Trying for second baby long time, anyone else in the same boat?

[Anies]

Hi,
we have been trying for our second bay for over a year and a half, once again great disappointment tonight...Wondering, is there anyone else in the same situation who would like to share this? I am currently having acupuncture and herbs, they are making me feel much better in myself, also will have second NHS appointment with specialist on Tuesday to discuss options. Just thinking about embarking on assisted methods...Anyone else going through this? It canbe very lonely...

Merindol, you could be me!

I too felt smug that we conceived DD (now 4) so quickly. About the only positive thing from this whole miserable business is that I have been humbled by it! I remember telling a group of people that it was clearly a myth that fertility falls off a cliff in your mid thirties and that DD had been immediate. Looking back on it, one of the group was slightly older, had twins (so maybe IVF?) and looked distinctly uncomfortable and pissed off.

I identify exactly with your monthly misery. I can feel now the tell tale AF signs and this month I was secretly quite positive - hopes dashed yet again. Frankly with this much mid cycle sex, there must be something wrong.

One thing not to worry about (from my experience) is the HSG. The waiting wasn't fun, partly because it seemed once again to put me in a box labelled "Bad Dream" - having heavy duty tests when I want to convince myself that I am still super fertile. But the actual test was, for me anyway, fine. You are absolutely right about NHS code! The "just a sharp scratch" nonsense coupled with agnonising pain...but this was actually ok. In fact I honestly could not feel a thing - not even period pain.

I wonder whether I need to accept that having one child is not the end of the world. She is lovely, we are lucky and you can't always have what you want in life. That doesn't come easily though when, as someone else said, every cell in my body is screaming that it wants another baby

Thanks for more reassurance about HSG, Iwillbepositive (and I will try to be, too...) -- I feel v wet obsessing about whether it might hurt when there are obviously more serious things to worry about. But I suppose it is a kind of displacement activity mode of worrying. I'm quite good at that.

When did you have your HSG? And did you try Clomid? I'm in line for that and wondering what that will be like too...

I guess you're right -- there comes a time when you just have to accept the deal you've been given. And our daughter is SO fantastic, and maybe it's a real miracle that we've managed to have her at all. But the mental readjustment required to get from blithely assuming that all your repro kit is in working order to facing up to harsh reality that it might not be is such a wrenching change of gears.

The thing I hate most is the sneaking suspicion that if I were able to just say, OK, we only have one child, then somehow that might magically put me in state to be able to conceive again so of course then I try to kid myself into acceptance of the situation while secretly hoping that it will change, which of course I know won't work, because if I'm still hoping for it then of course it can't happen. Holy moly, I know this sounds absolutely insane we are grown women, aren't we? But I know you guys will understand...

For me, I guess the one positive in this whole wretched situation is that I know know a bit more about the whole reproductive system! Not having done O/A level biology (which dates me), and assuming that we had no probs in that department, I previously had luxury of not needing to know how things worked, because they seemed to. Grrr. But a little knowledge is a dangerous thing...

Btw, how much sex is enough? Are you taking days off work to knock boots? We haven't got to that stage yet, although i now cling to cabbalistic belief that having sex at lunchtime would work. tragic. I'll be putting live frog in a sock and tying it to bedpost next.

Merindol - sorry to spoil the positivity, but the nurse you spoke to was right - I had an HSG prior to DS and it was definitely 'uncomfortable' to the extent that I felt like hitting the consultant who said 'there, that wasn't too bad was it' at the end, safe in the knowledge that he would never be able to experience it !!! Not screaming with pain uncomfortable, but sharp intake of breath and trying not to come out with anything (at the same time as staying still) - lets hope that you have the more pain free experience, but whatever, better to get it done and find out if things are OK, and certainly better than an op.

Iwillbe+ve - we've got to thinking that. Although it took 6 yrs to get ds inc a lot of heartache. Good thing that he was so worth waiting for really [smug] but I wonder whether its worth continuing to put ourselves through it after 2 mc post ds. Not that I have much of the 2ww problems as dh manages to have perfect timing [not] every month and so I know that af will be coming and that there is absolutely no point in getting worked up or testing early...

Oohh Merindol, have just xposts and read your last. Do you think that they'd give you flexible lunchbreaks so that you'd have enough time to nip back home and do the deed? Mind you, we've got one of those cheap hotels that are more like individual rooms... wonder if dh would play ball (no pun intended)

Ow, Mistlethrush, you've confirmed my fears -- but will keep fingers crossed. Bloody consultants. Did you get put on Clomid as well?

I'm so sorry for your 2 mcs it is all hateful and horrid. I had one before dd (I'm learning) and one after, and although one before more complicated and traumatic physically, one after giving birth so much harder because you actually know what you've lost it's a very diff experience, so to have been through that twice... really feel for you.

As for lunchtime sex, i think we can safely rule it out! just an idle superstition on my part. can't think how would begin to make excuse to get me out of my work, and dh definitely not going to play ball, punning or otherwise...

That is what I am secretly hoping merindol! That accepting that DD is enough and that it is our fate will somehow generate a sense of calm and lead to conception!! In the same way I have been wondering whether giving up trying, without the acceptance, will have the same effect. The problem is that giving up would mean we prob couldn't be bothered to bd at all for a while - so it would need to be an immaculate conception. I am clearly completely bonkers to think I can trick my body into believing I don't care! I am not calm, I am desperate for another one and that is the long and short of it.

re. afternoon sex, I have a weird feeling that that is the key for us. I think DD was conceived in an afternoon session, I had a mc exactly a year ago (also afternoon sex that month) and one other +ve pg test last summer, fizzled out after 2 days, when we had been at it in the afternoon. Hence pm session this month, but I feel it hasn't worked.

See, further proof it is sending me bonkers! How can afternoon sex be the key??!

Iwillbepositive, I'm so glad to find another person who thinks time of day might be key! I've only dared confess this sneaking suspicion to a friend who couldn't help laughing, although v gently and supportively. But I know that the three times I've got preg were following midday sessions (in the days when we were carefree enough to have midday sessions -- fat chance now). Unfortunately, I never seem to ovulate on a weekend when we might dump dd with grandparents.

Hi, can I join? So many of your posts ring so many bells!

I have twins who are 2.8, concieved naturally second month of trying. Had convinced myself due to this that we were super fertile - in fact the first month we started trying again we only had sex once around what I thought was ovulation time and were still convinced we would hit the jackpot!

Anyway, 9 months on and no joy. I'm pretty convinced that I have PCOS, although I'm still well within my healthy BMI range I have a number of other classic symptoms.

Doctor is doing an internal exam in a few weeks to start the process of trying to find out if something is causing our lack of conception. Can I ask what is the HSG? Is that the internal scan in the hospital to look at ovaries etc? Am dreading the doctor's internal enough!

Comforting to know I am not the only one secretly thinking that if I fool myself I am switching off enough I will magically concieve! To make matters worse, my Dh's cousin has just had twins and my MIL is nagging me daily to donate them all our baby stuff. I just want to scream "use your brain, woman, can't you think of a reason why I might be reluctant to give it all away just yet!?"..

Every month I start off managing to concentrate on career and be grateful for DDs' without needing any more children. And then as my period approaches I turn into a hormonal mess whenever I see a newborn! I see my girls starting pre-school and getting closer towards school and having an empty nest in one go and I feel sad that they will rush through our lives so quickly and that the toddler stage is fast disappearing..

and...breathe...

Welcome hattyyellow! My sister has also asked (twice now) if we can pass on our baby stuff - she is due in june. Surely it doesn't take a genius to guess why not! I nearly cried last time she mentioned it.

I wonder if telling people will somehow help by releasing some grief and making people more sensitive, but DH isn't keen (I think he feels we will get a load of nosey questions about what is wrong and his manhood will be questioned!)

Todays picushion news is that she has started taking brazilian ginseng ( recommended by accupuncturist) its to give me more energy and helps with hormone regualtion. He felt it mught help me to have more zing to balance my life.
I will give regular updates on my energy levels!
Have another pricking tomorrow and although there is no way am up the duff this month - as DH has been away, the jiggy will begin when I go on leave tomorrow.

Please dont say you can only concieve in the afternoon as that means I am doomed!!!

Any one any chat on the CF situation - cant quite bring myself to start checking that - thingk that was form the zita west book?

Eek! Are we married to the same man?

One of my closest friends has PCOs and wonderfully had a little boy at Christmas, I am dying to talk to her about it but I know that DH would hate us to talk to anyone else about it.... My mum had 5 of us and never stops going on about us having more children!

You poor thing, it must be such mixed feelings of being thrilled for your sister but not wanting to be discounted from the world of newborns...

Sorry crossposted with you pincushion...acupuncuncture sounds very interesting, might have to try that too...can't you get energy drinks with brazilian ginseng in?

Yep think you can. The accupuncture has amazed me..... years of crippling pain and then my first pain free AF - apparnelty its becuase my yin and yang were out of balance!!

Is it not painful? I had acupuncture once combined with osteopathy, and I felt awful afterwards...and he managed to draw blood in the back of my hand with one of the needles! Put me off for ages! I have heard good things since though...did your acupuncturist say that the AF pain was caused by the imbalance?

I'm doing accupuncture at the moment too. Very relaxing. Mainly for sleep problems (ie waking up at 3am and that's if for the rest of the night)

HY - I know what you mean about clothes etc - we've held onto everything 'just in case' - I sometimes wonder if I got rid of it all whether that would result in miraculous +ve just to be awkward.

Gosh this thread is getting busy.
I hope you got some sleep Anies and are managinging to keep your eyes open today!
Welcome Merdinol I second what Anies said about hsg it not to bad. Pressure feeling and some period like cramps during and afterwards, take some painkiller about an hour before and that should help. This tcc does seem to take over your life I seem to be happy the first half of the month and then spend the rest of the month worrying about whether I am pg or not. Not feeling so bad this month as there isnt much chance of getting pg as I am due to ovulate from my tubeless side it is possible of it to happen but quite rare. So trying to chill out this month in theory anyway.
Pin cushion try not to worry about work most women have to work now. We certainly couldnt live on dh wages alone. Just make sure every now and then you get some pampering.

I find acupuncture really calming and relaxing. And even if that's all it does, that's got to be a good thing, right?

Thanks for HSG reassurance Cedar12, and good luck with the theoretical chilling out!

Yup me too.

Have been trying for our second for about a year, had two miscarrages so far, but feeling positive overall, what will be will be, here.

I do go from should we bother carrying on, to I WANT ONE NOW. Husband very cool about me blowing hot and cold, so that helps. I kind of want to jump the 9 months to waking up in labour somehow, bit daft me spose!

Hey ho we just keep a practicing, obviously we NEED to before we get it right eh! .

Good luck to All

xx

I know what you all mean about the baby clothes I have just 5 year worth of dds clothes up in the loft. Just end up crying when I try and sort them out. Has anyone else tried reflexology I find it loads more relaxing than acc. I fall drop off after about 10 mins.

Can agree on clearing out, I do every now again, just to try and spark 'sods law' principle!

Maybe I should get rid of it all, was thinking about ebaying the buggy. I would probably get pg the next month worth I try I have tried everything else.

I know I have a LOVELY pram/buggy/nightstand Silver cross that I have hung on to, but dreamt of putting it on ebay!

HY - yes said AF apin couased by inbalance and it has gone. if i get preggers he will be able to help me have more peaceful preganancy and labour ( I had traumatic experience ending up with a general and a CS, so am also quite nervous about that). Have a look at his web site

((acupuncture4infertility.org/aboutus.aspx))

wonder if that will work, if not google Michael Gorman accupauncture, solihull.

I find it helps to balance me, i am prone to getting terribly het up about little things and although some of the needles are nae the most pleasant, my heart rate always drops to 60 ( normally around 80) and I am sleeping alot more deeply - apart from that automatice alarm that wakes you up at 0530hrs every morning called DD !