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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Trying for second baby long time, anyone else in the same boat?

181 replies

Anies · 16/03/2008 21:30

Hi,
we have been trying for our second bay for over a year and a half, once again great disappointment tonight...Wondering, is there anyone else in the same situation who would like to share this? I am currently having acupuncture and herbs, they are making me feel much better in myself, also will have second NHS appointment with specialist on Tuesday to discuss options. Just thinking about embarking on assisted methods...Anyone else going through this? It canbe very lonely...

OP posts:
macdoodle · 02/04/2008 08:19

can I gatecrash to give you all hope with a happy story ...your stories so resonate with me..
Married in 1999 started TTC next year and BFP within 6 months and DD born 2001 ..easy peasy...when she was 18 months we started TTC no 2 and tried and tried ...relations with my H deteriorated with me getting more desperate every month, blaming him for smoking and drinking (despite being very overweight myself), our sex life deteriorated as I planned it with military precision...
Eventually our marriage failed (I am sure contributed by the pressure of TTC)..H had an affair and even managed to get the OW pregnant
I felt bad for being so after all I did have my precious DD and so many people struggled just to have one ...and I tried to come to terms with having just the one and be grateful ...
Then H and I tried to reconcile (I had lost a lot of weight after we split) and miraculously we conceived DD2 (we were def NOT TTC I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact I could have no more and it was only a few days after my AF)....unfortunately our marriage could not withstand his actions BUT I amazingly have DD2 now 13 weeks old ...born more than 6 years after my DD1....
I think my weight loss and the really truly not thinking and stressing about it was why I finally managed to get pregnant but it does and can happen and after wanting a small gap am happy with how it is...so god luck and many positive vibes!!!!

hattyyellow · 02/04/2008 09:23

Morning all,

Macdoodle thanks for sharing your story, your children sound adorable and I'm so pleased you managed to conceive again.

Anies I also get a lot of pain around ovulation which seems to continue until my period starts - cramping, stomach aches etc.

I went to see my GP yesterday and had the internal done. Good news was that she said uterus seemed to feel okay and that there were no big cysts on ovaries (although apparently polycystic ones wouldn't be big enough to feel so can't rule that out).

She's ordered blood tests, the one 7 days before the end of my cycle will be tricky to schedule with such irregular cycles! At least it feels like something is happening that's positive.

She also said that the last 2 people she was due to refer to hospital for further tests have come back pregnant before they got that far - trying not to assume that I will be in that category too! It does seem to be a consulant/doctor positive thinking type of treatment - tell them everyone gets pregnant as soon as they get referred for tests and they will do!

Have my first acupuncture today so am bizarrely looking forward to that - at least if nothing else it's some valuable and relaxing me-time in between work and childcare! Hoping it has as positive results as you've all found.

mistlethrush · 02/04/2008 10:09

HY hope you enjoy your accup. I sometimes go to sleep on the couch!

hattyyellow · 02/04/2008 10:11

Ooh that sounds nice!

The doctor apologised yesterday as I got undressed at full speed and was lying on the couch for the internal whilst she was still filling out paperwork.

I reassured her that lying down was really quite pleasant, despite the impending internal exam, and to take her time!

flowerfairy · 02/04/2008 20:16

Evening all,
Have also been having some pain during ovulation and then quite severe Pms until af, with irrational moods, very, very, very painful boobs, nausea, painful back and have just put it down to getting a bit older and hormones, though weirdly only minor stomach cramps in last few days before af. Do you think i should go to gp? (that reminds me i must go and have evening primrose oil).

Supposed to be doing work stuff but this is far more therapeutic.

Original poster
Anies · 02/04/2008 22:15

Hi all,

nice to have positive stories posted here, a bit down tonight, it is as if the second part of the cycle is a downward spiral. Fed up with work, cannot sleep, stress all the time...Maybe it is hormones again producing this, and the lack of sleep, endless hours awake last night too.

Yes, they say that people do get pregnant in all tis process, but it is one more thing that is not happening to me...

Sorry, on a downer tonight, so fed up...

OP posts:
mistlethrush · 02/04/2008 22:49

Same here Anies, although in first part of cycle, so not even got that excuse...

Have just found out that another person in antenatal group is pregnant. Other one had daughter in October - didn't even get an email to say that it had happened, but there we go.

Feeling fed up.

flowerfairy · 02/04/2008 23:11

oh, big hugs to all. HAve had a bit of a day with mum saying to various people that she is going to ahve a new grandchild (or trying to get niece to say it) while i'm stood there. Then having to explain it's nit me but sister, With beaming smile to hide the pain. How true mary alice's words were at the end of desperate housewives about us using smiles to cover many other feelings.

Good night to all and hope for a more positive day tomorrow.

hattyyellow · 03/04/2008 09:55

Flowerfairy, Anies, Mistlethrush - I'm so sorry you're feeling so rotten, sending you all big hugs.

Had my acupuncture yesterday and really enjoyed it! (wierdo emoticon!). Didn't look at the needles, just stared hard at the ceiling but definitely felt more relaxed afterwards. Not convinced it will help but it's nice to do something for me. Apparently I am "stagnant" - nice!

flowerfairy · 03/04/2008 15:34

HY what on earth does stagnant mean. I can think of worse to be called, but i don't think that would be on my list of things to be called!

Feeling better today as had some practice last night and dh seemed to enjoy it too.

hattyyellow · 03/04/2008 18:18

Apparently it's all to do with energy chi and having lots of stale energy in your uterus which stops blood flow being effective and it being a healthy and welcoming environment for conception to take place. Or something!

cedar12 · 03/04/2008 18:26

Hatty when I had accupunture they called me stagnent to bloody cheek!
FF I have found vit b6 50mg really helpful in settling down hormones and mood swings etc I use to get really bad pain around ov this is also a lot better. I couldnt believe how much it has helped.

flowerfairy · 03/04/2008 20:06

is vit B6 safe to take when ttc? Have only just started to take evening primrose oil and sure i have read somewhere recently to try one thing at a time to see which makes the most difference.

JulietM · 04/04/2008 14:13

Hello Anies and all who are in the same boat.

There can be lots of reasons why people have difficulty conceiving again (or even first time) - one thing I can really recommend is seeing a fertility awareness practitioner (FAP). Unfortunately there are very few around. We have two in Edinburgh but in England the only organisation that helps along similar lines is called Foresight.

Aucpuncture and chinese herbs can defnitely benefit but you need to see a qualified FAP who would then be able to advise what would or would not help in your particular circumstances. And if you are going through IVF then they are just as important as they will be able to work out what is needed to make the most of the IVF or other assisted conception treatment.

Hope this helps.

Original poster
Anies · 04/04/2008 15:43

Hi JulietM,

this is very interesting- thank you for this. I have heard of Foreshight, I think I looked at their website at some point, ages ago.

What exactly do you mean by fertility awareness practitioner? At Zita West's they have a fertility awareness expert, who can guide you in knowing signs of your body, i.e. when you might beovulating etc. Is it this, or do you mean a holistic approach to what particular circumstances are affecting an individual?

OP posts:
JulietM · 04/04/2008 16:47

Hello Anies
Yes - Zita West's clinic would certainly be one - but pretty expensive ! And also whilst I think they would say they are holistic I think they tend to use the complementary therapies they offer and would not recommend anything else whereas a fertility awareness practitioner should be completely impartial, take the holistic approach and advise appropriately to what the consultation with the couple or individual discovers. If you are London based then I guess Zita West or possibly Foresight might be the best option. You could try typing in fertility awareness practitioner on Google and see what you can find.

Hope this helps - good luck

cedar12 · 04/04/2008 17:50

Hi all, Hope everyones sleeping better. I had an awful night last night I think my hayfever has started already so sneezing and snuffling all night.
FF I have got a book all about vits etc safe to take and all sorts of things about tcc. I have finished reading it if you want to borrow it I can pop it in the post if you like. Email your address if would like me to pop it in post [email protected]. I found it really helpful.
Thanks for the info Juliet will have a look at forsight on the web.
Have a good weekend all and good luck for the school holidays has anyone else got kids at school yet?

flowerfairy · 04/04/2008 21:09

cedar12 thankyou for the kind offer of the book, are you sure you have finished with it?
Hope you are all going to enjoy your school holidays, think of me as i have to return to work on Monday. I know how muchcalmer i am when i'm not working and going through thetreadmill of day to day routine.

Everyone is so kind on this thread and i feel like i'm able to say alot of things i can't say to dh, because i know they don't help with the pressure he feels i'm putting on him. He did say are we trying this month and i was able to say lets just say let's jus tsee what happens and try and be calm, positive and relaxed about the whole thing.

Am doing some decorating this weekend and keep busy because life still goes on.

Original poster
Anies · 04/04/2008 22:44

Hi,

just before bed, hope to sleep well- we have two kiddie parties tomorrow, one we are invited to and one we are holding for very few children, to try and keep in touch with some of my son's friedn from old nursery and also perhaps manage to meet other nice local mums- not much of a social circle here...

FF, what you say about work is totally the case with me- on Wednesday a big part of me feeling dreadful had to do with work- two boring, annoying meetings one after the other, people just being so competitive and loading you with work!!! Then Thursday, I was at home with ds and very soon felt so much better, much more balanced. But what do you do, you cannot quit. Can you??...

OP posts:
flowerfairy · 04/04/2008 22:57

No, have no job from July, and am half-hearted in my job search. Have been working some extra hours and putting some money away in case of no job found. Though I know dh is going to start saying must find a job,etc very soon. Especially as ds starts school in sept and would love to be able to take & pick him up, at least while he is settling in.

Anies enjoy your parties.

flowerfairy · 07/04/2008 21:10

Have i killed this thread off now?

Have had a really rubbish day as, car has broken down and mechanic doesn't know whether he can fix it. ANd now I can feel PMS starting 2 weeks before, how long do you have to take this evening primrose oil before it works? Can feel myself becoming irrational & intolerant, so fed up.
Anyone around for a chat?
Otherwise i have to go and do some chores!

Original poster
Anies · 08/04/2008 03:12

Hi FF

Hey, I am available, at 3 in the morning. I have been feeling exactly like you, psychologically very down, irritable, anxious etc. Yesterday though, a number of things helped- acupuncture, a meal out with a friend and mainly a two-hour phone conversation with a very good friend. She talked some sense to me- even though it all started with the 'you need to relax about it' etc. when we talked through that, we did reach a point when I could see what she meant and I managed to see myself from a distance and realise how obsessed and anxious I am about the getting pregnant thing. Of course, not easy to 'just forget it' but my friend put it in a way in which I saw how over the top my obsession is. And possibly counterproductive.

Still, not easy expecting a period, but I will focus on positive things this week, friends, hubby, son...

Hope you feel better, let's talk about silly things too, it helps, let's not just focus on what is going on with our bodies and minds...

OP posts:
iwillbepositive · 08/04/2008 18:22

Hello all,
FF and Anies - sorry you are despairing .I feel the same and have been wondering whether hideous pmt which starts immediately after ovulation is partly due to the stress of not conceiving or whether it means some hormonal/nutritional imbalance that is preventing conception (IYSWIM!).

Either way, I am totally sick of the whole thing!

We had our initial IVF meeting last week and it has really brought home how serious the problem is. Somehow I can mostly convince myself that we missed that month by not optimising the bding, that month because of whatever etc etc, but someone else thinking you are a candidate for IVF....Anyway, I am not at all convinced I want it but then again I may well feel in 3 years time when it is too late that I should have done everything.

At the moment am hanging my hopes on some spring sunshine helping. Both dd and mc were conceived in the spring so who knows?! Having said that, the weather is decidedly bleak so it may as well be december...

lostittoday · 09/04/2008 09:40

Hi
Well I have been ttc for 8 months and I realise thats nothing compared to some of you.
All the same I do feel desperate and am starting to get totally fed up.

Also suffering from irregular cycles so don,t know where I am.
I am also at threat of an early menopause as its in the family.
I have a doctors appointment on friday so I will be asking for a referral.

lilamummy · 14/04/2008 12:41

Hi,
All those who work and have bad days - we SAHMs have them too! Found myself crying in front of DS the other day (just got AF) when he was in the bath and he sat there saying Mummy no cry Mummy no cry which just made me cry more.
15th month of TTC now, am sometimes calm and happy and then it just hits me.
I get phantom pregnancy symptoms in the last bit of my cycle, feel sick etc. Then AF arrives. I'm just imagining everything... anyone else do that?
Anyway we have decided to go ahead with IVF, and that is something positive to do. I am just hoping that we get pregnant before we have to get started.
Sorry everyone feeling down, big hugs from me too. We all have one thing in common to be happy about - we all already have one lovely child. Somewhere on MN is a chat room with women who can't conceive at all.
xxx