CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #2

[Ladyinpink1]

♥️

@samilicious spread out enough for a road trip!

How are you feeling/are you planning to test tomorrow (if I’ve remembered correctly?)

You’re right about dtd becoming formulaic/a means to an end. DH gifted me a toy for V- Day and I agree it felt like old times, pre TTC!

I read a lot but haven’t read any Taylor Jenkins Reid, so thank you for the recommendation

@samilicious I use a thermometer and fertility friend app. I don't enjoy temping though as I get anxious and wake up super early when I'm expecting a temp shift! I can't remember who but someone on here using apple watch. I'm going to go back to OPK only at some point as it's too stressful.

My temp went down this morning so I have no clue what's going on 🙃 will keep testing and I've also got a call with the GP next week. Had a bit of a moment last night thinking that this year is feeling more and more unlikely. It's really messing with my head! Sorry for the early morning rant but I know you all understand the feeling!

@13lucy I’m sorry you’re feeling down, it’s totally understandable when it’s so hard for you to know what’s going on or to plan! I hope the call with your GP gives you some clarity.

And don’t worry about the early morning rant either! It’s so hard to feel like you’ve given up hope on a year when we’re only 7 weeks or so into it. I feel similarly, if it’s any consolation!

Not sure what’s going on with my cycle either, I’ve now had a flashing smiley on my CB ovulation test for five days, but no static (peak). I’ve never had this before, just reliably had two flashing days and then peak (bar last month that went straight from low to peak). But I’m only on CD12, so we’ll see later this weekend…

@Wise0wl thank you, I'm really grateful to have the support on here as I don't really feel like I can talk about it all in detail with anyone else except DH who puts up with a lot from me! Crazy how your mind is always 9 months ahead and time just disappears. I've just totally lost trust in my body and I'm so desperate to get back to sport and exercise but feel like doing so would affect our chances of conceiving.

Sorry your cycle is also frustrating, I hope you get a static soon! Do you always use CB? I've only ever used the cheapies! The difficult part with the irregular cycles is that it's always a bit of a mission with DTD through it all 😂

@13lucy Completely agree. I know this is a mad thing to say but usually I swim twice a week and I can’t bring myself to go because I’m worried that it’ll affect my chances. I KNOW that’s mad. But I can’t shake the thought! And of course the exercise we’re not doing would only support our mental health…!

When I’ve tracked ovulation I’ve always used CB, mainly because it takes the guesswork out of it. I think I’d drive myself mad poring over cheapies and I wake up far too much in the night for reliable temping.

Have you got any nice weekend plans to help take your mind off TTC?

Thanks for your suggestions guys! I actually love the idea of doing a clean out - going to get stuff listed on Vinted and try to make some money out of it too 😁

TW: Pregnancy update

Hi ladies, just popping in to give a quick update - I've been keeping an eye on everything here and reading all your posts, but haven't been wanting to invade the TTC conversations.

I had my first scan this morning - I'm 7+2 today and baby is measuring 7+1 with a nice strong heartbeat. I'm massively relieved as I had been feeling really anxious all week - literally haven't been able to concentrate on anything at work - and was starting to convince myself that it was going to be bad news. Still feels like there's a long way to go, but it feels just a little bit more real now. I've got another scan at the EGU in two weeks' time, same day as my booking appointment - if I can get past that it will be further than my last pregnancy progressed and I might actually really start to believe it won't end badly this time.

Sending you all lots of love and baby dust - the journey after loss is so hard but I absolutely know you've all got this. ❤

@13lucy ahh bbt charts can be so hard to interpret! I agree I think FF will put you at cd11 - never an exact science because even your next point, though a rise from cd11, isn’t really different from your pre ovulation temps. I wonder whether it could have happened very late night cd11 / in the night, so a rise had started by the time you did your temp in the morning, but maybe was quite a long time since your negative opk.

@moosey89 I also enjoy walking when we have the time. And I am currently rewatching desperate housewives (for the third time) on Disney+ then coffee dates too keep me busy. How are you doing now? I'm in the wait with you,but not really sure how many dpo I am as my bbt temp went up the day after my opk but I got a positive opk for 2 days. I should go with the temps but would mean I ovulated very early (cd12) . Anyway sorry I just started typing what I was thinking there lol x

I was just going to comment on your post about your bbt (I also use fertility friend) but noticed your next comment said your bbt has went back down... so maybe just a blip in your temps do you think? It's so frustrating when you have a cycle out of the ordinary and don't know what to expect @13lucy x

@samilicious that makes sense! I hope af doesn't arrive. x

@CluelessInLondon lovely news, I am so pleased for you, hope you feel a tiny bit better and that the time until the next scan goes in fast. Never feel you are invading, we would always want to hear from you x

@Wise0wl I'm totally the same! I used to run most days and haven't for about 6 months now. I feel like I've lost a huge part of who I was and find it much harder to cope mentally without it. Part of me wants to get back to normal life but I can't quite get myself out of the grip of TTC and not wanting to reduce my chances in any way.

How does CB take the guess work out of it? I might look at switching to them, I just thought with my irregular cycles that I might use a ton and I've heard they aren't cheap!

I'm in a bit of a bad headspace at the moment and starting to get really down about it all and it's starting to get between me and DH. Haven't got much planned for the weekend. How about you?

Thank you @graceinc22, you might have seen that my temp went down again this morning which is strange after two days of high temps! Negative OPK today as well so I'm just super confused! It's so hard to work out timings as it is!

@Ladyinpink1 must be a random couple of high temp days which have completely thrown me. Unfortunately every cycle of mine is out of the ordinary at the moment and it's really getting me down. This whole TTC malarkey is mental torture at times!

@CluelessInLondon so so happy for you. Gives me some hope that it might be a reality for me soon.

@13lucy running won't reduce your chances of conceiving! Please don't deprive yourself of something you used to enjoy. I'm super nervous about anything that might lessen my chances but exercise (unless you're massively obsessed/overdoing it) is absolutely fine. In fact it's been proven in many studies to actually help! From a personal perspective both times I've got pregnant have been when I've been most active and running/in the gym 6 days a week.

Sorry TTC is getting you down - it is such a difficult thing to go through as it impacts every part of your life. I strongly recommend following the Fertility Collective on Instagram, Ceci speaks a lot of sense!

Scientifically opks are more accurate that baby because there's less variables that can impact them. I use the clearblue ones but have also used the Mira which actually gives you a numerical value for the hormones levels which is super interesting. It showed that I actually got my peak LH around 24hrs after my static smiley on clearblue. So we always dtd the day after the static smiley as it's one of the most important days for me.

@Wise0wl ooh lovely! My OH gifted mine too!
Haven't tested today as it's been crazy. I also feel weirdly superstitious about testing early I've found 😂 the three times I've been pregnant, I've only realised after a missed period. The (what feels like) hundreds of times I've tested early, it's never been positive. I don't know whether to test early just to start putting myself out of my misery though. With the one successful pregnancy I had really strong lines at 12 DPO (which is today). Though I wasn't using OPKs by that point (given up) so might not have been accurate (just going off app algorithms and maybe bbt as I was using Natural Cycles then). Do you test early? That's weird that CB OPK is doing that!

@13lucy this is a safe space, rant away! The year thing hit me too. Any pregnancy in this year would be nice though so holding on for that. Autumn next year will be absolutely horrible if there's no sign by then (18mo for me) and I'll definitely be giving up then. Hope the call with the gp goes ok, let us know

@CluelessInLondon brilliant news that all going well! Hope the anxiety starts calming down soon. Maybe heightened anxiety is also a sign of crazy hormones which could be a good thing? Sign of a strong bean?

@moosey89 that's interesting to know about Mira! And thank you for the social account recommendation

Does anyone else frantically analyse previous conceptions to try and recreate? 😂 using this as a chance to compare notes, even though no cycle or person is the same

1. April 2019: DTD: CD23 PosiPT: CD33 9DPO

Took the morning after pill cycle before and made things go a bit wild hormone-ovulation-wise, then resulted in MC 6 weeks

1. July 2020: DTD: CD16 PosiPT: CD25 10DPC

Healthy term pregnancy

1. September 2022: DTD: CD7 PosiPT: CD31

TFMR

Only similarities are that: all conceived after warm weather spells/lighter nights (natural VitD affecting chances?), didn't DTD much, wasn't actively trying to conceive 🤪 taking pregnancy multivitamins for second two

@moosey89 thank you! Problem is I was quite obsessive and had low body fat which wasn't helping with TTC! I didn't have a period for three months last year, so stopped exercise and put on some weight and ovulated and fell pregnant on that one which ended in miscarriage. Given the irregularity I'm still having now I'm starting to wonder if it's something else not quite right. All the consultants/GPs I've spoken to said to keep it light with exercise, so I might try getting back to 5ks a few times a week to keep me sane!

Still no idea what's going on with me as my temp is back up today. I so wish I did an OPK test on the day I missed, as without it I have no idea if I've hit a peak or not. Just going to try and keep busy until I speak to the GP on weds.

@samilicious that's a good point about being grateful for any pregnancy this year! I've only conceived once and it was summer. No idea if it helps or not!

@13lucy some 5ks sound like a great plan 😊 maybe see if you can pick some pretty routes and focus on what's around you as well - I love trail running for that! So much nicer than running on the roads with cars zooming past haha

Also (I'm no doctor) but make sure you're eating enough too, healthy fats and carbs etc as if you eat more it would allow you to do some running without worrying as much about body fat. I have the opposite issue and when I lose weight I've got pregnant twice 😅 also with them ending in miscarriage unfortunately but it's something!

@moosey89 I think I need to have a cut off date in my head for getting back into running. Once I've had these blood tests and spoken to the doctor then depending on the outcome I think that might be the time. I play sport too and really missing my team! Feels like my life is just on hold otherwise.

Good advice about eating more. I'm definitely a lot more cautious about fueling my body now. Are you TTC your first?

Anyway here's my BHT chart, think I might need to give it another day to see whether temp remains high. If it does then I'm hoping I did ovulate on CD11 as we only DTD on CD10 and CD13 but the negative OPK doesn't make sense. I can't deal with the idea of a wasted cycle right now!

@CluelessInLondon that's really lovely news, I'm so happy for you. I'm keeping everything crossed this is the one for you and please don't feel like you're invading or bad for sharing your good news - it gives me hope that it's just around the corner for me too.

@13lucy I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I have been too and it's a really dark place to be. I've been going to a CrossFit class twice a week and it definitely helps but I've just hurt my knee so it might be a few weeks before I can get back and I'm already worrying about the impact on my mental health! It's me who uses the Apple Watch. I was like you and kept waking up anxious that I'd missed taking my temp so this makes it easier. There are other wearable devices too - i think the temp drop is one of them.

@HerbaceousPerennial I'm from just outside of Glasgow so there are two of us here ☺️

@samilicious I have a tendency to obsess over my previous charts and especially the one where I did fall pregnant and see what I did differently. Ultimately I've done it basically the same every time so I think it's just luck, which is even more annoying haha! I also get what you mean about not wanting to test. I have always been an early tester but I'm thinking I might not bother the month and see if I can tempt fate.

I'm CD7 today, hurt my knee the other day so I'm on a weekend of enforced rest. I actually had plans this weekend and I can't decide if I'm gutted or relieved I don't have to take part in them. I'm finding socialising really difficult at the minute.

I've made a doctors appointment as I'm also a bit worried about how light my period is, I'm basically having a day and half of actual flow and two days of heavy spotting, and two days of barely any spotting. I'm a bit worried about how anything could implant with it being that light. I hope you all have a lovely weekend x

@13lucy that sounds like a good plan - yeah I am TTC my first, how about you? I got so anxious about exercising when TTC after my 2 MMCs but realised that as I also don't conceive quickly, if I stopped everything I love in case it didn't help I'd hate my life! So I did some reading around it to give myself more confidence (got to love medical journals!) which really helped and now I'm at CrossFit which I started last year and training towards another long distance race in July. It feels so good to have something to work towards.

On a slightly less happy note my dad's partner just posted a mug she got given by her daughter on Facebook, it says "promoted from dog grandma to human grandma". Her daughter got married in July ish last year, she's like 27 and it's clearly happened relatively quickly for them to be past the 12 week scan. I'm absolutely devastated again at how everyone in my life seems to get pregnant so easily and I can't 😭

@13lucy so confusing when you go up and down! My temps always do that too. Not like a beautiful nice smooth one. But I guess what I like about bbt charting is that it might be difficult to tell exactly when you ovulated if there is fluctuation - but if the shift is sustained, you can tell whether you did ovulate or not. Given I have PCOS and cycles which are all over the place - it’s reassuring. Yours definitely looks like it’s shifted upwards! Good luck for this cycle xxx

@CluelessInLondon thanks for updating, this is lovely, lovely news. Keeping everything crossed for you but sounds like everything is looking good and that’s wonderful. Keep us posted!

@Wise0wl @samilicious DTD round ovulation time is not much fun, I’ve never really had this before as I never knew when I ovulated. Very glad to be in the TWW and able to just do it when the mood arises again!

@13lucy sorry things are tough. Sounds like some gentle exercise/getting back into your sport might be worthwhile if you can keep the nutrition up and not go too hard. I was a bit heavier than normal (but still healthy weight) both times I conceived so I do think there’s something in your body kind of knowing it’s got reserves - I was fitter than I am now as well.

@samilicious if I recreate conditions for both times I conceived I basically need to have a massive drinking session directly beforehand! I was however really healthy apart from that, taking vitamins, exercising, bit heavier than normal but still healthy weight. And happy. I was really, really happy right before I conceived both times. That makes me sad in itself as I don’t know that I’ll ever feel that carefree about it all again.

@Bugdem123 excellent, glad there’s another one of us north of the border! How are you doing at the moment? Sorry you’re injured - hope your knee recovers quickly. I know what you mean about socialising - hope you have a good weekend with out other people.

@moosey89 that sucks, I’m sorry. It’s not just you who feels this and we’re all standing shoulder to shoulder. A friend of mine who’s pregnant recently confided they’d be trying 14months and had started IVF, but she’s not told anyone else. It made me feel so much less alone to know others are struggling too, we just don’t always know. Oh and I am a fellow medical paper obsessive - love a peer review 😁

Tested yesterday at 9DPO - BFN. I know it’s too early to test but couldn’t help myself. Hoping it was just too early. Telling myself that’s the case!

@Bugdem123 sorry to hear about your knee and that you're going through a hard time at the moment. Is there anything else you can do whilst you recover like stretching or yoga? If it helps, I'm in a very similar situation with my periods, with my last period (4th cycle after miscarriage) I had two days of flow (light and medium) and then a tiny bit of spotting either side. I'm hoping to get some answers from the GP when I speak to them next week. I'm also finding socialising quite hard but when I'm there it often helps. It's been the most challenging time of my life. I hope better days are ahead of us both!

@moosey89 that really sucks, it's so difficult to cope with that sort of thing happening around you and it seems to happen all the time! Someone I manage at work told me she was pregnant the other day and my heart just sank. It brings up such complex emotions. Yes I'm also TTC number 1 and had one miscarriage. I'm so sorry you've been through it twice. You're totally right about not stopping what you enjoy, especially if TTC takes a while. I got kind of lucky first time round but no idea how long it's going to take this time and life does feel like it's on hold. I also spend a lot of time trawling through research papers! I think I'm going to see what the GP says next week and then get back to exercise, even if it's just short runs to start with. I really need it back in my life and think I'd cope much better mentally.

@graceinc22 thank you! It can be so confusing when temps are erratic. It's been really using like you say for confirming ovulation as I've also had a lot of irregular cycles but haven't been diagnosed with anything. Would be nice to have a normal cycle with a normal period!

@HerbaceousPerennial I think so too, need to enjoy life more. It's sometimes caused issues between me and DH as I feel like I've scarified so much to give us the best chance of TTC and yet I don't feel like he does the same from his side at times. I agree, when I conceived it was after putting on about 5kg in quite a short space of time (I was slightly underweight) and my hormones were wild (in a good way)! I've just maintained my weight since the miscarriage.

I really appreciate everyone's support on here and it really helps me to feel less alone!

@samilicious it's so so hard to switch your mind off at this time of your cycle. Have you had any af symptoms? It was due yesterday I think you said? Very hopeful for you. And love your comparisons, I have a notebook, I suppose a cycle journal that I have been using for almost 2 years now so I spend my tww checking on my pregnant cycles to see if there are any similarities 🙈 so you are definitely not alone. x

It does look like you ovulated on cd11 now that the temps are back up again @13lucy I would keep checking your temp, also are you still taking opks just incase? Sorry things have been so confusing but if ovulation was cd11 then dtd on cd10 was definitely good then cd13 that you did should cover your bases x my ovulation was strange this cycle too. Earlier than usual and maybe the same day as my opk but is always normally after so not really sure... anyways hopefully we get good news from the strange cycles 🙂

I'm so sorry @moosey89 some announcements are super tough (especially ones around family for sone reason xx)

I'm sorry about the bfn @HerbaceousPerennial as you said, I hope it's just too early for you too. Hope you are ok x

@Ladyinpink1 oh god I'm absolutely freaking TF out right now 😂 cd26 and I ovulated a day or two earlier than normal. My cycles have been 25 or 26 days exactly for the last few months. No
big symptoms for AF or EP apart from feeling very seasick anxious. Been very spotty and hot for the last week but no usual PMT stuff for me. Going to test tomorrow FMU, bought some FRERs. Got my newly pregnant best friend's other baby's christening tomorrow, where she's going to be gushing about being pregnant again 🤪 just my luck AF will hit with a miserable tonne of bricks just before. How are you feeling a few days into TWW?

@Bugdem123 sorry you hurt your knee! Maybe it's fate? If part of you wants to hide at the moment. Hope your appointment goes ok - always worth booking and asking. I think I'm going to call mine this week and see if I can get checked out. Avoiding early testing really helps me not breakdown as much each time but not sure if I can help it this time 😬

@HerbaceousPerennial glad you're finding some time for enjoyable spontaneous DTD! The happiness thing really gets me down too (irony). Feel like I was happy and carefree when we first started trying again this time thinking it wouldn't take long but longer it gets, more desperate I get! The drinking session thing is really interesting - conceived DD after a pretty spectacular row where adrenaline was high and then ovulated early after that big caffeine hit the other day 🤔 deffo likely early but get you wanted to test. Hormones double every day don't they as well so a day or two makes a big difference

@samilicious oh no, it's so tough and impossible to think if anything except tests and pregnancy. Well I hope you get to sleep soon and the morning is here before you know it, then please update us! Oh I hope it's good news especially with those plans for tomorrow.
I am good, I actually haven't thought about things much so far as dh and I had a night away last night and time together today. I am 5dpo according to my temps but I'm really not sure this cycle, the temps have always proved accurate for me but it ended up being a day early on the opks and 2 days early on the temps. So not sure x