CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #2

[Ladyinpink1]

♥️

@moosey89 I'm so sorry AF has arrived :( I think sometimes people dismiss pregnancy loss in terms of grief but it's the loss of so much potential and the shape of your future life you were imagining. I hit a wall TTC last time and had a bit of a breakdown, time off work etc. It was horrible but if I hadn't of had that breakdown, I would never have started enjoying my life again and then finally TTC as a result with less pressure (and becoming a mum). Lots of love to you x

@Ladyinpink1 hey, sorry your body has been playing tricks. It's not silly - I used to have it so so much between MC and DD and I'm sure something was going on and my body was getting ready to conceive again. Definitely a good sign as it let to me conceiving before. Please don't apologise for taking up space! You're always checking on everyone else, you started this thread for you too ♥️ I'm glad it's not just me yoyoing in my head. I'm CD7 now. It wasn't difficult necessarily, just the stop-starting thing freaks me out. The restart is always prompted by physical activity and makes AF go from 0-100 in an hour 🫠 had an ultrasound ages ago and said everything was fine but feel like it's not if it's not shedding in an orderly fashion. Only happened since my MVA

@HerbaceousPerennial love your positivity! Just letting your body do its thing. I'm going to take a leaf out of your book. Stressing never helps matters, need to learn to stop 😅

@GoldDustWoman90 as long as the lines are getting stronger or staying the same, I wouldn't worry too much. Could be loads of different factors. I've only ever used cheap strips and FRER so not sure how the boots ones differ x

@Ladyinpink1 I completely echo your feelings. I’m currently on cycle six when we conceived so quickly the first time around. It’s hard not to worry that something is wrong. However I was listening to a podcast and a woman who had had multiple miscarriages said sometimes it took her one month to concieve after a miscarriage and other times it took her almost 12 months! Hopefully it will be our turn again soon 🌈

@moosey89 I’m so sorry to hear AF showed up and bang on time! Sending you love ❤️ Your fitness challenge sounds great, it’s definitely good to have something else to try focus on in this journey, although I know that’s much easier said than done!

I’m 8dpo today, AF is due on Friday and my plan is to wait and see if it shows up before testing! I’m sure this week will drag for me.

@HerbaceousPerennial thank you, it's horrible to have that kind of cycle isn't it. I still have the cramps too so it will teach me from now on, no matter what symptoms I have, it doesn't mean anything. AF should be here tomorrow so I will be happy to start a nice new cycle. And hopefully it was a hormone reset and good news comes soon. How many days did your period last? I'm glad you have hope too, a new cycle is good x

@Bugdem123 I would say that dip on cd12 looks to be ovulation as your temps are up from the day after, have your temps maintained a higher temp to date? Thank you, yes it def is devestating isn't it, I'm sorry your wait has been long too.
I find it's like there are 2 sets of people ttc, those who have been through a loss and are understanding and have a very different feeling about things and are very gentle and guarded about things and those oblivious to it all ttc with no worries lol. I actually joined a group on a thread for the tww there, but I commented once then came off it after a day or two because it was all just too much. I only feel happy and safe on our wee bubble of a thread right here, not sure if i sound crazy or make total sense but hey! 😂 x

That must be tough having nothing to compare it to @CluelessInLondon but there is no reason to think this won't be a success for you. Very hopeful for you, plus pretty sure a sturdy little ski egg is definitely for keeps 🥰 x

I'm really sorry @moosey89 it is so tough and exhausting mentally to know another cycle has passed without a positive test. How are you feeling today? That sounds like you have some seriously high fitness levels! I struggle pushing my trolly around asda so you are definitely doing good (although I'm 36 soon so maybe my being an old woman has to do with that 👵😆) x

I can definitely see a good difference in the 2 lines! it's so hard not to obsess isnt it, i hope you see them get steadily darker again in a few days @GoldDustWoman90 x

Thank you @samilicious about also thinking it's the body resetting.
That is frustrating for you when things aren't going the way they should, especially not knowing what to expect each day with your flow, how are you feeling about things today? What cd would your peak normally be on? I think miscarriage changes so much in our bodies and it definitely takes time to get back to "normal" but then maybe also it creates a new normal for us... I think as long as you are still having regular cycles, it's good and I have hope for you x

I know @Haylsttc you do expect it to take the same time each time don't you. But yes it's definitely due to be our turn soon! I hope Friday comes around really fast for you and that this is the one!! I think we need more good news on this board and lots of winter 2024 babies x

@Ladyinpink1 thank you! I think it was CD12 too which is super early for me. Ive attached where I'm at today - no idea what is happening with that high temp today 😂.
That's so funny you say that - I joined one too at the start of the month and very quickly stopped opening and reading it for the same reasons. I wish I could still be excited about TTC but it's such a horrible mix of emotions for me now. Don't get me wrong, I do still have some hopeful days but I often think I don't know what I'm more scared of - the BFN and my period coming or getting a BFP!!

I said the other day I'm trying to live my life again so I've planned a few nights out, a weekend away with my friends and we're going to book a holiday for May on pay day. Hopefully I'll end up pregnant in the meantime but I think I've been scared to do anything and I'm realising I can't live like that long term.

@CluelessInLondon how are you feeling?

@GoldDustWoman90 how did today's test look?

Love to you all, so grateful for this thread x

I've started pink spotting and the 'normal' test I took this morning had only a very faint line (the Boots early response was a clear line but I'm guessing that's only because it's more sensitive...)

18 months of trying to conceive and I get two back to back chemicals 😔 I don't feel like I can do this any more.

@Ladyinpink1 one day of heavy bleeding, then a couple of days of spotting. Definitely not normal for me - I don’t have heavy periods (something else which means I don’t fit the ‘normal’ PCOS mould) but tend to get a couple of days bleeding, then several light/spotting days. They did say when I had my follow up scan for retained products that my ovaries looked normal so I’m actually quite hopeful my PCOS symptoms are under control at the moment. I totally agree with you and with @Bugdem123 - this thread does feel like a lovely bubble. Everyone on here is so kind and really understanding 😊

Oh no @GoldDustWoman90, I'm so sorry to hear that. I know it's probably not much consolation right now, but the chemicals might be a sign that your body is really trying to gear up for a pregnancy - I think there were a couple of people on this thread who had chemicals before finally getting that BFP.

@Bugdem123 I'm feeling alright, having a few symptoms starting to appear but nothing major yet - I think I'm going to call my local EGU tomorrow about booking early scans, as they said when I had my MC that I could contact them if I got pregnant again and they would scan me around 6 and 9 weeks. Not sure how far in advance they book up but I'll be 5 weeks tomorrow so seems like a good time to have a quick chat with them. I'm going to take another test first thing tomorrow as well - I have no reason to suppose anything is wrong right now, but I almost want to "double check" that I'm still pregnant before I call them! Probably sounds a bit mad but I think everyone on this thread will understand... Your plans for getting some fun stuff in the diary sound great, it will give you some relaxation and distractions from TTC and make sure that you're not wishing life away, which it's so easy to do.

@Ladyinpink1 thanks for having hope - gives me hope just reading that! I also have lots of hope and good vibes about you being soon. Totally get what you mean - the Flo ones are a bit much and hate the content on there because if you don't report your period immediately it badgers you with pregnant content 🫠 I usually get my peak around CD 15. Just trying to enjoy DTD and being with DH this month. Wedding anniversary and valentines so going to ignore TTC a bit and just focus on the romance 😂

@GoldDustWoman90 I'm so sorry you've had another chemical :( hope you have some time and space to process it all x

Hey @Bugdem123 I don't think the picture attached. Even though cd12 is early, it's not too early for good news this cycle. Hope you got ddt lots and your tww goes in fast.
That's a good idea to plan things, and a holiday in May will be lovely. I have also been putting things on hold, I had put a beauty appointment for that I wanted on hold for such a long time (because you arent meant to get it done if pregnant) but I went and booked it today for next week 🙂 x

Oh no, I'm so sorry @GoldDustWoman90 how are things today for you? x

@HerbaceousPerennial That's reassurring about your ovaries, good to know that things look how they should. Is it quite regular how often you get a period even though it's light for those days after the first day? My period never quite went back to normal after the first loss bit I still concieved again. x

Oh lovely @samilicious I love anniversarys, so nice to celebrate eachother, and definitely the perfect time for a baby to be made 🙂 will you do anything special for it? x

@CluelessInLondon hope all went well with your testing. When you gave wanted it for so long, I'm sure it's hard to believe, a bfp after a loss is so different and so any reactions we have are normal for what we have went through. I hope you don't have too long to wait for your scan x

Well just to add more fun to this terrible cycle, my period never arrived today, but my temp dipped this morning so it will def be here tomorrow. So ready to start a fesh new cycle x

Thanks @Ladyinpink1 that’s good to know - maybe this is my new normal. Hard to say whether my periods will be regular - I had retained tissue after my MMC and that’s confused things as I had what I thought was a period, then I had some additional bleeding which the EPU said they thought might be the last tiny bit of tissue. Who knows? Did your period arrive? Sorry you’ve had a bad cycle and fingers crossed either AF doesn’t arrive at all or that it’s here now and you can start afresh.

@CluelessInLondon that’s good your EPU will scan you. I don’t know about you but mine were so supportive I think I’d find real comfort in feeling like they were looking after me. Everything crossed for you.

@samilicious happy wedding anniversary when it comes! Hope you get something lovely planned in.

@GoldDustWoman90 I hope you’re feeling a bit better today. It’s so hard feeling so close and yet so far away. Hope you are taking it easy.

@Ladyinpink1 Did another test yesterday, all still looked fine (I've only used pink dye tests so far, I've got some CB digital ones but the weeks indicator makes me nervous even though I know it's not very accurate so haven't dared to use one!). I called the EGU and I have a scan booked in for 16th February. Feels like absolutely ages away, so I'm glad I didn't wait to call them as I might have had to wait even longer! Can't quite bring myself to do the midwifery referral yet though...
Sorry to hear that you think your period is coming, did it arrive yet? I hope if it does you can have a good reset and feel more optimistic for the next cycle.

@HerbaceousPerennial The EGU at my local hospital were amazing when I had my miscarriage - they were so good at striking the balance between being sympathetic and still giving really practical and clear advice about treatment and what would happen next. I felt really confident that I was being well looked after so I'm glad I can go back there for an early scan - I can at least feel assured that if I get there and things aren't right I'll be cared for properly.

@samilicious Definitely enjoy the romance and celebrations this month, you never know what might happen! I hope you've got something nice planned for your anniversary.

@GoldDustWoman90 Hope you are feeling okay at the moment. ❤

Awwwww thanks everyone - it's really so sweet of you all to check in. I'm feeling all sorts really....sad, angry, frustrated, and most of all in a lot of pain. Who knew being less far along would be more physical pain?! So weird.

Lucky my work has a flexible work policy so I might try and WFH tomorrow and read emails from bed. Just feel so poop. Hubby has asked if I want to take a break for a few months - I said I just want to get back into it but I don't know if it would be a better idea to just chill, get my body back to ground zero?

Has anyone else here had multiple losses?

So sorry you're going through this. Last year I had 3 losses: a MMC in April (11+4 had spotting and a scan found they'd stopped developing at 7+5); a CP in early Sept at 4+5; a MC at 7wks end of October. It was a really tough year and just felt like we couldn't catch a break.

We got a referral to fertility consultant and decided to have a break while we waited for the appointment to come through. Also felt it would be nice to chill out over Christmas and try to enjoy the festive season as much as possible without any TTC worries. I felt a bit weird not tracking - especially when I had a giant spot appear a couple of weeks after my MC bleed which was like my typical 'ovulation spot' I get - usually ovulate around CD14/15 and spot appeared CD13... Was weird feeling like we'd wasted a cycle but was also a relief to have no pressure. We didn't dtd until a few days after the spot CD17 and 19.

Except... I must have ovulated late as AF never appeared. Day of my office Christmas party I thought I'd best check to be sure, not expecting anything. Got a surprise and unexpected BFP. And I've not updated this thread much but we've actually made it to 12wks now! Been a nervy time and a few reassurance scans at EPU along the way and thankfully all looking good. So I hope this can bring you a bit of hope! 💕

I’ve somehow missed a lot!

@CluelessInLondon glad you’re doing well, and I hope these next couple of weeks go quickly (time drags when you’re TTC and in early pregnancy doesn’t it?!). Glad your EGU are happy to see you too.

Sorry you’re having a tough cycle @Ladyinpink1 and I hope you’re doing ok. Glad you booked your appointment, it’s so easy to put your whole life on hold for such a long time isn’t it?

And I’m so, so sorry @GoldDustWoman90. I had two MMCs last year and the second one was harder than the first, for me. I’d convinced myself that the first was a one off and bad luck, whereas the second felt like there was something wrong, and a bigger worry. The stats that made a second feel so unlikely made me hope (and believe) the second pregnancy was going to work out. Not sure if that makes sense at all. Thinking of you, and here if it’s helpful to talk x

@GoldDustWoman90 I'm so sorry, it's utterly crap. I've had two back to back, October when I was 12 weeks, January when I was 10 weeks.

I'm still hopeful it will work out, the odds are in our favour, it's just a crappy journey there ❤️ I'm having a few months out to just fully allow hormones to settle (essentially spent 5 months straight in my first trimester!) And also so I don't have early pregnancy anxiety when on holiday in April.

There is no right answer though, and not a decision you need to make today, see how you feel in a couple of weeks x

Morning all. Hope you're all doing ok. I'm feeling the need to vent as I was a day late but got my hopes smashed to pieces with a BFN this morning. Bad timing with it being my birthday too so just feeling deflated and guilty about the whole thing, getting older and no closer to having a family. When you time everything for months and it still isn't successful it just doesn't make any sense. Maybe I just had unrealistic expectations for how long it would take and shouldn't get my hopes up.

@13lucy happy birthday lovely, I'm sorry about the BFN but I hope you have something nice planned today/ this weekend to celebrate ❤️

I think you said a positive would clash with your sister's wedding? And you can now get bloods done with a new cycle? I know these are both nowhere near as good an outcome as a positive test but I hope the bloods will help you get to your positive soon.

Please try to not get hung on your age today, you could get pregnant next month and what's the difference between a few months in the grand scheme of things? You're not suddenly a year older than yesterday xx

Oh wow....thank you all so much for sharing your stories ❤️ It's a weird kind of horrible comfort knowing you're not alone, yet it's utterly heartbreaking that it happens to so many.

So grateful to have you ladies to chat to. The BFP's bring so much hope too @SnookyPook and @CluelessInLondon! So so happy for you guys.

@13lucy happy birthday! Hope you’ve got something nice planned and sorry it’s not started how you’d hoped. Conception is such a mystery 🤷🏻‍♀️ it blows my mind that sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, and that’s that, another ill of the dice. Please don’t feel guilty - it’ll be nothing you have or haven’t done. I wish we could just take a pill and fall pregnant when planned! Sending hugs

@13lucy Happy birthday - I hope you can have a lovely day and weekend despite the BFN and that you have some nice things planned to take your mind off it. ❤

@13lucy happy birthday! And I’m so sorry about the bfn. It’s not fair, and I echo everything @ThelastRolo20 said x

Hi all, need a handhold. Went to see a friend today who knows what's happened with me, and she told me face to face that she's pregnant and had her 12 week scan yesterday.

I feel absolutely broken.

@ThelastRolo20 😔 oh my darling. Sending you so much love. I hope she was as sensitive as possible and that you were able to chat/cry together as needed. There is no easy way to confront that news when dealing with your own grief. Hopefully she will be able to respect you needing some space and time. One of my close friends gave birth two months after my MMC and when I was able to meet her and her little one, she asked if I wanted to hold him or not and I did, and while I held him, I had a little weep, and she held me at the same time. It was poignant, and hard, and beautiful. Good friends get it, and will meet you where you are 💗 I can only imagine it being that much harder because of the timelines matching up so much. Be gentle with yourself 💗

@ThelastRolo20 I'm so sorry to hear that, it's so brutal to be confronted by friends' pregnancies - I hope that she was kind in how she delivered the message to you and showed you lots of love and understanding. Let yourself feel the way that you do for now, it's totally understandable.❤