CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #2

[Ladyinpink1]

♥️

Hey everyone. Hope it’s ok for me to post, even though I’m not ttc anymore I still keep up with this thread.

for what it’s worth, even though I’m pregnant again now and all going well (so far), I can still find it hard when other people announce pregnancies! I had this recently with a friend of ours - objectively it’s just great news, because our babies will be born at similar times etc - but I guess it brought back feelings of loss. With the baby I lost, I never got to have a normal 12w pregnancy announcement, I never got to have them born around their due date, oh and i’d struggled to get pregnant with them too, I never had the experience of getting pregnant easily/without intervention. I guess we all have our own ways of working through these feelings (for me, my faith is really important), but I think they’re probably pretty much universal for women who’ve experienced loss!

love ❤️

@ThelastRolo20 thank you, I really needed to hear that today! I think you're right with connecting with DH - I feel like he thinks that my hormones are causing the issues with TTC and the miscarriage, so I feel at fault and under pressure to correct it all. I know it hasn't been long, but I'm doing everything I can and still hasn't worked out. My DH is usually so positive so it's horrible to see how it's affecting him. That's a good shout seeing friends who aren't TTC. I hope you're feeling a bit better today?

@Wise0wl thank you for sharing, they really resonate and make me feel less alone in my thoughts. I do find myself caught up in what could have been and how much time has disappeared whilst things have worked out for so many others. Your DH is so right - I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves as it's all happening in our bodies and it's hard to escape it!

I think we might try and book a holiday for April (would have been due date) to have something to look forward to.

So much to catch up on! 🙂

@Oxalis00 lovely to hear from you, thank you for your positivity for us all and it's great to hear that everything went well with the scan and you are feeling hope, it gives me hope too. I hope you will keep us updated on your journey x

And the same as above to you @SnookyPook , I really am pleased to see your good news, you have had such a rolercoaster time of it, glad everything is on the up. x

@CluelessInLondon I think you (all of you) will always be part of our gang... or club maybe ha ha whatever it is we have going here. Hope to hear good news from you very soon x

Congratulations @Bali200 a beautiful little girl brewing! x

It's not stupid at all @HerbaceousPerennial I think when we get to this point where we are just wanting it so much, (the word desperate describes how I feel) we definitely get super in tune with our bodies and cycles and when something changes it gives us hope. I feel so hopeful with you right now because of getting all the pms symptoms for the first time in so long. Maybe this or next cycle will be good news for us! x

You will never be a crazy old cat lady and I definitely think you need to keep that furniture (which is so lovely by the way) because it will be needed very soon! @samilicious

@moosey89 @ThelastRolo20 I'm sorry it's been a tough time. I am at a positive stage in my cycle but the latter half near af arriving I get into a pretty bad place each cycle and it definitely gets harder as time goes on... This wait has felt like forever hasn't it. And rolo, you are in a really hard spot right now. Are you and dh certain about waiting to ttc for a few months? Sending a tight hug xxx

I can see more posts at the start of the thread but I have to go to work so hopefully catch up later. I hope today is a good day for everyone 💜💜💜💜

@Ladyinpink1 it's really hard, I got pregnant the cycle after the last miscarriage and that didn't work out which worries me (so much for statistically having a better chance!).

As much as I'd love to crack on I want to know I've given it the best chance possible. Having had surgery now and basically spent 5 months in my first trimester I don't think it's a bad idea to have a couple of normal cycles just to let my body settle. I know medically there's as much of a chance of it working now, but if it went wrong I know I'd really regret not leaving it a couple of cycles. Also with the holiday in April with the in laws it makes sense to wait as I'd be very anxious otherwise, and I'd quite like to keep my next pregnancy between my and my husband only.

My heart is desperate to try again, my head thinks if I wait until April, take vitamins in the meantime, focus on running and my health then I've given it the best chance possible and if it goes wrong I can't possibly blame myself.

I just keep telling myself April isn't far away, and even if I started trying now I might not get pregnant until at least April anyway!

@ThelastRolo20 it's so draining isn't it, working out what's best to do and all the ifs and buts that go with it! I was told to wait one cycle after the miscarriage before trying again but it was tough doing so. I don't think it's a bad thing giving your body time to recover and you can always change your mind depending on how you feel.

@Ladyinpink1 desperate is definitely the right word for it. I don't think I've ever wanted something so much and I wonder why it took me so long to realise and start trying in the first place! The last two cycles I was convinced I felt different, which only added to the crushing disappointment when AF arrived!

@graceinc22 that's an interesting perspective. Like you say, it's also the whole experience that's been taken away, especially with it bring the first pregnancy like it was with me. Most of our friends and family know what's happened and know we are trying again, so feel like we will never get that moment of sharing the news with them for the first time.

Thank you for the links @Wise0wl I just read one and it's really nice seeing someone else feeling the same feelings that I feel and to read that it's normal, because sometimes when I feel those sort of jealousy type feelings, with friends or family it makes me feel ashamed and like bad for feeling them, you know? So it's good to know that it's normal. x

Hi @graceinc22 ,so glad all is going well for you, i think as you said even when pregnant, it's still tough, I think probably until baby actually arrives it will always ve harder after a loss. How many weeks are you now? x

@ThelastRolo20 That makes sense, it's a hard decision but I know what you mean about if something happened would you always wonder what if you had of waited. As you said it's really not far and it will be lovely if it happens quickly when you do try and then you can keep it just between you and dh. x

Just read your last few messages @13lucy I'm sorry your period has been so light, hopefully soon it goes back to normal but you can still concieve even when it's lighter, so keep up your hope! Aw this was me last cycle feeling all the symptoms but it turned out to be me getting pms symptoms back that I had not had in so long so I'm taking it as a good sign, maybe your symptoms the last few cycles are your body getting back to normal and sorting out your hormones too x

@Ladyinpink1 glad to have helped! I agree, others feeling (and admitting to) the less nice feelings that I feel made me feel better about it. I don’t want to feel this way, and I hope I won’t forever. But it’s reassuring not to feel alone. How are you, and where are you in your cycle?

@Wise0wl I'm glad it's not just me! Trying to take them religiously now with the 'egg quality cooking' theory. If any do catch, they must do something surely. And thank you! Love those articles btw and mention that a support group helped take the pressure off friends supporting that bit - ♥️ you guys

@ThelastRolo20 my best friend just announced her second pregnancy since I've been trying 💔 feeling your pain big time. So unbelievably shit. Already thinking about watching it all happen, and she's been distant with me for weeks and now I know why. Also announced at 9 weeks no scan and less symptoms that previous pregnancy so don't feel it's wise

@HerbaceousPerennial hahaha that woman is so smug! I started out with them but they used to have milk in (not sure if still do) so swapped. The radioactive wee sounds interesting! I hope you won't be joining me in my future ms havisham pr campaign with your office

@13lucy oh no, don't hate yourself for it! So hard with parents because it's their news as grandparents too, and we always imagine that happening in a certain way. Do things as they feel right for you ♥️

@Ladyinpink1 are you still in fertile window rn? Fingers crossed for you this cycle! X

@samilicious it's so unbelievably crap ❤️ I keep telling myself that it's okay to feel how I feel and I won't feel that way forever.

Announcing at 9 weeks with no scan really shows the difference between loss and no loss. I hope it all works out for her and she can continue in blissful ignorance of how loss can feel!

@samilicious ughhhh I get that horrible feeling in my stomach when someone announced early, especially before they've had a scan. I had a good scan at 8 weeks in my first pregnancy with a strong heartbeat then scan at 11 weeks showed baby had died basically right after that first scan. So I sort of panic when someone has no fear, but I realise that I'm the one who is possibly over cautious.

Oh gosh @samilicious that sounds brutal. I’m sorry. I know we can’t expect others to put their lives on hold but I do sometimes wish we could just get them to hit pause. I think people don’t really know about missed miscarriage - I did in theory but as the weeks went by I felt safer and safer so I had started to tell a few people. But I think like @ThelastRolo20 says loss has massive impact, now it gives me the absolute fear for people, sort of tempting fate even though I know that’s irrational and the likelihood is it’ll be fine.

@13lucy it’s so hard worrying there is something wrong. What I would say is even if there is something ‘wrong’, it doesn’t mean you won’t get your healthy baby and it doesn’t mean it’s your fault at all. Realistically I know it may have been my PCOS which caused my miscarriage but I absolutely refuse to feel bad about it, in same way I wouldn’t blame my DH if he had low sperm count. We can only play the hand we’re dealt. Easier said than done of course and I do get it ❤️ but it might be totally fine for you, as @Ladyinpink1 says a light period isn’t necessarily a bad sign.

Oh and @samilicious i think it’s time Miss Haversham had a rebrand 😁

@ThelastRolo20 that's a good way to think with that perspective. Definitely the difference between loss and no loss. She's one of one two women I know having babies with no losses, though it did take her a year to conceive her first.

I know it's weird but I'm glad to be in the losses camp. I appreciated it all so much more when it was right for me with DD compared to when I first knew I was pregnant and had a MC, even though I was more nervous. There's some Buddhist theory about suffering in there somewhere but hoping when/if the time comes again it will be more scary but more special because of everything it's taken to get there.

@moosey89 i have the same panic! I remember you posting about that, so incredibly sad. And makes scans like that less reassuring in future. I had a private scans at 6w and 11w where they didn't flag any issues, so announced to family over Xmas, then nhs one at 12w after Xmas saw straight away things weren't right and brain was wrong shape so don't think I'll do a private one again, though it did make me less nervous. Would you?

@HerbaceousPerennial a pause button would be so good! Definitely time for a rebrand. Eat the wedding cake girl! Don't let it go mouldy 😂 that's my new mantra

@samilicious ♥️ sending you so much love, that is so so hard (and v similar to our friends announcing over Christmas, early, no scan etc, and I’ve not seen them since as I just can’t yet)

@samilicious I would but only to have sort of status updates, not reassurance as such - because I've had 2 MMCs I wouldn't want to get to the 12 week scan to find out baby had died at like 6 weeks. I'd rather find out as soon as possible if that makes sense? I don't think any scan will ever give me reassurance again though!

@moosey89 I'm the same as you, it doesn't reassure me but the early scans mean I can move on quicker if it's not good news ❤️

@moosey89 @samilicious @ThelastRolo20 agree I think I’d want scans just so I could find out the worst a bit sooner. I’m not sure I could bear one anywhere but the EPU though, I just don’t think I’d trust them and if anything was wrong I’d not want to be anywhere else. I suspect I’d end up there anyway though as I had spotting with both pregnancies - one healthy, one MMC. I didn’t really worry about the spotting with my second pregnancy because it was fine in the first which was silly with hindsight. Anyway I’m a long way off that stage yet!

@HerbaceousPerennial I'm also the same, it's a pain in the ass with parking and long waits, but I'm only going to the EPU and not private. They've already said they'd give me early scans next time. Like you though that feels a long way away, realistically the absolute earliest for me would be June 🥲🥲🥲

@HerbaceousPerennial I agree! With 2 MMCs and a chemical under my belt I qualify for early scans thankfully. The team there were so helpful when I had my last MMC letting me know all the support I can have for a future pregnancy, including progesterone and aspirin (mum had a history of blood clots so I'm more at risk apparently and that can cause miscarriage at the point the placenta starts to take over.) I feel like I couldn't be more supported by them which is brilliant.

Just got to get pregnant first 🤦

I have lost track of where we all are now, where is everyone at that is trying on their cycles? Is anyone far into the tww?

@Wise0wl Def it is helpful to not feel alone. I am cd12 today, normally get my peak opk tomorrow cd13, then I ovulate on cd14. What about you? x

I'm so sorry about your friend, it feels so rubbish to go through that doesn't it, especially with an early announcement. @samilicious Yes still in my fertile time. How are you feeling today? x

I feel the same as you @ThelastRolo20 my last loss came right after a private scan at 9 weeks and they had actually remarked on what a strong heartbeat it had so I came away feeling confident but then 3 weeks later when I went to the epu for bleeding they said it had stopped growing at 9 weeks, now I have this slight niggle in my mind "did the private scan cause it?", likely it didnt and was just coincidence, but I have more faith that the epu know what they are doing and as you said if something goes wrong you are in the right place x

It sucks that so many of us are in the same place with close people announcing but glad we have each other to be totally honest with

Deffo agree on the scan front, good for reassurance if you can get nhs ones - I've got to have a NIPT blood test to check for Trisomy weirdness at 8 weeks but not sure if Fetal Medicine will scan me first to check or not. I feel like they would to make the test worth the money, but who knows! Like you say @moosey89 just got to get pregnant first 😂 the consultant was like 'see you next year for happy news!' That year has been and gone

@Ladyinpink1 I'm b*lls deep in the tww 🤪 AF due on Friday. I've ordered emergency choc to see me through and got the anniversary spa booking ready to go

Ladies who use opks, I have just came upstairs to get ready and these are my tests from this morning... they looked light when I first dipped them so I didn't look again, but now they look quite dark. I don't get my peak on cd12 normally, it feels a little early, well a day earlier but still cd12 is early! should I take this as my peak? Or could it maybe still be tomorrow get darker.
I'm so annoyed as dh is working late and then out for a dinner with clients (a distance from home) so will be home very late, then he leaves again in the morning at 5:15 and has already been on the phone about how tired he is so it will be a struggle.
Sorry for this I just feel a bit panicked now as this was not in my plan and because we might miss dtd on the peak xx

Sorry I missed your post in between mine @samilicious I am just stressing now that a whole cycle is going to be wasted and I was going to dtd last night but thought i'm tired, it can wait, so anoyed with myself.

Ooooo Friday is so close! And emergency spa stay sounds perfect. Really hoping for good news for you!
Do you feel any different this cycle? x

@samilicious "balls deep in the TWW" has made my Monday 😂 hope it's good news for you this week!

@Ladyinpink1 oh that does look like a peak but still test today - doesn't actually predict when egg gets released though so you could still have up to 48 hours to have sex! Try and squeeze a session in somewhere 😂

Hey everyone, sorry I went MIA! Basically I demonstrated that I had no will power and did a digital the following day which confirmed ‘pregnant’. We went for our first ultrasound yesterday and all was great so far. Obviously things can change so quickly in pregnancy so I’m still full of anxiety most days. I didn’t want to announce on here straight away after my digital because I’m so scared of jinxing anything- which I know is probably ridiculous but it’s just something I always am cautious of. I hope everyone is doing okay. I’ve still been reading here everyday & keeping up to date with you all. It really is true that even though right now I am pregnant, it doesn’t just take all the sadness and anxiety away, if anything my anxiety is worse, just taking each day as it comes. All you ladies on here are so inspiring and I just wanted to Thankyou all for the advice you’ve given me over the past few months. We will all get to where we want to be in life, I’m hoping 2024 is our lucky year!