time, anyone else in the same boat?

[Anies]

Hi,
we have been trying for our second bay for over a year and a half, once again great disappointment tonight...Wondering, is there anyone else in the same situation who would like to share this? I am currently having acupuncture and herbs, they are making me feel much better in myself, also will have second NHS appointment with specialist on Tuesday to discuss options. Just thinking about embarking on assisted methods...Anyone else going through this? It canbe very lonely...

Hi.
There are a lot of us trying for our second in www.mumsnet.com/Talk/1366/487400?stamp=080317084554
You're welcome to come and join us. Good luck!

Hi there Anies

Same boat here, trying for just over 2 years (seems like a bad dream sometimes as DD was immediate). Also beginning to think about assisted methods although I am not at all sure we would survive IVF - the last couple of years have taken their toll emotionally and I can't say it has brought DH and me any closer...

I agree it can be very lonely, surrounded by people on their second and third children and trying to remain cheery, waiting for the inevitable question from strangers about brothers and sisters.

I spend too much time worrying about whether DD will be massively disadvantaged if she stays an only child. Plus it is a million miles from what I had imagined - 4 children, lots of noise and chaos. Altogether a miserable experience that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

We haven't told anyone and it means people can be extra insensitive I think. My sister is pregnant at the moment and is endlessly moaning about symptoms. To be fair, I did too at her stage but now I would put up with absolutely anything for a baby.

Anyway, enough rambling. Just wanted to say, yes in the same boat and I do sympathise!

Yes, it took nearly 2 years for me to get pregnant with our DS and we've been trying now for 8 years for a brother/sister, without any luck. We tried clomid and IUI but neither worked. The appointments took up a lot of time and became quite a strain, so we decided to forget about it - no more disappointments. If it happens, it happens.

Like anniemac we've kept it very open. We explained to our DS that sometimes it can be hard for people to have babies (helped by watching the BBC documentary on the human body!), so he doesn't ask so much anymore. Our family and friends also know why we have only one child, so there's no pressure from them either. Overall people are understanding and considerate. Our DS knows that we're more than 100% happy to have him and I think that's the most important thing to remember - quite a few of our friends can't have any at all, despite trying everything.

Good luck - I really hope it works for you!

Yes another here. Conceived dd quickly, conceived pg2 in a one hit wonder but lost it at 7 weeks almost 2 years ago and have had no success since. Have first hospital appointment mid April to see what can be done...

Iwillbepostive - I too worry (panic !) about dd being an only child and what it will mean for her - I too imagined a big family (I am one of three) and in my mind had planned to have had 3 in the time frame that I may not even manage 2 now.

Big hugs all round.

Hello,
Am a new Mumsnet person, couldn't wait to start and am now sitting here crying my eyes out cos I have found some more people just like me....
Quick history - 1st pregnancy conceived with no problems, lost baby at 20 weeks, most awful thing that ever happened to me and my husband but we got over it in time. 2nd pregnancy conceived after another 6 months (seemed like 6 years), my lovely wonderful son born Jan 2006. We waited for a year cos he was caeserian, then have had 14 months of trying and am starting to lose the plot.
So here I am, I need help, I am desperate.
I have a lovely life, an amazing husband, a great house, nice friends and family. I'm just a normal, well-adjusted person.
But every day of every month is counted, I obsess about the next cycle, can't relax, and feel like I'm just wasting my whole life wondering when or if this is going to happen. I've done or am doing all the practical things like clear blue and doctors and all that.
I just need people to talk to, I don't want to burden my husband all the time, poor thing has to listen to me whinging on a bout it the whole time. And all my friends are super fertile, one friend has just conceived twins and broke my heart slowly a few weeks ago when she spent 2 hours moaning about how terrible it was because she hasn't got any money, their house is not big enough, etc etc.
It's helping just to type this out.
xxx

And me...!
DS born 3 years ago after 2months of ttc. Been trying for number 2 for 9 months now, concieved in Feb but then m/c 3 weeks ago. It is so hard, especially when friends and family are popping out number 2,3 etc, and I see my DS little friends with their baby brothers and sisters. Not helped but friends and family talking about 'a large age gap between DS and any future child' either! It is so frustrating and disspointing every month.

We tried for over 3 years for #2, we eventually conceived with IVF but lost that baby, I got pregnant with ds a couple of months later (again a treatment cycle). We're now trying for a third (10 months), dh doesn't want anymore treatment (mainly for financial reasons). It's really hard.

another one here... my first pregnancy was ectopic, resulting in me losing one of my fallopian tubes, but then we conceived DD just 3 months later - aren't I fertile? or so I thought! we've been trying for another child for over a year now, with no luck.

we are going to leave it one more month, then it's off to the GPs to arrange tests, scans, etc. DD is going to be 3 next week - I thought I would be busy with breastfeeding and nappy-changing and sleep deprivation again by now! It is very stressful, feeling like you're in limbo, not able to make long-term plans.

It is hard hearing other people talking about their pregnancies - especially if they are accidental... recently I had to listen to SIL going on about whether to have a 3rd child - she was pregnant with her 1st the same time as me, then went on to have a second child last year. I wanted to say something to her, but felt like I would burst into tears if I did! we were in a busy playground at the time so I just kept my mouth shut! I have recently told my family (or rather burst into tears when my mum asked when we would be having another baby), but now thinking that I'm going to have to ask DH to tell the ILs what is going on so that they will be a bit more sensitive in future!

anyway - my sympathies to everyone on this thread! I know how you feel!

Oh, many messages, thank you so much for sharing these with me. All the emotions and worries and thougths sound so similar- I too feel like it is a bad dream, as our son was conceived the second month of trying. Thank you for the links, it is good to feel there is some support as it can be so difficult and lonely. We haven't told immediate family, but I have told some of my friends. Mind you, some said 'no, really, why do you want a second one?' and others being very logical and square about it, failing to recognise my emotions. My husband is finding it extremely hard and he hasn't got anyone to talk to, I have asked him not to because I feel it is such a private matter, but he is suffering as a result of it. We have appointment tomorrow with specialist, we will ask info on IUI etc.
Would people like to keep this thread for companionship and going along this weird and difficult journey? We can talk about silly things too!! Especially at gloomy times!

hello,

I am coming out of lurkedom - can I join to?

we have been trying for well over a year for number 2. I fell apart at xmas as af arrived on xmas eve and my sister announced her pregnancy. With the start of the new year I realised I had spent all last year charting, temping and stressing every month.

I ditched the thermometer and fertility friend and my af ran away only to stay for all of february!

I finally spoke to my gp at the start of the month who was fantastic. I have had cd3 bloods come back fine and today had my cd21 test done. DH is seeing gp this week to arrange his SA.

MioMao - that is exactly where i am now, stuck in limbo! at the start of the year i was determined to be more positive and make other plans etc - I had a promotion at work but I just feel completely stuck as I cant make long term plans about work/family until I know why this is or rather is'nt happening. I am also surrounded by pregnant women - my sister, 2 people at work and now my next door neighbour!

It would be nice to be able to talk to others in the same situation as I know my DH although supportive does'nt quite get why I feel so 'stuck' and with those I would normally talk to now expecting I don't want to be the green eyed monster who they can't share pregnancy stuff with.

Hi Ladies,

Gosh all of this sounds so familiar. We conceived DD in the first month of trying. We have been trying to conceive DC number 2 for 18 months. I am sick of my MIL who asks me every week, 'when are you having another one'. I am not joking, I think she has amnesia! Every month I think I am pregnant and as AF day approaches I get so stressed, that I become unbearable to live with. My GP won't refer me until June. I am taking Metformin because I suffer from PCOS. But I had PCOS when I conceived DD. So what is the problem now!!!!

I am trying to take a more relaxed approach and lavish my daughter with all my time. So that I am less obsessive about getting pregnant. But it is so hard.

My husband doesn't want to talk about it anymore. So I post on a couple of other posts, which helps. Definitely keep this post going.

xxx

Hi moonlit,

can i just say 'snap'! conceived DD in the first 2 months TTC and i now become an obsessive demon around af time.

I am trying to take the relaxed approach now so can we have that as a support theme? Im sorry to hear your gp will not refer you - have they given you any indication as to why and what difference it will make in June? Mine wants to see cd21 results and DH's SA and then she is happy to refer straight away.

My hubby only tolerates a certain amount of TTC talk and then its like he switches off. If only I could explain to him that the desire to be pregnant is not a logical thought process but more a case of my whole body screaming 'I want to be pregnant NOW' and my brain struggling to work out why its not!

Now i see this in black and white I reckon he thinks im mad and therefore he should'nt encourage the ramblings of an obsessed mad woman and thats why he does'nt talk about it!

Good luck too you all

So, what is going on??? Is it just that this is a natural process of trying for a bay? I have been told that the average is a year to 18 months, but I do find it hard to believe! How frustrating.

Yes, pregnancies announced left, right and centre and indeed we have been aware of people trying, conceiving, having their baby and now they are growing, all at the same time as we are still trying. It is demoralising and then you think that you are not a nice person for feeling like this.

Is anyone of you ladies thinking of assisted conception methods now? Some are still going through the tests from what I can see- all my tests up till now are normal (had hsg too).

Hi, sad - but nice to read evrything I am feeling, trying for number two and have become obsessed with accupuncture!! hence the name..... Feels like it will never happen. I am 39 and keep thinking I have reached my menopause - dont really understand about the tests and feel if I go to GP I have given in and admitted that I may have dried up little ovaries!

hi anies,

have the tests been ok with your husband aswell? I guess you are feeling more frustrated knowing that everything is 'normal' and therefore it is'nt just something that can be fixed. I think this is the part im dreading as when i was told cd3 bloods were fine I was in a state of well they cant be as im obviously not getting pregnant.

My doctor has touched upon stress being a big factor and that I am now 3 yrs older than when I was last pregnant. I am also trying to shift a bit of extra weight that has remained since I had DD.

How long have you been doing the accupuncture and which herbs are you using?

Hi
middle of the night, woken up by ds, cannot sleep.

Hi pincushion -what a great nickname, made me chuckle! Yes, acupuncture has become a big part of my life too.

Imgens, I have been having acupuncture since October I think it must have been, and I am also having chinese herbs. I have seen an improvement in myself as a result, I feel that I have more energy, I am more optimistic (probably doesn't show here...) and more able to control my anxieties. I have a very good relationship with my acupuncturist, he is a very calm and caring person, a very positive presence in all the chaos of 'real' life. I guess what also helps is the sense that you are somehow taking control of the situation, you are trying to do something about it.

All our tests are normal, husband's too apart from a slight low percentage of normal ones, but the specialist said it was not a problem as there were so many of them...What do I know of these things???

I am 36 by the way, with a stressful job and 3 years older too since I had ds, so there factors apply to me too...But how can stress be such a big factor, it drives me mad allthis advice, just relax etc. People mean well, but it is counterproductive!

Pincushion, have you seen a difference through acu, generally speaking for you, not just fertility-wise?

Hello all

It is nice to see I am not alone! It really does dominate your life, doesn't it. For most of last year I was just treading water, not really enjoying DD and obsessively analysing every symptom. I think I have lower expectations now, so there is the odd cycle that is less stressful. Having said that, this month I have gone completely bonkers and am analysing and stressing - we had ridiculous amounts of sex so I feel more optimistic (will no doubt come to nothing!)

My own personal view is that when you are younger any minor defect in sperm can be compensated for (it is known that a healthy egg can mop up DNA mistakes in sperm). A few years on and you have a double whammy, sperm meets older egg and there are more very early pg losses. So Anies, I think the specialists ignore male factor stuff too readily. My Dh has an absurdly high sperm count but motility and morphology are not great. According to our specialist there are plenty to do the job and "men can get a woman pg in their 80s". But what if these slightly dodgy sperm are unable to complete the job, or it all fizzles out very early on?

Just supposition, but my approach now is to try and get us both very fit and healthy and then what happens. They won't do IUI where we are (not enough evidence apparently) and I am not sure about IVF. The whole business is taking over my life and I can't see how that would improve things...

Good luck to all. One view is that it just takes much longer as you get older (I am 39 too) and maybe it will happen eventually to us all. I will be divorced and/or in a psychiatric hospital by then though!

Dear All,

I have had 5 treamtnes and absolutley LOVE it - I feel much calmer and more aware of my body and feelings. I originally went becasue i thought that I was peri menopausal becasue my cycle had shortened to 24- 26 days. After treatment it si now 30 days and no period pains which i normally have loads). My guy wants it to be 28 days - he doesnt feel any problems and soesnt think I am peri menopausl. Luckily my husband is tres keen for kiddie numero 2 and so going for accupuncture next week - quite excited about that. I love the fact that the APer can tell so much about me. Amazing things like i am always cold and he has "warmed me up" and Like Anies i def have more energy and feel much more mentally balanced. I lecture nurses and had a treatment before a class and it went brilliantly - the calss ended up as enthusiastic as me!!! Sorry i digress..... anyway I am going to keep going and I guess i will have to start looking at my CF to find out when I ovualte - casue dont actually know that. I am crap at doing stuff like that - so just trying to have jiggy every other day!! And find i am more relaxed about everything after a lovely galss as wine - which i know your not meant to do cause that doestn help fertility!!!!

Dear All,

I have had 5 treatments and absolutely LOVE it - I feel much calmer and more aware of my body and feelings. I originally went because I thought that I was peri menopausal because my cycle had shortened to 24- 26 days. After treatment it is now 30 days and no period pains which I normally have loads). My guy wants it to be 28 days - he doesnt feel any problems and sodoesnt think I am peri menopausal. Luckily my husband is tres keen for kiddie numero duex and so going for accupuncture next week - quite excited about that. I love the fact that the APer can tell so much about me. Amazing things like i am always cold and he has "warmed me up" and, like Anies I def have more energy and feel much more mentally balanced. I lecture nurses and had a treatment before a class and it went brilliantly - the class ended up as enthusiastic as me!!! Sorry i digress..... anyway I am going to keep going and I guess i will have to start looking at my CF to find out when I ovulate - cause dont actually know that. I am crap at doing stuff like that - so just trying to have jiggy every other day!! And find i am more relaxed about everything after a lovely galss as wine - which i know your not meant to do cause that doestn help fertility!!!!

Crikey I have posted twice - what a moron! May IWILLBEPOSITIVE should change her name to IAMPOSITIVE cause you sound like you have your head screwed on and you are admitting how you feel. That is always a bonus. Imagine if you were denying the strength of your desore for a numero 2....all that angst would have a greater impact.

Hi everyone, never really know were to post until I saw this post we have been tcc for number2 for 3.5 years. I have a dd who is almost 5 concieve no problem after 4 months. I had an ectopic pg 3 years ago and I lost a tube tried for 18month no joy told tube was blocked had lap and dye pg 2 months again after this ? another ectopic. failed ivf attempt last summer got a infection from the egg collection. Physical feeling lots better now having acc and reflexology and taking lots of vits b6 really helped. But cant believe dd is going to be 5 and we are still no closer. It would be great if we could keep this thread going.

Hi cedar12, I dont reallly understand about how IVF works etc but what a journey you have had.....

Hi Pin cushion just saw your last post takes me so long to type! I agree about the acc I had some a couple of months ago as I was having realy light but painful periods they are so much better now just having reflexology no as I find it a bit more relaxing. What do you lecture in? Sorry being nosey its just I am a nurse as well.