Trying for second baby long time, anyone else in the same boat?

[Anies]

Hi,
we have been trying for our second bay for over a year and a half, once again great disappointment tonight...Wondering, is there anyone else in the same situation who would like to share this? I am currently having acupuncture and herbs, they are making me feel much better in myself, also will have second NHS appointment with specialist on Tuesday to discuss options. Just thinking about embarking on assisted methods...Anyone else going through this? It canbe very lonely...

Briefly emerging from my cloud of gloom (AF due on Tues, so I get to spend whole easter break chewed up over hoping could I be, might I be, etc etc. And when AF does arrive, which inevitably will, I'm off for the charming HSG which, forgive me for going on about this, am DREADING. There. feeling mighty sorry for self. Prob haven't eaten enough choc yet. Or is that verboten according to Zita West too?) - anyway, Iwillbepos, why does consultant think no point in giving you clomid? Can't you demand/piteously plead/take services elsewhere? I have shamelessly resorted to crying whenever I feel NHS operatives not being entirely cooperative. So much for empowered womanhood.
Of course, I am beginner at the whole reproductive medicine malarky, having only been referred for recurrent miscarriage last Dec, but surely they should give it a go?
Not that I'm advocating extreme mad carousing, but a friend who had first child by IVF and spent 5 yrs ttc during which she gave up smoking, drinking and anything remotely pleasurable, etc, just managed to concieve 'naturally' during a month when she reverted to smoking and got through pretty much a bottle of wine a night because her mad mother had moved in with her after her bath caved in (it's a long story). It does seem to be bloody sod's law that you try to do all the right things and it doesn't seem to make any difference...
I'd like to say that I was wholeheartedly delighted when this friend told me her great news but because I am now sour and shrivelled of soul I mainly just thought, it's NOT BLOODY FAIR.

Hello all,

internet was down for a couple of days, so just got back on this thead! First of all, the 'big fat needles' was a matter of speech (I should have put an emoticon there...), of course he puts very fine ones, and yes, it hurts when they go in, but nothing too horrific. I was just not prepared for it, I thought that I wouldn't feel a thing, but you do. Still a very committed advocate of acupunture, I had a session this week and it was wonderful, very soothing and replenishing. Honestly, if nothing else happens, I will at least be able to say that I feel so much better in myself, full of energy and a sense of well being. Sorry, I sound hippy too, but it is how I feel with this.

Zita West was expensive, you can find all the prices online, she has a website. But very good, very down to earth, warm and knowledgeable.

I agree with whoever talked about the sicrifices- for the past year and a half I have been living my life as if I am pregnant, i.e. no alcohol, not able to have x-rays or any work done at the dentist's, trying to dye my hair for the past 6 months now and always think twice about it 'just in case'. Maddening!

Easter will be full of chocolate, and not much else due to this terrible weather. Oh...and the lovely pair of grey ankle boots that I have fallen in love with...Should I get them...can I afford them...?

Hi anies - get the boots, just think of how many pairs you could buy with all the money you have probably saved by not buying alcohol etc!

Merindol - I checked my dates and my AF is also due tuesday. I have been having strange twinges and stomach cramps for the last couple of days so my easter weekend is going to be spent running to the loo knicker checking in between each easter egg!!

I have to say that I cannot go back to the restrictive lifestyle I had last year. Although I am still going to tackle the weight loss issue I have decided to live life and if that means having a glass of wine with the girls then so be it.

iwillbepositive - Judging by the numerous black coffees, long hot baths and no vitamins I've had this month I better be in with a chance! I don't smoke but do you think a pack of 20 would significantly increase my chances? [grin}

My CD21 result came back 'satisfactory' I had ovulated so its DH's turn next. We have discussed this alot lately and I am trying hard to adopt his 'if it happens it happens' approach.

How long that will last given my sisters numerous attempts today to get me to touch her bump, who knows!

Hello, So i'm not on my own then. ds arrived after ttc for 3 months then after a couple of years we decided to try for another. Its been almost 4 years!!! We have both had tests and i've had a laporoscopy and pelvic scans. Docs can't find anything wrong. Also tried hynotherapy and reflexology. After my sister announcsed she is expecting her 3rd baby in 4 years. We have decided to try fertility treatment and now waiting for an appointment for iui. (gives me something else to wait for instead of my af)

After ds's behaviour this morning, I'm not sure whether we can cope with a second! Not that there is any chance of that this month again anyway!

Is it the bank holiday weekend making ds playing up? I have found that during holidays, i.e. when we are all at home for long, he gets overexcited!!

Hi mrsfossil, sorry to hear about being in the same boat, but welcome here, I am thinking of iui and totally agree it gives you something to wait for insetad of af, it makes you feel you are doing something about it rather than feeling totally without any control over the situation. It is a mystery though, isn't it, when there is nothing apparently wrong...

Grey ankle boots bought, they are sooo beautiful, I have lovingly put them in my wardrobe, they are so high (break neck comes to mind...) and so inappropriate for work (never go out), that I don't know if I will ever wear them...Still, they are so beautiful...

breakneck boots... ... currently restricted to trainers and 1 pr of shoes due to having to have something I can fit new orthotic insoles into - the good thing is that I can now walk without it hurting and I'm not going to need an operation to sort the problem out.

Yes, ds has been a nightmare this weekend. Most of it. Lots of 'I want' and 'I don't want' and 'no' and whining. Someone was looking after him in church as dh and I were singing for the service - he joined me during the sermon, wriggled and was noisy for quite a lot longer, had one time out in the vestry, then was forceably removed just after communion as he was being too noisy. He then managed to whine as we walked all the way home (because dh had the car keys and he was being good, being quiet and singing and the Easter Bunny was going to give him an Easter Egg, unlike ds (by that stage))

He has also been refusing to have an afternoon nap (which means that afternoons are awful)

Really questioning the sense of having two like this!!!!

Afternoon all,

Crikey this has moved on, well Anies reading your post sums me up too really!

LOL at pontypines!

Well after much chocolate and looking after DS with the flu, gosh he was poorly, I started thinking, could I cope with 2 in this state?

Anyway after a glass of the clearing mind potion (wine) I convinced DH to early nights all weekend! I know TMI but we are in mid cycle so I thought where there's a will!

Thinking conceptive thoughts for all. . . blimey now wondering whether that sounds a bit weird!

xx

Hi,

yes, we were just having this conversation with dh, our ds is much easier nowadays (having turned 3), you can reason with him and he can tell you what is wrong. But also, I feel much better than I have ever since he was born and thinking to myself that I have been dreading how on earth we would cope.

I don't know about anyone else of you ladies, but I live away from my family, we have some help from dh's family, but I do feel quite alone in this, very unsupported, you cannot even get ill, or be able to do anything, it is all a big struggle.

Oh, well, still, my chinese herbs are fuelling me with unreasonable optimism, so looking ahead and whatever happens in a way.

Hi there - we've been trying for 18 months now after dd born. Had miscarriage last year at 10 weeks and no luck since. I'm 44 years old soon - is anyone else out there same age as me and still trying? Have you been to doctors and got any advise? Thanks.

Anies - yes, we're in similar situation - my parents 3.5hrs away, dh's split - mother 4 hrs, father 50mins. His father did come over the other evening when we were in a real pickle (I ended up at A&E with anaphalactic shock, neighbour came to sit with ds who was in bed, FiL came over to take over from him). But if its general illness, we're on our own...

Ds has had a monster weekend, and his bad behaviour was commented upon at nursery yesterday (and, although only 2.10, he does understand what is good and bad, and can be reasoned with (particularly if it involves food)) - but we've had a much nicer morning this morning, so hope that we've got our lovely boy back again! Makes me feel a bit more like having another go this month...

Hi Dollydo - welcome!

I wonder if this is a theme - having had a more than averagely hard time with No 1? We don't have any help at all either - both sets of gparents miles away and neither really able to help for various reasons. DD has had a very difficult time healthwise and I have felt pretty unsupported and overwhelmed at times. I have often wondered whether my body is telling me not to do it again. I had some counselling along those lines and I feel as if it is no longer a block, but who knows?

Looking at those who are on their third child, they do seem to be the people who are able to nip off to New York for a week on their own whilst very competent and willing grandparents take over.

Maybe the combination of being a bit older and more stressed and knackered is all it takes to mess things up each month.

Hi Dollydo,

as we were talking about celebrities at some point, i recently read that Paul McCartney's daughter, who is 43 is pregnant with her third!! And also, that woman who is a judge at one of those dancing shows (I don't watch them), I read at a magazine that she had a daughter at 46!!! So you never know.

Yes, the lack of support and the difficulty of being a parent do seem to emerge as a theme, I also feel that I am getting a bit over it, I am able now to do a few more things, go to the gym (they have a creche!), go to acupuncture and yoga, little things that make me feel I have a life outside of parenting and work.

Think that might be our problem. I will be 40 this year (eek !). Ds took 6 yrs to arrive - inc a mp along the way which was fairly traumatic. I work 4 dpw - enjoy my job, but it makes life busy; dh currently hates his job which doesn't help. Ds nearly 3 - very lively, seems to be quite bright, so days at home are far from restful - particularly if he is in a stubborn mood (can't think where he got that from....). Would like dh to play a bit more of an active role in trying though . I mean, what's the point in trying if you're not getting the practise in

Hmm, we don't have much support either just to back the figures up! My mum lives 4 hours away and DH's parents are near but very frail and elderly so a great deal of love but no pratical help available.

We both work part time and look after girls so not much relief time for trying to concieve more babies as we're woken up at 6.30 and collapse into bed at the end of the day wanting to just sleep!

I also wonder in the middle of the night when children are sick/nightmare filled why on earth I would think we can cope with another child!

Every month I wonder if I am in fact ovulating though as my cycle progresses and I get more fixated and broody again! Have a pleasant internal booked in for next Monday which will hopefully give some clues as to why things aren't happening.

hi everyone,

well im the odd one out - we moved away from family for jobs etc and conceived straight away. Moved back to be close to both families, have lots of support and have been ttc for over a year!

Anyway my period has'nt arrived yet. Can I bore you with a symptom list or should I just accept the fact that its probably just hiding to torment me yet again?

Hatty - I had the internal done with my GP couple of weeks back as she wanted to check there was'nt anything causing my non stop bleeding. It was'nt too bad and I do believe my DH thinks its nothing compared to the trauma he will have to face next week just by handing his SA over to the lab!!!

Have just seen this thread and I can relate to so much of what has been said. DS concieved v. fast but then number 2 seemed to take for ever. much dissappointment each month and resigned to fact that ds may be only one. Hard when everyone else around seems to be expecting (again) Went for lots of tests as generally not well, lost loads of weight (yipee) periods stopped (not good) turned out i was coeliac and hormones all over the place. Dr recommended gluten free diet and try again after 6 months. Got pregnant almost to the day following my diagnosis. Always worth asking for the blood test.

Hi all, I can understand where you're all coming from, we are in the same boat, moved abroad when I was pregnant with DS. Also I had a horrible birth with him. I'm not really the sort of person to let it affect me, or so I thought....

Here's another thing. I have 3 siblings, we are very close in age, and I had always imagined that my children would also be close in age. Now DS will be at least 3 years old before he has a baby sister/brother, and I know the age gap for some of you will be even bigger. Of course there's nothing wrong in that, it's just not how I had imagined it. I have to try and get over that and think about the advantages, then I think I can relax and stop beating myself up about it.

What do you think?

xxx

promised i would be back. ds is now 4yo and i never thought he would be this old and i wouldn't be pg again. Had this great plan,that would try when ds was 2.6yo but got made redundant and have had temp contracts since. hence ia have been depressed then dh has a period of feeling down and bd is the last thing on the agenda. in dec thought was pg, but pg test was neg. and day after sister announced her pg, with "it's about time you pulled your finger out", haven't been trying as long as some of you (since May ish last year) nor am i as old as some of you, have just hit 35 and dear mum has always gone on about older mums.
But there are elements of alot of your stories that ring true for me. I find myself kicking myself during the middle of the night, as i remember dh saying should we try for no2 when ds was 18mths and i really didn't want to. Now i wish so much that i had done it then. Sure it would have been tough, but at least i light have had 2.

Now dh is also having a bit of a problem with erctile dysfunction, i'm having terrible pms and boobs are so agonising for 2 weeks that i can't bear to be touched so we're not getting much practice at all. SOmetimes i am very calm and think it doesn't matter i'm very lucky to have ds, who is a joy. but then become obsessed by my cycle and when we need to do it. then really down when we don't try and no way of being pg, and just want to get rid of the pushchair, nappies, everything that i relate to ds being a baby.

I feel better for unburdening myself from all of that and being among people who are having the same feelings as me.

promised i would be back. ds is now 4yo and i never thought he would be this old and i wouldn't be pg again. Had this great plan,that would try when ds was 2.6yo but got made redundant and have had temp contracts since. hence ia have been depressed then dh has a period of feeling down and bd is the last thing on the agenda. in dec thought was pg, but pg test was neg. and day after sister announced her pg, with "it's about time you pulled your finger out", haven't been trying as long as some of you (since May ish last year) nor am i as old as some of you, have just hit 35 and dear mum has always gone on about older mums.
But there are elements of alot of your stories that ring true for me. I find myself kicking myself during the middle of the night, as i remember dh saying should we try for no2 when ds was 18mths and i really didn't want to. Now i wish so much that i had done it then. Sure it would have been tough, but at least i light have had 2.

Now dh is also having a bit of a problem with erctile dysfunction, i'm having terrible pms and boobs are so agonising for 2 weeks that i can't bear to be touched so we're not getting much practice at all. SOmetimes i am very calm and think it doesn't matter i'm very lucky to have ds, who is a joy. but then become obsessed by my cycle and when we need to do it. then really down when we don't try and no way of being pg, and just want to get rid of the pushchair, nappies, everything that i relate to ds being a baby.

I feel better for unburdening myself from all of that and being among people who are having the same feelings as me.

promised i would be back. ds is now 4yo and i never thought he would be this old and i wouldn't be pg again. Had this great plan,that would try when ds was 2.6yo but got made redundant and have had temp contracts since. hence ia have been depressed then dh has a period of feeling down and bd is the last thing on the agenda. in dec thought was pg, but pg test was neg. and day after sister announced her pg, with "it's about time you pulled your finger out", haven't been trying as long as some of you (since May ish last year) nor am i as old as some of you, have just hit 35 and dear mum has always gone on about older mums.
But there are elements of alot of your stories that ring true for me. I find myself kicking myself during the middle of the night, as i remember dh saying should we try for no2 when ds was 18mths and i really didn't want to. Now i wish so much that i had done it then. Sure it would have been tough, but at least i light have had 2.

Now dh is also having a bit of a problem with erctile dysfunction, i'm having terrible pms and boobs are so agonising for 2 weeks that i can't bear to be touched so we're not getting much practice at all. SOmetimes i am very calm and think it doesn't matter i'm very lucky to have ds, who is a joy. but then become obsessed by my cycle and when we need to do it. then really down when we don't try and no way of being pg, and just want to get rid of the pushchair, nappies, everything that i relate to ds being a baby.

I feel better for unburdening myself from all of that and being among people who are having the same feelings as me.

promised i would be back. ds is now 4yo and i never thought he would be this old and i wouldn't be pg again. Had this great plan,that would try when ds was 2.6yo but got made redundant and have had temp contracts since. hence ia have been depressed then dh has a period of feeling down and bd is the last thing on the agenda. in dec thought was pg, but pg test was neg. and day after sister announced her pg, with "it's about time you pulled your finger out", haven't been trying as long as some of you (since May ish last year) nor am i as old as some of you, have just hit 35 and dear mum has always gone on about older mums.
But there are elements of alot of your stories that ring true for me. I find myself kicking myself during the middle of the night, as i remember dh saying should we try for no2 when ds was 18mths and i really didn't want to. Now i wish so much that i had done it then. Sure it would have been tough, but at least i light have had 2.

Now dh is also having a bit of a problem with erctile dysfunction, i'm having terrible pms and boobs are so agonising for 2 weeks that i can't bear to be touched so we're not getting much practice at all. SOmetimes i am very calm and think it doesn't matter i'm very lucky to have ds, who is a joy. but then become obsessed by my cycle and when we need to do it. then really down when we don't try and no way of being pg, and just want to get rid of the pushchair, nappies, everything that i relate to ds being a baby.

I feel better for unburdening myself from all of that and being among people who are having the same feelings as me.

promised i would be back. ds is now 4yo and i never thought he would be this old and i wouldn't be pg again. Had this great plan,that would try when ds was 2.6yo but got made redundant and have had temp contracts since. hence ia have been depressed then dh has a period of feeling down and bd is the last thing on the agenda. in dec thought was pg, but pg test was neg. and day after sister announced her pg, with "it's about time you pulled your finger out", haven't been trying as long as some of you (since May ish last year) nor am i as old as some of you, have just hit 35 and dear mum has always gone on about older mums.
But there are elements of alot of your stories that ring true for me. I find myself kicking myself during the middle of the night, as i remember dh saying should we try for no2 when ds was 18mths and i really didn't want to. Now i wish so much that i had done it then. Sure it would have been tough, but at least i light have had 2.

Now dh is also having a bit of a problem with erctile dysfunction, i'm having terrible pms and boobs are so agonising for 2 weeks that i can't bear to be touched so we're not getting much practice at all. SOmetimes i am very calm and think it doesn't matter i'm very lucky to have ds, who is a joy. but then become obsessed by my cycle and when we need to do it. then really down when we don't try and no way of being pg, and just want to get rid of the pushchair, nappies, everything that i relate to ds being a baby.

I feel better for unburdening myself from all of that and being among people who are having the same feelings as me.

oops sorry, laptop playing up

oops sorry, laptop playing up