CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #2

[Ladyinpink1]

♥️

Sorry I've went a bit MIA, I've been having a really hard few days. I usually get quite bad PMS but this month has been off the scale. I started to have a better day yesterday but I know someone who is due the same time I would have been and she shared a picture on instagram yesterday of them decorating the nursery and it just really hit home what I've lost again.

@CluelessInLondon thank you, it definitely makes me feel more sane knowing I'm not alone in how I'm feeling! That's so annoying about the early ovulation but fingers crossed this is the cycle your period doesn't come. Your holiday sounds fab and I'm sure the mountain cocktails and fondue will be medicinal if nothing else haha. My luteal phase changes - it averages about 14 days but has been 13 and 15 so like you when I ovulated early, I had no idea when it was coming.

@SnookyPook I'll be keeping everything crossed for Wednesday. Really relate to what you said about the statistics. I leaned heavily on the stats when I was pregnant, and it obviously didn't work out so when people have been saying "the statistics are in your favour for next time" it just doesn't feel as comforting.

@13lucy I'm glad you're getting some tests done. Hopefully it's not too difficult to get them taken logistically and you get some kind of answers from them.

@Wise0wl thank you. Yeah, TTC when you're a planner is a minefield! I hope this cycle is the one for you or at the very least the start of your body getting back to normal. Totally relate to the time passing and wishing your life away. I'm trying to focus on what I have now but it's hard!

@samilicious that's a good idea about getting things planned. What have you organised? I've been putting off planning things for later in the year but I think I might throw caution to the wind and convince my husband to book a holiday for June.

@Ladyinpink1 I'm 13DPO today but haven't tested. It was negative yesterday and I've got cramps and some slight spotting today so think I'll either come on today or tomorrow. I've been really low the past few days as this is the cycle we conceived on first time round and I think I've had it in my head that this would be the one again but hoping AF actually starting helps. Hope you manage to DTD lots over the next few days and this is the cycle for you!

@Bugdem123 no need to apologise! Sometimes taking time away is needed. My boyfriend's sister in law had her second baby last night, similar to what you said about seeing posts on social media it is just another reminder of what I don't have yet. I know it's harder for me currently because I'm so close to my due dates and I always feel better a little later in the year or once the baby is a little bit older. Pregnancy and newborn is the hardest to deal with seeing all around 😞

Hi ladies, hope everyone is having a good weekend! Lots of messages to catch up on today!

@SnookyPook Keeping everything crossed for you on Wednesday that you get some more good news with your scan.

@13lucy That's good news that you're getting some tests to see what's going on with your cycle - I really hope you get some more advice on how to manage getting them at the right time with the irregular cycle.

@Fingerscrossed88 I'm sorry to hear about your chemical, I hope it's not too long for your cycle to get back to normal and that it's your time soon.

@Wise0wl That must be so frustrating to have had so much spotting/bleeding before and after the MVA, it's understandable that you're fed up of it. Hopefully now it's a sign that your cycle is "resetting" and getting back into some sort of rhythm.

@Ladyinpink1 Not too long until O-day for you, hopefully you've put aside plenty of time and energy for DTD the next few days! Really hope this is your month. ❤

@polka22 Welcome and I'm sorry for your losses. As you've had a few are you getting any investigations to see if any explanation can be found?

@samilicious I think your idea to plan lots of fun stuff for this year is a really good one - you can end up just living cycle to cycle and forget that life is for living. What sort of fun things have you got in mind? Was it you who mentioned a while ago about having some gigs you were planning to get to?

@Bugdem123 Sorry it's been a rough few days, it's a really hard thing seeing other people with pregnancies progressing and waiting for their little ones to arrive. I have some friends whose baby is due next month and I'm going to be seeing them at the end of this month - she's huge now and whilst I absolutely don't begrudge them anything (this was their final go at IVF and they had a second trimester loss a couple of years ago) I'm not really looking forward to hearing lots of chat about how exciting it is that their baby is nearly here. It's tough because you don't want to to be self-indulgent and make everything about you, but it's impossible for these things not to hit home. ❤

4DPO for me today, trying not to think too much about the TWW and just concentrate on gearing up for my holiday - I've only got 4 days of work this week, then a day off to pack and stuff and then off next Saturday. I think the fact that I ovulated early kind of works in my favour as I'm not sure when AF is due, so I won't be reading too much into it if she doesn't show at the earliest opportunity. Determined not to make any assumptions about anything and see what happens by the time I get back!

Hi all, good to hear where everyone’s up to! @Bugdem123 I’m sorry you’ve been having a rough few days, it’s tough eh. I’m in a similar position with two friends and the last few days I have just felt so, so bitter. Anything they tell me even vaguely baby related, even though they are so kind and tactful, almost takes my breath away.

@polka22 I’m so, so sorry this has happened to you again. Hopefully this thread will help and take care of yourself.

@CluelessInLondon i have holiday envy now, the only thing we have planned is a trip in this country with my MIL 😂 she is lovely and I am looking forward to it but not quite the same! Fingers crossed for you this cycle 🤞

@samilicious going to take a leaf out of your book. DH has just booked us a fancy restaurant and I’m going to really enjoy myself eating and drinking stuff I couldn’t if I was pregnant. I think a long weekend away is in order too.

Think I need to try and reset my thinking. I convinced myself I was pregnant this week, loads of symptoms, tested Thursday and nothing. It hit me really hard even though rationally I knew it was unlikely. Hopefully the symptoms are something resetting at least. It’s now four months since my miscarriage and never knowing when (or if) I’m going to ovulate just means I feel under constant pressure to DTD just in case.

@Bugdem123 sorry you’re had a tough few days. I’m also finding the other pregnancy announcements hard and am having some not very nice feelings about it (so what you said chimes @HerbaceousPerennial ) In good moments I remind myself that our time will come, but it’s hard when the reminder that others’ lives are moving on (and they have what we desperately want, and have lost) seems to be everywhere.

@HerbaceousPerennial someone on here said hope is what keeps us going, but it’s hard to keep it in check isn’t it!

@Ladyinpink1 haha nothing like a peak to get our game faces on 😆

@Bugdem123 go for it with the holiday!
So sorry your PMS has been so bad :( I swear the hormones get so much worse when TTC. Our bodies must know somehow.

@HerbaceousPerennial yes enjoy all the fancy feasting! Did you have anything nice? Where are you fancying for your weekend away?

@Wise0wl so hard to keep hope up, easy at this part of the cycle when hormones are a bit more upbeat. I keep 'giving up' in my head hoping that will make things happen, as people always say they do when you give up, then being gutted when it doesn't happen that month. How stupid is that 😅 also with you and @HerbaceousPerennial - my friend just did a sex reveal. First it's a gut punch, then happy for them, then an echo of the gut punch

@CluelessInLondon Yes that was me with the gigs!

It's people I've wanted to see for years but all taking place in June so going to be a busy month. Taylor Swift, Foo Fighters and Download fest for the day 😂 mixed bag!

Always imagined being pregnant for them but we'll see I guess. And want to take DD to Disneyland Paris for her third birthday. Very lucky to have her after months TTC with her and losses either side so want to celebrate her as much as poss.
Have you guys got anything nice planned? Or hoping to book?

Also is anyone else frantically trying to save for a potential future mat leave but then feeling sad TTC and spending to cheer themselves up? 😂

Completely with you @samilicious, every BFN and for both MMCs I’ve just spent more money on nice things to enjoy now / look forward to, instead of saving it!

I know there aren’t a finite number of babies but for every pregnancy announcement or birth I just keep saying ‘why them and not us?’ Which I know is bad, but there we are. Nice to be able to air the ugly feelings here and not feel like a terrible person!

@samilicious yes me!! Several times I've built a pot up and ended up spending it to try to make myself feel better 🙈😅

@HerbaceousPerennial Sorry to be giving you holiday envy - I reckon that's a sign that it's time for you to book yourself a nice trip away somewhere! I've already told my husband that as soon as we're back from this holiday I want to book another one - I've got some leave I have to use before the end of March and our birthdays are both the beginning of April so I'm thinking it's a good chance to use the Easter long weekend for another getaway.

@samilicious Gigs sound great fun - I saw the Foo Fighters years ago when I was at uni and they were brilliant. And if you do end up being pregnant for them then you'll figure it out - some of my friends booked tickets for a festival abroad before they started TTC, ended up conceiving really quickly and she was something like 7 months pregnant at this rock festival! 😂

Thanks for the wise words! @Wise0wl I think you’re right, I feel guilty for having these ugly feelings but I try to remind myself: they’re just feelings. I’m not going to act on them or say anything which could hurt someone else. I think they’re quite natural feelings under the circumstances and most people feel the same way, at least on occasion. I think my friends would understand, but I don’t want to say anything because I want them to tell me about their pregnancies and babies, although there are horrible sour feelings there’s a lot of good ones too.

@samilicious I have been ‘giving up’ in the hope it magically leads to conception too 😂 wild swinging between overly optimistic and melodramatic despair. Which I have decided is due to ‘something hormonal, probably good’. Restaurant booked for this weekend when we have a babysitter, so nice to have something to look forward to.

@CluelessInLondon don’t be sorry, I will live vicariously through you on the travel front. We’ll have to go away somewhere in this country as I never got round to sorting a passport for DS but may try and get somewhere with a hot tub. We’ve got a plan to get DS happy staying at granny’s overnight so DH and I can go away somewhere

@moosey89 @HerbaceousPerennial @CluelessInLondon @Wise0wl thank you all so much for sharing how you're feeling about other people's pregnancies/babies. I've been feeling really guilty that I've been finding it so hard. I've never really been a jealous person, and I don't even know if it's real jealousy as I'm so happy for all the people but it's just really painful sometimes as I wish it was me.

CD1 for me today - although it's very light. We go again.

@samilicious yes to the saving money for mat leave and then almost immediately spending it 😂

@moosey89 Yes I think the same, it's like you feel so hopeful every month but at the same time, you can't imagine actually getting a bfp and seeing that second line in real life. Oh lovely, sounds like such a fun job! I think I am going to book my mum to babysit around the time af is due to go on a date night to make it easier x

I'm so sorry @Bugdem123 and Instagram posts are awful, they hit you hard, it's an awful feeling. My stomach drops and I get a bad sort of deep sad feeling after when I see/hear certain things. The family member that got her positive about 2 months ago, I found that was really tough, and now any updates from her I find tough because we were trying together at the same time, plus I find it hard when she complains alot about symptoms (in my head i'm thinking, wish I had symptoms) and I really like her as a person so much, it's such a strange feeling. x

@CluelessInLondon Thank you, I hope so too! Oh lovely, where are you going? (Sorry if you have already said, there are so many comments to keep track of) having plans when af is due definitely is helpful (although hopefully it will be good news and it will be a celebrating time) x

I'm sorry @HerbaceousPerennial I can only imagine the extra frustration you feel with not knowing when ovulation will come. How was your day today? x

@samilicious Yes I started a little tub over a year ago towards a new cot and sone nice nursing/maternity clothes but I have used money out of it several times... not for nice things though, the last time was to pay the window cleaner 🤣 x

@Bugdem123 I don't think it is real jealousy - it's just a natural longing for what you thought you were going to have and still really want. You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel that.

@Ladyinpink1 I know what you mean, there's always so many updates to catch up on - I love how busy this thread is, it's so nice to have a little community of people who all get how this feels and are living the same ups and downs. I'm off to France skiing on Saturday for a week - can't wait! I haven't had much time off work since last summer and I've had the miscarriage since then plus quite a bit of work stress, so I'm really looking forward to being able to switch off from that. The mountains are the perfect place to just totally decompress as it's such a different environment from home. How are you doing at the moment? What CD are you on now?

@CluelessInLondon totally with you on the mountains being the perfect place to decompress, we’re heading out next month ☺️

@Wise0wl not a terrible person at all. It's our most basic instinct not being met, we're allowed to be mad at it. I remember seeing a couple who were getting scanned when I had my first loss, a MC, confirmed with a pram and baby in the local shopping centre about a year later and I couldn't figure out what made them better than me/us. Another girl in the waiting room talking about wearing her bf's prison jumper for comfort 🙄

@CluelessInLondon I bet your friend looked super cool bumping at a festival!

France sounds ideal 👌🏻

@moosey89 I figure that if / * when we're preg, we won't want to go out or eat as much the first few months at least so can make it up then, right? 😅

@HerbaceousPerennial that sounds lovely ♥️ haha, I like the hormone theory and definitely using that next time I feel a bit loopy either way

@Bugdem123 sorry af has arrived :( hope you're feeling ok xx

@Ladyinpink1 hahaha genuinely lolled at the window cleaner comment 😂 he doesn't know the love in those pennies!
Date night sounds like a great idea - do you have a favourite spot or somewhere you want to try?

It's my wedding anniversary in a few weeks but DH is driving me crazy so last thing I want to do is plan to spend more time with him at the moment 😂The joys of both working from home since lockdown and constantly being in each other's way 😅
Also - signs you're no longer fertile or ovulating - could cheerfully murder DH 😎

@samilicious I'm also seeing Foo Fighters in June! Was meant to be a mum by then but I'm holding onto hope that I'll be pregnant then instead. I know the feeling of thinking why them and not us - we sat in EPU waiting area waiting to find out if it had all passed and there was a couple looking at their scan photos right next to us. That really hurt and will stay with me. I know I'll be much conscious of other people's situations if I'm ever in that position.

@CluelessInLondon I hope you have an amazing time away, the mountains are my favourite place! Being active with skiing will definitely help take your mind off things. I'm in limbo with whether to book some crazy sort of holiday for Easter time to make the most of our freedom whilst we have it, but I also don't want to be travelling to far away if I'm pregnant. It's hard not to think too far ahead but the alternative is everything gets put on hold!

@Bugdem123 I totally get the jealousy. I've become such a jealous person since the MC and especially how some people have had no issues at all. It feels very unfair and I feel like I'm being punished with this happening for my first pregnancy. Hopefully it gets easier with time.

@HerbaceousPerennial sorry you're still in limbo with ovulation. It really is testing when you don't have a regular cycle! Hoping it happens for you soon.

I'm now CD15 and although I've had some signs of ovulation I'm still getting negative OPKs. Really hoping it isn't too much longer as I'm desperate to try again! The irregularity just adds to the uncertainty and also delays getting any answers from the doctors. Feels so frustrating that I've had to stop all exercise and trying to chill out for months now and my cycles are still irregular!

Hope you're all doing ok@Wise0wl @moosey89 @Ladyinpink1 and everyone else!

Thanks @samilicious and @13lucy. Doing ok here on CD4, AF seems to be short but wasn’t light (which I was worried about after the first MVA) so here’s hoping all the vitamins are helping. @13lucy signs of ovulation and negative OPKs must be frustrating. What’s the variance between your cycles, and is it this cycle you’re having blood tests?

@Ladyinpink1 I’d had a really bad day when you asked but really appreciated your message. Thank you. I’m a lot better now. Spoke to my best friend yesterday and that helped a lot. Going to talk to DH about a bit of an action plan to try and prevent these really bad days - they don’t come that often thank goodness but when they do they’re a bit scary to be honest. And DH doesn’t deal with them very well if I’m honest - he tries but he’s of too practical a mindset I think. Do you have something nice planned for your date night? Sounds like an excellent plan!

@samilicious @moosey89 this is DH’s philosophy on dinners out - we need to eat and drink and have as lovely a time as we can whilst we have a bit more freedom! I’m fully on board 😂 I think there’s definitely something in the not fertile/annoying husband theory though, I had a very unreasonable rant at DH last night because he folded my washing badly.

@13lucy massive solidarity on the irregular cycle front. I bought some seeds and intended to start seed cycling to see if that helped (although not knowing when I ovulate doesn’t help), but was thwarted by Sainsbury’s sending a replacement of mixed sunflower and pumpkin seeds. Which given they’re for different stages of the cycle did not help. Hopefully yours settle a bit soon and you can get some answers.

@Wise0wl my three cycles since MMC have been 24, 30 and 35 days long with ovulation at day 12, 19 and 23. I had irregular cycles before but I wasn't tracking ovulation at the time. Frustratingly, as I was almost a week into my cycle by the time I got to speak to a GP, it means I need to wait until CD1 of my next cycle, whenever that might be! My periods after the MVA are still light and short which also adds to the worry. It's good that yours are getting back to normal. What vitamins are you taking?

@HerbaceousPerennial glad you're feeling better. I really understand you with the bad days, they can be quite dark for me but I try to remember that there's always hope and to appreciate the small things each day. I haven't looked into seed cycling, wondering if I should try acupuncture or more vitamins to start with. Have you had your irregular cycles looked at by a GP and if so what did they recommend?

@HerbaceousPerennial I know it’s not really funny but Sainsbury’s thwarting your efforts TTC by sending you mixed seeds made me laugh this afternoon!

@13lucy oh wow, I can see why you’re feeling frustrated! I’m taking pregnacare conception, CoQ10 and randomly an ‘intimate flora for women’ probiotic capsule as I thought maybe it might help after having the MVAs (no real science behind this). I’m also exploring acupuncture but finding it difficult to work out who is good in a very crowded market!

I got the results back from the genetic testing which came back with no explanation at all, though the sample was contaminated with bacterial growth which apparently is just a risk in a small number of cases (from storage and transfer). On the one hand it’s reassuring but on the other hand I was hoping they’d find something I could pinpoint as a reason for it having happened to get some closure and make sense of it a bit!

@CluelessInLondon Oh yes I remember now, wow that sounds amazing! Especially being in the mountains, it's going to be so good. I have never been skiing but think it looks hard to balance. Is it something you do regularly and are good at? I am on cd13, got my peak today so ovulation should be tomorrow. x

Lol @samilicious Yes unfortunately the window cleaner benefited. We love eating out, we're given a voucher for a nice local place so maybe use that up.
You are funny, your dh has served his purpose for this cycle so no longer needed. Yes it can be tough if you are together too much, maybe a date to celebrate would be a good idea ? x

@HerbaceousPerennial oh no what a pain they mixed the seeds from first half of cycle and second half! Maybe your tww could be spent separating seeds to keep you busy? 😆 I'm sorry sone of the days have been so tough, i'm glad you were able to chat with your best friend, it's good to have someone to ne able to talk things out with and It's awful when you feel bad, and know you have to wait each time again for the next chance. Glad you are feeling a bit better. x

That's good your results came back @Wise0wl , i'm sorry you didnt get any answers... in a way, maybe it's good but in a way it's frustrating because of the need for the answer to why. How are you feeling? x

Hope you're all getting on okay.

@HerbaceousPerennial sorry you've been having a rough few days. Maybe @Ladyinpink1 is onto something with passing the time separating the seeds 😂.

@Ladyinpink1 fingers crossed the TWW flies by and you're showing us a positive test in 2 weeks!

@CluelessInLondon hope you're getting all packed and excited for your holiday.

@SnookyPook I hope your scan went okay today x

@13lucy that is so annoying. My period is also much shorter and lighter post MC. I'm trying not to worry too much about it but not always very successfully!

@samilicious I laughed at your post about your husband 😂 my husband has been on leave for weeks and we've spent so much time together that when he went out with his friends at the weekend I was so excited to just be in the house by myself 😂

I'm on CD3 today so was able to do the hertility blood test I ordered last month. It was SUCH a faff trying to get the blood into the wee tube and my fingers are so sore but hopefully it gives me some reassurance everything is okay or something to work with if it's not.

I'm realising just how much of a roller coaster TTC post miscarriage really is. I was basically inconsolable and hopeless on Thursday last week and this week I'm feeling much more positive and feeling like it's just a matter of time. I think my PMS definitely affects that but it's rough at the time.

@Bugdem123 thank you so much for asking. Thankfully all good. Measuring 10wks and we even got a wave 😊💕

Hope everyone else is ok ❤️

Thanks @Ladyinpink1, I think I’m doing ok. But conscious I feel like there’s a lot riding on this month. How are you? Ready to dtd over the next few days? Do you follow SMEP?

@Bugdem123 i completely get what you mean, I also find I feel v negative towards the end of my cycle, I find the waiting and uncertainty very difficult to manage. So weirdly CD1 feels like a fresh start. It’s a real rollercoaster.

@SnookyPook That is such good news!