CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #2

[Ladyinpink1]

♥️

@Ladyinpink1 i agree with @ThelastRolo20 rhat does look like peak but definitely still keep testing. I’ve had a few times where I thought I got my peak but actually that evening or even following day was my peak so keep testing! Also as long as you’ve got before your peak and after you’re still in for a chance ❤️

@Ladyinpink1 & @ThelastRolo20, on my recent MMC (where I’d had two scans with heartbeats) they said the dating of the point at which the heartbeat stops is really hard as apparently everything starts shrinking. Like you both the ‘date’ was just after the scan but they said in reality it’s hard to tell. Not sure if that provides any reassurance, but I found it helpful to know.

@Ladyinpink1 I don’t know about your OPKs, but completely understand you feeling panicked. And you have a couple of days after the peak as I understand it!

I use CB ovulation tests and today (on CD9) got a flashing smiley. It feels really weird and very early based on when I’ve had them in my cycle before, so I’m a bit unnerved by it.

@samilicious balls deep in the tww has been the highlight of my week! I’ve got everything crossed for you.

Lovely to hear from you @GeorgeR28, and great news on your scan 🙂

@samilicious yup I feel you - I've had comments like that since I had my last implant out at the GP. "Oh we'll hopefully see you soon (wink wink). Even the EPU "when you're next pregnant we'll do X and y". Well....here we are still plugging away month after month 🤦 I was hoping for a 2024 baby but there's only 2 more months of trying to realistically have that happen, so 2025 here we come!

@moosey89 I agree. It’s so hard without being able to plan too. I want to book holidays and have things to look forward to but I don’t feel like I can (and then get frustrated when I’m not pregnant anyway, so could have done all those things I’d declined/not booked!) and it’s hard to give up on 2024 when we’re only 6 weeks in, but that’s where we are.

@Ladyinpink1 don't apologise! Weird how we both ovulated / are ovulating early this month. It looks like a peak to me, but how long was it after? Do they say not to check after x time? If you can squeeze a dtd in go for it but I wouldn't worry or feel like it was a waste too much, just try and go again when you can. Your efforts so far could have done it!

@ThelastRolo20 hahaha, sorry I hope you weren't eating your brekkie at the time! How is your running going?

@GeorgeR28 brilliant news! Sorry to hear your anxiety is taking over. Glad that some good reassurance scan news helped. Never mind will power, you must have known!

@Wise0wl another early ovulator this month! What's going on?! We're syncing up! Also the shrinking thing is so bizarre - I went for two scans a week apart and the gestation size decreased by a week between them. Makes me think I would have just miscarried late if I hadn't intervened

@Wise0wl book the holidays ❤️ it can be adapted if pregnant but I'm a big believer in not putting life on hold.

Life is what happens whilst we're waiting (motivational quote of the day 😂)

@moosey89 I won't be having a 2024 baby so if you're still trying in April I'll be keeping you company ❤️

@moosey89 oh when you put it like that, yikes! Makes me want to enjoy the year even more instead of wishing time away hoping for the future.

So infuriating aren't they. Just had a work meeting where a news article with a pic of me and my dd newborn on it performed well and a guy said 'when can you have another baby?!' 🙄 I'm sure these are all people who have had these struggles at some point in life to some degree, but they forget the torture over time. Hopefully we'll forget it one day too, but not be insensitive like them!

@ThelastRolo20 I’m going to! Though it might be an expensive mistake 😂

@samilicious that’s so insensitive! I do think though that pregnancy loss and women’s health is one of the remaining taboos. The stats say it’s so unlikely but it’s only when you open up about your own experiences that a surprising number of others have been through the same or similar experiences. I do find now that I think twice about age gaps between others’ children, and about people who don’t have children, and wonder what their journey has been (in the past I assumed it was their own choice)

@ThelastRolo20 aw thank you! I really appreciate you saying that. Xx

Hey guys, I'm so sorry I've been so quiet. Last week was probably the worst week I've had in a while. I thought I was doing so much better as I haven't been crying so much but after my therapy appointment I realised that I've replaced the crying/sadness with what I can only describe as pure rage and I've basically been an absolute cow to everyone around me, but especially my husband. This hit me so hard as I just feel so guilty that's he's been having to put up with it. We had a really honest chat and I'm working on it but ever since I've been so teary and sad.

AF started for me yesterday so CD2 today. Was hoping I'd feel a bit better but still quite low today.

@Oxalis00 lovely to read your update, absolutely delighted to hear it's going well 🩷

@HerbaceousPerennial I'm taking proceive and the radioactive pee is definitely alarming 😂

@ThelastRolo20 I really relate to what you're saying about your friends. One of my friends had a baby girl in December and I'd be lying if I said our friendship hadn't suffered since I lost my baby. It's really hard and isolating- like you lose your baby and then you slowly realise all the other stuff that you've now lost or can't enjoy the same as you would have before. It's just loss after loss.

@13lucy im sorry your blood results need further investigation but I'm glad you're getting it looked at and I hope it's a simple fix. I so relate to just being desperate to be pregnant again. That's exactly how I feel. I loved being pregnant, I thought it was amazing how my body was doing all these different things to support my baby.

@Wise0wl thank you for sharing those links, they've really helped 🩷 and definitely book the holiday. We've just booked one for May.

@samilicious I'm sorry about your friends. Like I said to Rolo, MC seems to be the gift that just keeps on bloody giving.

I had an early scan the last time. I think I would do it again - just to see how things are progressing. I don't think I'll be able to wait until 12 weeks, I'm going to be climbing the walls from 10DPO 😂. I don't think it'll provide me any reassurance though, other than maybe for the 10 mins I'm in the room.

Also LOL at balls deep 😂 that's what got you in this scenario in the first place 😏.

@Ladyinpink1 that looks positive to me! Have you done anymore today? I got a positive at 12DPO last cycle, which was early for me. Why are we all ovulating so early?! I hope you manage to DTD at some point, it's so annoying when work schedules don't sync up.

@moosey89 I've been freaking myself out thinking this too so if it doesn't work for either of us then I'll be keeping you and Rolo company then too 🩷

❤️@Bugdem123 sending you lots of love. It’s so nice to hear from you. Be kind to yourself though, all of us are going through a really shit experience and all of our feelings are valid. I am more rage filled than sad, and personally I find it helpful to have the angry energy to channel into things (rather than the overwhelming sadness). That’s great you’ve booked a holiday! Where are you going?

@Bugdem123 What a honest and heartfelt post. I can feel the intensity of this time for you through your words. It’s the introspective self-development journey none of us ever wanted…! Have you heard the theory that anger can be a secondary emotion, masking other feelings/states that are more difficult to bear, like hurt or fear? It completely makes sense that you would feel angry about your experiences, that’s it’s unfair and cruel, and it also makes sense that you might feel fearful of what’s ahead, and unsafe, and scared. (There might also be some PMT in there too - my hormonal shifts were very much magnified after my MC.) I’m glad you’ve got therapy support, and have been able to talk meaningfully with your DH. Go gently with yourself 💛

Thanks to all for kind words, and I’m sorry to those who understandably find pregnancy updates hard. 🤍 It’s so important to have space where you (we) can share those difficult feelings and thoughts in good company. FWIW I still find myself wanting to avoid certain people who were pregnant when I MC, and bury my head in the sand about their babies who are now here. Mine would have been three months old now but instead there’s just an absence. Mine should have been sane age/older than theirs/reaching the same milestones/needing those baby things that I gave away to them/going to baby classes with them, etc etc. So weird to think of. Having my own new pregnancy does definitely make it easier, but I developed a protective avoidance thing that I still feel, which is uncomfortable, and I hope that fades in time.

Hi all, can I join?
Currently waiting for period to return after my mmc. Was told I had a mmc 2 days after our 12 week scan in December when we had a second scan with fetal medicine because of some fluid around baby's heart. Didn't pass the baby until 9th Jan. Pregnancy test was negative a week later but period hasn't turned up yet. I do have pcos so know that could be why but am feeling impatient. We were originally going to wait till July to ttc but are now wanting to try in 3 months as I want all the vitamins I'm taking to have an effect.

@Oxalis00 your description of protective avoidance has summed it up perfectly.

@NphysT welcome, I’m so sorry for your loss. How are you feeling?

@Wise0wl thank you 🩷 we've booked Rhodes! Where are you looking at?

@Oxalis00 thank you 🩷 yes, the secondary emotion makes sense. I think I've been so sad since it happened, and also so tired of being so sad, that when I've tried to force myself to "move on" last month, that it's just came bursting out as anger instead. I'm hoping the therapy helps me move past it as I'm a bit stuck at the moment. You're spot on about the PMT too, it's definitely much worse since the MC.

I'm glad you've found a bit of comfort in your new pregnancy but it makes total sense about the protective avoidance. It's a strange thing to think that life could look almost completely different if one thing hadn't happened.

@Bugdem123 oh Rhodes in May would be lovely! I’ve not got so far as planning. Anywhere out of the rain!

@samilicious thankyou so much ❤️

Hi everyone - I had a CP on 1 February so would now be CD13 but still haven’t ovulated. Usually ovulate on CD11. Is this common? Am worried now I might not ovulate at all this month! X

@Herewegoagain0 your next cycle or 2 can be a little different because your body had additional hormones etc from the CP. Hopefully you'll ovulate soon but it's not unusual for it to be delayed a few days x

@Ladyinpink1 @samilicious I’m in the TWW too! Not quite balls deep at 6DPO but I can’t think what the appropriate alternative would be 😂 I don’t think DH and I got our timings quite right but here’s hoping anyway. I was using clear blue and it went flashing smiley, flashing smiley, zero, then static smiley. Zero I think I timed the testing wrong as I got the static smiley later that day.

@Bugdem123 sorry things have been so rough. I know the rage is awful but I do think it’s better out than in. My poor DH has likewise had it in the neck a lot. It has caused arguments which I feel immensely guilty about. Like others have said, be gentle with yourself. And I’m glad it’s not just me with the radioactive pee!

@GeorgeR28 massive congratulations! Hopefully things will get easier as the pregnancy progresses and you can begin to enjoy it a bit.

@NphysT I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you’ve had a really tough time and I hope you are recovering well physically. Fellow PCOS-er here and I feel your pain on the erratic period front. Mine took ages to come back but I have had one now and it looks like I’ve ovulated at a ‘normal’ part of the cycle too 🤞

@Wise0wl yeah definitely much more common than you'd think. I posted about mine on socials and the amount of people that messaged me having undergone something similar. Stats are 1 in 4,000 for Trisomy abnormalities but I know 3 women who has to terminate because of severe ones. Bonkers!

@moosey89 @ThelastRolo20 I've pretty much given up at this point so I'm with you for 2025 👍🏻

@Bugdem123 so sorry you've been feeling like this. A book I'm reading about trauma stored in the body says 'you've got the feel to deal' and I think that's very accurate. At least you owned it and quickly worked to change it - I realised I've been angry and miserable to everyone I've sent a message to or who's tried to arrange a plan with me for the last year after Christmas. Grief does funny things to us, you're not a horrible person ♥️

@Oxalis00 protective avoidance is a great term. It can make you feel guilty avoiding sometimes which can just make stuff feel worse

@Herewegoagain0 agree with what Moosey said - probably hormones just working their way out

@NphysT sorry for your loss ♥️ here for whatever you need x

@HerbaceousPerennial erm, "tip deep" 😂 ?

@Ladyinpink1 did you manage to seduce DH between your conflicting working hours? You could tell him it will be really romantic to make a baby on Valentines Eve / Pancake Day whichever floats your boat more 🤪

@samilicious what CD are you? I can't keep track with everyone. We need an en masse calendar we can all update 😂